How fucked was your day?

[allegro]

Panic attacks are a fun new adventure in my 30s. I *think* because the antidepressant that I have been on the last few years, which has been a literal lifesaver for me, has the side effect of increased anxiety. Fucking sucks, man. But I'll take panic attacks over wanting to die all the time, I think. I don't care for Xanax and all those downers, because then I just feel horrible for a couple of days. But I know that it is helpful for a lot of folks.

I just cry a lot.

Are you on Wellbutrin? My doc put me on that, and I IMMEDIATELY noticed that I was ANGRY and yelling at everyone. I was on SPEED. AGITATED beyond belief. Four days later, I said fuck that shit.

@sweeterthan , have you read this book? It’s really good, makes a really good case for meditation.

[Sarah K]

Are you on Wellbutrin? My doc put me on that, and I IMMEDIATELY noticed that I was ANGRY and yelling at everyone. I was on SPEED. AGITATED beyond belief. Four days later, I said fuck that shit.

Yep! That speed-like feeling is super common at the beginning, but then it tends to even out after a few weeks. I have not really experienced the anger, but I do know that is a very common side effect. Mine is just consistent anxiety and build up until I break. I had never experienced anything like that until a few years ago. The breakdowns are awful, but there is like such a calm feeling after it happens. So weird.

However, I am not exaggerating when I say that Wellbutrin has been a lifesaver for me. I'll take a panic attack here and there over thinking about killing myself every hour of every day. I can manage those thoughts once in a while. I can't go back to having to fight through that every hour, though. Wellbutrin has provided me with an unbelievable amount of motivation. I firmly believe that there is no way I would have gotten through my last year of undergrad without it. I've been cycling through medications since I was a teenager and this is the one that has helped me the most by far. Everything else just took away any emotion and absolutely killed my sex drive. With Wellbutrin, I feel like, outside of the panicky times, I have appropriate emotions and reactions to situations instead of just existing without any emotion at all. Wellbutrin is also better for folks with addiction and impulse control issues, so it has helped me a LOT with my eating disorder as an added bonus. I should probably try to get some Xanax or something, though.

[theimage13]

I wish, wish, wish that yoga worked for me. But it's a catch-22. I keep trying to commit to it not for strength or flexibility, but purely for the calm and mindfulness of it. But here's the problem: I can't get my brain to just shut the fuck up and pay attention when I do it, so I'm unable to accurately follow directions for both movements and breathing. The realization of that just gets me more worked up, which makes it even harder to concentrate, and...yeah, in the end I'm basically just sore from trying to do too many things wrong and I feel worse instead of better.

[chuckrh]

How do you guys deal with anxiety?

I'm about to turn 30, and I've never really had anxiety until the last year or so. It's a little frightening. I had a really bad attack a few weeks ago (my worst by far – hopefully it doesn't happen like that again), and I'm having a mild one now. Sometimes I draw. Tonight, I've been writing and binge-watching TV. It kind of helps, but there's still the lingering feeling of self-loathing and wanting to die.

Big love to all y'all in this thread. Whoever needs to hear it: you're loved and you're needed, I promise.

the only advice i would offer is don't look to self-medication with alcohol or recreational drugs to deal with it. that seldom ends well.

[chuckrh]

recovering from last chemo therapy of the year yesterday. i'll be real sick for a week in very specific phases. like a really bad case of the flu. i'm on a 16 week cycle where i do a 4-5 hour IV then repeat in 2 weeks. yesterday was the second one. the fucked part is the doc wants me on a 12 week cycle because it wears off & my insurance won't allow that interval. that month where it has worn off is absolutely brutal. i'm doing cancer drugs to treat a rare & aggressive version of RA. lots of damage being done in the bad 25% of the year. when its working, it slows down the progression some. so, i'm on the couch watching sports. can't sleep because part of the cocktail is an OD on steroids. that's going to wear off & then things get ugly. don't like life very much during this week.

[sweeterthan]

@sweeterthan , have you read this book? It’s really good, makes a really good case for meditation.

I haven’t read that one but I have his other one on my list to read. (Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics: A 10% Happier How-to Book https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399588949..._mZJ5Bb3Q2H3Z2 )

I’ve been reading (listening to) a bunch of self help books this year. I’m trying to retrain my brain to not only be less negative but also to shut the fuck up. The untethered souls is my favorite so far. I listened to it twice. Right now, I’m reading eastern body, western mind. It talks about the chakra system as a path to the self. It’s fucking amazing. I used to think the chakras were new age bullshit but looking at it from a psychological point view, it makes tons of sense. I feel like I can apply this ideology to parenting my children too.

I’m gonna add the 10% one to my queue.

