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Thread: The Introvert Thread

  1. #61
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    The Introvert Thread

    Hi. I'm an introvert.

    It sucks for my personal life.
    It sucks for my professional life.

    It sucks.

  2. #62
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    The Introvert Thread

    @theimage13 Oh stop. You don't mean introvert, you mean something else. Read this whole thread and all the links.

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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    @theimage13 Oh stop. You don't mean introvert, you mean something else. Read this whole thread and all the links.
    Why is it you feel the need to control both this thread and the definition of a word. I went back through the thread and there's at least 20 posters with 20 different subtle variations of what introvert means to them. And after each one of them there's you, trying to "correct" them about what they mean. Different people have different experiences and different variants of what might be considered "introversion". Yet you continue to try to corral everyone into your narrow concept of what an introvert is. How about letting people discuss their own lives without judging and controlling everyone?

    Also, the compulsion to meddle into everyone's affairs and inject yourself into every conversation you see... not really an introvert trait.

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    The Introvert Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    @theimage13 Oh stop. You don't mean introvert, you mean something else. Read this whole thread and all the links.
    Why do I mean something else? We've never met, and I've never opened up to you. Why do you believe I'm not an introvert?

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    The Introvert Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by theimage13 View Post
    Why do I mean something else? We've never met, and I've never opened up to you. Why do you believe I'm not an introvert?
    You could very well be an introvert. But, it's not something that should screw up your life or career.

    Bill Gates is an introvert. Here, read this

    Introversion is often an asset, not a liability. It is a character trait, not necessarily a handicap by definition.

    There is a singular definition of Introvert, plus some additional non-introvert things that we experience in life like shyness, lack of self confidence, lack of social skills, laziness, etc. No definition of Introvert will say that it ruins your professional or social life.

    College career counselors and life coaches don't see Introversion as a handicap; they see it as a way to narrow down the career and social life that is right for you.

    I've known you for a long time on here; I know what you do for a living, we've discussed it; you are making your way up, you're doing a good job; nothing can stop you unless you let it. I have the utmost confidence in you. As a fellow introvert. In here, alone, on a forum (aka introvert nerds' playground).

    I hate to see people I've known so long in here, my ETS friends, let this be a negative, debilitating trait.
    Last edited by allegro; 07-16-2013 at 08:13 PM.

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    Yeah, for me the defining traits of introversion and extroversion are at their simplest: Introverts recharge from being alone and extroverts recharge from people. Introverts find interaction with others tiring (I also find exercise and wonderful full days of adventure in the city tiring. It's not negative.) and extroverts gain emotional energy from social interaction. Obviously, everyone at some point is going to get tired, extroverts included, but that's the simplest definition.

    I'm very glad I know I'm an introvert because it means I have more tools to take the best care of myself possible. I can actually be pretty social and all that. But I know that I need alone time and that it needs to be a priority sometimes.

    The one thing I do find, though, for me, which I find interesting, is that online interaction with others very very rarely hits my introversion. It still feels like alone time.

    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    There is a singular definition of Introvert, plus some additional non-introvert things that we experience in life like shyness, lack of self confidence, lack of social skills, laziness, etc.
    THIS.

    I think a lot of those traits can come easily to introverts and it can feel tied in, but those are things that can be worked on!
    Last edited by playwithfire; 07-16-2013 at 07:41 PM.

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    Thought some of you might enjoy this.

    10 Myths About Introverts

    I wrote this list in late-2008. Around that time, I was lucky enough to discover a book called, The Introvert Advantage (How To Thrive in an Extrovert World), by Marti Laney, Psy.D. It felt like someone had written an encyclopedia entry on a rare race of people to which I belong. Not only had it explained many of my eccentricities, it helped me to redefine my entire life in a new and productive context.

    Sure, anyone who knows me would say, “Duh! Why did it take you so long to realize you’re an Introvert?” It’s not that simple. The problem is that labeling someone as an Introvert is a very shallow assessment, full of common misconceptions. It’s more complex than that.

    A section of Laney’s book (page 71 through page 75) maps out the human brain and explains how neuro-transmitters follow different dominant paths in the nervous systems of Introverts and Extroverts. If the science behind the book is correct, it turns out that Introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine, so too much external stimulation overdoses and exhausts them. Conversely, Extroverts can’t get enough Dopamine, and they require Adrenaline for their brains to create it. Extroverts also have a shorter pathway and less blood-flow to the brain. The messages of an Extrovert’s nervous system mostly bypass the Broca’s area in the frontal lobe, which is where a large portion of contemplation takes place.

