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playwithfire
06-28-2013, 09:06 PM
I'm going to a bar thing tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. Friends will be there but everyone is going to be tallllking and it's going to be loud and I don't know if I'll really have anyone to hang with for a solid chunk of the evening.

Anyway, introverts! We're here! (I'm queer.) We're kind of tired after all that talking we did with you earlier, and we want to spend the rest of our night on our laptop, and we're not going anywhere!

Pillfred
06-28-2013, 11:34 PM
Its caused me hassle from time to time from people who don't seem to get it. An ex of mine got real upset one night when i sat in my truck for a while before coming inside after a really shitty day at work. I needs my time sometimes.

Cat Mom
06-29-2013, 12:21 AM
I'm an INTJ (http://psychology.about.com/od/trait-theories-personality/a/intj.htm) and when I found that out everything made more sense.

playwithfire
06-29-2013, 12:29 AM
I'm an INTJ (http://psychology.about.com/od/trait-theories-personality/a/intj.htm) and when I found that out everything made more sense.

So's my roommate.

I'm an ISFP. Over the years, I have actually learned that I need less introvert time than I thought I did, but it is still vital to my well-being. The key is balancing it with being social. If I get too much of the former without the latter it eventually stops being beneficial and I just lose track of my free time and go back to work more stressed.

THIS (http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/302696/) is the best article on introverts I've ever read. I think ad infinitum was the one who introduced me to it.

Also, a quote I saw the other day:

"Socializing is as exhausting as giving blood. People assume we loners are misanthropes just sitting thinking, ‘Oh, people are such a bunch of assholes,’ but it’s really not like that. We just have a smaller tolerance for what it takes to be with others. It means having to perform. I get so tired of communicating."
Anneli Rufus

Cat Mom
06-29-2013, 12:30 AM
^^ Great quote!

A good explanation I read about introverts vs extroverts:

Extroverts recharge their batteries by being with people.

Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone.

playwithfire
06-29-2013, 12:46 AM
For me, it goes back to what allegro said. I'm also more talkative/energetic than someone might expect for an introvert, but what it comes down to for me personally is that I find interaction with other people tiring. Often positively so, but it's through alone time that I "recharge" consistently.

blassster
06-29-2013, 12:59 AM
I'm an INTJ (http://psychology.about.com/od/trait-theories-personality/a/intj.htm) and when I found that out everything made more sense.

Same.


Sometimes I hate when people don't understand that we often need solo time to recharge and reflect. Back when I was in Uni and working retail (already an exhausting combo), a coworker eventually blasted me for never wanting to play cards, go drinking, or some other bullshit after work when we had the next day off. We weren't even friends... he was an ass anyway.

rhet
06-29-2013, 07:28 AM
I'm not sure if everyone's already seen this or not but seems appropriate and I really enjoyed it: http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html

ambergris
06-29-2013, 08:23 AM
The realization that I'm an introvert, and that it's ok, has had a bigger impact on my well-being than realizing the other minorities I belong to. I've had to live through 20 years of my parents telling me to be more talkative and easy-going. I still sometimes think that it's good to have my introvertedness challenged because it makes me stronger and it keeps me from isolating myself - is that still a sign of secret guilt or the right thing to do? I don't know. My boyfriend is a total extrovert, but it works really well when we're alone. It gets problematic if there are more people around. I can focus really well on a discussion with a single other person, but if more people join, I tend to retreat, and then I usually only talk if I can offer unique knowledge.

rhet
06-29-2013, 08:55 AM
This! I come from a family of extroverts and my husband is an extrovert so it's taken me a long time to realise that being more introverted isn't a flaw. I definitely enjoy talking to people much more one on one than in large groups but am getting better at putting myself out there in group situations. I still love my alone time but I really like being more able to have an active role in group discussions especially ones I'm very interested in but would have been drowned out before. So I don't think it's internalized guilt to improve and challenge yourself :)

sentient02970
06-29-2013, 01:23 PM
Every time I'm tested its always INTJ for me. I'm better about hanging out with small groups lately and am looking forward to my high school reunion tonight a bit (even though about 90% of that group weren't really buddies with me back then). But I do prefer my alone and quiet time. It seems to work for me.

Madmya
06-29-2013, 01:43 PM
I am H.U.M.A.N. and I too enjoy my alone time. Lolz I'm so special.

Thread INTO THE BIN.

orestes
06-29-2013, 01:55 PM
Unfortunately, you're not a moderator, so I suggest you contribute something useful when replying in topics.

DF118
06-29-2013, 01:57 PM
I'm an ENFP. This basically means I'm Yoshi and shouldn't really be posting in this thread.

Even so, I get as introverted as everyone else from time to time, so eh. Plus I'm more than happy in my own company.

ImTheWiseJanitor
06-29-2013, 01:58 PM
I always come up INTP. I used to have a big problem with it, always feeling like it made me a recluse or something when I was out in public, but oddly enough, as I accepted who I was (not as a personality type, but just looking at who I am objectively), I started to be more comfortable, and open up more in social settings as a result. I'm still typically reserved in big groups of people, especially if most of them are strangers, but I'll definitely talk if conversation starts up. I generally don't strike it up unless I feel I can keep the conversation going afterwards, though. I'm surprised at how cool I am with it now. I'll definitely talk if conversation starts up, but I generally don't strike it up unless I feel I can keep the conversation going afterwards. 5 years ago I would get anxiety in those situations, and now I just kinda chill and let things happen. I like meeting people and mingling now.

