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Halo Infinity
09-28-2013, 12:05 AM
I just thought of making this thread because it is far too easy to find/get advice on how to survive with contacts, networks, friends, and family, but what if you really had nobody but yourself? Then what? I'm sure some of you might've lived that way before, or are living it now. What advice would you have? I asked people in real life, but I couldn't seem to get any answers, and just about all of them found the thought far too disturbing even if it was financially feasible for them to sustain themselves. I only met perhaps one hermit in my entire life that gave me advice as she was actually experienced in being one.

She just told me how she did her best to not be indebted to anybody, and not have anybody be indebted to her, but as an end result she ended up burning many bridges whether she liked it or not. She also told me that she wanted to be with somebody she could look up to, and not after. (However, she ended up finding no one, and none of her previous relationships lasted that long.)

@marodi (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=125) - I also wondered how you do it. I'm actually very impressed, but I can see why it's not exactly flowers and sunshine at all times. It also seems like this would be my life in the long-run, and the only two factors that would actually prevent me from being completely miserable or empty about it would be the fact that at least it's not homelessness or prison. So... for those of you that have lived it, or are living it, just how did you do it?

-Edit-

This topic used to be called The Asocial Survival Kit.

henryeatscereal
09-28-2013, 12:56 AM
Tons of movies, Cd's and books help a lot...

Trains
09-29-2013, 03:23 PM
I'm not 100% sure what you mean Kris, are you talking about deliberately separating yourself from society and everyone else around you, in order to feel more 'free'? Or do you mean living through times of isolation or solitude due to circumstances like a new move to an unknown place, or a breakup, etc?

If it's the latter, then I might be experiencing what you're talking about. Without going into too much detail, I separated from my partner a couple of months ago and now I'm in a very different place to where I was, say, six months ago. Even back then, when I could tell we were both growing apart, I would have said she was the absolute center of my life; kinda like the opening to a James Bond movie, where there's only him in the frame down the length of the barrel, she was right in my focus.I based everything around her, I guess unintentionally because I didn't realize how co-dependent I had become. Anyway, now that we're not together anymore it's like my life's been 'rebooted' to how it was years back. She's gone, loads of mutual friends too, all the plans we had etc. Now it's just me, living by myself, without much of a plan. It's taking one day at a time, trying to rebuild from the ground up. Just to clarify, I'm not complaining, I'm generally doing OK; I just thought the situation you described sounded kinda familiar.

And basically I'm doing everything I can not to be in an 'asocial' place like what you're talking about, because the thought of its cares the shit out of me. And it's kinda what @henryeatscereal (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=1572) says --distractions. Physical activity, like swimming or just walking places for the sake of being outside. Engaging your intellect with movies, books, music etc.so that you're not just autopiloting through life. Putting yourself into work,trying to be in situations you wouldn't normally feel comfortable with (eg,talking to someone you don't know).

Generally,I think human beings are able to survive on their own. We're kind of built that way. And you come to realize there's actually nothing wrong with being the one sitting on your own in a Starbucks. I think generally everyone goes through times where they learn to be self-sufficient. I'm an aspiring writer, and I can't tell you how many times I've heard authors talk about going through bleak times where they lived alone in some bedsit on the sea, spending 24 hours a day in their own company, their only friends being the characters they create; and out of that isolation came some of their best works. So in some ways you can use times like this to you're advantage; I'm certainly creating a lot more output than when I was happy a few months back.

Anyway,not sure if any of that was relevant to your post at all. The gist of it is (to paraphrase Moby), people come together and people fall apart.

Halo Infinity
09-29-2013, 06:23 PM
I'm not 100% sure what you mean @Kris (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=244), are you talking about deliberately separating yourself from society and everyone else around you, in order to feel more 'free'? Or do you mean living through times of isolation or solitude due to circumstances like a new move to an unknown place, or a breakup, etc?
Yes, I was actually referring to both situations.