    Unfortunately, according to the book, only about 25% of people are Introverts. There are even fewer that are as extreme as I am. This leads to a lot of misunderstandings, since society doesn’t have very much experience with my people. (I love being able to say that.)

    So here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts (not taken directly from the book, but based on my own life experience):

    Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
    This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

    Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
    Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

    Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
    Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

    Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
    On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

    Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
    Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

    Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
    Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

    Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
    Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

    Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
    Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

    Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
    Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

    Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
    A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

    “You cannot escape us, and to change us would lead to your demise.” <-- I made that up. I'm a screenwriter.

    It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become "normal." Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves.

  8. #68
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    ^^^Thanks for posting that list. Pretty good stuff.

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    Similar:

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    I appreciate the more thorough response. I'll give my own, since my first was such a generalized statement.

    Yes, I do believe I'm an introvert. I'm not of the mind that it's necessarily a bad thing, but I'm consciously aware of the difficulties it provides in seeking out certain things.

    Relationships, for example: I can't do the bar scene. I can't just go out in random social situations, strike up small talk with someone, and see how it goes. I can hardly even do that with my few best friends. I moved for my job two and a half years ago, and I literally have no friends in the area I moved to. When I'm done with work, all I want to do spend time with myself to...as everyone else puts it...recharge. I don't necessarily dislike my roommate/landlord, for example, but when he's home I'll stay in my room with a book - I won't even go in the living room, because I just don't feel comfortable being around another person. So obviously, this makes meeting people exceptionally difficult. And in those rare, rare chances when it might happen, I'm most comfortable with someone else who only has a couple of close friends; not someone with a big social circle. And I need someone who understands that I only have a few close friends as well. And surprise surprise: those people aren't awesome at getting out and socializing either, so our chances of actually finding each other don't strike me as all that high. I don't mean to say that in a "oh, woe is me" manner. It's just the way the people I can relate to work.

    At work, it is a problem because I spend all day having to teach people I've never met how to do something. I have to give orders, manage multiple people, multitask like crazy, and start/stop various jobs several times. On days off, when the rest of the crew wants to go out to the bar or go get dinner, I tend to be in my hotel room or off for a run or walk by myself. Once my work's done at the show, I tend to hang out alone on the bus or somewhere backstage where there are fewer people around. Again: I like the guys I'm on tour with. It's not that I don't want to see them. But...I'm just not comfortable making small talk. I never really know what to say. But back to the actual work aspect of it. Given the duties I have, introversion makes the job difficult and it's very taxing on me. The times I've worked best on the road are the times I've done the job alone instead of with stagehands. So it's not that I believe being an introvert means you can't have a job - it just means you need a job that's suited to your needs.

    Why can I be so chatty here? Because I can hide. I can take all the time in the world to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it, and I can shut off screen and walk away immediately when I'm done. I don't have to carry on with the conversation if I'm too weary to keep communicating.

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    The Introvert Thread

    Wow, thanks for that, I can relate to a LOT (all) of that and I bet a lot of the people in here can, too!

    You are not alone, that's for sure.

    If it's any consolation: I realized at one particularly lonely point in my life that I really had no friends in my State, and I made a pact with myself to at least make an effort to be friendly and open to conversation. Within weeks of making that commitment to myself, I found myself seated next to a cute guy at a Red Hot Chili Peppers show at the United Center; I said hi, he asked if I wanted to borrow his binoculars, we started talking about Led Zeppelin, and now we've been together for 17 years, we married last year. He's an Introvert, too.

    It does seem that us Introverts gravitate toward each other at social gatherings or at work, but we don't always recognize each other.

    We weren't kidding, earlier, when some of us said that the Internet was created for us (by us); we can be as "social" as we want, skip the conversations that bore us, all the while we're alone in our underpants.
    Last edited by allegro; 07-17-2013 at 08:43 AM.

  12. #72
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    I made that same pact with myself, and it always ends up going south.

    Made plans to attend a Meetup: got so physically ill at the thought of a night out with ~a dozen people I'd never met that I bailed out on it.
    Went to a concert to see one of my favorite bands a couple months ago: noticed that EVERY person there was with someone, and I never spotted one single person who was there by him or herself. Didn't open my mouth the entire night.

    On the plus side, I'm moving back to my hometown soon, and my few close friends are still there - and a couple of them single. I've already made a pact with one that we're going to force ourselves into more social situations and try to rectify our single status (I know some people are a-ok being single; I learned last year that I absolutely need that kind of love in my life). He's great with getting out and meeting people, and I'm generally more open when I'm with someone I feel comfortable around, so I've got my hopes up that this will at least help a little.

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    Interesting this thread popped up right about a time I've been thinking about my interactions with people.

