The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

[elevenism]

It was and is. I was back in Nebraska when I ran out, and when I first got prescribed it, I was like desperate. So I made an appointment at the only place in NYC that I could find that had an opening the next day. They're shady as shit, and in order to make documents look like you actually had a visit, they won't send in prescriptions over the phone unless you come sign your name on a piece of paper.

Anyway, it takes me like an hour and a half to get there. I've had plans every single night except last Friday. So, I just went home and did nothing that night. I just can't find enough motivation to travel all the way out there when I'm free. Which, I acknowledge is a problem due to me not being on the medication.

Vicious cycle'd. Hopefully I make it out there next week, and then I can get in with a different doctor after that.

i feel you. it sucks...that's the main problem with ANY psych meds for me, coming off of them and getting back on them all the damn time.

[Sarah K]

I have plans for tonight, but don't think I'm going to go. Kinda the only plan-less night for the next while. So if the doctor is in today, I'm going to try to force myself to go after work.

[Sarah K]

I tried to go last night, but when I called to check, they said the doctor wasn't going to be in until Monday.

Now I'm just having an awful fucking day. I'm on my period on top of it, and I just want to go to bed and die for the weekend. I'm supposed to see Louis CK tomorrow, and I'm already thinking of ditching my ticket.

I just want to curl up in a ball and cuddle. And I hate cuddles.

[halloween]

Every two weeks, I feel extremely weepy and depressed. It's obvious it's because I'm lonely and don't have any friends where I live. I don't know why I did this to myself, I didn't enjoy growing up here and I'm not sure why I thought living here after college would change any. I still keep driving back to where I have friends two hours away where I went to college. Ugh. Just because I felt I had better job options here, which I'm happy with but now I need to leave. I'm just glad I signed a 6mo lease and I have four months left. There isn't even that much going on here where I can go out and meet people, since it's such a small town. Tonight I decided to go out to a DJ dance party at a bar just to change my damn scenery.

Update. I didn't end up going out because I was crying too much and my face looks like shit and I was afraid of how that would come across to people.

[elevenism]

Most of you know that if you ever need someone to talk to, PM me. @halloween , @Sarah K .
Anyone, anytime.
Someone i didn't really know literally saved my life that way and i try to pay it forward.
I don't do ANYTHING, so i have time.

SO
The terrifying things that have been happening to me...i think i've discovered their source.
I looked up the wellbutrin side effects and found

• false beliefs that cannot be changed by facts
• having extreme distrust of people
• seeing, hearing, or feeling things that are not there

The four episodes i have had were the scariest thing that ever happened to me...like "make you want to kill yourself so it will stop" scary.

Due to my experiences with the supernatural, i thought it was real.

Now i'm pretty sure it's the drug...thank god!

edit: i'm glad you saw this, @Khrz , and thanks for discussing it with me.

[Khrz]

And here I was feeling bad because I felt that my side of the discussion amounted to an hesitant shrug. I'm glad you were able to pinpoint its origins so quickly !

[aggroculture]

A "down" day. It just turns on a dime like that, it's weird.
Nothing feels right, can't get anything done.

Thanks for the advice/concern: if it becomes something I feel needs help I will make a move in that direction.

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

I looked up the wellbutrin side effects and found

• false beliefs that cannot be changed by facts
• having extreme distrust of people
• seeing, hearing, or feeling things that are not there

Good Lord. Strattera makes me a tad nihilistic, but I'd be totally freaked out if a (non-psychedelic) drug affected my sense of reality like that.

[Pillfred]

Everyday makes me a tad bit nihilistic.

[elevenism]

And here I was feeling bad because I felt that my side of the discussion amounted to an hesitant shrug. I'm glad you were able to pinpoint its origins so quickly !

Oh no, man. What was happening to me was hard to understand, hard to explain. But you understood, listened and responded. It meant a lot, man.

[Sarah K]

Back on the drugs.

