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Thread: The Relationship Thread

  1. #1561
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    Went on a "date" with a girl I've been talking to and randomly hanging out with lately..
    We ended up walking around town while her car's oil was being changed, and while we were doing that we walked into the woods, climbed trees, whipped sticks around.. you know, like a couple of 8yr olds.. and it was the best time I've had with anyone in soooooo long.
    It was fucking hilarious, because I told her to yell before she threw sticks so I'd know and not get hit..
    I just kind of took a few steps back, watched her yell and throw a HUGE stick.. and I think a little bit of me fell in love.

  2. #1562
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    weeeeeell. My wife and I have split up. Which is weird to type/say/think about. We are being very civil to each other, still talking things through, still in the house, still being open with feelings, but by Monday it was really clear that while I was happy to try and change things up, she just didn't want to risk any more time on something that she wasn't confident could be fixed. And I'm not going to try and force a solution to a problem that can't/shouldn't be fixed, as it does take two people to try. Which is sad, but I accept that.
    So right now.. I'm just left to try and pick myself up, think about what I want, deal with my own problems and try and make this process go as smoothly as possible. We are lucky in that we don't own a house (although rent is going to be interesting to sort out), we don't have kids, only two cats. Our accounts are mostly separate. In a way I'm excited about the future.. just because I feel there nothing holding me back, but every hour or so I see something in the house and I get a physical pang in my heart and just think 'fuck'.

  3. #1563
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    That sucks man. About all I can say is it will get better. My ex and I were together for 8 year's, it sounds similar to what you said. Keep your head up.

  4. #1564
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    @liquidcalm Take care of yourself.

  5. #1565
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    I am so grateful to be dating a guy who is such a fucking feminist. It's awesome.

  6. #1566
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    So, what do you guys think about online dating?

  7. #1567
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    It would hurt when having sex.

  8. #1568
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    With little to no experience other than setting up a few profiles, it seems like throwing yourself into a ring with about 4000 other men, many of whom take the approach of talk to everyone possible, and there are about 5 women on the site absorbing all that male attention. In other words I'm not very good at it and it scares me.

  9. #1569
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    Had some fucking amazing sex and a couple of great relationships from it. Also weeds out the Men from the males very early on.

  10. #1570
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    i met my fiancee through OK Cupid. she was also matched up with my best friend justine, who was living with me for the summer, which cracked us all up to no end.

  11. #1571
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    I get matched up with my husbands gf on OK Cupid all the time. It's pretty hilarious. I'm having pretty shit luck at the moment though, having been stood up today. Gah.

  12. #1572
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    I got my current job because I met my friend that works there on OKC. BAM.

  13. #1573
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    Ugh, knowing your relationship really might not have another year to it. We're mostly great, but my boyfriend doesn't see the point in staying even longer with someone who he knows he's not going to settle down with later (he wants kids and I don't). I think that since this isn't something that'll be a thing for years and years, why not enjoy something that's so great, but we differ and it takes two people to be in a relationship. It just really sucks. Like, there's no other reason we'd break up. It's going to really suck.

  14. #1574
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    That does suck... Relationships shouldn't have a big countdown in the background. :/

  15. #1575
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    The Relationship Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    Ugh, knowing your relationship really might not have another year to it. We're mostly great, but my boyfriend doesn't see the point in staying even longer with someone who he knows he's not going to settle down with later (he wants kids and I don't). I think that since this isn't something that'll be a thing for years and years, why not enjoy something that's so great, but we differ and it takes two people to be in a relationship. It just really sucks. Like, there's no other reason we'd break up. It's going to really suck.
    I feel you on this. My girlfriend and I are realizing that we don't communicate very well with one another and it's taking its toll on our relationship I need the more physical type of relationship (hugs, kissing, holding hands, etc) and she needs more of an emotional bond. Having the feeling of "it's going to end soon" just sucks. Ugh....just writing this is making me get choked up....

  16. #1576
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    Why am I such a COWARD in finding out where my new dude and I stand? I mean, I don't want to be a piece of meat to him. I like him and I told him so. He likes me too but I don't know where our relationship status is. Hi, my name is Coward. Nice to meet you.