    I guess I am an introvert too, I can definitely recognise some (not all) of the telltale signs in my behaviour. Actually, I always knew I was introverted, I just didn't know there was an entire personality type attached to it. Anyway, back to my story: I have a few close friends with whom I go out together often enough. For the past years certain people have been "added" to the party, not by me. I am friendly with them, but they're nowhere near being close friends. The thing is, whenever they're around I find myself being significantly quieter than when they're not. This usually raises some sarcastic comments from them like "Hey, shut up for a while, will you?" etc. And on occassion this gets to me. I know I have things to say when I'm comfortable saying them but still, I sometimes feel bad that the addition of a couple of people in the company has so diminished my communication capabilities.

    Anyway, this thread has given me some things to think about.

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    One more random thought: inspired by another post here, I decided to take an online test for Asperger's. Yes, I know it's not scientific. Yes, I know any actual diagnosis will only come from a doctor. But I did find it intriguing that I landed squarely in the "yep, you've got Asperger's" range.

    Have fun mulling that one over, brain.

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    The Introvert Thread

    oh god I don't wanna know that

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    Quote Originally Posted by theimage13 View Post
    I made that same pact with myself, and it always ends up going south.

    Made plans to attend a Meetup: got so physically ill at the thought of a night out with ~a dozen people I'd never met that I bailed out on it.
    Went to a concert to see one of my favorite bands a couple months ago: noticed that EVERY person there was with someone, and I never spotted one single person who was there by him or herself. Didn't open my mouth the entire night.

    On the plus side, I'm moving back to my hometown soon, and my few close friends are still there - and a couple of them single. I've already made a pact with one that we're going to force ourselves into more social situations and try to rectify our single status (I know some people are a-ok being single; I learned last year that I absolutely need that kind of love in my life). He's great with getting out and meeting people, and I'm generally more open when I'm with someone I feel comfortable around, so I've got my hopes up that this will at least help a little.
    I'm getting a bit better with this. I've attended a Writer's meetup every other week. I think the first meeting was a bit weird for me as I knew noone. But everyone there was so welcoming and easy to fit into my "space" that I felt very good about the group and interacting with them.

    I go to bars occasionally and am able to chat it up with the bar tenders and nearby patrons. But I don't usually open my space to all of them. I just enjoy a bit of company along with my beer.

    Getting out has felt easier since my marraige break up as she was a pure extrovert and our common social settings felt uncomfortable to me. Now I get to set my own terms with social life. I think that level of control feels better to me and makes things easier.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sentient02970 View Post
    I go to bars occasionally and am able to chat it up with the bar tenders and nearby patrons. But I don't usually open my space to all of them. I just enjoy a bit of company along with my beer.
    Ah, and that's where I fail. I can't go to a bar alone, period. I just feel 100% wrong. I've tried - and failed - to make small talk with bartenders. I've never so much as been able to open my mouth in the direction of someone else at the bar. And when someone at the bar tries to talk to me, I just kind of laugh nervously and shy away.

    Even when I go with others, it ends poorly - except with my core group of 2-3 friends. If I go out with colleagues, I find myself sitting to the outside of the group, listening to their stories and not having a single word to put in myself. By the time they're on to ordering the second or third round, I'm excusing myself to go to the hotel to catch some sleep - even if it's not even 8PM.

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    I think what has helped me with the "bars" is I've kind of become a regular at a couple of them so my familiarity with the place and the bar tenders has helped a lot. But I hear what you're saying. I used to take business trips and bars in other cities felt like an excuse to "leave early" and head back to the hotel.

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    The Introvert Thread

    I don't make enough to be a regular. Actually, realizing that had helped me financially, so I'm pretty okay with it!

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    It's always interesting when I go out with a friend and we meet up with his/her other friends, and they're always convinced that I'm not having a good time. Just because I'm not loud, talking nonstop, energetic and talking to a dozen random strangers doesn't mean I'm not enjoying myself. I just enjoy myself differently.

    But put me at a concert and I'm the guy you want to be standing a minimum of fifteen feet away from at all times because I will sing and dance and make a general ass of myself with absolutely zero shame

    But for the most part I'm pretty quiet and slightly uncomfortable in most social situations.

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    The Introvert Thread

    I'm not good in big social situations, like music festivals, anymore because I have zero asshole tolerance and those festivals tend to be Asshole Magnets.

    Drunk Asshole Magnets.

    Drunks Assholes Who Talk During The Entire Show Magnets.

    It does not compute.

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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Prowler View Post
    It's always interesting when I go out with a friend and we meet up with his/her other friends, and they're always convinced that I'm not having a good time. Just because I'm not loud, talking nonstop, energetic and talking to a dozen random strangers doesn't mean I'm not enjoying myself. I just enjoy myself differently.

