The Relationship Thread

[Sarah K]

I guess I've never run across anyone admitting to any scandalous or disrespectful shit on here, though. Sure @elevenism seems to have quite the uhhh... tumultuous relationship. But I've never seen him talk bad about his girlfriend. Whereas on another forum that I go to, and I've been posting with those people since I was like 15, many of them openly admit to cheating on their girlfriends and such.

[Sarah K]

I mean, I've only been around frequently for the last few months. So I for sure could have missed out on some shit.

But I also don't equate discussing things that happened with being bad, if that makes sense. I've seen him discuss the fight that they got into. But it sounded like they were both equal parties in that? I dunno. I think it sounds like they have A LOT of shit to work on before they should even think about getting married. But I've never seen him be outright disrespectful towards her(calling her names, saying bad things about her, etc).

Am I making sense? It makes sense in my head, but I'm not sure if it is translating.

To me discussing arguments, if described the way they actually happened - not bad.

Talking negatively about someone, admitting to cheating, etc - bad.

[Sarah K]

I guess I don't really get too paranoid about my personal information being out and about. I'm pretty open and honest about basically everything in my everyday life. I mean, I don't think any of my friends/family/ex partners would be in any way surprised about anything that I've shared. They'd just be like "Yeah, she would say that". Haha.

But I also don't and probably never will have any type of professional career to worry about. That is the only context where I can see privacy being an issue for me personally. I just look at the internet like I do my real life friends "Would I discuss this with [insert friend here]?" The answer is usually "yes".

And yeah, those links are a little different than what we've been seeing lately. lolz.

[Halo Infinity]

I guess I don't really get too paranoid about my personal information being out and about. I'm pretty open and honest about basically everything in my everyday life. I mean, I don't think any of my friends/family/ex partners would be in any way surprised about anything that I've shared. They'd just be like "Yeah, she would say that". Haha.

It's good that you don't, but some of my family and friends, or family friends would be surprised. But I suppose for somebody like me, I'm far better off proceeding if the answer to this question is yes. "Would I be okay saying with saying this in public in real life, especially among family and friends, or family friends?"

I'm even surprising myself more and more, when I take more time to consider my upbringing.

But I also don't and probably never will have any type of professional career to worry about. That is the only context where I can see privacy being an issue for me personally. I just look at the internet like I do my real life friends "Would I discuss this with [insert friend here]?" The answer is usually "yes".

Exactly. I suppose I'm also kind of like that, but I still need to work on my own self-control.

And yeah, those links are a little different than what we've been seeing lately. lolz.

Oh yeah, and so I've noticed. That's another thing that obviously wouldn't make it go well. I've always found this sort of thing interesting though, but it also reminds me on working on what not to say, and why.

As for the actual topic, I didn't expect to not know exactly what I want. From what I recall, I originally intended to get married and have one child or two children. I at least know for a fact that I would still like to give a serious relationship outside of marriage a chance if I were to have such an opportunity, though.

(With my upbringing it was ingrained in my mind for a while that I had to never have sex before and outside of marriage, and that I should only date for marriage, as I was born and reared in the Seventh-day Adventist Church. There are a lot more rules that go on and on, and as of now, I'm not religious. Even when I wanted to follow all of the rules and believe, it was impossible for me to do so. *Not to turn this into a religion thread, but it really is a part of it.* I also used to think that's what I wanted. This isn't to say that I'm completely ruling marriage out either, but my mind has changed a lot more than I have ever expected it to when it came to what I'd desire in a relationship.)

I also don't think that I could also rule the chance of fatherhood out completely either, but I'm still leaning more to not having children. *I just thought that I'd throw that in there too, as I'm still a bit on the fence with that.*

[Sarah K]

I can kinda understand that.

I think of discussing sex just like any other topic, though. I mean, I discuss sex with my friends. But I know that there are a TON of people who are still uptight(I can't think of a non-shitty sounding word for it) about it. I think this country is SO PRUDE when it comes to discussing sex and sex related topics. It's incredibly sad to me.

I would never have a partner who was weirded out or uncomfortable about me discussing sex with people. But I do see how it could still be an issue for others. I think fetlife has desensitized me. It's just another topic now.

[elevenism]

holy god did i start all this shit?
it isn't that big of a deal, i havent really said anything she would lose her shit over...

i am temporarily in a situation where i live in a place where i am completely isolated. town of 2000 people, none of whom i kick it with.
so i talk to you fuckers.
and yes, i am generally an open book...that's just the way i am.
i was halfway trying to make y'all laugh, talking about my girl reading my posts.
i suppose it isn't really as dramatic as i made it out to be.
i don't believe that there is much of ANYTHING that i could say online that would break us.
i don't cheat on her...we ride together when one of us gets locked up....
we are DOWN for each other.

[elevenism]

This is sure to end well.

lolz i'm glad to give you people some entertainment.

everything is cool.
we are getting counseling from our minister and getting married asap. like i said, we are down.
reading all this, i think @Sarah K feels where i'm coming from.

