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Thread: The Friendship Thread

  1. #31
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    @rhet , Noooo. I don't think it is at all. Honestly, doing so would feel a bit strange to me, I think. I'm not that close with many people where it wouldn't be awkward. But I know so many people that do that shit.

  2. #32
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    yeah exactly. i always feel really caught off guard when I randomly get a call I wasn't expecting as well so texting is much preferred.

    in other news, i met some really cool people yesterday but again was mostly a networking thing so again not gonna make any real friends from that. maybe i should just resign myself to working with awesome people and talking about my feelings to people on the internet. could be worse!

  3. #33
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    This is such an inopportune time for me to post this in a way, but I really wanted to be sure about this, and of course wanted an opinion aside from my own. Is it really all that normal for friends to insult each other as a joke or a way to "verbally play fight", and is not being able to handle that a deal breaker for some people?

    Joking around, especially in the context of "play insults/verbal play fighting" isn't my forte at all. I've observed friendships, and a lot of them seem to make fun of each other. I don't understand it at all, since some of their jokes actually appear to be vicious and insidious. This is also among some of the things I've bottled up for quite some time.

    This isn't to say that I'm completely innocent either, as I've also used "Just kidding." or "It's just a joke." as an excuse to say douchey things in the past, and then of course, I've learned the hard way as to why I shouldn't joke that way to start with.

    Oh, and this DEFINITELY DOES NOT mean that I interpret every joke as cruel. Some people seem to think that I mean that whenever I bring these points up, but I really don't.

    I also think it's the worst is also when you see friends that crack on other friends, and are absolutely fine with being brutally honest to them until they're the ones getting cracked on while being subjected to brutal honesty. And then all of a sudden, it's just wrong.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 12-25-2013 at 03:34 AM.

  4. #34
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    nevermind
    Last edited by playwithfire; 11-09-2019 at 12:31 AM. Reason: nevermind

  5. #35
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    I really should've said something like that. I've learned the hard way that some, or even lots of people actually get frustrated, irritated, and aggravated whenever I asked if they were serious, or asked them to explain their jokes for me. I didn't realize how annoying that was to some, or even lots of people. This is even if I'm not throwing a fit, or showing any signs of being upset, as other people have really mean it when they've told me that having to have jokes explained ruins it for them to the point of being pissed off, and being a killjoy altogether.

    It was either that, or if I didn't end up smiling and/or laughing, it just seemed to bother them, or make them feel awkward even if I wasn't giving them any dirty looks, or looking as if I was bored/annoyed/sad/pissed. These clashing misunderstandings have also prevented me from wanting to be around them, as I'm sure they didn't want to be around me after something like that as well.

    And well, for anybody that hasn't seen me admit this yet, I also suck at joking around in general. I also wish that humor wasn't an enormous factor in making and keeping friends. It's still hard for me to explain... because I can still see how uptight I'm looking from this. I've been burned so many times, I just don't know how to process it all from time to time. The least I can do is to not bust anybody's chops, or yank anybody's chains as those expressions go.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 12-27-2013 at 02:56 PM.

  6. #36
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    i have been pretty blessed with friends and acquaintances through my life, but i have to say i have this one friend that is, literally, a god send.
    i didn't know that i could value a woman this much, outside of my family.
    she has made me cry with laughter and joy and resonance.
    i have always enjoyed bonds with people, but this is something different...as in my life is epically enriched because she is in it.
    less than an hour ago, she helped me shift my perspective so that i went from gagging and almost throwing up with emotional turmoil to centered and distanced enough to do something effective with the source of the emotional turmoil.
    i am someone who prefers being alone to being around others, overall, but i never pass on seeing her or talking to her.
    i can be horribly self conscious and socially awkward sometimes and she just gets it, every time.
    i still cannot believe she exists.

  7. #37
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    @Kris - are you male or female?

  8. #38
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    @Ryan - I'm a male, and was also Kristoffer on ETS back in 2004 when I first started posting. That usually helps ring a bell for other users that have been around just as long as me, or longer than me on ETS.