I wish, wish, wish that yoga worked for me. But it's a catch-22. I keep trying to commit to it not for strength or flexibility, but purely for the calm and mindfulness of it. But here's the problem: I can't get my brain to just shut the fuck up and pay attention when I do it, so I'm unable to accurately follow directions for both movements and breathing. The realization of that just gets me more worked up, which makes it even harder to concentrate, and...yeah, in the end I'm basically just sore from trying to do too many things wrong and I feel worse instead of better.

One of the reasons why it’s hard for me to even say it’s helped is because it sounds lofty to me. Just do the yoga, y’all. All your problems solved! But it took me months to not think about my shit for even a few minutes during yoga class. I started out by going a few times on a discounted pass. Then it was 3 times a week and now it’s five if I can swing it. My favorite teacher is an amazing guide. She’s all about affirmation and breath. She says things like “you have to take care of yourself in order take care of other people.“ and “a thought comes in, just observe it. You don’t have to participate.” “You have everything you need inside you” “be here now”. These affirmations sounded cliche to me at first. Like yeah yeah. I’m taking care of me. Great. Thumbs up. Sure. But then after awhile it really felt that way and the breathing clicked. I think repetition and continue effort is what allowed me to get to this point where I can breathe and make myself feel better.

She is the best yoga teacher I’ve ever encountered. She has changed me for sure. I’m hoping I can absorb as much as I can from her while I have access to her. I do worry (yay anxiety) that she will disappear from my life but I just keep going when I know she’s there and teaching. Now it’s like home for me. I feel really privileged that I can go there as much as I do. I’m a regular there and people in my community know me from there. I see them at the grocery store or at restaurants and they say “hello yoga friend”. Maybe I’m rambling a bit here...

If you do go to yoga again, try not to be so hard on yourself. You’re learning. Maybe do some breathing exercises at home? There are guided meditations on YouTube and there’s some great apps for it too. You have to practice it before it works. I don’t know how long but I do know once you get it, it will help.

[Swykk]

I work out about 5-6 days a week averagely and that’s been the best thing for my anxiety (and depression). I can’t lift weights but I’ll do cardio and DDP Yoga. I like CBD oil too as it functions as a fast reliever and doesn’t leave me feeling like a zombie like Xanax or klonopin. I wish meditation worked for me but it just doesn’t. My mind laughs mockingly whenever I even attempt it.

[elevenism]

@Sarah K , I know that xanax has its dark side.

But we're fucking grown now and having legitimate anxiety attacks and not eating it for fun.

By all means, if you can stop the attacks without chemicals, go for it.

But I just can't overstate how useful benzodiazepines are for panic attacks. Valium, Ativan, Xanax...any of them.

Take the lowest possible dose as rarely as possible to minimize physical addiction. If you don't take much of it at a time, you may NOT feel like shit, as the medicine will just bring you back to normal rather than functioning as a downer. It's like the anxiety "eats" it.

Idk, maybe it's not good for me to be recommending an addictive psych med to everyone, but dear GOD idk what I would do without it.
I would LOVE to get to a place where I don't necessarily need it, but like some of the rest of you, my Zen skills are lacking.

[elevenism]

Sorry in advance for double post.

So, okay. I have osteo, psoriatic or rheumatoid arthritis, as I've stated, and can barely use my fucking hands. I find out which one on monday.

Then, yesterday, I woke up with a godawful toothache and noticed a fucking hard core cavity.

And THEN...do you guys remember that shit that was happening where i was having deja vu that somehow terrified me, and smelled a weird chemical smell? Well, THAT shit happened last night, and for the third or fourth time, parlayed into a fucking grand mal seizure.

That's the second grand mal in two months. It's pretty obviously temporal lobe epilepsy: my GP and pain Dr have both said as much. And if you type those symptoms into google, TLE is what comes up, inevitably.

The hell of it all is that I DON'T have any sort of insurance and am already breaking the fucking bank on the arthritis thing. Epilepsy tests are fucking EXPENSIVE. I SHOULD have just gone to the hospital last night, but if you've ever had a grand mal, you know that going ANYWHERE is the last thing you wanna do- personally, when it happens, I feel like I've slipped into a fucking alternate dimension. This is like the third or fourth time I have opted to not go to the hospital.

I'm overwhelmed.

TL;DR: my health is all fucked up on multiple fronts and I can't afford to diagnose/treat all of it.

[Andallthatcouldhavebeen]

Smartpay. For people who need some help leasing to own things. Someone used it and signed up with my phone number. Now my phone has no service as I try to explain to them that I paid for my phone in cash upfront, and no I did not create that account. They told me I should just change MY number so that this doesn't happen again, they won't be taking my phone number off of said persons account that doesn't pay their bills. WTF

[ItsChrisRoss]

Sorry in advance for double post.