I LOVE LIFE

[Digital Twilight]

First night off sleeping tablets and I only got about 3 -4 hours

On a more positive note these new AD are much better than my last ones. I can actually get up in the morning and function unlike the last ones.

[Sarah K]

So a few months ago, a friend made a suicidal sounding post on facebook, and only made it visible to certain people. It basically said... "Tired of this life thing, at least I can go out with good hair". So I contact one of his friends who lives out there(he is in Cali) to call the cops. The address associated with his phone number is outdated. Anyway, we eventually get the correct address, and they make contact with him. He starts getting help and shit. I thought things were going better.

In the middle of the night last night, he sends me a link to a video. It doesn't load on my phone. But I just watched it on the computer, and it is a goddamn video of him cutting himself. Ugh. It's on his chest. Superficial and attention seeking. But I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I live so fucking far away and it makes me feel really helpless. He is crying out for help from someone who has a very limited capacity to help.

[elevenism]

@Sarah K , having lost two close friends to suicide at the end of last year, i suggest you try to talk to the motherfucker.

But don't feel too bad if he snuffs it. There's only so much you can do.
I made one of the friends promise me she wouldn't hurt herself, and she went ahead and did it anyway a couple of days later.

It sucked, but it's what she wanted, i guess. But if i hadn't tried, i'd feel all fucked up you know?

Maybe you should try reaching out to people who are closer to him (girlfriend/boyfriend, parents...)

Hey, that reminds me. This method is a little extreme, but it worked on a friend of mine.

He sent me a message just giving me a "heads up" that he was going to kill himself on the steps of the courthouse "on tuesday" or some shit like that.

I posted all over the facebooks "SO AND SO PLANS TO KILL HIMSELF ON TUESDAY. PLEASE DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO PREVENT THIS SENSELESS ACT."

He's still with us. His crazy ass wife isn't though, she's the one who promised me she wouldn't hurt herself.

But i learned the hard way that sometimes people mean it, you know?

Glad to hear you got yer meds.

[Baphomette]

But don't feel too bad if he snuffs it.

Really fucked up thing to say.

[elevenism]

Really fucked up thing to say.

oh good god that came out wrong.

what i mean is, i have been dealing a LOT lately with the whole "was there something i could have said or done differently" in the deaths of two VERY close friends.

and, @Miss Baphomette , i've realized that i can't blame myself.

i certainly didn't mean that the person's life wasn't valuable and he shouldn't be mourned if he died. i didn't mean that in the least.

what i mean is that when people decide to kill themselves, there is only so much you can do and you can't blame yourself forever.

and the person crying out for help to @Sarah K ... i worry that if he kills himself, she could possibly feel like it was her fault because she didn't say or do the right thing.

what i should have said was "if he commits suicide, remember that, no matter what, it isn't your fault."

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

what i should have said was "if he commits suicide, remember that, no matter what, it isn't your fault."

I understood what you meant to say, even if the way you said it was … startling.

[elevenism]

yeaaaaahh...i'm sorry, y'all

[elevenism]

my wife is very strange after she almost died.
she doesnt talk much and she's just different.
it worries me.

[Ryan]

Don't feel too bad if she snuffs it

[somethingelse]

Don't feel too bad if she snuffs it

This is not the thread for your lame arse sense of humour mate.

[Khrz]

@Ryan used Dick Move...



It's very effective !

[elevenism]

goddamnit @Ryan , you know what i meant you fucker

anyway, about the change...i read that it's pretty common. i guess i have to remember that she had an infection around her BRAIN.

it's crazy, it's like getting to know a different person.

honestly, i don't mind the change. she used to be very opinionated and talk shit all the time, and now she's super chill.

it's just weird.

[elevenism]

you know what? my wife nearly died in my arms very recently. She is still weak from the meningitis. I've been nursing her back to health.
This has been the hardest, darkest time of our lives.
For two days, i waited by her side to see if she would wake up, to see if she could start breathing without the machine.