Nyx
06-29-2013, 02:49 PM
I'm also an INTJ. Strange that there are so many in this thread for a supposedly rare type.

Cat Mom
06-29-2013, 03:06 PM
I'm also an INTJ. Strange that there are so many in this thread for a supposedly rare type.
The Internet was invented for us. By us.

Hula
06-29-2013, 03:17 PM
^^ Great quote!

A good explanation I read about introverts vs extroverts:

Extroverts recharge their batteries by being with people.

Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone.

I love this explanation!

I have trouble even talking to people online sometimes. I like it when people take a day or two to reply to messages or emails because it gives me time to kind of relax between (provided it's not something urgent that needs to be sorted out asap, of course). Some of my best friends are people I've met through the internet but they seem to get that there are some days I need to just not talk to people so much better than the friends I know in person. I wonder if the internet contributes to introversion, or if you're just more drawn to the internet if you prefer alone time? It's like being able to socialise and do things that are emotionally tiring normally, just in smaller chunks and at your own pace.

I've been pretty bad for socialising lately, if I'm honest. I used to go to a gaming society (boardgames, RPGs etc) at the local university but I stopped going when new people started joining en masse. I work so much better in a dynamic where there's a core group of people that I can always hang out with and then people that I get along well with at the fringes for if I just want to shoot the breeze about the weather. I'm pretty extroverted when I'm actually with friends in that I'm happy enough to take charge in what to do - provided I'm in a social mood, which might happen once a week - but when it comes to strangers I just can't do it. It feels like I have to be on my shiniest best behaviour so that they see me as a peppy, likeable person and I just prefer hanging out with close friends who know that I'm not that person and are okay with it.

marodi
06-29-2013, 03:51 PM
I'm an INFJ and a hermit with strong inclination toward asociality.

I want to be alone.

dominik
06-29-2013, 04:46 PM
I honestly have no idea if I'm extroverted or introverted. I love spending time with people, but I also reach a point where I just need to have my alone time doing nothing.

This. I don't think you can always say you are either this or that..

For example today there is this big party with 50+ people in an apartment, my best friend is there and a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time, but I was out yesterday so today I just don't feel like doing smalltalk all the time. But I wouldn't say that I'm introverted.

I think the main "problem" for me is this shallow smalltalk all the fucking time.. I mean, it's nice to get to know new people, but.. sometimes it's just really tiring.

Cat Mom
06-29-2013, 06:05 PM
No definition of "introvert" says "antisocial agoraphobic."

Fixer808
06-29-2013, 06:33 PM
I was at a wedding yesterday and there were a TON of people I don't know, so to make it easier on myself I just hid behind my camera for most of the time.

bgalbraith
06-29-2013, 07:14 PM
I was at a wedding yesterday and there were a TON of people I don't know, so to make it easier on myself I just hid behind my camera for most of the time.

Having a purpose in unstructured (i.e. mingling) social events makes it sooooo much easier. Especially if there is some barrier you can have to separate you from the crowd, like a camera, DJ booth, bar, etc. I have extreme difficulty in those environments if I just have to "socialize"

kitz
06-29-2013, 07:18 PM
I'm planning to buy my first appartement next year and move in together with the boyfriend. My parents think I'm crazy because for a start a want something with two bedrooms, because I need my own room if I want to be alone. It doesn't mean I don't love my boyfriend, I just need my time when nobody talks to me.
(my job is absolutely for extroverts: you meet new people almost every day, you go to meetings with important people all the time. So after a hard day at work all I want is to stare the wall and be alone)

Cat Mom
06-29-2013, 08:47 PM
Being introverted doesn't require social anxiety or the inability to socialize.

I'm fairly good at socializing. I can hold my own at parties, business gatherings, retirement parties of my husband's work buddies. I can be interesting, witty, contribute to conversations and make promises I'll never keep to "get together more often" or "have dinner real soon."

I don't hate people, I don't have crazy social anxiety; I like hanging with friends sometimes. But I prefer being alone. I don't dislike coworkers. i just work better alone. I'm more productive when I work alone. For every one thing a coworker does, I do 10. I hate group work, but I force myself to do it when required. Group work was my most dreaded part of college, not because I hate people but because I find it to be highly inefficient and often useless.


I'm planning to buy my first appartement next year and move in together with the boyfriend. My parents think I'm crazy because for a start a want something with two bedrooms, because I need my own room if I want to be alone. It doesn't mean I don't love my boyfriend, I just need my time when nobody talks to me.
We have four bedrooms and there's only two of us. You're not nuts and you're smart to recognize your own needs. If you can afford it.

