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Thread: How fucked was your day?

  1. #841
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dra508 View Post
    Don't just try. Dooooo it. It's only a week.

    Dude, you got lots of great advice here. I hope it works out for you.
    Thanks. The counselor suggested that we also go on a date once a week to get reconnected. I wanted to try a quick lunch or something before she goes down to her hometown in South Carolina for the weekend. Every time I ask if she wants to go do something just casual and talk about other things, she has some kind of excuse. Also, it's really bothering me that I seem to be the only one who cares or is trying and she just seems like it's killing her to be around me. While waiting in the waiting room, I told her that we're going to be asked why we're here and it's to fix this, right? She said that we are trying to work something out. She still won't say for certain if she's ready to call it quits or not. The counselor asked if she filed for divorce already and she just said "not yet." She won't even say "I love you" back when I say it now. I love her and don't want to lose her but I can only take this uncertainty for so long. I know I'm the one who fucked up but I think I deserve a little more than what I'm getting right now from her. She didn't even give me hints that things were getting bad enough for her to want to leave and that she was going to leave last week. We're married adults not some high school couple. I don't know, maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way.

  2. #842
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liquid_Bastard View Post
    Thanks. The counselor suggested that we also go on a date once a week to get reconnected. I wanted to try a quick lunch or something before she goes down to her hometown in South Carolina for the weekend. Every time I ask if she wants to go do something just casual and talk about other things, she has some kind of excuse. Also, it's really bothering me that I seem to be the only one who cares or is trying and she just seems like it's killing her to be around me. While waiting in the waiting room, I told her that we're going to be asked why we're here and it's to fix this, right? She said that we are trying to work something out. She still won't say for certain if she's ready to call it quits or not. The counselor asked if she filed for divorce already and she just said "not yet." She won't even say "I love you" back when I say it now. I love her and don't want to lose her but I can only take this uncertainty for so long. I know I'm the one who fucked up but I think I deserve a little more than what I'm getting right now from her. She didn't even give me hints that things were getting bad enough for her to want to leave and that she was going to leave last week. We're married adults not some high school couple. I don't know, maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way.
    you're still looking at this from a point of view of her owing you, which is not ok. the only thing she "owes" you is is what she's willing and able to give you right now, which is at least trying to salvage things by going to counseling sessions. you should honestly be grateful that she's even willing to try rather than just abandoning things. i know that it's hard at it sucks, but you HAVE to give her the space she's requesting and stop pushing. your counselor suggested a once a week date, which is a good idea, but maybe you should try to do it right before your next appointment to alleviate a little anxiety for her, since she knows you'll be meeting around then anyway.

  3. #843
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    Yeah... Stop trying to get in touch with her outside of the prearranged counseling and dates. It shows that you're being completely dismissive of her wants right now, and you're only focused on what you want. That's the opposite of what should be happening. If someone wants space, and you keep bothering them anyway(regardless of what your intentions are), you're going to drive them further away.

    Listen to what she is telling you, and then respect those wishes. Sure, maybe things should be happening a different way in your opinion. But it sounds like she's ready to call it quits. It isn't about what you want right now. If you genuinely want to fix it, LISTEN.

  4. #844
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    marriage counseling is like gay conversion therapy.

  5. #845
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sallos View Post
    marriage counseling is like gay conversion therapy.
    i was waiting for you to rear your head in here in regards to this conversation.

    tell us, how is marriage counseling, something meant to repair a relationship, like gay conversion therapy, which is a bullshit way for people to try to justify their hatred and misunderstanding of something completely natural by essentially torturing a loved one?

  6. #846
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    Yeaaaaah. That's pretty far fetched, and isn't even a good troll.

    Facilitating better communication between a couple, and taking steps to help them repair their marriage is nothing like using the bible to attempt to change how someone was born.

    That doesn't even make sense.

  7. #847
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    its a scam. Counseling doesn't make people get attracted to each other. But do go on believe otherwise, not my money.

  8. #848
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    The purpose of counseling isn't to "make people get attracted to each other".

  9. #849
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    ofcourse not, it's to get your money

  10. #850
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    I mean, I think that most of us like getting paid for our jobs, yeah?

  11. #851
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    Literally all psychology is a racket.

    Gay people are made money ----> gay conversion ----> money.

    U DECIDE?

  12. #852
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    Most marriage counseling starts at a point where it's way too late and one partner has already gone past the point of no return and is barely willing to put in any effort because she/he has already exhausted all emotional efforts and has given up and has already, emotionally, moved on. And the counseling can be further complicated by the psychological problems of one partner who, ultimately, will never really change or needs years of individual counseling (e.g. one partner commits domestic abuse). Relationships are made up of two people and if those two people are not going to be truly compatible, no amount of counseling and money in the world will fix that shit; and that's not something people know until they give marriage a test drive. It's why a lot of couples go to "pre-marriage counseling," to develop good communication habits in advance, before problems start. Not sure if that's useful, statistics will tell with time.
    Last edited by allegro; 09-18-2015 at 11:28 AM.

  13. #853
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sallos View Post
    its a scam. Counseling doesn't make people get attracted to each other. But do go on believe otherwise, not my money.
    Ahahahahah what the fuck.

    I heard going to the gym doesn't make you healthy either. And going to the doctor doesn't cure cancer. Man they're all lying to us...

  14. #854
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    Well, he's kinda right with marriage counseling (as much as I hate agreeing with him) in that once the attraction is over for one of the people in that couple, it's pretty hard to bring it back. That person knows that other person better than anybody else, sees right through the shit, knows that this could be totally useless and that once the counseling is over, this will go right back to the same old shit; that the other person is just negotiating for status quo, nothing more. Even the counselor knows that.

