I'm so done with this job. Time to start job searching so that I can get out of here.
I'm so done with this job. Time to start job searching so that I can get out of here.
Putting things in boxes to move sucks. I hate how much shit I have. Damn it past me, you big asshole hoarder.
I've been so fucking depressed for the longest time. It's starting to make me feel kind of nuts. I constantly have to stop myself from screaming incoherently. My doctor has given me the phone numbers of three doctors that will give me happy pills. Apparently, the first doctor I called is too popular and he can't take new patients.
Fuck this. I'm not calling anymore of you dickheads. I don't want pills. I just want to feel sane... but this is getting to a point where it I constantly feel like I have to stop myself from crying hysterically in public, and it's becoming a little hard to deal with.
This is the worst I've felt for no discernible reason that I can ever remember. I need to be a groomsman at my best friend's wedding in two days. I need to hang in there, at least for that.
Last edited by Jinsai; 07-24-2013 at 02:40 PM.
Phone upgrade hell. Original normal sized sim card has been cut down and now is not working in new phone so looks like I have to use the new mini sim card and change my number again and redo my contacts - shite!!
Oh boy! Now that the royal baby is born and we know the name (waited for TWO WHOLE DAYS, an eternity!!) I can't wait for the speculation about what his first 30 years hold in store for him and what his first royal dump's consistency will be like STOP TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING ROYAL FAMILY.
Jesus, I am so sick of hearing about the goddamn British monarchy.
Media would rather focus on royalty than talk about how poor all of us are.
Oddly enough, since I've moved to the states I've heard more talk about the Royal Family than I did in the UK, from both news sources and people I work with. There's a bit of a whiff of "look at the quaint British people" about it. I generally feed back that a lot of the time, the Royals don't really register enough on people in the UK for them to care very much about them.
That said, someone recently asked me if they taught English in Scottish schools. He wasn't taking the piss either. I told him that English was actually invented in Scotland.
@Jinsai, you should call those doctors, at the least to discuss what your options are. You can always refuse medications and ask about alternative solutions. But if you're breaking down in public all the time, that's pretty symptomatic that something's wrong. Prozac nation aside, these guys are still trained up and experienced enough to get you on an even keel. If you get stuck with an asshole, bin them and find another.
Also bear in mind, that anxiety (both acute and general feelings of) often masks depressive illness.
Last edited by DF118; 07-24-2013 at 08:29 PM.
THIS a thousand times. @Jinsai Be proactive. Help is out there.
I haven't actually been breaking down/crying in public, I just have been constantly feeling like I'm on the verge of it. It's really strange, and it comes out of nowhere. There's no trigger for it or reason, I just suddenly feel incredibly miserable and hopeless in a very intense way. And yeah, I have been having some anxiety issues lately, and that's a new thing for me too.
I went and saw Pacific Rim today though, and that's cheered me up a bit. Fun movie... and EVEN THEN, during some scene where a giant robot is fighting with a big demon creature, I found myself feeling like I was choking up. There's definitely something going wrong in my head, and yeah, I should call the doc. I'll do that tomorrow.
On the British Royalty issue, yeah, that's pissing me off too. I mean, I could understand being constantly inundated with it if I actually lived in fucking England (or some other country that acknowledges the British Monarchy in some strange way, like Canada?) But in America WHY DOES ANYONE GIVE A FUCK?! I mean, I'm almost completely certain that even if I did live in England, I wouldn't give a fuck and I'd think it was irritating, but at least then it would make a little sense.
Last edited by Jinsai; 07-25-2013 at 12:17 AM.
jesus I'm complaining a lot lately... but I just found out that none of my siblings (or parents) actually LISTENED to the album I made a few years ago. I spent almost five fuckiing years making it.THAT SUCKS. I don't CARE if it's not your kind of music, I'm your BROTHER, or your son or what the fuck ever, so listen to it! Thousands of hours of work went into that stupid misguided record, so YOU, of all people, should listen to it, because you're related to me. I know, it's a burden or something, but I don't have kids so I'm not forcing it on them, and I'm not even going to aggressively insist that my close friends give my music a fair shot (though they are the only ones who have... apparently)...... but you're my dad and you haven't even listened to the album I spent five years working on? That really really really really hurts.
I don't like the album. I hear flaws everywhere, but I assume it's stuff that only I'm hearing. I'd love to hear that my brother also heard it. Or my mom thinks the songs are too noisy. I don't know what to say, tit's the fucking indifference that kills me.
How about this..... I'm so miserable, if you message me from this website, I'll send you my vinyl for free (if you pay for shipping which should be about $5 if you're in the US). It's fucking free. JUST LISTEN TO IT.
I don't know why this is so upsetting.... I just assumed my brothers and parents listened to it and didn't like it. I never imagined they never even bothered to listen.... THAT SUCKS
Last edited by Jinsai; 07-25-2013 at 06:32 AM.
Sobriety can be a bitch on your brain chemistry. The right medication could help stabilize all that short-term. Can you seek out doctors that specialize, or who at least have a lot of experience, in treating addicts? They'd be up on most effective treatments, and if you decided not to try medication in the end they'd probably also know the best treatment plan. I'll think good thoughts for you.
I've been saved so many times in those situations by the Mophie that was gifted to me a few months back. 12 hours is not a lot of time. I feel your pain.
You have EVERY right to be upset! That is crap. All of your efforts like that should get swift attention. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that level of indifference, from FAMILY. Have you broached the subject of your feelings on this yet with them or is it not a space you can open with them?
Last edited by sentient02970; 07-25-2013 at 09:05 AM.