Cat Mom
06-30-2013, 11:50 PM
I'm not sure if everyone's already seen this or not but seems appropriate and I really enjoyed it: http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html
This is really good, thanks for linking this.

halloween
07-01-2013, 11:40 AM
Oh man, this thread yay! Playwithfire, thanks for that article- it's fanstastic. It really hit the nail on the head on several things that I had noticed about myself recently- both through the process of having to live constantly with 8 people for 5 months (part of why I quit FEMA Corps). The whole "introverts feel like they're acting" idea, I had actually mentioned this to some people when I said "I hate public speaking but I do it alright, I just pretend I'm acting like me instead of being me." Another quote that I related to was "The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself." I made a comment to my boyfriend after spending hours at the bar at this meet-and-greet thing, "I don't mind introducing myself, it's just that I hate having to do it over and over again."

I really am realizing more and more lately how much energy it takes to "act extroverted". I don't know what my ratio is between socializing and being alone but it definitely feels like I need at least two days to recharge after doing something extensive with people. I had a roommate that just did NOT understand, she was going going going every day, just would make plans with people on the fly and went out almost all the time. It made ME feel exhausted just watching her sometimes, haha.

rhet
07-01-2013, 12:31 PM
The whole "introverts feel like they're acting" idea
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels like this! I've had loads of service industry jobs where I have to be all outgoing and friendly and at one point I started to wonder why I could do it at work but not in my normal social life and I realized I was acting.


I had a roommate that just did NOT understand, she was going going going every day, just would make plans with people on the fly and went out almost all the time. It made ME feel exhausted just watching her sometimes, haha.

My parents and brother are like this and it drove me mad growing up. They thought everyone's default state should be socializing and in communal areas which is why I love my inlaws. Their default is to be off in different parts of the house doing their own things and then come together occasionally.

Cat Mom
07-01-2013, 02:01 PM
I said "I hate public speaking but I do it alright, I just pretend I'm acting like me instead of being me."
If you think about it, though, public speaking isn't necessarily relegated to extroverts. Introverts aren't necessarily shy; you can be an extravert and also be shy, but the two don't necessarily go hand-in-hand. Many of us introverts are very good at public speaking. Think about it: You're not socializing; you're up there, alone, speaking. In school or in business, when you're done, you're done; there's no required hours and hours of tiring and boring social interaction after your presentation; you get applause, you sit down or leave or collect your check.

I used to think I was shy because I confused my intolerance for long periods of social interaction and my preference, like in the above Ted talk, to be alone with a book all day with shyness and I didn't know any other name for it other than xenophobe or misanthrope or loner. Yet, I always got As in all my speech classes, I got an A in all my debates. I was never nervous about public speaking or presentations; in fact, I look forward to it, love it, excel in it. Nerves is adrenaline, and adrenaline is GOOD.

That above-linked Ted talk discusses how students are forced to do this group stuff and it's ridiculous; it's allegedly to "prepare us for the real world, where everything is done in a group."

Total bullshit.

When I was in college just, like, 6 years go, a shit ton of classes forced us to do group presentations; most times, people didn't show up for meetings on the project, didn't do any of the work, then would show up on the day of the presentation, totally clueless, and us Introverts had done all the work.


If you think about it, you spend your life "acting." Chances are, you don't act the same way around your grandma as you do around your best friend. You don't act the same way around people in a formal business setting as you do drunk with your friends. You adapt to each situation and learn appropriate behavior (if you're smart and have acquired social skills). You don't have to LIKE having social skills but you probably have them, and you have a different way of acting in each social situation.

But I think those of us who don't understand how Introversion works assume that we're "shy" or have social anxiety when maybe that's not true, but we buy into it and adopt a persona that isn't really us, either.

Cat Mom
07-01-2013, 02:36 PM
From INTJ Central (http://intjcentral.com/the-compleat-idiots-guide-to-the-intj/2/), this is SO TRUE!!!

"We [INTJs] live inside our heads. We frequently zone out. We get lost in thought and spend much of our time inside our heads. If our immediate reality becomes boring, we will retreat into our minds, and you might have to shout our names repeatedly to get our attention so we will come out again. And no, sorry, but you can’t come into our heads with us. You wouldn’t last five minutes there. You’d be driven insane by the nonstop cacophony of overlapping voices madly free-associating from one idea to the next."

Jord
07-02-2013, 05:43 PM
Over the last three of four months I've found myself going out and socialising less, going on less nights out and preferring to keep myself to myself than get involved in half of the bullshit my group of friends discuss and go about doing. I've still made time for my friends on the odd weekend so I'm not full hermit.

I guess I've become a lot more introverted, being a creative guy and making music has been my sole focus. I've been comfortable spending a lot of time on my own deep in thought.

frankie teardrop
07-02-2013, 06:02 PM
bless you allegro, for mentioning that introverted doesn't always mean you're a complete shut-in. i've had discussions with the missus about how introverted i am (she doubts this), despite constantly being surrounded by people as a NYC DJ/musician/whatever else i get up to. i've always known that most of these people i saw every week on end weren't friends, just a friendly face to pass the late night hours with, most often over a drink or two. i'm not shy whatsoever, have no problem meeting or opening up to new people, but (these days more than ever), my default is heading straight home after work, throwing myself into a project, and being in very limited company, if any at all. when i do make plans, i prefer to keep a select few close.

i'm also with halloween on being a fantastic social actor, but i seldom enjoy random interactions with the aforementioned late night strangers. it's seldom personal and just a preference to be alone these days.

