The Transgender Thread

[sick among the pure]

He asked me if she was a "tranny", and if she was, why nobody asked him if it was okay before she moved in.

I want to punch your roomie so hard right now.

And on that note, I have to suddenly switch from my daily topical T to weekly injections and I am nervous as fuck. But I'm also kinda excited in a weird way because I feel like T shots are a weird kind of "right of passage" for trans men.
Still trying my hardest to save up for top surgery, and toying with the idea of setting up a kind of donation fund, but god damn I feel like I'll see another NIN show before I even meet with the surgeon again...

[eversonpoe]

What an asshole. It doesn't matter at all! And I hate when people use the word "tranny."

oh, have you seen the newest incarnation of our board troll, whose current username is "tensiontrannytrash"? yeah, i reported that shit IMMEDIATELY.

[Sarah K]

Yeah. When he opened with that word, I knew it was going to be bad.

I just keep thinking about it. Like, I don't want there to be any weird tension or some awkward confrontation between them, and feel like I could have helped or something. I really didn't know what to say in the moment.

[theruiner]

So, I've decided to do something a little crazy and I'm feeling pretty damn good about it.

I called my doctor a few days ago and scheduled an appointment for next week to go in and get off these hormones. I absolutely had every intention of doing that and had no second thoughts about it. Until, that is, I stumbled upon a random post on Reddit that changed things.

Now, I have no idea if this is true or not. I need to research it, but whether it's true or not it had a really positive effect so I'm pretty glad I came across it. Someone started a thread asking about going off hormones for awhile and possibly going back on them later or something like that (which is exactly what I've been thinking about...going off them might be temporary, I just need more time to figure this out without the ticking clock of physical changes hanging over my head while I do). And one of the people who responded warned them that, from what they had heard, once you have been on hormones for a few months, if you go off of them, they will never work again if you ever go back on. Which absolutely scared the shit out of me. I felt completely trapped- IF this is true (and I still don't know if it is, have to research that), then I'm really in a bad spot- do I stay on them and possibly make changes that I might regret for the rest of my life? Do I go off them and just resign myself to being stuck in the wrong body for the rest of my life? If I stay on them and decide to transition then great. If I get off them and decide I don't really want to transition after all then great. But what if I stay on them and realize, too late, that this isn't for me? What if I get off them and then realize that I can't live the rest of my life like this, only to have to face the cold reality that I might never be able to change it now, that I'll be stuck in my original form forever and there's no going back? There is still a VERY good possibility that I am going to ultimately decide to transition.

So that fucked me up. Got really depressed and scared. And then I remembered an idea that I had been playing around with for awhile now. Everything I've heard about San Francisco- from other trans people, from my therapist, from just sort of general knowledge- is that it is an EXTREMELY trans* friendly place. I mean, I know that's the sort of stereotype but I've heard people say that it really is true. I remember someone from my support group years ago saying something like, "The minute you get off the plane you're in an instant safe zone, and you can be whoever you want and no one's going to bother you."

I wouldn't even think about so much as running to the store dressed up at this point (since hormones haven't really changed much of anything yet) but in San Fran? Assuming people are right (and I really hope they are) that might be a place I can go and actually feel comfortable being myself. It would give me a chance to dress and live how I want and actually really test this out and see how it makes me feel.

So that's what I'm doing. I'm cancelling my doctor's appointment and waiting to go off the hormones, at least for a little while longer. I'm hoping I can get a Friday off work so I can leave on a Thursday and come back on Sunday, giving me four days and, most importantly, two FULL days to act and dress how I want and just go out into the world as me. And see how that feels. Knowing me, I will probably come back just as conflicted as ever, but at least I can say I tried. It might (fingers crossed) actually help me figure out if I really want to go through with this (I suspect I do). And maybe the decision whether to stay on hormones or get off them will become clear.

Now, IF it's true that you can't go back on them after you've gone off because they won't work anymore, and if this trip doesn't clear things up, then I've got a pretty huge decision to make. I could honestly see myself going either way. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to my trip. Besides the gender thing, I really, really love San Francisco, and haven't been since I was a kid. I never had the chance to really explore the city, so I'm going to go and do some touristy stuff. What sucks is that I'll basically be by myself the whole time, but I'm trying to remind myself that this trip is kind of a necessity, and whether I have someone to hang out with or not, there's a very legitimate reason why I should go. Besides, I do have a couple of friends that live nearby so maybe I'll see if they want to grab dinner one of the nights I'm there.

Anyway, I'm really sticking with this. It's impulsive and it's going to be expensive but I think I owe it to myself to try. I feel good about it. I feel like I'm really trying to go in a positive direction here. We'll see how it goes.

