The Bisexual Thread

[onthewall2983]

Because why not. I am, and becoming more comfortable in myself about it.

[halloween]

I used to say i am, and now i sometimes wonder how much i really am. Then i think about sexuality as being more fluid, and i know i'm more straight than not, but in the end i just don't think too much about it just because sometimes i just want to watch lesbian porn.

[playwithfire]

Yeah, I'm kind of with Halloween on some of that. I distinctly prefer guys, but I am absolutely attracted to women and other gender-variant individuals. I don't identify as bisexual because I dislike that it kind of implies an even preference and reduces gender to a binary. Definitely prefer the term Queer. But, I'll pop in here just because I don't think we need a gay, bi, and queer thread.

Somewhat tangentially, I think labels can be really problematic, sometimes. If you want to use them on yourself, I'm all for it. But, I know it was confusing to me when I was younger to be into women but know that I wasn't "bi"... made me question myself a lot. I definitely think we should encourage sexuality to be viewed as more of a spectrum... where obviously in that spectrum there are gay, straight, and bisexual people, but yes.

[Elke]

My first thought when I saw the thread title was 'Don't we already have a queer thread?' I mean, sure, it's reigned by a bunch of terrible queens, but like playwithfire I'm not a big fan of labels.

However: good for you onthewall!

[onthewall2983]

Thanks. I'm listed as such on sites like FetLife where I've put up pictures of myself, so maybe it's not as brave to come out here. I was tempted to start one on the old site, but figured someone else would. But waiting sucks lol.

As far as the label thing is concerned, I used to think I was more hetero-flexible (maybe something that applies more to halloween and playwithfire) because I could never see myself in a romantic relationship with a man. And for the record, I'm more emotionally attached to women so it may still ring true. But in terms of attractiveness, it's becoming an even playing ground as I get older. The part that's always been attracted to men started purely as a by-product of my kinky self, but lately I've considered the idea of more vanilla relations with men.

[halloween]

Well since this thread is around, i'll share how i "outted" myself to my dad- it was a bit funny, since i knew he wouldn't care. When i was applied to my college, there was a form my dad saw that under the dorm options, i had checked the box that said "lgbt friendly rooms" (apparently there was a certain floor that was designated for lgbt kids) and my dad asked me, "Are you sure? you're going to be the only straight kid there." and that's when i said, "Well, i'm not COMPLETELY straight." and he just paused and was like "oh. oh ok. that's fine!" To which i laughed a little and said "i know it's fine!"

[Elke]

I hate the process of 'outing'. I've never had to do it as a kid or a young adult, so it's completely alien to me to start doing it now, and I feel silly. And I feel that people are frustrated with me for not 'doing it properly', almost like they would want me to be clear and make a sort of announcement, and because I refuse to label or do that, they get cheated out of a proper outing.
Also: so many people still think you have to be either straight or gay, and anything else is either being greedy or being closeted.

[icklekitty]

I identify more as pansexual. I'll fuck anything, but only develop feelings for men. I don't really like females as humans, but they're by far more attractive than men and a good starter course. Therefore I don't really think I do the term "bisexual" justice - it's not an equal appreciation of a binary.

[aurelius]

About a year-and-a-half ago I realized I was attracted to more than just men. I had a several-months-long freakout where I was fairly obsessed with finding a label for myself--not so much for my sexuality, but what type of woman I was. Oh no, I'm too femme to be butch blah blah blah. Luckily I realized that was crap and completely unhelpful. I attended a coming out support group for a while. I did have a coming out period which was completely necessary at the time. I told my closest friends, my parents. Everyone was amazing.

Since then I feel back to normal, if that makes sense. I'm no longer hung up on labels. If it comes up I tend to say I'm bi because it's easily understood, but in reality I consider myself queer. I am attracted to whomever I'm attracted to, and binaries are problematic at best. I'm really thankful I had to question my sexuality. Not only was I forced to confront my "orientation/preferences" but also my sexuality in general which I'd also had issues with. The whole process really helped me become comfortable in who I am.

[icklekitty]

Thanks. I'm listed as such on sites like FetLife where I've put up pictures of myself, so maybe it's not as brave to come out here. I was tempted to start one on the old site, but figured someone else would. But waiting sucks lol.

I've been considering starting an ETS group on Fetlife. Problem is most of you wimps go by different usernames over there.

[onthewall2983]

I came out to my parents.

[playwithfire]

I distinctly prefer guys

Aww, 2012 playwithfire. You were adorable.