Cat Mom
07-02-2013, 06:20 PM
bless you allegro, for mentioning that introverted doesn't always mean you're a complete shut-in. i've had discussions with the missus about how introverted i am (she doubts this)
It just means that you need to recharge your batteries by being alone, and that you don't get your energy from socializing. And you don't go nuts when left alone.

playwithfire
07-02-2013, 10:53 PM
But I think those of us who don't understand how Introversion works assume that we're "shy" or have social anxiety when maybe that's not true

I am shy. I'm also loud and really talkative. The stuff doesn't conflict.

I also dislike small talk and find myself feeling very awkward a lot of the time, but the latter part of that isn't necessarily a part of my introversion.

There's a decent chance, depending on where you'd meet me, that you wouldn't think I'm an introvert.

Also, I'm some sort of online extrovert sometimes.

Cat Mom
07-02-2013, 11:01 PM
You CAN be a shy Introvert, sure; but, you don't HAVE to be shy if you're an Introvert.

There are shy Extroverts, too.

One can overcome shyness. I'm not sure that one can (or wants to) overcome being an Introvert.

I'm not sure that Introvert is a trait that stands out to others upon meeting; it's something that becomes apparent when NOT meeting. Gregariously and animatedly chatting with lots of people whilst in the middle of a large crowd and really enjoying one's self has nothing to do with being or not being an Introvert. When you go home and enjoy your solitude, later, while you recharge: THAT is the Introvert part.

Honestly, I still have no idea if I'm "shy." INTJs tend to bend these kinds of things to fit each situation due to the inherent perfectionism and/or need for logic, so there are things we conceal (even from ourselves?) like shyness when the situation calls for something other than shy. I guess it may also be because INTJs don't have patience for emotions, even our own; isn't shyness an emotion?

MrsMeowMeow
07-03-2013, 06:29 PM
I think I was always an Introvert, as far as I can remember. I found it exhausting to play with other kids, so I rather stayed alone most of the time. Other people made me think that being a 'loner' was a bad thing, so I used to try to hide it... it never really worked of course ^^ it just made me hate mysef. I also lost friends, who wouldn't understand why I rather stay home and draw something instead of going out, because of this.

I have been called shy a lot (especially by my mom who tried to excuse the fact that I don't talk much), but I don't think I really am. Its more like I don't have anything of importance to say or I don't want to annoy people with my boring stories. But it also depends a lot on the situation.

After some rough years I have developed social anxiety though, so I'm even more awkward know and I unlearned the few social skills that I had. But nowadays I can admit all of this and don't feel ashamed of the way I am. Also I have learned how to avoid uncomfortable social situations. :P

thelastdisciple
07-04-2013, 04:00 AM
I'm a lot of things but probably an introvert is woven among my DNA somewhere...

Some points..

-I like going to concerts and parties but i really spend a lot of time alone and sometimes for long periods i just avoid going out for whatever social event is on the menu. I CAN be a social butterfly if everything falls in to place or if the planets and stars have aligned, sometimes it's almost seasonal, sometimes the liquid courage definitely opens me up although i try my best not to rely on it.

-I most definitely prefer one on one interaction as opposed to groups, i suck at initiating conversations but i can hold my own sometimes and carry things along it all depends what fuels my mind mechanics. I appreciate time to compose my thoughts and absorb my surroundings, I'm not really one for improvisation. I am a great listener and with someone i know well enough i am spot on for an engrossing conversation, once the gears get going i really like telling stories and entertaining. If i can make my friends laugh i feel amazing.

-I try to avoid people that seem too clingy, people that don't ease up on their interactions and like to call you after each waking moment where you can't so much as even walk through the door to your home after a long ass, tiring and stressful day... take some time for yourself, have a shit, a shower... something to eat without hearing that god awful fucking phone ring like clockwork. I'm sometimes led to be dishonest about where i am or what I'm doing when it comes to folks like this that haven't a clue how much latched themselves to my being.

-I don't like putting myself in the spotlight whatsoever, public speaking is NOT something that I'm good at nor is it ever my choice to do it.

-I can't stand communication over the phone due to awkward silences, feeling trapped with long winded folks that'll do anything to talk your ears off is not my idea of a good time especially when i cannot even get a word in and by the time I've formulated a brilliant thing to say I'll just get cut off. Text messaging or face to face where i can read body language and interpret emotions is most preferential. I like texting because i don't feel pigeonholed and i can respond on my own terms unless it's a dire emergency and usually that's when I'd like people to call if they must.

-I am horrible at making plans, I'm a follower and not a leader although if it's just me on my own i prefer to go against the grain, deviate from the course of nature or against where ever which way the water's flowing and find my own way. Don't ask me what I'm doing a month from now, a week from now, a day from now or even 5 hours from now... just fuck off and let things fall where they may.