  17. #1577
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    James relationship update.
    So after 2 weeks of 'I want a divorce, I don't want to try things, I think a clean decision now is best'... my wife sat down and said 'I am going to miss you, I mean, really miss you'.
    Cue some eyerolls, and several long conversations. She was due to move out the end of this week (while I'm away at a stag weekend), and that is still the case. The concession I've made is that she will go speak to a councillor, and we will both go speak to a relationship councillor next week. Which is hard. Every part of myself wants to try and make this work, but I can't lie to myself and say that the past month has been anything but the worst I've known. And it didn't have to be like this, when this shit really hit the fan 3/4 weeks ago ish, I was hurt, but offered the same: get some space, talk to someone, then we can both speak to someone together...
    And to rub salt in the wound, we are getting on REALLY well lately, having those kind of in depth conversations you have when you meet someone new and you just want to know everything about them.. There's a lot of things wrong, and she has caused me a great deal of pain lately and I've done the same back, but in different ways...
    So yeah. wife is moving out, thats weird, we are getting on ok, not sure is relationship will continue, but seeking help.
    Relationships are hard.
    Lessons so far: TALK to your partner, about EVERYTHING.

  18. #1578
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    Feeling better than ever about life and love right now. My long distance relationship (3.5 hour drive) recently turned into an engagement and I'll be moving into her home this weekend. I wasn't sure we'd make it, she definitely wasn't sure we'd make it, all distance concerns. It's been wonderful, even with the week or two at a time of not seeing each other, and typically only for a weekend at a time. We both have kids and that's been a factor on why distance seemed a potentially impossible thing. LONG STORY SHORT, our kids are all thrilled to find out we're moving in together and getting married in a while. Holy shit, I'm so fucking happy. A few of you will be invited to the wedding.

  19. #1579
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnbron View Post
    Feeling better than ever about life and love right now. My long distance relationship (3.5 hour drive) recently turned into an engagement and I'll be moving into her home this weekend. I wasn't sure we'd make it, she definitely wasn't sure we'd make it, all distance concerns. It's been wonderful, even with the week or two at a time of not seeing each other, and typically only for a weekend at a time. We both have kids and that's been a factor on why distance seemed a potentially impossible thing. LONG STORY SHORT, our kids are all thrilled to find out we're moving in together and getting married
    Wait, what??? Wow! That's wonderful news, congrats!!!

  20. #1580
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    So my SO is doing something incredibly sweet (to me at least). I've lived in FL my whole life but never actually been to Disney World, and for my birthday this year she's planning on taking me. There are a lot of people in the state where that's just a commonplace thing, but for me it's really special and I couldn't be more excited about it. We've been together for almost three years now, and I'm strongly planning on proposing to her within the next one.

    A lot of things in life aren't easy for me or haven't been, but honestly she's the one thing I've always felt incredibly stable about. I guess I just feel like expressing myself for a bit here, but it's one of the greatest feelings in the world for it to seem like no matter what happens, you can always count on this person to support you or help you or tell you when you're being a self-destructive asshole. Not only do I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with her, but I want to, and I guess that's the most important part out of all it.

  21. #1581
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    ^ congrats!!! i have a bunch of friends from florida, and two of them (who are brothers) went pretty much every weekend because their mom worked there. they never got sick of it.

    my fiancee and i are taking our honeymoon in disney world, probably a few months after our wedding (so we don't blow all our steam in one short period). neither of us have been for about 10 years, and we're both quite excited.

  22. #1582
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    Disney World honeymoon sounds like the bestest idea ever!

  23. #1583
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    And my 2yr relationship has come to an end.....fuck

  24. #1584
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    Quote Originally Posted by NotoriousTIMP View Post
    And my 2yr relationship has come to an end.....fuck
    Bummer.

  25. #1585
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnbron View Post
    Feeling better than ever about life and love right now. My long distance relationship (3.5 hour drive) recently turned into an engagement and I'll be moving into her home this weekend. I wasn't sure we'd make it, she definitely wasn't sure we'd make it, all distance concerns. It's been wonderful, even with the week or two at a time of not seeing each other, and typically only for a weekend at a time. We both have kids and that's been a factor on why distance seemed a potentially impossible thing. LONG STORY SHORT, our kids are all thrilled to find out we're moving in together and getting married in a while. Holy shit, I'm so fucking happy. A few of you will be invited to the wedding.
    Wow! How things change, huh? Congrats.

