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Thread: The Introvert Thread

  1. #1
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    The Introvert Thread

    I'm going to a bar thing tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. Friends will be there but everyone is going to be tallllking and it's going to be loud and I don't know if I'll really have anyone to hang with for a solid chunk of the evening.

    Anyway, introverts! We're here! (I'm queer.) We're kind of tired after all that talking we did with you earlier, and we want to spend the rest of our night on our laptop, and we're not going anywhere!

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    Its caused me hassle from time to time from people who don't seem to get it. An ex of mine got real upset one night when i sat in my truck for a while before coming inside after a really shitty day at work. I needs my time sometimes.

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    The Introvert Thread

    I'm an INTJ and when I found that out everything made more sense.
    Last edited by allegro; 06-28-2013 at 11:29 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    I'm an INTJ and when I found that out everything made more sense.
    So's my roommate.

    I'm an ISFP. Over the years, I have actually learned that I need less introvert time than I thought I did, but it is still vital to my well-being. The key is balancing it with being social. If I get too much of the former without the latter it eventually stops being beneficial and I just lose track of my free time and go back to work more stressed.

    THIS is the best article on introverts I've ever read. I think @ad infinitum was the one who introduced me to it.

    Also, a quote I saw the other day:

    "Socializing is as exhausting as giving blood. People assume we loners are misanthropes just sitting thinking, ‘Oh, people are such a bunch of assholes,’ but it’s really not like that. We just have a smaller tolerance for what it takes to be with others. It means having to perform. I get so tired of communicating."
    Anneli Rufus

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    The Introvert Thread

    ^^ Great quote!

    A good explanation I read about introverts vs extroverts:

    Extroverts recharge their batteries by being with people.

    Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone.

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    For me, it goes back to what allegro said. I'm also more talkative/energetic than someone might expect for an introvert, but what it comes down to for me personally is that I find interaction with other people tiring. Often positively so, but it's through alone time that I "recharge" consistently.

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    Re: The Introvert Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    I'm an INTJ and when I found that out everything made more sense.
    Same.


    Sometimes I hate when people don't understand that we often need solo time to recharge and reflect. Back when I was in Uni and working retail (already an exhausting combo), a coworker eventually blasted me for never wanting to play cards, go drinking, or some other bullshit after work when we had the next day off. We weren't even friends... he was an ass anyway.
    Last edited by blassster; 06-29-2013 at 12:03 AM.

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    I'm not sure if everyone's already seen this or not but seems appropriate and I really enjoyed it: http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_...ntroverts.html

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    The realization that I'm an introvert, and that it's ok, has had a bigger impact on my well-being than realizing the other minorities I belong to. I've had to live through 20 years of my parents telling me to be more talkative and easy-going. I still sometimes think that it's good to have my introvertedness challenged because it makes me stronger and it keeps me from isolating myself - is that still a sign of secret guilt or the right thing to do? I don't know. My boyfriend is a total extrovert, but it works really well when we're alone. It gets problematic if there are more people around. I can focus really well on a discussion with a single other person, but if more people join, I tend to retreat, and then I usually only talk if I can offer unique knowledge.

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    This! I come from a family of extroverts and my husband is an extrovert so it's taken me a long time to realise that being more introverted isn't a flaw. I definitely enjoy talking to people much more one on one than in large groups but am getting better at putting myself out there in group situations. I still love my alone time but I really like being more able to have an active role in group discussions especially ones I'm very interested in but would have been drowned out before. So I don't think it's internalized guilt to improve and challenge yourself

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    Every time I'm tested its always INTJ for me. I'm better about hanging out with small groups lately and am looking forward to my high school reunion tonight a bit (even though about 90% of that group weren't really buddies with me back then). But I do prefer my alone and quiet time. It seems to work for me.

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    I am H.U.M.A.N. and I too enjoy my alone time. Lolz I'm so special.

    Thread INTO THE BIN.

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    Unfortunately, you're not a moderator, so I suggest you contribute something useful when replying in topics.

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    I'm an ENFP. This basically means I'm Yoshi and shouldn't really be posting in this thread.

    Even so, I get as introverted as everyone else from time to time, so eh. Plus I'm more than happy in my own company.

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    I always come up INTP. I used to have a big problem with it, always feeling like it made me a recluse or something when I was out in public, but oddly enough, as I accepted who I was (not as a personality type, but just looking at who I am objectively), I started to be more comfortable, and open up more in social settings as a result. I'm still typically reserved in big groups of people, especially if most of them are strangers, but I'll definitely talk if conversation starts up. I generally don't strike it up unless I feel I can keep the conversation going afterwards, though. I'm surprised at how cool I am with it now. I'll definitely talk if conversation starts up, but I generally don't strike it up unless I feel I can keep the conversation going afterwards. 5 years ago I would get anxiety in those situations, and now I just kinda chill and let things happen. I like meeting people and mingling now.