So, okay. I have osteo, psoriatic or rheumatoid arthritis, as I've stated, and can barely use my fucking hands. I find out which one on monday.

Then, yesterday, I woke up with a godawful toothache and noticed a fucking hard core cavity.

And THEN...do you guys remember that shit that was happening where i was having deja vu that somehow terrified me, and smelled a weird chemical smell? Well, THAT shit happened last night, and for the third or fourth time, parlayed into a fucking grand mal seizure.

That's the second grand mal in two months. It's pretty obviously temporal lobe epilepsy: my GP and pain Dr have both said as much. And if you type those symptoms into google, TLE is what comes up, inevitably.

The hell of it all is that I DON'T have any sort of insurance and am already breaking the fucking bank on the arthritis thing. Epilepsy tests are fucking EXPENSIVE. I SHOULD have just gone to the hospital last night, but if you've ever had a grand mal, you know that going ANYWHERE is the last thing you wanna do- personally, when it happens, I feel like I've slipped into a fucking alternate dimension. This is like the third or fourth time I have opted to not go to the hospital.

I'm overwhelmed.

TL;DR: my health is all fucked up on multiple fronts and I can't afford to diagnose/treat all of it.

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. I have been going through a very hard time myself, but my problems don't compare to yours. It puts things into perspective. I hope you feel/get better and are able to do so without breaking your bank any longer. Positive vibes your way.

[elevenism]

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. I have been going through a very hard time myself, but my problems don't compare to yours. It puts things into perspective. I hope you feel/get better and are able to do so without breaking your bank any longer. Positive vibes your way.

Thanks brother. @allegate 's LIFE THREATENING health issues put my issues into perspective.
But he also told me that his issues didn't render MY issues meaningless.

Things can fuck up all kinds of different ways and life can certainly be a struggle WITHOUT health issues.

So, positive vibes right back at you.

With any luck, we'll all get through all of this bullshit.

[halo eighteen]

I went to my doctor today for an asthma checkup that I do every three months. I've had it since I was 3, and it's not fun. It's finally controlled now, and has been for quite a few years but it's taken a long time to get to this point and I'm on a daily inhaler and pills that are doing God knows what to my body from years of continued use.

Anyway, I also have pretty bad allergies and it doesn't help that I live with two dogs that shed a ton. I have an incredibly limited sense of smell, which I blame allergies for since I'm almost always plugged up. I've tried a variety of medications over the years. Many work initially, only to suddenly lose their effectiveness. This past month has been damn near intolerable. So I finally broke down and asked the doctor today to refer me to an allergist so I can maybe get on a treatment of injections. He said that's a great idea, because they have allergy injections now that can actually treat asthma, as well. I was thinking why the fuck he had never once thought to suggest that until now? Ugh.

So now I'm just waiting on a phone call to get stuff set up. As horrible as I feel right now, and even though I know it's still going to be a long journey that will probably involve weekly office visits and discomfort, I'm just feeling incredibly hopeful that this will be so incredibly life changing. Not trying to be overly optimistic or anything, but yeah.

[allegate]

Eh, I'm doing alright now.

Speaking of which, perspective is a bitch: Dude I know on another board has been MIA since the 2nd...turns out he had a widowmaker heart attack. Not only that but he died three times just in his house before they could get him to the ambulance. They broke 8 ribs doing CPR. And he came back to the board like LOL I died, but I'm getting better. Sheesh!

Me, I'm doing fine. My leg's still a little swollen (they never really gave me a good guide for what "swollen enough to go back to the emergency room" was, and since my leg doesn't hurt anymore I don't know what to make of it) but I'm doing alright.

Take care of yourself.

[Pillfred]

Not 30 minutes ago I let the dog out. It's the roommates new dog from the shelter been here a few days. I happened to hear it whining. I let it out and it ran off on me. So I ran after it but lost it because it's the middle of the night and we live in the sticks. I ran back home jumped in my car and drove the roads nearby didn't see her. Came home had to tell them what happened as they were sleeping. I should have let the dog whine... Fuck me.

*heard her in the back yard. She'sback home. Fuck me.

[elevenism]

Alright y'all. I've been reluctant to tell EVERYONE here, (although i've already told a handful of you,) but i decided that i might ought to, as i will probably want to discuss shit that's related to this at some point, and i will probably want to discuss it here, as ETS is where i do about 90% of my socializing.