  26. #1586
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    I know I haven't been here long and haven't made much of an impression on anyone personally (unless if the Coke bear Trent thing really rubbed someone the right way) but I'm just feeling so naive right now and regretting the last post I made, 3 years of my life and tons of future planning are now down the drain and I have no idea how I am supposed to feel or handle it. Just so very numb right now

  27. #1587
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    ^Why? What happened?

  28. #1588
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    Yeah what happened?

  29. #1589
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnbron View Post
    LONG STORY SHORT, our kids are all thrilled to find out we're moving in together and getting married in a while.
    Appropriate that the first two tags for this thread are "johnbron" and "marital status"...

    Reminds me of this important resource.

  30. #1590
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    Basically I'm not quite sure; the person I've been living with for 2 years (something I've never done with anyone else before) left tonight, incredibly suddenly, there was no thorough explanation, no complete answers.

    Basically I've been dealing with an incredibly heavy fog of depression for several months now; in the past when she's been depressed, I've been strong enough to help her through. This time around I've been so weak and have been struggling so much to keep myself together that I've had a hard time focusing on her, and I think this time I just wasn't strong enough to help her. She told me she couldn't handle me anymore, that I was making her suicidal, that I'm too much stress and too whiney, that I've been too much to put up with, and I'm terrified that she was right. Shortly after she tried to tell me it's not my fault, that she simply isn't a relationship person and that she's sorry she let me down, but one of these things is not like the others. I don't know how to feel. I know I shouldn't blame myself, but I can't help it -- I've never known anyone who meant so much to me.

    What felt so ironic was that just today I was in a store and looked at the jewelry section and was thinking of what kind of ring I wanted to get her; I had planned on proposing to her later this year at a NIN show, which would have been both of ours second time seeing them.

    Before leaving she called her mother to come pick her up, a woman who we both have learned to completely avoid and who was always abusive towards her, told me she was tired of me trying to "convince" her that her mother didn't care about her (despite her herself having reached that conclusion before, with me only speaking up after she had said it herself), and called the cops to escort her out.

    Now let me make it clear, I've never been violent with her, I've never been forceful, never any sort of abuse on either of our ends. The only reason I can imagine her calling a cop to come in and talk to me and see if things were "okay" would be because she thought I might try to kill myself; considering the officer asked if "anyone was hurt" and looked specifically at my bare arms/wrists, I can only imagine that's what it was.

    I had gotten home today and everything seemed okay; we've been making a lot of life plans lately, and things have been generally happy (so I thought). While otherwise I've had a hard year so far emotionally, with she and I everything seemed fantastic. Suddenly within an hour of talking she told me she couldn't handle me anymore, and within the next hour was completely gone.

    Sorry if that was a big ramble; I've still hardly figured out what just happened. We've fought in the past like all couples have and it's never been an immediate thing like this; we've always talked through things, figured out what to do to make the other happy, etc., and have never treated breaking up like a solution to problems. The few times we've nearly split, it's always been built up and allowed for chances to talk things out and keep it from happening, as neither of us wanted it to come to that; this time there was no talking, there was no reasoning, there was simply one of us swiftly leaving suddenly and the other being left behind. It's like this woman had made her mind up far in advance and has simply been waiting for the time do it, and I don't know which scares me more, the thought that this was a sudden and irrational decision that basically shut all the doors between us in a flash, or that I've been completely unaware of something like this for months because I've been too naive or my perception's been distorted.

    Honestly, this past year has been the first that I truly felt we'd last forever, as i'd always viewed it as "we enjoy it as long as we can," but as I've thought more and more about marriage it's become a strong sense of something inevitable. She and I had discussed it constantly, she'd openly said she would be completely happy with it and looked forward to it, and every month for the past year it's felt like we've been really building towards officially making a strong life together in a powerful and happy way, and now this happened.

    We've gone through things before, and this is the only time I've ever felt so certain that nothing I try to do can change it. It's just . . . over.

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