If it's the latter, then I might be experiencing what you're talking about. Without going into too much detail, I separated from my partner a couple of months ago and now I'm in a very different place to where I was, say, six months ago. Even back then, when I could tell we were both growing apart, I would have said she was the absolute center of my life; kinda like the opening to a James Bond movie, where there's only him in the frame down the length of the barrel, she was right in my focus.I based everything around her, I guess unintentionally because I didn't realize how co-dependent I had become. Anyway, now that we're not together anymore it's like my life's been 'rebooted' to how it was years back. She's gone, loads of mutual friends too, all the plans we had etc. Now it's just me, living by myself, without much of a plan. It's taking one day at a time, trying to rebuild from the ground up. Just to clarify, I'm not complaining, I'm generally doing OK; I just thought the situation you described sounded kinda familiar.
I suppose that's all that matters. As as you're doing what you need to do in order to survive, while being okay with it, and staying out of trouble, there can't be any harm and wrong in that, especially when you're happy and secure.


And basically I'm doing everything I can not to be in an 'asocial' place like what you're talking about, because the thought of its cares the shit out of me.
I think that's exactly why some people would either change or ignore the subject, or become defensive or apprehensive whenever I asked them how they'd handle a life without family, friends, contacts, and networks. It just made me curious, because loners and quiet people are so rare sometimes, and I sincerely wonder how some of them do it. I also brought it up because it really is possible to end up alone even if you don't intend to isolate yourself. In a nutshell, these forms of separation and isolation usually happens through death, relocation, change of interests/beliefs, college, starting a career, or simply not getting along anymore.


And it's kinda what @henryeatscereal (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=1572) says --distractions. Physical activity, like swimming or just walking places for the sake of being outside. Engaging your intellect with movies, books, music etc.so that you're not just autopiloting through life. Putting yourself into work,trying to be in situations you wouldn't normally feel comfortable with (eg,talking to someone you don't know).
That's most of what I've been doing to combat my occasional loneliness. Thank goodness that I still have family supporting me though, and it still reminds me to strive for the best despite the odds that might be stacked up against me. Being productive, constructive, and focusing on things that matter and pleasure you are also excellent ways to not become jaded or destructive.


Generally,I think human beings are able to survive on their own. We're kind of built that way. And you come to realize there's actually nothing wrong with being the one sitting on your own in a Starbucks. I think generally everyone goes through times where they learn to be self-sufficient. I'm an aspiring writer, and I can't tell you how many times I've heard authors talk about going through bleak times where they lived alone in some bedsit on the sea, spending 24 hours a day in their own company, their only friends being the characters they create; and out of that isolation came some of their best works. So in some ways you can use times like this to you're advantage; I'm certainly creating a lot more output than when I was happy a few months back.
Exactly, sometimes it is better to be alone, and there's no need to feel weird or unhealthy for being that way because their can be benefits from solitude and a lack of company. I suppose in my case, it's an issue of balance again.


Anyway,not sure if any of that was relevant to your post at all. The gist of it is (to paraphrase Moby), people come together and people fall apart.
No problem, and it actually was. And yes, they certainly come and go, and often sooner than you think. It has taught me to seek true/real/close friendships and appreciate them while they around. Oh yes, and on top of that, I also brought this up because most of my family are separated now. They ended up relocating and working in different states and countries due to economic and occupational opportunities. (Which is to be expected, but it's good for me to be aware of these things, because these things seemed to be learned from experience. Not even my parents explained any of this to me growing up.)

However, even though I'm a bit of a loner, I seriously think it would be cool as fuck to have a lot of close friends and family that I'm chill with only live walking distance from my house. (Or at least 1 hour to 30 minutes or less away from my house.) That would seriously be the shit.

And I'm also making sure that these points weren't missed.

1. Most of my family lives far away by choice or force through relocation and/or economic reasons.

2. Most of my friends have gone their separate ways due to different interests or educational and occupational endeavors that have taken them to different states/countries.

3. A lot of my friends and family are forced to live far apart due to financial and economic reasons.

4. And sometimes we break it off because we're not into the same things anymore. (Or we simply just don't get along anymore.)

