Active Member
I just agree a lot and act interested. If I like the person. Otherwise I ignore them. It's a lot of; yep, ooh sure, right, no shit, etc. Fortunately I'm usually at work, with people I work with, or at home alone. This social thing is a fairly recent tying however. I will say I do have a tendency for seeming quiet still. Until you trip my mouth trigger.
Throbbing Member
I'm not a fan of small talk either. Not only is it just tiring, I also find it, in general, really fucking boring. Sometimes I have this thought in the middle of it like, "Are we really doing this right now? Is this necessary?" If the person I'm talking to is interesting, and we have chemistry or stumble on a compelling line of dialogue, then I could talk for hours sometimes, but I'm really tired of the "So, what do you do? how old are you? How do you feel about this current topic?" thing. The people I like talking to skip that. I met someone last week, and almost straight off we talked about putting various weapons on our motorcycles. Boom, you're my friend.
Down, but not out.
Looking back at it now, it wasn't small talk that was the problem as much as the awkwardness of forced conversation, especially if the other person actually hates and dreads silence. I've been around people that would even go as far as to try too hard to joke their way out of silence and try all they could to get a reaction out of me, while also bringing up as many things as they could out of the blue. That's what also made family gatherings very awkward for me sometimes. Some of them have even admitted to me that they absolutely hate silence when being around others. Forced conversation also just adds to my obliviousness and confusion. It's always awkward never knowing what to really say sometimes. Otherwise, I just manage to shrug it off and keep quiet.
I've hopefully improved since then, especially after learning about which types of questions and statements shouldn't be taken literally. I also probably don't care about coming across as boring as much as I've used to either, but I still sometimes care about that a bit, considering how I've just mentioned it. I however, can understand how people that are naturals at small talk have a much more difficult time with those that don't just jump into it as readily though, as I've also experienced it from the other side too, but at least I've also gotten better at knowing just when to apply the brakes. And from the looks of it, I'm probably an ambivert, but it would also most likely depend on my mood and what I'm talking about it.
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 03-10-2015 at 09:26 PM.
Flaccid Member
Ill walk into local store...very polite cashier (M/F) responds nicely.....after multiple trips to store during , say a week or so ...i avoid store completely just because i dnt wanna deal with cashier.......🤕
Administrator
i get that. When I lived in Memphis and went to Starbucks every day, I'd make it a point to bounce around stores after one of them became a little too chummy with me after a few weeks. I thought that doing mobile order would help, but it didn't.Originally Posted by Sleekbid
she/her/hers
i started working at starbucks this week. "creating a moment" and "connecting with the customer" is emphasized almost more than being good at making the beverages. i get that not everyone wants to have a conversation, but isn't it better for someone to be nice?
Administrator
100% be nice, but when the baristas all shout TONYYYYYYYYYYYYY when I walk in, I want to shrivel up and die.
Active Member
To me, there's a big difference between greeting a regular customer with a (probably fake) enthusiasm and over-familiar tone than simply looking like you're not extremely unhappy about being at work and interacting with me in a polite manner.
That is...I went to a place last week where the kid (probably 17?) looked absolutely pissed off, didn't even approach the register to take our order for a bit, mumbled a couple words, and handed over a receipt without saying anything else. That's not gonna get me wanting to come back.
But if you have a smile - or at least not an active scowl - and there's some sign of life in your "what can I get you" or whatever your employee to customer greeting is, I'm good. I don't need (or want) you addressing me by name as though we're friends, I don't want to make small talk about sports or the weather or something. I just want a polite customer service interaction. I don't even like people shouting "Welcome to Moe's" when I want a crappy burrito. But I recognize that that's just me, and that what I find grating (i.e. TONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY) may be the exact same thing that keeps other people coming in every day, and it's smart PR to err on the side of being too friendly than being a bunch of miserable pricks (unless you work at Dick's Last Resort).
I have no idea where I'm going with this.
Down, but not out.
I didn't really notice this before and perhaps I wasn't paying attention, but do people tend to leave you alone when you're quiet?
I've even had people avoid me.
I also don't understand why people ask why I'm quiet. I mean, I get the curiosity, but it certainly still comes across as nosy and intrusive.
I also learned that introverts sometimes also get accused of not just being arrogant, but untrustworthy. Even until now, I'd also heard people claim stereotypes (Such as the "Beware the quiet ones." expression.) of quiet people hiding horrible secrets.
I also noticed that I'd rather not be "off-the-cuff" with conversations. To me, speaking turns out my better without spontaneity and more planning in terms of having more time to think before I speak. If I was excellent at improv, perhaps that would be a different story, but even so I'd still need/want to think before I say anything.
And not that I haven't tried to fill in silence, but that just doesn't seem to be fore me. On the other hand, I got to admit that I'm kind of spit-balling here too.
Oh, and this is nothing new either, but time and time again, schools and workplaces seem to prefer extroverts more than introverts.
As for me, perhaps I'm sometimes an ambivert, but real life hit me hard enough to make me more introverted. Not to mention, it helps me sort my thoughts better, because my mind never seems to shut up anyway. I suppose it also obviously depends on the environment I'm in and exactly who or what groups of people I'm with at the time.
Unintelligible Whispering
I've been posting here since like the early With Teeth days (Or was it Fragile period? I remember the nude pale chick on the official NIN site's tour gallery, for shame) and I've never managed to really connect with anybody although I feel like I know a lot of you folks out there more than I know some local acquaintances of mine.
I'm...really bad at social interaction.
Active Member
I very rarely go into a Starbucks but my boss got me a gift card for Christmas. I walked in and it was like I was being greeted by old friends and it was jarring. I've noticed a lot of places are doing the fake 'welcome to ___' greetings now and you can tell the employees are (mostly) all dead inside because it is the exact same greeting every time and you can hear it at least 5-10 times depending on how long you're waiting your turn.
Also when I asked for a chai tea latte they apparently only heard the latte part because I carried it outside and took a sip and immediately spit it out. went back inside - again with the same greeting excitement levels - and had to get a new one. "do you want to keep it or should we throw it away" was a weird question.
she/her/hers
sometimes people are willing to give a wrong drink to a friend or something so it doesn't go to waste. we're not allowed to drink them once someone else has attempted to do so.
and yeah, i know what you mean about the dead inside/stale greeting. for me, i am always genuine with people, and i never overdo it with saccharine superficiality. when i'm running drive-thru, i actually do care when i ask how someone's day is going. if someone asks me, i'm 100% honest. if i'm having a shitty day, i'll say "not great, but i'm hanging in there." i hate fake sincerity so i avoid it at all costs. many people are not like that.
PS whenever you order a chai, make sure you say "no water" and get at least one extra pump. half milk/half water is standard recipe and it makes it taste like shit, so i refuse to make them that way hahaha i haven't gotten in trouble yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Active Member
*takes notes*
got it! tried one with a splash of caramel (because a $25 gift card can go a long way) and it was alright.
This Cannot Continue
I'm awful at sopical interaction and small talk. Having grown up being told what i like is shit by friends/family i just can't bring myself to talk about stuff i like with anyone unless they are a close friend and know me...at which point i will NOT SHUT UP. But just talking about little things with people at the coffee machine at work just freaks me the fuck out, i must come across as dismissive and rude, but i'm just terrified to talk. Hell it takes me months to just be able to hug close friends.
With regards to Starbucks i'm just happy i live in London, They are far more reserved then anywhere else. I go to a regular one on Southbank where, even though they do remember me, they aren't all in your face or loud, and don't try for small talk unless you start it, just really nice and relaxed.
The underground on the other hand...
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