Active Member
You guys. I know all of this stuff. All I drink is water. I'm eating an apple right now. I've tried everything!!!! @Dra508 I don't feel bloated. Every once in a while, I'll feel heavy. I do, however, get irritable. But when I do shit, I feel happy. That's few and far between though.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
Have you tried eating something with sugar alcohol? People shit for DAYS after eating like 8 sugar free Gummi Bears!
Active Member
Yeah shit got serious real quick at the house. The roomies had a blow out fight the other day which i thought may happen but hoped i wouldn't be around for. Then came another spree of texts about how im a burden messy etc, when i pretty much am never home and when i am i was just in my room. I chastised them for screaming at each other for an hour straight while her kid (autistic) sat in his room screaming for them to stop yelling... I think this is what led to the text i recieved saying i was being evicted for being late with this months rent, which i paid with late fee. Also this message i received leaving me 40 mins to get to the office. They know i don't drive.... I'm just glad to be out of there, not since i was 16 having at it with my mother have i felt so on egg shells over every little thing i did living somewhere. Even though i still only have what i left the house with on Friday i feel much better to be out of that situation. Hopefully i'll get this place down town im dropping an app off for directly. This would be nice as it's two blocks from my job, its back downtown which i have mixed feelings about but at least its close to work and the bus station.Yeah it all came rather abruptly as i have never myself spoken with the landlord and only received a notice about my rent the week before last. Lesson learned, don't move into a place with people who have a Volatile relationship. Rocking solo from here on out until i get a lady friend to live with someday, maybe.Originally Posted by Pillfred
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
Yikes. Sounds like you're handling it pretty well! Being homeless, even for a few days, is always super terrifying. :/ Hope that everything comes together for ya!
Bite me
OH MY GOD, I read the Amazon reviews for Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free a few months ago and I hurt my ab muscles from laughing so hard.
Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!
First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.
BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.
Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.
But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.
AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.
I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.
I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.
Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.
Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.
If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.
PS: When I ordered these, the warnings and disclaimers and legalese were NOT posted. I'm not a moron. Also, not sure why so many people assume I'm a man. I am a woman. We poop too. Of course, our poop sparkles and smells like a walk in a meadow of wildflowers. Thanks for all the great comments. I've been enjoying reading them and so glad that the horror show I experienced from snacking on these has at least made some people smile.
Last edited by allegro; 04-30-2014 at 10:55 PM.
Active Member
Tell me more about it!!!! I haven't heard any of the sort.
@Pillfred I'll be your lady friend. lol
Banned
Could you enlarged liver be blocking the path to your ass hole and the poo is trapped along the way, therefore only coming out in morsels?
(p.s. I love this convo!)
Active Member
Good question. I don't think it is. In fact, I'm not sure it's related, although I think it might be. I tried to get a referral to an acupuncturist to treat my liver and chronic constipation, but to no avail. Fucking HMO.
Banned
lol.
*hands you a beer*
Active Member
^Darling, I don't drink beer. But if I do, it better be a Stella!!!!
Active Member
People who don't know how to post on topic or in the right thread. i.e. the entire Internet outside of this forum.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-C...ss+gummy+bears
That one was posted above, but is the best one...
Active Member
Holy shit! (Haha) For $142, I'd better be shitting. Do you think any sugar free candy will work? If so, I'll just go to Walmart and grab whatever.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
Yes... It seems to be a common side effect of any sugar free candy. Those reviews are just hilarious. But you can google for other examples. Don't test it out on a work day. But please livetweet the experiment.
Bite me
You must be an Amazon newb. There are smaller packages on there.
http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-SUGAR-C...8M44AZSY30VXCA
I've tried other sugar free candy and that never happened. I assumed it was some kind of weird Japanese import sugar substitute (Haribo is from Japan).
edit: The ingredient list of Haribo Sugar Free bears includes Lycasin syrup: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lycasin
Last edited by allegro; 05-01-2014 at 03:27 PM.
Active Member
Myspace. Bands still use this shitty dumb site that never works. Unbelievable.
tempus est umbra in mente
so, a conservative relative of mine just posted this horseshit on Facebook, and while I sat there for a while resisting the urge to say anything about how clueless, arrogant, ignorant, and just lame it is... fuck that. Sometimes you can't just sit by and let someone smugly celebrate how much they miss the point.
Active Member
Omg. I read the reviews. If I could shit, I would shit myself laughing. I wonder how much of this is true. I am gonna fucking do it and will report every second of it. Believe me when I tell you this!!!!
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
People still using the word "epic".
Get out.
Active Member
He forgot to check his douchetude.
Also: maybe we need a "shitting thread."
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
Yessssss! Lol. I've been trying to get someone to live report this for quite some time!
tempus est umbra in mente
Vice hired Peter Pan to write an article about the sugar free gummy bears... http://www.vice.com/read/sugarless-g...afe-for-humans
Active Member
I'm wondering if I should live stream this experiment...... or not.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
I would vote for yes.
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA DO IT
And it should absolutely get a separate thread. This is gonna be awesome.
Active Member
Well, by miracles of all miracles, I did take a dump today (thanks, Starbucks). So, let me accumulate a few days worth of shits and I'll let you guys know.
ladyborg
filling out a form online for a background check and after i marked married, it forced me to enter a maiden name even though i never changed my name. fuck you.
The Enhancer
There IS a "Favorite Poop Color" option in the profile settings... I went with 'loam'.
Down, but not out.
I just couldn't help but become reminded about this article from Maddox when you said that. You'd probably like it.
http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=epic
Active Member
Did you just write the same last name?
ladyborg
Yeah I couldn't figure out anything better to do. It also forced me to choose mrs instead of my normal ms. It seems really stupid but it really pissed me off to have that built into the system.
Likes: 
Faceplams: 
Reply With Quote