5. Most bonds or family ties aren't even that tight and close to begin with, especially on my mother's side of the family. Lots of ties have been severed.

henryeatscereal
09-30-2013, 12:35 PM
I didn't want to do a "proper post" till i had some good time to think about it...

In my opinion: loneliness it's an inevitable state of the human condition... I just to have a therapist that said to me once that: "loneliness" is just a state of mind, but over the course of time, some other people told me that in a way we are always alone, we just have to realize it...

Anyhoo... Right now i'm in a very strage stage of my life... i have a girlfriend that i see regularly but i have no friends... mostly because some relationships "dried", and because the natural "separation" that comes with time...

Im also not the most "social" guy... i hate parties, i don't drink/smoke and i never call people besides my girlfriend...
Im happy to say that i have a partner and a soulmate... but also lacking of "regular casual-friends" to discuss or do stuff I can't do with her... (i know there's couples that talk about EVERYTHING but i believe you need another confident for some other "types" of "chats"...)
So that's why when i'm not with her (she got this new job that consumes lots of her time...) i'm "cultivating myself" with Comics, Music, Movies and stuff... Im even attending concerts and shows alone (as i used to do prior to have a girlfriend...)

Bottom Line: Its funny and strange to be with someone but being "alone" at the same time... If that's the case it's good to understand you have to learn to survive alone but it's also important to never lose the ability to interact... so i'll guess part of that "survival kit" would be some minimal interaction with some person every once in a while... (funny that i'm very asocial person, but i'm always chatting with co-workers... even though they are not my friends)

Anyway... sorry if i bored you guys... i have too much in my mind and i wanted to release some of it!.
I guess this past week got me thinking a lot about Society and loneliness, the main thing i'm learning is that YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH YOURSELF (either if you're going to live "alone" or if you are going to share your life with someone)

I'll leave you guys with a very cool scene from my favorite movie ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3c3ELuSF4s

marodi
09-30-2013, 01:55 PM
How do I do it? That's a good question that I'm not sure I can answer.

The thing is that I'm never really lonely. I love to be alone with my cat. We live pretty much in silence; there's no radio that's playing in the background and I open the TV only when I want to watch something. Basically, I live in my books, my movies and my own imagination.

As far as going outside like shopping or to the movies, the trick I have to avoid drawing attention to myself is to go with someone else. That other person is the attention grabber so I can avoid having to talk to people. If I really do have no choice than to go by myself, I'll always have my iPod and my big ass headphones on which clearly means don't talk to me. And I'll only go to places I know.

Right now, I don't have a job (I'm working on my mental health) but eventually, I want to go back to work. Strangely enough, I've worked for 14 years in a store, with the public. Of course, what I liked most about that job was handling the merchandise; not dealing with the customers. For my next job, I want something with very few contact with people; I work better alone. My dream job would have been lighthouse keeper but it doesn't exist anymore.

The only part of loneliness I fear is to die alone. I don't have children, I don't have a spouse; I have three nephews and one niece who are still only kids but I hope that when they are old enough that I'll still have good relations with them (I'll do my best to do that) so that when my time comes, that they'll be there for me.

Halo Infinity
10-02-2013, 01:42 AM
I noticed that doing what I have to do and minding my own business seems to be decent start. I've figured that if I'm being productive and not bothering anybody, especially on my spare time, then that's nothing to feel bad about. And as of now, I think all of my real life friends have gone their separate ways. It looks like I'm on my own now, socially. I'm guessing this is very normal, especially when you're all going through your 20s and you yourself are zeroing into your 30s. I'm also guessing that my overall aversion or apathy of socializing in large groups has limited my options, but even those types of choices are out of the question now.

I guess I could just start distracting myself with accomplishments that matter, regardless of their sizes. I've also figured that would something to smile about and at least be genuinely happy over. That's all I've really got for now as I've always relied on entertaining myself with my own devices all my life. I think being an only child had some part in that too.

rhet
10-02-2013, 05:23 AM
i'm not sure if i have any helpful advice but i can definitely relate. i moved from my small home town with my huge really close family to the UK with my husband who isn't very close with his family of 3 and no friends. It was really hard at times especially since I didn't really have a lot of ways to meet people since I didn't have a job for the first 6 months and my husband was really busy with the final year of his degree so I was alone a lot. I'm already a bit hermitty by nature as well so that certainly didn't help either.