I think this is fun. It's historic. I'll probably be dead by the time this kid is King, but I watched his dad come home from that hospital. I'll probably be dead by the time his dad is King.
@Jinsai - Family is often disappointing. I stopped being disappointed in mine long ago, because I realized they kinda suck at being good family. They're hopeless. Now, when they do good I am pleasantly surprised. I've been you with this depression stuff. For me, it went away on its own and I figured it was some kind of chemical imbalance but maybe you should see somebody to rule out anything more serious, you know? I'LL LISTEN TO YOUR RECORD!!!!!
Last edited by allegro; 07-25-2013 at 10:52 AM.
Well, that's I guess how I found out, I was feeling kind of miserable and asked... with the general answer all around being basically, "uh, no, why would I listen to it? You don't expect me to like it or something, do you?" At least one of my brothers made the nice gesture at one point of actually buying a copy of the record... even if I saw that it was still in the shrinkwrap the last time I went to his house.
And thanks Allegro. I feel that maybe part of this strange emotional roller coaster I'm on has something to do with me having computer programs while I'm on the verge of finishing this new album off, and trying to figure out how to pay for the mastering/pressing. It would be nice to have people hear it though
The massive amounts of errors brought on by my day shift coworkers is driving all of us (3 of us) evening shift people crazy. The damn girls who work the morning/day are stupid as hell and they don't even know how to check someone in or out of the hotel properly even though they have been working here for a good 6 months or longer. Over the past three hours I have had people say that they were promised suites and fridges and first floor rooms and microwaves and candy and porno mags and free steak dinners and everything else... Well damn... Then the people get mad at me when I tell them those girls are not to promise anything like that and that the guests will need to speak with them directly in the morning.
What is happening in Russia is making me want to fucking Puke. Its despicable. Or what Putins government is letting happen to LGBT people over there is. He is an almighty cunt. Neo Nazis have began attacking the gays en masse. Since that law went through the other week. And they are getting away with it, over and over and the government is doing nothing.
So fucked up. SERIOUS political pressure better be mounted ASAP. Europe should not ignore or tolerate this shit.
Last edited by Highly Psychological; 07-25-2013 at 10:43 PM.
I'm seriously considering starting a work email with the subject heading "This is Retarded".
I shouldn't have waited until after the first NIN show to go to buy a ticket for Made in America. Prices have suddenly gone up 10-20 bucks in a matter of a day, after bing stationary/lowering the last few weeks.
edit: fucking hotline fb almost ruined the set list surprise for me. /grumpy
Last edited by sick among the pure; 07-26-2013 at 12:38 PM.
That would be offensive. Say "this is developmentally disabled"
Today, I actually used the word 'disingenuous' in a work email reply. The twat said the customer refused which was a fucking lie. It's like a game of telephone with this internal folks. We didn't include in the offer turned into the customer refused to buy spares. Yeah, that word definitely shut that dude up.
Last edited by Dra508; 07-26-2013 at 01:54 PM.
Yahoo won't let me log in to my email account… After they locked me out this morning for 12 hours AND after pulling up my records of passwords to make sure I'm not crazy, they lock me out for another 12 hours! So I called the 1800 number (10 times until I could get on hold) and they said it would be a 10 minute wait, ok, I can deal with that. *cut to 40 minutes later* Fuck this, I'm going to hang up and then I'm going to get a beer and email them. *cut to hanging up, getting a beer and emailing them* "We're sorry, we're experiencing a large amount of unexpected phone calls and emails. It may take up to 4 hours for an agent to email you back." So… Yeah… Now I have to either stay up until 2am to see if they email me back or give them numerous phone calls tomorrow.
I just want to register for a fucking bio lab, one preferably from this year. God I hate this online horse shit "not available at this time" garbage. Oh where great institution of higher learning do i need to slip my greased up fist to garner some kind of satisfaction on this matter? FUUUUUCK!!!!!
This stupid junk of a car I can no longer drive (won't pass state inspection) that I still owe payments on. Another ball and chain I need to escape from, in addition to my marriage (divorce isn't cheap).
What really pisses me off is when "friends" are obviously ignoring you during your worst moments. I've been depressed for the last three weeks, battling suicidal thoughts, and everyone I've tried to talk to have been shrugging me off, even when I'm upfront about what's going on. I'm there for them, but they can never be there for me? No wonder I never leave my home. Seems like everyone in my shitty small town is completely selfish. I just want someone I can trust that I can talk to, but now because of this, I don't really think I can trust anyone anymore.
it sounds like they don't know how to help or what to say when you tell them but that doesn't make it any less shit. i told my parents i was depressed and thought maybe i needed help numerous times when i was younger but they always told me i was just being a drama queen or 'going through a phase'. the annoying part is i've clearly internalized that because i still can't bring myself to see a therapist.
Going back to work after a holiday just grrr !!
I tried to ask my mom to set me up with a therapist, but she acted like she didn't even know what one was. I suggested her a place that was recommended to me a while back, and she said she would, but I have a feeling she just shrugged it off. I'd do it myself, but I don't drive, and the only way is to get my father to take me, and he doesn't exactly listen to me.
^^^^. Everything Thaned said. Reaching out is the hardest part. Everything after that is a bit of work with big mental benefits. I agree with the exercise comment. Being sedentary definitely contributes to depression. dam fuckin right. Just found out the dude told his second lawyer (first was his cousin) that he wasn't going to work with her anymore. WTF? She wrote a half way decent settlement proposal. This costs me money if we have to start all over again. Coming from the guy who asked me to go to the therapist with him again because he doesn't want to fight in email. It's a good thing I'm not looking to get married again anytime soon. Dang.
Last edited by Dra508; 07-30-2013 at 09:30 PM.