    But put me at a concert and I'm the guy you want to be standing a minimum of fifteen feet away from at all times because I will sing and dance and make a general ass of myself with absolutely zero shame

    But for the most part I'm pretty quiet and slightly uncomfortable in most social situations.
    Yes this is the same with me. I amount of times I get asked by certain friends if I am ok, I would be a millionaire! Yep the dancing thing as well - no shame ( well a little bit )

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    Allegro's myth post nailed it. There was a period where I tried to make friends, but eventually I pretty much said fuck it. I really embraced enjoying being by myself when I lived by myself in college. I became even more introverted when I got sick with a chronic illness. It made me very sensitive to several environmental factors- light, sound, tactile etc. so everything became very abrasive to me. I feel like my illness pretty much took what introversion was already there and magnified it. I also had to learn to put myself first even if it means hurting other people's feelings. I lost some very close friends because of it. It hurt at the time, yes, but honestly I have enough on my plate and I don't need that shit. I say I don't deal with people anymore.

    I love the friends I already have, but I don't care to make new ones. If it happens that's fine, but I don't go out of my way to interact with someone new. I also don't require companionship. People look at me like I have 3 heads when I tell them I don't date because I like being by myself. What's wrong with that? Adding people just makes things too complicated and I can't deal with that. Again, if it happens, whatever, but I'm not going out of my way. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone goes 'I want to go see such and such but I have nobody to go with waaaaah!!!' If you want to go fucking go! It's just bizarre to me that someone would rely on someone else to make themselves happy.

    Going out has always been very aversive to me. I like things in small doses, but if I'm relying on someone else like to drive for example and cannot leave when I want to I almost always end up not enjoying it. I don't like being on other people's schedules.

    I like being by myself. I like doing things by myself. I like doing things on my own schedule, in my own way, in my own time. And it's ok, goddammit!
    Last edited by Bad Wolf; 08-04-2013 at 09:15 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by miss k bee View Post
    Yes this is the same with me. I amount of times I get asked by certain friends if I am ok, I would be a millionaire! Yep the dancing thing as well - no shame ( well a little bit )
    I went to see Black Sabbath on Friday, and I completely turned into a different person. I was dancing, jumping, singing, talking to people... It's very strange when that happens to me and I look back on it a day or two later when I'm back to "normal" and realize how completely out of character I was acting.

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    What I've started noticing on this tour is that I'm getting better at being conscious of the fact that no one knows who I am once I've stepped off the bus or out of the venue. I can roam the streets, do touristy things, whatever strikes my fancy...and not give the tiniest little bit of damns about what anyone around me may think. Not that I'm doing anything that should be attracting any attention in the first place. But wow, the feeling of anonymity that comes with being in a different city (or state) several times a week feels extremely liberating.

    And concerts (as an attendee)? It usually takes me a little bit to warm up, but I tend to be jumping up and down after a few songs. Still don't really find it in me to approach anyone or strike up a conversation, though.

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    I am so used to going to concerts and gigs by myself now, that it is almost not enjoyable to go with other people as I worry if they are not enjoying it as much as me... which makes me not enjoy it.

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    Concerts are weird aren't they? They're one of the very few exceptions when it comes to feelings towards going out and it is a pretty extreme version of a social situation, yet we can still manage to enjoy ourselves (for the most part anyway)

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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    I'm not good in big social situations, like music festivals, anymore because I have zero asshole tolerance and those festivals tend to be Asshole Magnets.

    Drunk Asshole Magnets.

    Drunks Assholes Who Talk During The Entire Show Magnets.

    It does not compute.
    I totally thought of this when I was at The Cure at Lolla. But I kept moving up till I got with folks who were there to see/listen to The Cure and not just ham it up for facebook pics. Fortunately NIN shows kick the ass of drunk talking during the entire show assholes - either they shut up or they leave because they can't handle someone being louder than them (ie the intensity of the show).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bad Wolf View Post
    Concerts are weird aren't they? They're one of the very few exceptions when it comes to feelings towards going out and it is a pretty extreme version of a social situation, yet we can still manage to enjoy ourselves (for the most part anyway)
    The power of music, my friend. It's largely the reason I work painfully long hours under strenuous conditions for absolute crap money - nothing else speaks to me and moves me the way music does, so I figured I may as well try to make a living at it. Bonus of my job: being backstage during the show helps me to not feel like I'm being a complete hermit, but the distance from the audience allows me to avoid that overwhelmed "what the hell am I doing here" kind of feeling I tend to get in crowds.

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