Most of you know that i like to eat opiates and benzos (both of which i have a prescription for, mind you...)
and sometimes i talk a little too much...but there were times when i needed to vent, which @allegro so winningly went back and found...
i can honestly say that i feel such a sense of community here that it was VERY therapeutic to get all of that out here, with people who are all but anonymous, and yet somehow....fuck, i'm rambling. ok, i guess what i want to say is...if she reads the shit that @allegro brought up, well...fuck. She will remember that she was wrong back in feb or early march or whatever. she knows it. we worked through it.
but now we are both in regular therapy AND christian marriage counseling. things are much better, and like i said, i don't think anything can break us.
at least my shit was cause for some interesting discussion.
love is love
yeah, it's cliche, but...



facepalm it, throw up, whatever...we're down for each other! don't worry about us.

[DF118]

Dude. If you marry her, you're fucked.

[Sarah K]

we ride together when one of us gets locked up....

Oh mah lord... how frequently does this happen? I thought it was a one time thing?

[elevenism]

Oh mah lord... how frequently does this happen? I thought it was a one time thing?

Oh, unfortunately, we get tickets and such...old warrants...driving without a license...and we don't pay them, lol.
SHE has to go for a few days next.
We are getting our shit together; this should be the last time.


and @DF118 , we are technically married already...common law in texas is fairly simple. she uses my last name already. We are just making it official, mostly due to our religious views (yes, my crazy ass IS a christian...the kind that stays up nights reading the bible, but not the kind who would EVER try to force it on someone else)
She is the love of my life. We both have issues.
But we have worked them out or are working them out.
She is standing behind me right now for fucks sake, lol.
Anyway, why are we fucked if we make it official?

[Baphomette]

You've been here since '07? You remember Eatyourblud?

I been thinking the exact same thing, @allegro .

[playwithfire]

As a general rule, if I say something about my boyfriend, he can know about it. He reads my posts on ets occasionally, and he's more than welcome to that. I don't say things I'm not comfortable with him reading.

[elevenism]

I linked that because it was interpreted by this community as a cry for help, and that's exactly how we responded to it; we told you to get out. If a woman were to come in here and say those things, we'd report it to the fucking police. There's no difference if a man reports that kind of abuse. We told you that you were being abused, and that "love" is not abuse. Having once been in an abusive relationship, I can absolutely tell you that this is not something that can be easily 'counseled' away. For you to come in here, now, and brush it off like it's nothing is a disservice to this community and to others, here, who have suffered from abuse and who have been there for abusers. It's hard for us to break out the fucking champagne, here, and toast you well wishes after those above-linked posts filled with outright abuse. And we didn't go digging through your life to find it; YOU entered it, here. Had you not come here telling us about it and pretty much sending up a white flag of help, we'd have never known. But, now you want us to act like we never saw it? You also admitted that you don't like to be alone, and that this is better than being alone. How stupid do you think we are? Sure, this is a "community" and part of being a "community" is just like being a "family" in that we're not here to accept what you say as truth when we know what you're saying is not good for you. Kapeesh? This woman may be the "love of your life" but that's a relative term and the stuff you posted on here requires far more than a minister. We actually feared for your safety. If you want us to not care, anymore, we can easily do that, too. Because we've done that. Even though it's hard to do, sometimes we have to do that.

You've been here since '07? You remember Eatyourblud?

i hope you didnt misunderstand.
i APPRECIATED all of the help.
But i honestly think we have it worked out.
And fuck yes i remember Eatyourblud...oddly enough, i was thinking about that tragedy in the context of all this too.
But i SWEAR we have it worked out...at least it seems that way.
It's been rocky and fucked up and yes we used to hit each other and whatnot. @allegro . i wasn't talking shit.
IT WAS a cry for help.
But i believe that sometimes the dynamic of relationships can change. I stayed.
And i honestly think we're stronger for it.
PLEASE don't get me wrong.
I LOVE all of you for the advice.
And maybe i am fucking up for not taking it, but this just feels right.

[AgentofChaos]

Haha those pictures are fucking priceless. Had to get the rifle in there eh? In that third photo are you legit pointing it at her face?

Guns, the bible, abuse, bipolar disorders, meds, alcohol, jail... aka the Texas Redneck Massacre. Coming soon to a theatre near you. Get married and you two can OD together one day and it will be a Shakespearean tale of romance just don't ever have kids cause I have a feeling one day your going to come home from work and they'll be drowned in a tub. Or in a river ala Shutter Island. Choose your own murder reference.

[elevenism]

no she isn't in the third photo.
and that's a bit harsh, @AgentofChaos
it takes a long, long time to piss me off though.
i keep trying to tell you that we've been more or less married for..we've been living together for more than two years for fucks sake.
as far as crazy shit happening, it's going to happen around me because i am unapologetically crazy as fuck.
throwed like a football.

btw that's not my rifle.
i've never fired a gun...those pics were meant to imply strength

[AgentofChaos]

Hey man I made a joke, you don't have to prove anything to me. I wish you guys all the best, honestly. You just have to admit those pictures look like they would be pulled from facebook and put in a news article detailing the history of someone who snapped and decided to go on a little shooting spree.