    A counselor can try to give guidelines and exercises to help the couple, but the PROBLEM is that while one or both of the parties give it lip service, they often are stuck in various stages of their own grief and don't often get the right (emotional) counseling.

    Pre-divorce is just like divorce and all the stages that come with it: denial, anger, negotiation, acceptance, etc.

    So while you think you're there to repair the relationship, you're often there to emotionally navigate your divorce. Which is fine, too.

    I was a domestic relations paralegal for 12 years, and everything he is saying is stuff I heard divorce clients say for many years.

    Successful married couples these days go to "marriage fitness" sessions, or have marriage counselors who act more like "consultants" to keep the relationship well and healthy. If one of the partners swears he/she "didn't see it coming," it's nearly always bullshit and there is usually no way to fix that for the aggrieved partner because, by that time, they've already checked out.
    Last edited by allegro; 09-18-2015 at 11:34 AM.

  15. #855
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    Yeah... About 40% of couples who attend marriage counseling still end up getting divorced. Counseling depends entirely on the individuals and if they *want* to make changes. It sounds like his wife has pretty much checked out already. But the fact that she even agreed to go to counseling is a positive step.

  16. #856
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    Yeah, and sometimes couples therapy is not a good idea.

  17. #857
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    In situations of DV, I absolutely agree. But when it's just two people who have drifted apart, or lost their communication, it can be very helpful if both parties are willing to put in the work. Lots of people go and just go through the motions... That isn't helpful.

  18. #858
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    In situations of DV, I absolutely agree. But when it's just two people who have drifted apart, or lost their communication, it can be very helpful if both parties are willing to put in the work. Lots of people go and just go through the motions... That isn't helpful.
    We don't *really* know what is going on, here. These people and this OP = anonymous. DA committers = bullshit artists. Not accusing this OP of that, but saying we don't know so we should probably stay out?

    Hey, and to add some positivity to this thread, here is the domestic non-abuse wheel, weeeeee! :-)

    Fucked day, HOLY SHIT IT RAINED LAST NIGHT, I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA HAVE TO GET A CANOO! We were awakened by ABC Chicago's Jerry Taft on my phone, "THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED A FLASH FLOOD WARNING!"
    Last edited by allegro; 09-18-2015 at 12:19 PM.

  19. #859
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    I mean, I think that most of us like getting paid for our jobs, yeah?
    Yes, specially snake oil salesmen.

    With that being said, to salvage a relationship you better be spending your time and money in improving yourself. Hit the gym, eat healthy, get ripped, get some hobbies, prioritize your work, go out with friends make yourself someone interesting that people want to hang around with, then if your wife still doesn't want you, some other girl definitely will.

    But you don't this so your wife notices you, you do this for yourself, and always keep improving, and if you do i highly doubt you'll find yourself in a couples therapy room any time soon. Who the fuck goes to marriage counseling when you have a wife that respects you and fucks your brains out?

  20. #860
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    Virgin or troll, troll or virgin... Hmm...

  21. #861
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    Probably both.

  22. #862
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    my first time was in prison. true story.

  23. #863
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    Most marriage counseling starts at a point where it's way too late and one partner has already gone past the point of no return and is barely willing to put in any effort because she/he has already exhausted all emotional efforts and has given up and has already, emotionally, moved on. And the counseling can be further complicated by the psychological problems of one partner who, ultimately, will never really change or needs years of individual counseling (e.g. one partner commits domestic abuse). Relationships are made up of two people and if those two people are not going to be truly compatible, no amount of counseling and money in the world will fix that shit; and that's not something people know until they give marriage a test drive. It's why a lot of couples go to "pre-marriage counseling," to develop good communication habits in advance, before problems start. Not sure if that's useful, statistics will tell with time.
    What the fuck @allegro were you videotaping my marriage and its demise?!

    I literally went to his therapist so I could explain to him/them why it was over. I was completely checked out.

    Next step for this dude is angry.

  24. #864
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    it seems too frequent that someone in my direct family is getting hospitalized for health problems. It feels like a house of cards ready to collapse.

  25. #865
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dra508 View Post
    What the fuck @allegro were you videotaping my marriage and its demise?!
    12 years as a divorce paralegal, LOL, I could write a book.

    Plus, I've been there personally, I'm on marriage number 2.
    Last edited by allegro; 09-18-2015 at 11:15 PM.

  26. #866
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    forearm fracture
    pain
    ouch

  27. #867
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Baphomette View Post
    forearm fracture
    pain
    ouch
    OOOOOWWWWW

    (I've done that. Hugs. Can I sign your cast?)

    (What the hell happened????)
    Last edited by allegro; 09-18-2015 at 11:38 PM.

  28. #868
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    OOOOOWWWWW

    (I've done that. Hugs. Can I sign your cast?)

    (What the hell happened????)
    car accident
    their fault

  29. #869
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Baphomette View Post
    car accident
    their fault
    Owwwwwwwwww

  30. #870
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dra508 View Post
    I don't understand what this means, but it sounds scary shiiiit.
    Basically Data Entry job advertised via job
    website. Telephone interview by recruitment agency and two days later
    had email job offer and contract from hiring company. Was told job was
    subject to criminal single offence check and advised to use a online
    disclosure check service and pay for express service in order to start job in
    time. Long story short all three companies are linked and using details
    of a real company for ID theft of applicants details and fraud. There is no job. The fake websites are still up though. Had to report it police and notify, bank, passport etc. Very stressful week. Absolutely horrible.

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