  9. #39
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    Ryan and I were here in 2004 (January of 2004 for me, lurking in 2003) and I don't remember you, but maybe you weren't one of the really mean people. This place wasn't always full of friendly people singing Kumbaya. Back then, they would have shit-listed you for this thread.

    My friends and I do not insult each other. Ever. We don't joke like that, we don't think it's funny.
    Last edited by Cat Mom; 01-19-2014 at 09:56 PM.

  10. #40
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    @allegro - Oh yes, I definitely remember it all too well. I was even more outspoken, and my filter was really off back then.

    (But I didn't do it to be mean, and I was very unaware as to how easy it was to get shit-listed. And as result, I ended up doing far more lurking than posting. And simply being much more a loose cannon back then compared to how I am now also didn't help. )

    By the way, I've noticed that you might be beavette? Is that correct? I noticed a Hello Kitty avatar under beavette on NIN.com, and also saw it under allegro, and I'm sure I've remembered a beavette.

    As for threads that got me in trouble, I remember making one on abortion. The Insane Clown Posse thread back then also got me into some hot water. And looking back... some of my random questions were just horrible for some people, and I could see more and more as to why I should have never asked them to start with. (Which is part of why I'm still working on what not to say, especially on a forum.)
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 01-19-2014 at 10:08 PM.

  11. #41
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    @Kris , yes that was my handle back then.

    I think I remember that abortion thread.

    I hated those fucking shit lists.
    Last edited by Cat Mom; 01-19-2014 at 10:20 PM.

  12. #42
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    It's much nicer here now, I must agree.

  13. #43
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    Today, I got together with one of my best friends from University, and we had a superb hangover-busting carb-loaded lunch at Mother's Dumplings (AN ABSOLUTE MUST if you're ever in Toronto and like down-home Chinese cooking), then hot beverages at Cafť Pamenar. We talked about her AMAZING journey over the past month: she walked across Spain on the Way of St. James, took part in a shamanic Ayahuasca ritual, and fell deeply in love with someone from another continent. It was a pretty great afternoon. I love her a lot, and it's mind-blowing to think of not only all the cool stuff she's done, but how supportive and psyched we've been for each other through all kinds of highs and lows.


    This is the two of us in 2007. Aside from those glasses, which I was wearing again today, we don't really look like this any more. Nestea Cool is still a fuckin' gross soft drink, though.


  14. #44
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    By chance saw a girl who used to be my best friend at school working in a supermarket this week. We stopped being friends 20 years ago at college and she looks exactly the same which was a bit freaky. She served me and neither of us said anything, was soo awkward!!

    Have a friend that has become a born again Christian, trying to tell myself I am not bothered by it but I am.
    Last edited by miss k bee; 01-25-2014 at 12:34 PM.

  15. #45
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    I didn't know where else to put this and it really seemed to belong here. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'll miss when making friends through hanging out and getting to know somebody was as easy as getting a phone number and making a call to invite them over my house on any random weekend or vacation. (And you'd also think that would be easier with Facebook.) I still wasn't the most social child growing up, but that's how I hung out back in elementary school through high school. Heck, if I even had a great rapport with tons of things in common with somebody, I think I'd still be even up for sleepovers, but at least at 2 days tops. I noticed that even 3 days got to be a bit too much for me even when I a kid.

    As an adult, it seems like I have to either wait for an actual occasion, or go to a social setting outside the house. I just didn't realize how hanging out indoors without any occasion isn't really a thing for adults, even though I've seen many acquaintances and friends stop that when they were even as young as 16-22. It wouldn't even have to be all day either. I wouldn't mind just hanging out for a few hours to chat, play video games, watch DVDs, surf the Internet together, and then head out to eat at a fast food restaurant or such before parting ways. To me, that seems to be the ideal way to spend random weekends and vacations socially, as I've always preferred smaller groups, or just one-on-one interaction in my home and the local areas surrounding it.