As far as the unapologetically crazy as fuck angle goes, that's cool and all, but you might want to consider changing the stance to at least occasionally apologetic as fuck. Cause you know, you're getting married. Be prepared to fucking apologize, a lot, unless you know, you want to be miserable and get hit the face with coffee mugs and shit some more.

[elevenism]

yeah i was thinking about that.
i have actually calmed down quite a bit, and i'm afraid i'm going to have to calm down some more if i want to stay alive and out of prison.
honestly, i legally just about can't even get in an argument anymore.
i'm a graffiti artist with a screw loose who loves to get high, so i just meant that my life has already been nuts.
but i was going to tell you...not everyone in texas is a redneck.
we're from dallas...it's not much different from any other massive city. my family is as left wing as it gets.
we are currently living in a redneck town, but as i mentioned, i don't associate with ANYONE here.

[DF118]

You just spent two weeks in prison after a fight with her turned physical, yeah?

Anyway, why are we fucked if we make it official?

Because...

honestly, i legally just about can't even get in an argument anymore.

See how that works? You're destructive people in a violent relationship that you've already gone to jail for.

That said, I'm fond of opiates myself.

[elevenism]

You just spent two weeks in prison after a fight with her turned physical, yeah?



Because...



See how that works? You're destructive people in a violent relationship that you've already gone to jail for.

That said, I'm fond of opiates myself.

yeeeeaaaaahhhh...
i know a LOT of couples who have had a fight turn physical and seem to be pretty happy.
and it WAS a pattern. it WAS her hitting mem for fucks sake...it happened like five times.
but in the past few months we have both gotten into counseling, both got on meds, and are REALLY getting along insanely well.
we've been engaged for two years. we've been living together for two years.
the getting married or not thing doesn't really change much. i was gonna leave her for her temper and i goddamn near did.
instead i let her know i REALLY wasn't going to cut for that shit and it stopped.

now goddamn y'all. i'm tired of this being the elevenism thread

[Fixer808]

Yeah, this has all the ingredients of "Breaking news! Tonight on BLAH 27..."

[elevenism]

yeeeeaaaaahhhh...
i know a LOT of couples who have had a fight turn physical and seem to be pretty happy.
and it WAS a pattern. it WAS her hitting mem for fucks sake...it happened like five times.
but in the past few months we have both gotten into counseling, both got on meds, and are REALLY getting along insanely well.
we've been engaged for two years. we've been living together for two years.
the getting married or not thing doesn't really change much. i was gonna leave her for her temper and i goddamn near did.
instead i let her know i REALLY wasn't going to cut for that shit and it stopped.

now goddamn y'all. i'm tired of this being the elevenism thread

oh yeah and about the opiates...i;m gonna stop SOMEDAY.
i drank a fucking liter of vodka a day from like 2000-2007...(that's why i didnt discover ets until 2007.)
after that it was heroin and coke, which i kicked.
now it's "just" pills, which i am prescribed. but i'm gonna quit taking them so frequently, i am.
and yes, ALL of our fights involved drugs. That's why we no longer take obscene amounts of xanax.

Honestly, i think some of our lifestyles are just a little more raw than others.

My brother aztec and sister in law geisha used to beat the ever living fuck out of each other.
now they don't, they're married, have been together 11 years and have one beautiful daughter and a son on the way.

so, you know, fuck it.

[AgentofChaos]

[elevenism]

[Fixer808]

My wonderful girl packed a picnic lunch for us, she'll be here around 4:00! <3 <3 <3!!

[elevenism]

Oh, unfortunately, we get tickets and such...old warrants...driving without a license...and we don't pay them, lol.
SHE has to go for a few days next.
We are getting our shit together; this should be the last time.


and @DF118 , we are technically married already...common law in texas is fairly simple. she uses my last name already. We are just making it official, mostly due to our religious views (yes, my crazy ass IS a christian...the kind that stays up nights reading the bible, but not the kind who would EVER try to force it on someone else)
She is the love of my life. We both have issues.
But we have worked them out or are working them out.
She is standing behind me right now for fucks sake, lol.
Anyway, why are we fucked if we make it official?

@eversonpoe , why in the fuck are you facepalming this post?
i really don't understand.

[sentient02970]

She's 1,700 miles away for 3 weeks for Army Guard training. It's only been 4 days and I miss her like crazy. Sent her a care package yesterday.

[Christo]

This is way too entertaining.

[eversonpoe]

@eversonpoe , why in the fuck are you facepalming this post?
i really don't understand.

because you think it's funny that you've both gone to jail (more than once?) for doing stupid and unnecessary shit. you live off your family's money...pay your fucking tickets.

[elevenism]

because you think it's funny that you've both gone to jail (more than once?) for doing stupid and unnecessary shit. you live off your family's money...pay your fucking tickets.

Oooooohhhh....they don't pay for THAT sort of shit.

[elevenism]

I REALLY think we should rename this the Elevenism thread.

Edit: Yes, @icklekitty and @Fixer808 , my sentiments exactly.
I wish i had never posted ANYTHING in this thread and i am tired of half the thread being about my relationship!