When I did get a chance to socialize, it was always with strangers or acquaintances and what I missed most (and to some degree still do) was deep meaningful conversations and connections instead of constant small talk. For the longest time I thought I was just crap at making friends but realized over time that actual relationships take time and effort to get to familiarity I had with my friends back home from high school who I don't actually have anything in common with anymore anyway.

I'm not sure I handled my bouts of loneliness very well so I don't think I've got any practical advice on that aspect like I said before but having a job I actually love and meeting people who I have things in common with through that has done wonders for me. I think if you do things you love, develop your interests/career/whatever other things will sort of fall into place.

Fixer808
10-02-2013, 05:31 AM
Do you know how to weld? You're going to need a piece of rebar, about 3 feet long and sharpened at one end. Next, weld a pair of 6" pieces of rebar perpendicular to the main 3ft piece, about a foot up the shaft, so that it looks like this:

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Wait... I thought this was the Zombie Survival kit...?

Halo Infinity
10-02-2013, 12:46 PM
Wait... I thought this was the Zombie Survival kit...?
Somebody should really make that thread. I've always loved that sort of topic... despite how fucking scary zombies are. :D

henryeatscereal
10-02-2013, 12:49 PM
Somebody should really make that thread. I've always loved that sort of topic... despite how fucking scary zombies are. :D
This is a great related-read

http://wanderingamericantravelblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/the_zombie_survival_guide_front.jpg

Halo Infinity
02-19-2014, 03:26 PM
Do you know how to weld? You're going to need a piece of rebar, about 3 feet long and sharpened at one end. Next, weld a pair of 6" pieces of rebar perpendicular to the main 3ft piece, about a foot up the shaft, so that it looks like this:

[] []
[] []
================>

Wait... I thought this was the Zombie Survival kit...?
It seemed like a good chance to make that kind of thread in Halloween at the time. And I really mean it as I find the topic of zombie survival and escapes very interesting, and well, incessantly suspenseful and horrific as they should be. (Oh wait, I noticed that I've already said that, but it's still a cool idea nonetheless.)

As for the overall topic, I ended up regretting the title, as I've originally intended this to be about being a homebody, and the interests pertaining to being a homebody. I mostly see people talking about going outside, traveling, and/or socializing when it comes to having fun, but I also wanted to open up a discussion on the things people do indoors when they're all alone, or things that they do indoors with other people for fun, along with the overall lifestyle of being a homebody. I also thought that this topic can also cover what you do in your hometown as well, or any areas that don't exceed a 1 hour commute from your house. In other words, this can also include your local interests as well. I've also found that interesting.

As for me, I mostly play video games in my spare time when I'm not surfing the Internet, and also tend to collect my favorite TV shows and movies on DVD. And as mentioned, I still like collecting CDs as well. I'm also slowly but surely getting into some reading to my surprise. As for my local interests, I love eating at restaurants and fast food restaurants, and there seem to be a lot of nice grocery stores in Queens. Grocery shopping is actually one of the highlights of my weekends.

So to make it clear once more, this thread also covers local interests, especially if they're no more than 1 hour away, or 30 minutes or less away. I've also figured that you can also still be a homebody inside your hometown. Oh, and I don't attend concerts regularly at all, but when I do, I prefer it when they're at least in Manhattan from where I'm at. From my location Queens, that really is the best commute for me. Oh yes, and I also love going to Manhattan, especially during the summer. I've always been a big city person anyway, as I live for shopping and eating when it comes to seeking comfort and pleasure. This isn't to say that NYC is the best place in the world, but I certainly love NYC anyway. When I make good time, Manhattan's actually around 1 hour and 30 minutes away from my house, which isn't all that bad if I leave my house early.

I suppose you could also say that I'm a bit of a hedonist that loves to take things slowly most of the time.