    Then again, part of that hanging out meant to also have the time to talk about life, but I could see why even that would be a hard opportunity to find since it's always best with a close friend willing to discuss some things in depth, that also likes most if not all of the same exact stuff you do with the same level of interest as you do, or even more.

    I'd often assume that the best way to be a close friend while getting to know them in depth would be to bond as if you're siblings or cousins, but there also seems to be no time and/or interest for that as adults. (And I don't mean every weekend or vacation. Just planned ones that are feasible.) Of course, there are exceptions, and that serious relationships, marriages, and families inevitably put an end to that really quick, but I had this explained to me, and it really does seem to be true. I've known about this before, but it also took me a long time to accept.

    Pardon me, I'm just venting something that's perplexed me for quite a while that had something to do with the topic of friends and friendship and the changes of socialization with age. I guess it's better late than never to learn such a thing.

    Ah, I suppose I just haven't outgrown hanging out that way at all, and probably never will. If I had the chance, I'd definitely do it all over again.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 05-29-2014 at 01:14 PM.

  16. #46
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    I was bullied all through school and had no more than two friends there until I was 16. It has permanently affected my self confidence and self esteem. As a result, I don't have a massive amount of friends, but the few I have are all good ones. I have a couple who are my besties, one's a NIN fan and we love talking about them and listening to their music and watching videos together. The other's a shy girl who wouldn't say boo to a mouse, but she's the best listener and there's nearly nothing I couldn't talk to her about.

    However I'm afraid I am to her what a couple of my other friends are like to me. I have a couple of friends who are both smart and both love to talk, but I can't get a word in when I have a conversation with them. And these friends are nice, well meaning girls, but their monologues are so annoying. It's like what they have to say is so much more important than what I have to say that it makes me feel my life is inadequate.

    That's pretty much all my significant friends. I spend nearly all of my free time with my husband and I don't even see three out of my four significant friends that often because they live in Sydney and I live in the next city 60 miles south of Sydney. At least the phone is a godsend.

  17. #47
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    Decided to chime in on this one as I've been in somewhat of a renaissance with some of my old friends lately. So, like many of you, I'm an introvert. I don't make friends that easily and tend to stick with the ones I already have, if possible. I've likely lost a few over the years and I still have some that I hope I'll be with for the rest of my life. I have a best friend who has been in my life for 19 years and I think we love and understand each other in a way that no one else in our lives probably ever has. I have a couple of other people who have labeled me their best friend at some point, but this particular lady is the one, I think. We went through so many formative experiences together as teenagers and I actually think we were best friends from day one, we just didn't know it yet.

    I also have some kind of strange friendship things. I have these two girls I was very close friends with in high school whom I haven't seen or heard from for at least a decade now. I have almost no idea what's going on with them now and no idea if I'll ever see them again. They were kind of what you call "frenemies" so it's not a big deal, but it's just weird to go from one extreme to the other later on in life. I also have this other close friend who I bonded with very strongly at age 17 and we lost touch around age 23 or so because she moved and started a family. She popped back up earlier this year and even though we hadn't really interacted for, again, about a decade, we picked it right back up without missing a beat. Like no time had passed at all. Amazing. And for that, I still love her like you wouldn't believe.

    What I think is really odd these days is that when I think back to high school I was, almost inexplicably, rather well-liked despite the fact that I'm an introvert. When I was a child, I was severely introverted. I never socialized with my peers outside of school and I preferred my own nerdy little world. In junior high, I started to "come out of my shell" and in high school it was almost like I transformed into an extrovert for four years so I could function socially and not be completely ostracized. Now I'm like a regular garden variety introvert, not as hopeless as that kid but not as congenial as that teenager. Not sure why or how I had that going on in high school, but it was definitely a good thing. It's probably how I survived that setting.