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    I'm also an INTJ. Strange that there are so many in this thread for a supposedly rare type.

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    The Introvert Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Nyx View Post
    I'm also an INTJ. Strange that there are so many in this thread for a supposedly rare type.
    The Internet was invented for us. By us.

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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    ^^ Great quote!

    A good explanation I read about introverts vs extroverts:

    Extroverts recharge their batteries by being with people.

    Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone.
    I love this explanation!

    I have trouble even talking to people online sometimes. I like it when people take a day or two to reply to messages or emails because it gives me time to kind of relax between (provided it's not something urgent that needs to be sorted out asap, of course). Some of my best friends are people I've met through the internet but they seem to get that there are some days I need to just not talk to people so much better than the friends I know in person. I wonder if the internet contributes to introversion, or if you're just more drawn to the internet if you prefer alone time? It's like being able to socialise and do things that are emotionally tiring normally, just in smaller chunks and at your own pace.

    I've been pretty bad for socialising lately, if I'm honest. I used to go to a gaming society (boardgames, RPGs etc) at the local university but I stopped going when new people started joining en masse. I work so much better in a dynamic where there's a core group of people that I can always hang out with and then people that I get along well with at the fringes for if I just want to shoot the breeze about the weather. I'm pretty extroverted when I'm actually with friends in that I'm happy enough to take charge in what to do - provided I'm in a social mood, which might happen once a week - but when it comes to strangers I just can't do it. It feels like I have to be on my shiniest best behaviour so that they see me as a peppy, likeable person and I just prefer hanging out with close friends who know that I'm not that person and are okay with it.

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    I'm an INFJ and a hermit with strong inclination toward asociality.

    I want to be alone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thaned View Post
    I honestly have no idea if I'm extroverted or introverted. I love spending time with people, but I also reach a point where I just need to have my alone time doing nothing.
    This. I don't think you can always say you are either this or that..

    For example today there is this big party with 50+ people in an apartment, my best friend is there and a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time, but I was out yesterday so today I just don't feel like doing smalltalk all the time. But I wouldn't say that I'm introverted.

    I think the main "problem" for me is this shallow smalltalk all the fucking time.. I mean, it's nice to get to know new people, but.. sometimes it's just really tiring.

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    The Introvert Thread

    No definition of "introvert" says "antisocial agoraphobic."

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    I was at a wedding yesterday and there were a TON of people I don't know, so to make it easier on myself I just hid behind my camera for most of the time.

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    The Introvert Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Fixer808 View Post
    I was at a wedding yesterday and there were a TON of people I don't know, so to make it easier on myself I just hid behind my camera for most of the time.
    Having a purpose in unstructured (i.e. mingling) social events makes it sooooo much easier. Especially if there is some barrier you can have to separate you from the crowd, like a camera, DJ booth, bar, etc. I have extreme difficulty in those environments if I just have to "socialize"

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    I'm planning to buy my first appartement next year and move in together with the boyfriend. My parents think I'm crazy because for a start a want something with two bedrooms, because I need my own room if I want to be alone. It doesn't mean I don't love my boyfriend, I just need my time when nobody talks to me.
    (my job is absolutely for extroverts: you meet new people almost every day, you go to meetings with important people all the time. So after a hard day at work all I want is to stare the wall and be alone)

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    The Introvert Thread

    Being introverted doesn't require social anxiety or the inability to socialize.

    I'm fairly good at socializing. I can hold my own at parties, business gatherings, retirement parties of my husband's work buddies. I can be interesting, witty, contribute to conversations and make promises I'll never keep to "get together more often" or "have dinner real soon."

    I don't hate people, I don't have crazy social anxiety; I like hanging with friends sometimes. But I prefer being alone. I don't dislike coworkers. i just work better alone. I'm more productive when I work alone. For every one thing a coworker does, I do 10. I hate group work, but I force myself to do it when required. Group work was my most dreaded part of college, not because I hate people but because I find it to be highly inefficient and often useless.