I expected her to die and was forced to accept her death, to contemplate a life without her. It HURT.

I still check to see if she's breathing over and over EVERY FUCKING NIGHT.
@Ryan , what i did was word something the wrong way. And i immediately made it right.

But you heartlessly disrespected me and my family. Thinking about your post makes me go cold.

I ask that you don't disrespect me or my wife again.

[allegro]

Just ignore him, he always blurts stupid shit like that to everybody, it's like he has Dicky Tourettes or something.

I'm more concerned that you just (perhaps unwittingly) said you like your wife better as a Stepford Wife, with no opinions? :-(

She's healing, she had a big brain trauma and illness, give her time, be patient.

[elevenism]

Just ignore him, he always blurts stupid shit like that to everybody, it's like he has Dicky Tourettes or something.

I'm more concerned that you just (perhaps unwittingly) said you like your wife better as a Stepford Wife, with no opinions? :-(

She's healing, she had a big brain trauma and illness, give her time, be patient.

@allegro ,no, i don't like her better as a stepford wife. i am trying to make light of it.
I am going to call her either Sheap (my pet name for her,) or Jinxy (her graffiti name.)

Sheap just told me something that broke my heart. She admitted, tearfully, that she has a hard time finding words.
She said that she still THINKS the same (she is whip smart,) but she struggles to find words now.
@allegro ,i hope she gets better. I hope you're right about giving it time.

But i will love her no matter what. I will care for her and love her with all of my heart.

[allegro]

@elevenism , be grateful that she's alive and can talk at all.

My cousin's wife had a stroke, she was fairly young, she was on life support for a few days, we didn't know if she'd make it. Finally, she pulled through but spent a long time in the hospital in rehab, learning to sit up, then walk. Now, she can walk, but slowly. My cousin, thank God, was able to switch his job to telecommuting so he can stay home and make lunch for her and stuff (she still can't do stuff like that, and never will). She can no longer communicate, at all. She can say THREE WORDS and the docs say that's the most they expect. Her brain can't connect with her communication ability. She knows what she wants to say, but can't make the connection. You can imagine how hard this is for a marriage of 25 years, or for their 22-yr-old son. My cousin and his wife have a picture book and she points to communicate. When she misses their son (he has his own apt), she points at his picture.

On the other hand, the brain is an amazing organ. Has your wife been back to a doctor to discuss this?

[Dra508]

My cousin's wife had a stroke, she was fairly young.

This scares the crap out of me. Why this happen? Undiagnosed high blood pressure?

As my father once said and I scoffed it off way back in the day: long term disability insurance is somewhat more important than life insurance...

[allegro]

This scares the crap out of me. Why this happen? Undiagnosed high blood pressure?

It was something related to her Type II diabetes. She's overweight, has Type II diabetes, but was under 50, was not morbidly obese, was being treated for diabetes, but I guess she got depressed and was not totally taking care of herself according to my cousin (high cholesterol), then BAM.

G worked with an Air Traffic Controller who had a stroke in her THIRTIES, with zero warning signs. She's not diabetic at all, no blood pressure problems (ATCs have to pass annual health exams by a US Flight Surgeon in order to get medical clearance), then BAM she had a stroke and they pulled her health clearance. She had trouble talking for a while, the whole shot. She gradually got her speech back, and then got her medical clearance back and could work again. But, about 2 years later, she had ANOTHER stroke. They permanently pulled her medical clearance that time, now she's working a desk job. I'd be scared shitless. Obviously, everybody blames the stressful job for her stroke (she worked at O'Hare Tower) but who knows. ATCs are notorious for drinking and smoking (they can't do drugs due to random drug testing).

I've had long term disability insurance for YEARS.

[aggroculture]

I've been a mess lately, as you can probably tell.
Today I woke up my back hurts like hell.
And I know it's the stress. When I'm super-stressed = back goes.
@elevenism sending good vibes to you and your wife and her recovery.
Life can be hard sometimes.