[elevenism]

Sexual identity has always been confusing to me.
I haven't been with a guy since about 2005.
And I could never develop a relationship with a guy.
However, it's an important part of who I am, deep down.
It's especially important because back when I was REALLY young, I nearly killed myself after fucking around with a guy for the first time. I was overcome with shame back then. It was the 90s in Texas; things were different.
So: I'm married and we don't cheat, so I'm not likely to be with a guy again, but I'm still attracted to guys on tv from time to time. It's rare but it happens. I made sure to marry a woman who's sexual experience and orientation mirrored mine, so that helps: it's not a secret.
Lately, I've been trying to figure out: should i, do i, identify as bi? I know I'm not all the way straight, and in fact, in the eyes of some small minded people, I'm GAY because I've been with a couple of guys in my life, even if it was a long ass time ago (I know this is nuts but I keep running into idiots saying shit like this online )
I feel like I have a dog in the fight when gay rights are discussed and my ears perk up when such subjects appear on the news.
But, again, I strongly doubt I'll ever fuck around with a guy again. I just don't know WHAT to think, and perhaps it doesn't matter, but lately it's become important to me. For some reason, as I get closer to 40, I want to know what my sexual orientation really and truly is.

[piggy]

Sexual identity has always been confusing to me.
I haven't been with a guy since about 2005.
And I could never develop a relationship with a guy.
However, it's an important part of who I am, deep down.
It's especially important because back when I was REALLY young, I nearly killed myself after fucking around with a guy for the first time. I was overcome with shame back then. It was the 90s in Texas; things were different.
So: I'm married and we don't cheat, so I'm not likely to be with a guy again, but I'm still attracted to guys on tv from time to time. It's rare but it happens. I made sure to marry a woman who's sexual experience and orientation mirrored mine, so that helps: it's not a secret.
Lately, I've been trying to figure out: should i, do i, identify as bi? I know I'm not all the way straight, and in fact, in the eyes of some small minded people, I'm GAY because I've been with a couple of guys in my life, even if it was a long ass time ago (I know this is nuts but I keep running into idiots saying shit like this online )
I feel like I have a dog in the fight when gay rights are discussed and my ears perk up when such subjects appear on the news.
But, again, I strongly doubt I'll ever fuck around with a guy again. I just don't know WHAT to think, and perhaps it doesn't matter, but lately it's become important to me. For some reason, as I get closer to 40, I want to know what my sexual orientation really and truly is.
This is a fascinating relationship dynamic for me, because I have two male friends in a very similar situation. They are both married to women, but they identify as bi. They are monogamous and not likely to ever be in sexual situations with men in the future anyway, because they are Mormon (though they are both not what I would call really "orthodox" Mormons in the first place.) One of them tried to kill himself when he was 19 and I thank my lucky stars that he failed.

As for whether or not you should identify as bi, perhaps you would be ok with calling yourself queer. It's a pretty comfortable label for many people, though it may be too vague for some because of how much of an umbrella term it can be. Another option would be heteroflexible (or even heteroromantic, but that's a very clumsy word to pronounce, LOL.)

It's tricky because sometimes we're told that labels aren't important, but then sometimes we feel an intense need to slap a name on what we are. Some see labels as confining, some are set free by having a label. Maybe it's even a bit of a generational thing. I feel like millennials are embracing the "no label" thing like crazy, but I don't know how prevalent that is in our age group (I'm 37.)

[elevenism]

I, too, am 37 piggy , and I think you're on to something with your generational theory.

[kel]

anyone else hear about "bisexual lighting"? it's so stupid, but apparently a thing.

[staleincense]

anyone else hear about "bisexual lighting"? it's so stupid, but apparently a thing.
It's a reference to the colours of the bi pride flag

[kel]

It's a reference to the colours of the bi pride flag

i know that. i'm a bear and we have a flag, too, but this hollywood "lighting" is ...

fuck it. it's fine.

[ltrandazzo]

i know that. i'm a bear and we have a flag, too, but this hollywood "lighting" is ...

fuck it. it's fine.

All for it. We also kind of got it in the Miami Heat "Miami Vice" basketball jersey this year, too.

https://thumbor.forbes.com/thumbor/960x0/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fblogs-images.forbes.com%2Ftaylorboozan%2Ffiles%2F2018%2F 01%2FMiamiHEATGroup.jpg%3Fwidth%3D960

[aggroculture]

http://www.asset1.net/tv/pictures/movie/moonlight-2016/Moonlight-KA-2.jpg
reminds me, I have yet to see this

[playwithfire]

Question for my fellow bisexuals: Do y'all have gender-specific preferences in folks you like? I do, which isn't something I've thought about in a long time, but came up for me recently. For me, it's specifically that I can find some men attractive who I wouldn't be interested in if they were women who looked the same way (some soft butches, basically). I can elaborate here, if anyone wants but it does not get less confusing if I explain it more. I don't think the reverse has been a thing since college when I was a lot less open with my preferences. This is a small slice of folks I'm into, in most cases someone's gender is irrelevant to me, but it is a "ah, see, this is why you don't call yourself pansexual" moment, because it is a clear case of someone's gender mattering? Anyway, wondering if anyone has similar experiences.

What's weird is all of the other feelings I have about gender differences (again, not pansexual) I'm comfy with, like I'm much more likely to feel submissive to a woman than a man, etc.