Cat Mom
07-04-2013, 10:04 AM
For what it's worth, I've seen a LOT of polls asking people (all people) their biggest fear, and it's nearly always: Public speaking

mfte
07-04-2013, 02:22 PM
Im an introvert. I am also shy and extremely self conscious at times BUT I dont mind public speaking. I had a few classes in college that focused on in, and while terrifying at first, it became easier. Now, I welcome the chance to speak publicly as it gives me a totally pure chance to improve speech, clarity, body language. KINDA like the best way to learn a new language is to immerse yourself in an environment where that language is spoken... i tend to speak quietly and mumble so public speaking is a good exercise to work on improving those things.

It's nice to hear people here talking about the things that I feel other wise alone with. Social situations are so exhausting, I can act like an extrovert for about an hour and then I feel mentally gassed.

redshoewearer
07-04-2013, 09:34 PM
I I can act like an extrovert for about an hour and then I feel mentally gassed.

Totally the same - I teach dance/aerobics - 10-14 classes a week. I'm up on a platform, doing the moves, calling out cues to 25+ people and entertaining them for an hour. Then when the last person leaves, I need to recharge. It is fun, and because it is a specific role that I play and am comfortable with, I'm not scared, since I know all my customers. But put me in a party, or unfamiliar situation, and I'll be in love with my phone. Either way, when I get home, I collapse in front of the computer and need time with no interaction.

Frozen Beach
07-04-2013, 09:40 PM
I'm in and out of this state. The problem is that now that I'm willing to get out more, I've isolated myself to a point where it's practically impossible to get out. I don't have many friends, and the friends that I have aren't really the type that hang out. I still live with my parent, and I'm almost 22. Makes me feel like a failure and a burden, though I recognize there are people in a worse state than mine.

Cat Mom
07-04-2013, 09:54 PM
Yeah, don't totally isolate yourself; humans need social interaction at least once in a while (although, technically, you're living with your parents so you probably get more social interaction than most of us).

xmd 5a
07-06-2013, 11:42 PM
Major introvert here. I've had issues with shyness and social anxiety since my early teens and am slowly overcoming them. I feel very awkward in most social situations, even ones where I know most of the people around me. I tend to stumble over words and have difficulty articulating things in my head into words, which just serves to make me feel even more awkward and self-concious. I also tend to assume no-one wants to talk to me until proven otherwise, thus I rarely approach others and generally wait for them to make the first move. It's not really negatively impacting much at the moment though. I do fine at work and interacting with colleagues. Outside of work I spend most of my time with my wife and daughter. Most of my closest friends live elsewhere in the country so I rarely see them. I'm generally too busy to have any regular social hobbies (on a rotating roster at work which makes things difficult too).

It all sounds rather pathetic typing it out but it works for me. Hopefully I'll continue to get over the social anxiety but I'll always value my 'alone with music and thoughts' time.

Edit: I'm 23 and being so introverted makes me simultaneously feel younger and older than I actually am. Like, I'm too old to be an awkward teen yet too young to be a career/family focussed man. If that makes any sense. Weird feeling.

thevoid99
07-07-2013, 12:13 AM
I'm also an introvert. I'm very shy. I don't go out very much. I don't have any friends. I usually spend a lot of my time writing film reviews or essays (and if I ever have any ideas, I'd write my own original stuff). I only go out for groceries or anything that's on sale or there's a film or show that's coming. That's pretty much it. I prefer to keep things simple and not have any kind of complications as I do see a shrink every few months.

themethatyouknow
07-07-2013, 04:48 AM
I've taken two Aspergers tests this week and have scored in the borderline category both times. I don't really mind being introverted except for the fact that being an extrovert is preferred in society. Job interviews in particular, favor people who are outgoing and chatty. I hate the fact that I have a hard time getting a good job because I'm not great at small talk. Even though I'm clearly qualified if they gave me a chance.

Cat Mom
07-07-2013, 08:44 AM
Introverts can get good jobs, AND be really good at job interviews. Read this whole thread for examples of Introverts excelling in all kinds of things.

Introverts can be just as "good" at small talk as Extroverts; and Extroverts don't necessarily love small talk, either (nor are they necessarily "good" at it).

Job interviews require practice and studying up on how to be good (or, at least, functional) at it. Nobody is born with good interview skills, just like no one is born to write a great résumé.

For the record, chatty people do NOT do well in job interviews. People who know how to answer questions and discuss their résumé in a succinct, to-the-point manner ace the job interview. Chatty wastes time.

Being an Introvert will only negatively affect you if you let it.

Fixer808
07-07-2013, 09:12 AM
Job interviews in particular, favor people who are outgoing and chatty. I hate the fact that I have a hard time getting a good job because I'm not great at small talk. Even though I'm clearly qualified if they gave me a chance.
In my head: "Look around his office and on his desk, try and spot something to talk about to break the ice. FUCK, now I'm not looking at him, he's going to notice that I'm averting my eyes or something! This is going from bad to worse, I'm never going to get this jo--- Hey there's a dog under the desk."

"Hey, doggy!"
"Yeah, that's Marv!"
Marv walks over and flops on his side, wagging his tail.
"Well, Marv says okay, you wanna start on Wednesday?"
"Sure, yeah!..... Sorry, what day? Was giving Marv a tummy rub..."