On Tuesday i was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Furthermore, it's, currently, at least, HIGHLY aggressive.
My hands have BEEN fucked up and hard to use, but they've been getting worse every day. Also, the shit has spread into my hips, knees, shoulders: you name it.

RA isn't JUST arthritis. It's an autoimmune disorder wherein the body attacks itself. It can also fuck off your heart, lungs, kidneys, bone marrow, blood vessels, nerve tissue and skin. It ALSO can cause lymphoma (blood cancers.)
RA fucking KILLS tens of thousands of people per year.

I'm still kind of in shock/denial.
i know it CERTAINLY could be worse: i could have been diagnosed with leukemia or HIV.
and so like, this shit, there's no cure, and it CAN kill you, but it can ALSO eventually go into a kind of remission (with treatment.)

If you guys don't know, it's the disease that does THIS bullshit here:

[IMG][/IMG]

ANYWAY, so i guess that just sort of is what it is.

And the treatment for it: the way it works is it lowers your immune system, so, of course, THAT shit isn't very good for you either.
I might be fucked no matter what.

But i'm trying to keep the positive vibes going and hope for the best.

PLEEEAASE don't think i'm like, asking for pity or whatever, or trying to get attention. I just, i know a bunch of you guys pretty well, and KIND of know a metric fuckton of you (inasmuch as you can "know" someone online,) and this is something major that is happening with me, and i just wanted to tell you cats about it.

[Dra508]

Sorry you are going thru this. If watching crap reality shows has enlightened me of one thing, one of the woman on Shahs of Sunset has RA and is convinced that pot smoking has saved her life. Move to Cali stat.

[chuckrh]

Alright y'all. I've been reluctant to tell EVERYONE here, (although i've already told a handful of you,) but i decided that i might ought to, as i will probably want to discuss shit that's related to this at some point, and i will probably want to discuss it here, as ETS is where i do about 90% of my socializing.

On Tuesday i was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Furthermore, it's, currently, at least, HIGHLY aggressive.
My hands have BEEN fucked up and hard to use, but they've been getting worse every day. Also, the shit has spread into my hips, knees, shoulders: you name it.

RA isn't JUST arthritis. It's an autoimmune disorder wherein the body attacks itself. It can also fuck off your heart, lungs, kidneys, bone marrow, blood vessels, nerve tissue and skin. It ALSO can cause lymphoma (blood cancers.)
RA fucking KILLS tens of thousands of people per year.

I'm still kind of in shock/denial.
i know it CERTAINLY could be worse: i could have been diagnosed with leukemia or HIV.
and so like, this shit, there's no cure, and it CAN kill you, but it can ALSO eventually go into a kind of remission (with treatment.)

If you guys don't know, it's the disease that does THIS bullshit here:

[IMG][/IMG]

ANYWAY, so i guess that just sort of is what it is.

And the treatment for it: the way it works is it lowers your immune system, so, of course, THAT shit isn't very good for you either.
I might be fucked no matter what.

But i'm trying to keep the positive vibes going and hope for the best.

PLEEEAASE don't think i'm like, asking for pity or whatever, or trying to get attention. I just, i know a bunch of you guys pretty well, and KIND of know a metric fuckton of you (inasmuch as you can "know" someone online,) and this is something major that is happening with me, and i just wanted to tell you cats about it.

elevenism, i sent you a private message. hang in there! best, chuck

[elevenism]

Sorry you are going thru this. If watching crap reality shows has enlightened me of one thing, one of the woman on Shahs of Sunset has RA and is convinced that pot smoking has saved her life. Move to Cali stat.

lolol.
You know, I'm already on painkillers and I don't want to lose them (I do get drug tested.) BUT, my pain Dr is kind of a rebel. I AM going to ask him if he could like, maybe, NOT drug test me anymore, so I can try these new grass products, for real.
I've heard others say the same thing. I recently heard of a 65 year old woman who said nothing worked until she tried like high potency edibles.

[ickyvicky]

My car died while on the highway this morning. The battery light came on and everything shut down. Pretty scary. Luckily was able to pull over safely and call a tow. My mechanic says I need a new alternator. When I tell people this, they're all like "Uh oh...that's going to be expensive." We'll see the REAL damage later when I pick it up! Thanks, Santa!

[Dra508]

lolol.
products, for real.
I've heard others say the same thing. I recently heard of a 65 year old woman who said nothing worked until she tried like high potency edibles.

This is why legalization has become more likely. Old folk are voters and want the weed.

[halo eighteen]

Alright y'all. I've been reluctant to tell EVERYONE here, (although i've already told a handful of you,) but i decided that i might ought to, as i will probably want to discuss shit that's related to this at some point, and i will probably want to discuss it here, as ETS is where i do about 90% of my socializing.