    Quote Originally Posted by kitz View Post
    I'm planning to buy my first appartement next year and move in together with the boyfriend. My parents think I'm crazy because for a start a want something with two bedrooms, because I need my own room if I want to be alone. It doesn't mean I don't love my boyfriend, I just need my time when nobody talks to me.
    We have four bedrooms and there's only two of us. You're not nuts and you're smart to recognize your own needs. If you can afford it.
    Last edited by allegro; 06-30-2013 at 10:53 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rhet View Post
    I'm not sure if everyone's already seen this or not but seems appropriate and I really enjoyed it: http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_...ntroverts.html
    This is really good, thanks for linking this.
    Last edited by allegro; 06-30-2013 at 10:54 PM.

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    Oh man, this thread yay! Playwithfire, thanks for that article- it's fanstastic. It really hit the nail on the head on several things that I had noticed about myself recently- both through the process of having to live constantly with 8 people for 5 months (part of why I quit FEMA Corps). The whole "introverts feel like they're acting" idea, I had actually mentioned this to some people when I said "I hate public speaking but I do it alright, I just pretend I'm acting like me instead of being me." Another quote that I related to was "The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself." I made a comment to my boyfriend after spending hours at the bar at this meet-and-greet thing, "I don't mind introducing myself, it's just that I hate having to do it over and over again."

    I really am realizing more and more lately how much energy it takes to "act extroverted". I don't know what my ratio is between socializing and being alone but it definitely feels like I need at least two days to recharge after doing something extensive with people. I had a roommate that just did NOT understand, she was going going going every day, just would make plans with people on the fly and went out almost all the time. It made ME feel exhausted just watching her sometimes, haha.

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    Quote Originally Posted by halloween View Post
    The whole "introverts feel like they're acting" idea
    I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels like this! I've had loads of service industry jobs where I have to be all outgoing and friendly and at one point I started to wonder why I could do it at work but not in my normal social life and I realized I was acting.

    Quote Originally Posted by halloween View Post
    I had a roommate that just did NOT understand, she was going going going every day, just would make plans with people on the fly and went out almost all the time. It made ME feel exhausted just watching her sometimes, haha.
    My parents and brother are like this and it drove me mad growing up. They thought everyone's default state should be socializing and in communal areas which is why I love my inlaws. Their default is to be off in different parts of the house doing their own things and then come together occasionally.

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    Quote Originally Posted by halloween View Post
    I said "I hate public speaking but I do it alright, I just pretend I'm acting like me instead of being me."
    If you think about it, though, public speaking isn't necessarily relegated to extroverts. Introverts aren't necessarily shy; you can be an extravert and also be shy, but the two don't necessarily go hand-in-hand. Many of us introverts are very good at public speaking. Think about it: You're not socializing; you're up there, alone, speaking. In school or in business, when you're done, you're done; there's no required hours and hours of tiring and boring social interaction after your presentation; you get applause, you sit down or leave or collect your check.

    I used to think I was shy because I confused my intolerance for long periods of social interaction and my preference, like in the above Ted talk, to be alone with a book all day with shyness and I didn't know any other name for it other than xenophobe or misanthrope or loner. Yet, I always got As in all my speech classes, I got an A in all my debates. I was never nervous about public speaking or presentations; in fact, I look forward to it, love it, excel in it. Nerves is adrenaline, and adrenaline is GOOD.

    That above-linked Ted talk discusses how students are forced to do this group stuff and it's ridiculous; it's allegedly to "prepare us for the real world, where everything is done in a group."

    Total bullshit.

    When I was in college just, like, 6 years go, a shit ton of classes forced us to do group presentations; most times, people didn't show up for meetings on the project, didn't do any of the work, then would show up on the day of the presentation, totally clueless, and us Introverts had done all the work.


    If you think about it, you spend your life "acting." Chances are, you don't act the same way around your grandma as you do around your best friend. You don't act the same way around people in a formal business setting as you do drunk with your friends. You adapt to each situation and learn appropriate behavior (if you're smart and have acquired social skills). You don't have to LIKE having social skills but you probably have them, and you have a different way of acting in each social situation.

    But I think those of us who don't understand how Introversion works assume that we're "shy" or have social anxiety when maybe that's not true, but we buy into it and adopt a persona that isn't really us, either.
    Last edited by allegro; 07-02-2013 at 02:14 PM.

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    From INTJ Central, this is SO TRUE!!!

    "We [INTJs] live inside our heads. We frequently zone out. We get lost in thought and spend much of our time inside our heads. If our immediate reality becomes boring, we will retreat into our minds, and you might have to shout our names repeatedly to get our attention so we will come out again. And no, sorry, but you can’t come into our heads with us. You wouldn’t last five minutes there. You’d be driven insane by the nonstop cacophony of overlapping voices madly free-associating from one idea to the next."

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