  18. #48
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    So my friend is picking a fight me (on FB - where else)
    for...no reason

    He's been ranting on FB about not having a bf for...years now
    sometimes he's on the warpath
    and fights with people

    He sometimes goes on these long jags of posting non-stop about how gay guys in NYC are "AIDS fountains"

    I innocently posted something in a thread of his about the Hobbit
    then he tags me in a post calling Beyonce and Rihanna "sluts" (????)

    I ask him to delete the post as I don't feel comfortable being tagged in it
    He untags me, leaves the post, says sorry for making me uncomfortable but his life is so tough, he is so totally alone with no one who loves him etc
    I express concern that he's putting a lot of negativity out into the world

    the next day he posts a passive aggressive post about how his "married friends" are insensitive towards "the single people"

    I write to him saying I didn't mean to be insensitive...that having a partner doesn't resolve all your problems etc
    that he's my friend and I love him etc

    Now I'm getting the silent treatment

  19. #49
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    I made friends that have lasted almost all of my life. I grew up with everyone I now consider family. I have an intimate circle of friends, Staci, Randy(my ex-husband), Kevin, Patrick, Richie, Lauren, Courtney, Joe, Dusty, Rachel, Adam, Jody, James and we are all still friends to this day no matter how far life has taken us all away from one another. We still have our childhood nicknames and we still reunite occasionally. Then I had an outer circle of quite a few that I will not list, anytime we had a bonfire party at the lake, they would all be there, back in the day. We are all facebook friends though. Now I have acquaintances and a few that I met more recently. I am finding couple of them are beginning to slowly sneak into my heart as time goes by. I am comfortable as a lone wolf, good at socializing when I want, and happy with a small and close intimate group of people. I am mostly reserved with a hand extending out from me and whether that hand is open to someone or not really relies on my intuition.

  20. #50
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    As for me I recently moved to St. Augustine, FL from Southern California. It has been a great opportunity to reinvent myself. However, starting completely over when it comes to friends has turned out to the greatest challenge. I can echo the sentiment that it gets tougher to make friends as you get older and that's the case for me at age 27. Lately, I can't help but feel a bit guilty for leaving the friends I had in CA behind because I realize that I took them for granted. However, feeling their absence in my everyday life though has made me more grateful for them and has motivated me to make the effort to maintain the friendships via more regular communication. Friendships in any case do take lots of effort and it can be a minefield figuring which people are worth it sometimes. It was for that reason that I wasn't investing in people and saw myself become quite the cynic while I was in CA. Thank goodness I've moved past much of that now but it took the pain of separation to do it sadly. I now really know who my friends are and the distance hasn't diminished a thing. I really have this attachment to many of them since I was working with them on a regular basis performing energy healing called pranic healing. Unfortunately it doesn't have as strong a presence here in Florida. I'm thinking that I just might have to move back in a couple years. Save up some money, get some experience in my field and at last get a place of my own away from my parents. I understand it's premature to be saying such things and that I could change my mind. It is interesting though before leaving for Florida I did get a distinct feeling that I would be coming back to CA and not just to visit. We'll see.

  21. #51
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    Sometimes being friends with women is so hard for me...... I've got this one long distance friend that I used to work with. I think she still considers me her underling and might never change that which is just not going to work for me. Anywho,
    she send a message in fb to me and another woman we used to work with who lives near me saying that she was going to be in town next Tuesday, had a meeting with a customer in the afternoon, not heading out to her next stop until the following morning, wanting to know if we were both available for dinner that evening. I replied with "I'm around". She knows my situation - I'm here. She replies with "I'll let you know. As of now, I don't have any work committments." The other woman replies just as non-committal with "Yah, I think I'm open. excited to see you!"

    Am I reading into this crap too much? Was I too non-committal just cause the other too to be the same? Why reach out with an invitation and then dial us back to 'I'll let you know, I might have something more important then you?'

    Gah.