On Tuesday i was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Furthermore, it's, currently, at least, HIGHLY aggressive.

*hugs* I don't want to give any false hope or anything like that, but keep your head held high. I'm not sure if it was a change of environment or a regime of medication or childbirth or tides of the moon or what, but I have a friend from college that had RA, and ended up having to quit playing violin because of it. She moved out to Berkeley, CA from Michigan about 15 years ago, and within the past few years it did go into remission and today she seems to be clear of it. She's back to getting herself accustomed to playing violin again and will actually be joining a community symphony next year.

I saw firsthand the pain and discomfort she was in while dealing with that, so I know it's 100% not fun. I don't think weed is responsible for her turnaround; we figured she might have actually had an allergy to it after some harrowing experiences in college heh. I'm sure the brutal winters here didn't help, though. But yeah, just definitely try to keep a positive outlook. There's gonna be good days and bad days, but you'll get through it. Just be sure to tell yourself that once in a while

[Microwave Jellyfish]

So I woke up with the house on fire today.

We're fine, our floor and flat is fine, but the electricity is all fried up. No central heating, the floor below is destroyed, not even sure if can ever return to our homes, ever, council couldn't get us any place sorted, shelters are full, so we're on an ad-hoc vacation in a hotel this week. That one fucking Christmas my mom's visiting, too - she took it much better than I expected.

2018 can fuck off.

[MrLobster]

lolol.
You know, I'm already on painkillers and I don't want to lose them (I do get drug tested.) BUT, my pain Dr is kind of a rebel. I AM going to ask him if he could like, maybe, NOT drug test me anymore, so I can try these new grass products, for real.
I've heard others say the same thing. I recently heard of a 65 year old woman who said nothing worked until she tried like high potency edibles.

I'm another in the "cannabis is a lifesaver" camp. 10ish years ago I acquired a profound movement disorder (shaking videos here) and then discovered the acute chronic pain I had been suffering from adolescence as well ("why does my leg hurt all the time? oh... the inoperable osteochondroma on my tibia... fuck") and the whole depression thing that goes with it (the word is comorbidity) and inhaling copious amounts of cannabis have given me some semblance of an okay life (what's 4g / day, right?). I don't mind edibles but I have to eat so much to get pain relief and it does pretty much nothing for the shaking. I like to make tea from sticks n stems (just nice and simple, put them into a tea bag or strainer and boil it... none of this butter or mortar and mashing it up nonsense) , it's nice. Takes the edge off.

Anyways, good luck on your path.

[elevenism]

So I woke up with the house on fire today.

We're fine, our floor and flat is fine, but the electricity is all fried up. No central heating, the floor below is destroyed, not even sure if can ever return to our homes, ever, council couldn't get us any place sorted, shelters are full, so we're on an ad-hoc vacation in a hotel this week. That one fucking Christmas my mom's visiting, too - she took it much better than I expected.

2018 can fuck off.

oh, Jesus Christ dude. I'm sorry.

[halo eighteen]

So some two months later, I finally got an appointment in with an allergist and determined through an extensive skin test that yes I'm allergic to pretty much everything but grass lol. I already feel incredibly better after being on some eyedrops, pills, and a nasal spray for just about 4 days now. Still need to determine if weekly injections are something worth pursuing, or if my insurance even covers that. Gonna be on these meds for a while and go back in next month for a re-evaluation.

Also, what's more fucked up is that apparently I have a polyp in my left nostril and a deviated septum and this is all complete news to me so I'm wondering a) how long this has been the case, b) why the fuck this wasn't discovered sooner and c) if surgery is going to be in my near future.

[Space Suicide]

Finding out two days ago I have Guillain-Barre Syndrome.

Treatment hopefully begins today but fuck. To be 28 and blind sided by random paralysis and weakness is scary. I should recover.

[eversonpoe]

Finding out two days ago I have Guillain-Barre Syndrome.

Treatment hopefully begins today but fuck. To be 28 and blind sided by random paralysis and weakness is scary. I should recover.

that's terrifying but at least statistically you're in good shape. good luck, dude! <3

[ickyvicky]

Car stalled out twice this morning while driving to work, scared the shit out of me. Mechanic says I should start looking into a new car. :-(

[thelastdisciple]

Well I got into quite an argument about the Gillette commercial on Facebook. I probably asked for it given my two cents of a status, the genie can't be put back in that bottle. I don't usually get into heated discussions like that but booooy oh boy. I had to pull the plug on it, I could feel it was getting bad and going nowhere. Turned off notifications, said my adios and bounced. They can talk to the wind for all I care.

Sent from my Moto E (4) using Tapatalk