That was- almost verbatim- my last interview.

rhet
07-07-2013, 09:40 AM
In my head: "Look around his office and on his desk, try and spot something to talk about to break the ice. FUCK, now I'm not looking at him, he's going to notice that I'm averting my eyes or something! This is going from bad to worse, I'm never going to get this jo--- Hey there's a dog under the desk."

"Hey, doggy!"
"Yeah, that's Marv!"
Marv walks over and flops on his side, wagging his tail.
"Well, Marv says okay, you wanna start on Wednesday?"
"Sure, yeah!..... Sorry, what day? Was giving Marv a tummy rub..."

That was- almost verbatim- my last interview.

And this is why I want a dog to take with me to work (among other obvious reasons). I'm crap at small talk so meeting loads of new people all the time and getting up in their space can be awkward but a dog would be an instant conversation starter! And it would be much less annoying to have the same conversation over and over if it was about my cute doggy hehe

Cat Mom
07-07-2013, 10:38 AM
Or, just get into Law, where a partner who sees employees talking will walk over and tell them to shut up and get back to work. Once, a coworker and I were reprimanded for talking on the job AND WE WERE DISCUSSING PROBLEMS WITH A REAL ESTATE FILE.

Hell, there are LOTS of careers / jobs where socializing while on the clock isn't allowed or, at least, is highly discouraged. Which works great for Introverts, since we're usually the ones DOING ALL THE WORK.

Small talk means LESS WORK IS GETTING DONE while you're on somebody else's dime.

I highly recommend THIS BOOK (http://www.amazon.com/Do-What-You-Are-Personality/dp/0316167266).

playwithfire
07-07-2013, 11:05 AM
I'm glad I caught that pdf link before you edited it out. What site did you originally get it from? I'd like to see the pdfs for other types as that profile was fabulous and the most in-depth one I've ever read.

Cat Mom
07-07-2013, 09:42 PM
I'm glad I caught that pdf link before you edited it out. What site did you originally get it from? I'd like to see the pdfs for other types as that profile was fabulous and the most in-depth one I've ever read.
I'll PM you. I decided that I didn't want to scare the MB newbs in here with specific career suggestions without them knowing much about MB, first.

miss k bee
07-08-2013, 01:12 PM
I am ISFP. I have been on Paroxetine for couple of years and I'm currently reducing the dose to come off it. I have a few friends and never been one for going around in a big group. I love going to concerts by myself,if I invite a friend or go with someone I tend to worry if they are not enjoying it. I am not big on small talk either but have worked in a call centre so have no probs talking to someone I don't know.

JessicaSarahS
07-08-2013, 01:48 PM
For what it's worth, I've seen a LOT of polls asking people (all people) their biggest fear, and it's nearly always: Public speaking

I don't mind public speaking at all. I dread talking on the phone more than public speaking.

RJK
07-08-2013, 07:08 PM
I don't mind public speaking at all. I dread talking on the phone more than public speaking.

Oh yes so true. I could talk in front of hundreds of people but I can't and won't call a business to ask a question. Hate hate hate it.

Beef of the Sea
07-11-2013, 02:29 AM
THIS (http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/302696/) is the best article on introverts I've ever read. I think @ad infinitum (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=80) was the one who introduced me to it.

I loved this article so much, I sent it to my partner, to which she said: "That's all bullshit though, and you're not even an introvert."
Me: "Do you even know what an introvert is?"
Her: "..."

Think it's time to move on...

Madmya
07-11-2013, 04:50 AM
Yes, I'd be looking to move on too if my man was looking up these articles and showing them to me too.

Beef of the Sea
07-11-2013, 05:24 AM
Thanks a bunch for your exceedingly positive contribution, buttercup.

Fixer808
07-15-2013, 04:41 AM
Yes, I'd be looking to move on too if my man was looking up these articles and showing them to me too.
I'm curious as to what antagonizes you so about this thread...

Moving on, I think karaoke helps me. Get the fuck up on stage and perform, have some fun and don't mind that people are watching you!

themethatyouknow
07-15-2013, 08:43 AM
Moving on, I think karaoke helps me. Get the fuck up on stage and perform, have some fun and don't mind that people are watching you!

I'm pretty sure that's alcohol that helps you.

Fixer808
07-15-2013, 03:37 PM
Semantics.

theimage13
07-16-2013, 02:37 PM
Hi. I'm an introvert.

It sucks for my personal life.
It sucks for my professional life.

It sucks.

Cat Mom
07-16-2013, 06:16 PM
theimage13 Oh stop. You don't mean introvert, you mean something else. Read this whole thread and all the links.

themethatyouknow
07-16-2013, 06:46 PM
@theimage13 (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=809) Oh stop. You don't mean introvert, you mean something else. Read this whole thread and all the links.

Why is it you feel the need to control both this thread and the definition of a word. I went back through the thread and there's at least 20 posters with 20 different subtle variations of what introvert means to them. And after each one of them there's you, trying to "correct" them about what they mean. Different people have different experiences and different variants of what might be considered "introversion". Yet you continue to try to corral everyone into your narrow concept of what an introvert is. How about letting people discuss their own lives without judging and controlling everyone?