  22. #52
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    Bringing back this dead thread with something awesome. I recently reconnected with one of my best friends from high school whom I had been out of touch with for 14 years. I was so happy and relieved to find that we still love each other and still get along like a house on fire. It made my fucking year and has added so much to my life already. She was always super special to me and I could not be happier to have our friendship back. I wanna, like, shout it from the rooftops. So it's never too late to reboot something, folks. If you feel someone is missing from your life, take a chance and reach out.

  23. #53
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    I don't have a lot of friends but I have friendly people and acquaintances in my life.

    Though there is this one guy who has lived in 3 states since we've known each other and we talk daily and have ever since we met. I'm 28 in October. We met in 6th Grade way back in 2001. This year marks knowing him for 16 years, which is over half my life! Safe to say we're long time brothers and best friends to the end. Even him moving we have never broken contact. He lives by me again, roughly 7 minutes away. It's a pleasant feeling!

    We butt heads and don't always see eye to eye on issues or women but I know he'll always be there. I wouldn't trade him or any friend with this sort of relationship to me for for the world or as many friends as I could count.

  24. #54
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    I moved to a different city recently. The only person I hang out with on a social level is my coworker. It's hard to make friends as an adult when you're not in college anymore. I haven't even attempted dating anyone here. I find the people in this city so mean and unfriendly in general. No one talks to anyone unless they know them from somewhere. It's the total opposite of the much more friendly city I used to live in. And that's why I spend so much time on Facebook.
    Last edited by Boots; 07-16-2018 at 12:00 AM.

  25. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by piggy View Post
    Bringing back this dead thread with something awesome. I recently reconnected with one of my best friends from high school whom I had been out of touch with for 14 years. I was so happy and relieved to find that we still love each other and still get along like a house on fire. It made my fucking year and has added so much to my life already. She was always super special to me and I could not be happier to have our friendship back. I wanna, like, shout it from the rooftops. So it's never too late to reboot something, folks. If you feel someone is missing from your life, take a chance and reach out.
    Not the same length of time by any means but my best friend and I didn't talk for two years and it was awful and extremely painful. One of the happiest nights of my life was the night she reached out to me on FB and we rekindled our friendship. That was over two years ago now and we're still best friends and still just as close as we ever were. 18 years and counting (we don't even subtract those two years out). She lives in another state and I miss the everloving crap out of her.

    Also, I'm super happy for you! It's a really amazing feeling, isn't it?
    Last edited by theruiner; 07-16-2018 at 12:02 AM.

  26. #56
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    I think all of my real life friends have simply moved on at this point as of now. If it's not about college/jobs/careers, it's also about marriages and children. They have also literally moved on as far as relocating as well. At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if some of them moved to different countries, but some of them have already moved to different states, if not different cities and towns. And even if they didn't move to another location, some of them moved on because we simply didn't really have the same interests anymore. My mistake was thinking they would have a sit down and chat with me about it and tell my why, but now I finally see why it sometimes naturally dissipates on its own, even among friends that were as close as if they were biological brothers and sisters. Had I known, I wouldn't have always tried to always track down close friends that always told me they had to go whenever I made any attempt to contact them/just keep in touch, or always told me that they were busy. (I mean, I know people get busy, but I learned that it's sometimes a polite code for declining invitations, right up there with saying they're not sure, or that they'll think about it, or that they don't even know if they'd have the time for me.)

    It's certainly getting much harder to not only find new friends, but keep them as well. I now look at it all a lot differently than I used to now that I know better, and I guess it's just from being in my 30s and just having a better understanding on what makes people drift apart, even amicably.

    As of right now, I think I mostly just have acquaintances. I haven't had any close friends for quite some time. Which I don't always mind, and even better if I get along with them and have some common ground. I still miss hanging out though, but take what I can get. I also still find it more convenient and meaningful to also spend time with one person or a few people instead of a gigantic crowd most of the time.

    Aside from that, I always like to witness people enjoying their friends' company, as I always liked the joy, reassurance, security, sanctuary/refuge and fulfillment/purpose that it produces, so if it's anything that I took from this, like with anything in life, it's to never ever take any good/great friends for granted as you never know when you'll part ways, nor is it ever even guaranteed to last forever or even at all.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 09-15-2018 at 08:24 PM.