[Dra508]

Have fun in SF. Being impulsive can definitely be a good thing.

[Sarah K]

I have a friend out that way. I can ask him for tips of some local stuff to see.

I'm impulsive as fuck, to my detriment at times. But it's fun.

[theruiner]

^^That's awesome! Thanks! Yeah, let me know. I definitely could use some advice on some fun things to do out there.

[theruiner]

Officially 5 months on hormones. This is an admittedly flattering (read: slimming) angle, but I can't stop looking at this stupid picture. And I know, I know I could change my mind, but my initial reaction, my feeling on this right now is: I can't imagine going back. I don't want to go back now. I'm starting to see someone staring back that makes me happy. Maybe I'm finally getting over the hump (fingers crossed). Maybe.

But either way, right now I'm feeling pretty great. Anyway, here's said picture (I can't believe I'm posting pictures so soon).

http://i.imgur.com/A6SHo09.jpg

[eversonpoe]

you're looking gorgeous. i hope that you can find the right balance in your emotions and stick with it because it really does seem like it's making you happy (most of the time), and if you can break through that barrier where you feel comfortable with yourself, you'll be in great shape to continue.

<3

[theruiner]

^^You just made my day. Seriously. Thank you!

Yeah, I'm hoping it sticks this time. Honestly, the more I think about it the more sure I am that I really don't want to go back at this point. The thought of going back to the way I was, erasing the progress I've made and having to start over at square one is really starting to become unthinkable. I want this momentum to continue. Heck, I'm even seriously thinking about (read: am almost certainly going to) starting laser on my chest and abdomen (though I'm still nervous about starting on my face but I'm going to have to soon if I really am going to keep going). But yeah, right now I'm feeling pretty great about it and I'm trying to focus on that and not freak out too much about it.

[theruiner]

I love this SO MUCH.

http://i.imgur.com/KyRJ9WT.png

[eversonpoe]

I love this SO MUCH.

http://i.imgur.com/KyRJ9WT.png

that is so freakin' adorable. that little smile in the last panel.

i definitely think that (in ANY situation) the over-zealousness of some people to label EVERYTHING can be problematic. whether it's discussing music and its genres or something far more serious and personal, like gender identity. the label you put on it should be what YOU feel most comfortable having on it. and if you don't want to label it, then don't.

[Dra508]

Note: There's a long road to understanding among the masses. My bf told me the other day that one of the guys he works with was telling him about a meeting he had with a potential customer, a large hotel chain. He said to him "I just had a meeting with a cross dresser." WTF! I sort of gave it to him as he lost an opportunity to learn and to teach. /head desk.

[icklekitty]

You need to google Andrew O'Neill. He's "labelly" closer to a transvestite; he dresses in womens clothes every day and wants to look like a girl, but is happy in his body, voice, mannerisms etc. He's just recorded a radio show which I went to see which will air in December; I will try to link it at the time. Prepare your VPNs! He's an ambassador for The Queer Alternative too.

[theruiner]

This is probably the best analogy for being trans I've ever heard:

For cis people, gender is like wearing a shirt that fits. Sometimes it itches for a sec, but by and large you don't really notice you're wearing it throughout the day. For us, gender is like wearing a shirt that's a size too small. It's constantly pinching and itching. Sometimes we can forget about it for a sec, but it's always noticeable and the only way to fix it is to put on a bigger shirt.

As seen on Reddit. Love it.

[Sarah K]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/1...ef=mostpopular

[marodi]

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/loca...le4055600.html

This is absolutely disgusting. Shame on the family of this woman. I know it must be hard to understand and accept what she was going through but to erase completely who she was after she died is unacceptable.

At least many of her friends and co-workers will remember her as she truly was: a beautiful, vibrant woman. Rest in peace Jennifer.

[slave2thewage]

Ugh, fucking 4chan:

http://www.transadvocate.com/4chan-p...en_n_14746.htm

[eversonpoe]

Ugh, fucking 4chan:

http://www.transadvocate.com/4chan-p...en_n_14746.htm

what the fuck? the lengths people will go to in order to spread hate never fails to surprise me.

[theruiner]

^^And the first comment! UGH. I really hate people sometimes.

[theruiner]

UGH.

So my coworker saw something under a blanket in our parking lot and thought it might be a body (spoiler alert: it wasn't). She told my boss and my boss told me and a coworker to go investigate. Why us? Because we're men. Or "men" in my case. So that hurt. Then, on our way out the door, she's like, "Thanks, guys! You're both so manly!"