Also, the compulsion to meddle into everyone's affairs and inject yourself into every conversation you see... not really an introvert trait.

theimage13
07-16-2013, 07:13 PM
theimage13 Oh stop. You don't mean introvert, you mean something else. Read this whole thread and all the links.

Why do I mean something else? We've never met, and I've never opened up to you. Why do you believe I'm not an introvert?

Cat Mom
07-16-2013, 08:01 PM
Why do I mean something else? We've never met, and I've never opened up to you. Why do you believe I'm not an introvert?
You could very well be an introvert. But, it's not something that should screw up your life or career.

Bill Gates is an introvert. Here, read this (http://www.forbes.com/pictures/mkl45kjie/albert-einstein/)

Introversion is often an asset, not a liability. It is a character trait, not necessarily a handicap by definition.

There is a singular definition of Introvert, plus some additional non-introvert things that we experience in life like shyness, lack of self confidence, lack of social skills, laziness, etc. No definition of Introvert will say that it ruins your professional or social life.

College career counselors and life coaches don't see Introversion as a handicap; they see it as a way to narrow down the career and social life that is right for you.

I've known you for a long time on here; I know what you do for a living, we've discussed it; you are making your way up, you're doing a good job; nothing can stop you unless you let it. I have the utmost confidence in you. As a fellow introvert. In here, alone, on a forum (aka introvert nerds' playground).

I hate to see people I've known so long in here, my ETS friends, let this be a negative, debilitating trait.

playwithfire
07-16-2013, 08:39 PM
Yeah, for me the defining traits of introversion and extroversion are at their simplest: Introverts recharge from being alone and extroverts recharge from people. Introverts find interaction with others tiring (I also find exercise and wonderful full days of adventure in the city tiring. It's not negative.) and extroverts gain emotional energy from social interaction. Obviously, everyone at some point is going to get tired, extroverts included, but that's the simplest definition.

I'm very glad I know I'm an introvert because it means I have more tools to take the best care of myself possible. I can actually be pretty social and all that. But I know that I need alone time and that it needs to be a priority sometimes.

The one thing I do find, though, for me, which I find interesting, is that online interaction with others very very rarely hits my introversion. It still feels like alone time.


There is a singular definition of Introvert, plus some additional non-introvert things that we experience in life like shyness, lack of self confidence, lack of social skills, laziness, etc.

THIS.

I think a lot of those traits can come easily to introverts and it can feel tied in, but those are things that can be worked on! :)

Cat Mom
07-16-2013, 09:56 PM
Thought some of you might enjoy this (http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts).


10 Myths About Introverts

I wrote this list in late-2008. Around that time, I was lucky enough to discover a book called, The Introvert Advantage (How To Thrive in an Extrovert World), by Marti Laney, Psy.D (http://hiddengiftsoftheintrovertedchild.com/). It felt like someone had written an encyclopedia entry on a rare race of people to which I belong. Not only had it explained many of my eccentricities, it helped me to redefine my entire life in a new and productive context.

Sure, anyone who knows me would say, “Duh! Why did it take you so long to realize you’re an Introvert?” It’s not that simple. The problem is that labeling someone as an Introvert is a very shallow assessment, full of common misconceptions. It’s more complex than that.

A section of Laney’s book (page 71 through page 75) maps out the human brain and explains how neuro-transmitters follow different dominant paths in the nervous systems of Introverts and Extroverts. If the science behind the book is correct, it turns out that Introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine, so too much external stimulation overdoses and exhausts them. Conversely, Extroverts can’t get enough Dopamine, and they require Adrenaline for their brains to create it. Extroverts also have a shorter pathway and less blood-flow to the brain. The messages of an Extrovert’s nervous system mostly bypass the Broca’s area in the frontal lobe, which is where a large portion of contemplation takes place.

Unfortunately, according to the book, only about 25% of people are Introverts. There are even fewer that are as extreme as I am. This leads to a lot of misunderstandings, since society doesn’t have very much experience with my people. (I love being able to say that.)

So here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts (not taken directly from the book, but based on my own life experience):

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

“You cannot escape us, and to change us would lead to your demise.” <-- I made that up. I'm a screenwriter.

It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become "normal." Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves.

Santos L Halper
07-16-2013, 10:12 PM
^^^Thanks for posting that list. Pretty good stuff.

Fixer808
07-17-2013, 04:53 AM
Similar:
http://cdn.iwastesomuchtime.com/11420132250159.jpg

theimage13
07-17-2013, 09:16 AM
I appreciate the more thorough response. I'll give my own, since my first was such a generalized statement.

Yes, I do believe I'm an introvert. I'm not of the mind that it's necessarily a bad thing, but I'm consciously aware of the difficulties it provides in seeking out certain things.