  27. #57
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    Iím 38 years old, married with three kids. I havenít had a real close friend, besides my wife, in many years. I have a few people at work I would consider friends and one that I spend time with outside of work fairly infrequently.

    I almost feel that Iím so busy with my family and work that I donít have time for friends, but I donít know if thatís true. Iíve been losing friends slowly but surely as Iíve been getting older and mosts were gone even before I had kids.

    Even my wife gives me shit for not getting out every once in a while and making new friends and finding new interests, but Iím no social butterfly.

    Life just seems to revolve around my kids right now and I donít really make time for myself. I wouldnít even know how to go about making friends at this point in my life and Iím not sure I even want to.

  28. #58
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    i had a super tight knit crew in Dallas: people who were like my brothers and sisters, some of whom I started kicking it with in elementary school.
    But when i moved up here to this town of 2000 people, well, i wasn't able to hang out with my friends anymore, obviously.
    Also, several of those people have died since i've been here.

    I keep in touch with my old friends through facebook, but strangely, i talk a LOT more with people i've met here.
    My best friends are @thelastdisciple , @RocketScience and @allegro , yet we've never hung out in real life.
    But these past few years, I've done more messaging and emailing with those three than I've done with everyone else I know put together

    IRL, i guess my only friend is the preacher at the church where i play guitar. i mean that's the only person i've actually chilled with in this town.
    Aside from that i've got my wife and my mother.
    IDK what i'd do without the above mentioned internet friends.

    The future is fucking strange.

    Yeah I had ONE really good lifelong friend who was living in this town but he bounced pretty quick after I moved here to take advantage of the benefits he can receive living on tribal land in OK.
    I also had a dear friend from Dallas who had moved to Amarillo (eighty miles from here but better than nothing) and it was badass when we got together, but he fell in love and headed back to D Town.

    but, yeah, I don't like interacting TOO much with people here: everyone knows everyone else's business and likes to.gossip and I want no part of that shit.

    And so there it is: that's why my post count is so absurd and I've such a penchant for pms here. I left my people in Dallas and I just get so fucking LONELY and BORED here.

    Annnnnnnnnd, THIS post is an essay. Oops.

    Edit: I'm 38 too @somewhat_ and it's kind of hard making new friends at this age.
    Also, people here are so ultra conservative. And I'm literally the ONLY dude with long hair and big plugs in the lobes and such.

    Disturbingly, my family has been here since right after the civil war, so EVERYONE knows who I AM, but I don't know them. :/
    Everyone says "how's your mom!?" and " i sure wish you'd known your grandpa; he was such a special person" and it's fucking unsettling because I don't know who these people are!
    Last edited by elevenism; 09-16-2018 at 01:11 PM.

  29. #59
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    Pasadena, California
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    I am 35 years old and have found that my plethora of friends have dwindled down to about 5 people that I can actually tolerate being around. Iíve cut out people from my life and it feels absolutely amazing.

    I had a friend that i hadnít spoken to in years. Sheís been through some shit financially and is constantly having her cell service shut off and itís not easy to track her down (no social media presence either). I just knew I needed to find her. After some detective work I was able to, and itís been great to have her back in my life. Even took her to night 1 in Phoenix.

    Itís hard to find good friends. Keep em close.

  30. #60
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
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    Macomb, MI
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nellyrific View Post
    I am 35 years old and have found that my plethora of friends have dwindled down to about 5 people that I can actually tolerate being around. Iíve cut out people from my life and it feels absolutely amazing.

    .
    Some of mine were lost, as well, because I couldnít tolerate all the bullshit in the relationship anymore. Sometimes you just have to move on. Others were lost because I had to purge them out of my life for me to be able to fix myself. If you want to recover as a drug addict itís not a good idea to spend time with other drug addicts. I would say the majority of the ones losts, though, were just us slowly drifting apart.

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