UGH. I hate that. I've always hated that. I wanted so much to be like, "Actually, I'm not a man. And please don't call me that." Wanted to, but didn't. But I HATE when people do that. "Oh, can you help me carry this? You're such a strong GUY." No, STOP IT. I really look forward to no one saying that to me again (not that anyone should be reinforcing gender stereotypes anyway, but this especially hurts and I will be glad when people at least won't be stereotyping me wrong anymore).

[theruiner]

Today makes 6 months on hormones. Unreal.

(Also, triple post...sorry!)

[theruiner]

Aagghh! Sorry, I have way too many posts in a row, I know. But this thread doesn't get much activity anymore so...yeah. That's why. But still, I feel bad.

Anyway, I wanted to share this. A friend of mine grabbed an old pic of me from a few months ago and put it up with my latest pic (that I took just after the 6 month mark on hormones). They seem to be doing something because my face has definitely filled out. My friend said it looks much softer. I've still got a long way to go but at least it seems like it's getting there.

Disclaimer: I'm wearing makeup in the latest picture (on the right) and I don't think I'm wearing any in the first picture. BUT I still think there's a difference that you can't attribute to makeup.

So...ta-da. I feel so damn narcissistic right now.

http://i.imgur.com/TlfTMyn.jpg

[playwithfire]

OMG YOU LOOK SO GOOD

Caps

[theruiner]

Thank you! You have no idea how great that feels to hear.

Yeah, I just e-mailed that pic to my therapist (we just got done having a phone session and she hasn't seen me in person in awhile so I wanted to show her what I look like now). She was like, yeah, there's no doubt any more that you're changing, it has definitely affected your face.

[Dra508]

So...ta-da. I feel so damn narcissistic right now.

[

You shouldn't feel that way. This is important to you so it's important to us, your interwebz friends. I can't articulate the difference with a physical attribute like "your nose is narrower" or "your neck is thinner" , but here is definitely a change, a softness. Way to go. I'm happy this makes you happy.

Edit: binge watching Transparent on Amazon after hearing the creator's interview on Fresh Air today.

[Magtig]

There was this douchebag at the Xmas party I went to last night. At the end of the night one of my friends who invited me was very upset about his behavior. She was right that he was a douchebag, but when I asked, 'Oh, was that the guy whose date was tall?' She replied, with an incredible amount of venom & disgust, 'You mean the chick with the dick!?' His date hadn't done anything wrong, and I wasn't even sure she was trans but she did look that way.

I wish I would have reacted a little differently, but I guess I did okay. I said, 'Oh, I have absolutely no problem with that even if she does have a dick, but that guy was an asshole.' Now if I ever want to take a trans date somewhere I'm going to feel uncomfortable around her (my "friend"). Finding out about the ugly side of a person you thought you liked is so depressing. I can't get it out of my head today. I grew up with enough shaming bullshit from religion. It's pretty hard to tolerate that crap from supposed liberal forward thinking friends.

[orestes]

Finding out about the ugly side of a person you thought you liked is so depressing.

(Side note: I'm learning this firsthand right now. :| )

[eversonpoe]

There was this douchebag at the Xmas party I went to last night. At the end of the night one of my friends who invited me was very upset about his behavior. She was right that he was a douchebag, but when I asked, 'Oh, was that the guy whose date was tall?' She replied, with an incredible amount of venom & disgust, 'You mean the chick with the dick!?' His date hadn't done anything wrong, and I wasn't even sure she was trans but she did look that way.

I wish I would have reacted a little differently, but I guess I did okay. I said, 'Oh, I have absolutely no problem with that even if she does have a dick, but that guy was an asshole.' Now if I ever want to take a trans date somewhere I'm going to feel uncomfortable around her (my "friend"). Finding out about the ugly side of a person you thought you liked is so depressing. I can't get it out of my head today. I grew up with enough shaming bullshit from religion. It's pretty hard to tolerate that crap from supposed liberal forward thinking friends.

you handled it ok for the first time ever being in a situation like that and, especially, being caught off guard by a friend. it's hard to confront friends about fucked up behavior, because you never know if they're going to respond by acknowledging their mistake or by becoming defensive. so i think you did pretty well. yeah, you could have said "...but that guy was an asshole, and your'e being one now!" but that probably wouldn't have gone so well haha.

[Magtig]

In my revisionist history version of the event I would have said, 'Hey, that guy's an asshole, but if you have a problem with him dating trans chicks then you have a problem with me dating trans chicks, and that would actually hurt coming from a friend. I just don't see how his dates gender has any relevancy.'

Unless someone has a better suggestion of what to say in this situation.