Relationships, for example: I can't do the bar scene. I can't just go out in random social situations, strike up small talk with someone, and see how it goes. I can hardly even do that with my few best friends. I moved for my job two and a half years ago, and I literally have no friends in the area I moved to. When I'm done with work, all I want to do spend time with myself to...as everyone else puts it...recharge. I don't necessarily dislike my roommate/landlord, for example, but when he's home I'll stay in my room with a book - I won't even go in the living room, because I just don't feel comfortable being around another person. So obviously, this makes meeting people exceptionally difficult. And in those rare, rare chances when it might happen, I'm most comfortable with someone else who only has a couple of close friends; not someone with a big social circle. And I need someone who understands that I only have a few close friends as well. And surprise surprise: those people aren't awesome at getting out and socializing either, so our chances of actually finding each other don't strike me as all that high. I don't mean to say that in a "oh, woe is me" manner. It's just the way the people I can relate to work.

At work, it is a problem because I spend all day having to teach people I've never met how to do something. I have to give orders, manage multiple people, multitask like crazy, and start/stop various jobs several times. On days off, when the rest of the crew wants to go out to the bar or go get dinner, I tend to be in my hotel room or off for a run or walk by myself. Once my work's done at the show, I tend to hang out alone on the bus or somewhere backstage where there are fewer people around. Again: I like the guys I'm on tour with. It's not that I don't want to see them. But...I'm just not comfortable making small talk. I never really know what to say. But back to the actual work aspect of it. Given the duties I have, introversion makes the job difficult and it's very taxing on me. The times I've worked best on the road are the times I've done the job alone instead of with stagehands. So it's not that I believe being an introvert means you can't have a job - it just means you need a job that's suited to your needs.

Why can I be so chatty here? Because I can hide. I can take all the time in the world to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it, and I can shut off screen and walk away immediately when I'm done. I don't have to carry on with the conversation if I'm too weary to keep communicating.

Cat Mom
07-17-2013, 09:34 AM
Wow, thanks for that, I can relate to a LOT (all) of that and I bet a lot of the people in here can, too!

You are not alone, that's for sure.

If it's any consolation: I realized at one particularly lonely point in my life that I really had no friends in my State, and I made a pact with myself to at least make an effort to be friendly and open to conversation. Within weeks of making that commitment to myself, I found myself seated next to a cute guy at a Red Hot Chili Peppers show at the United Center; I said hi, he asked if I wanted to borrow his binoculars, we started talking about Led Zeppelin, and now we've been together for 17 years, we married last year. He's an Introvert, too.

It does seem that us Introverts gravitate toward each other at social gatherings or at work, but we don't always recognize each other.

We weren't kidding, earlier, when some of us said that the Internet was created for us (by us); we can be as "social" as we want, skip the conversations that bore us, all the while we're alone in our underpants.

theimage13
07-17-2013, 09:50 AM
I made that same pact with myself, and it always ends up going south.

Made plans to attend a Meetup: got so physically ill at the thought of a night out with ~a dozen people I'd never met that I bailed out on it.
Went to a concert to see one of my favorite bands a couple months ago: noticed that EVERY person there was with someone, and I never spotted one single person who was there by him or herself. Didn't open my mouth the entire night.

On the plus side, I'm moving back to my hometown soon, and my few close friends are still there - and a couple of them single. I've already made a pact with one that we're going to force ourselves into more social situations and try to rectify our single status (I know some people are a-ok being single; I learned last year that I absolutely need that kind of love in my life). He's great with getting out and meeting people, and I'm generally more open when I'm with someone I feel comfortable around, so I've got my hopes up that this will at least help a little.

Alexandros
07-17-2013, 10:03 AM
Interesting this thread popped up right about a time I've been thinking about my interactions with people.

I guess I am an introvert too, I can definitely recognise some (not all) of the telltale signs in my behaviour. Actually, I always knew I was introverted, I just didn't know there was an entire personality type attached to it. Anyway, back to my story: I have a few close friends with whom I go out together often enough. For the past years certain people have been "added" to the party, not by me. I am friendly with them, but they're nowhere near being close friends. The thing is, whenever they're around I find myself being significantly quieter than when they're not. This usually raises some sarcastic comments from them like "Hey, shut up for a while, will you?" etc. And on occassion this gets to me. I know I have things to say when I'm comfortable saying them but still, I sometimes feel bad that the addition of a couple of people in the company has so diminished my communication capabilities.

Anyway, this thread has given me some things to think about.

theimage13
07-17-2013, 10:34 AM
One more random thought: inspired by another post here, I decided to take an online test for Asperger's. Yes, I know it's not scientific. Yes, I know any actual diagnosis will only come from a doctor. But I did find it intriguing that I landed squarely in the "yep, you've got Asperger's" range.

Have fun mulling that one over, brain.

Cat Mom
07-17-2013, 10:55 AM
oh god I don't wanna know that

sentient02970
07-19-2013, 07:05 AM
I made that same pact with myself, and it always ends up going south.

Made plans to attend a Meetup: got so physically ill at the thought of a night out with ~a dozen people I'd never met that I bailed out on it.
Went to a concert to see one of my favorite bands a couple months ago: noticed that EVERY person there was with someone, and I never spotted one single person who was there by him or herself. Didn't open my mouth the entire night.

On the plus side, I'm moving back to my hometown soon, and my few close friends are still there - and a couple of them single. I've already made a pact with one that we're going to force ourselves into more social situations and try to rectify our single status (I know some people are a-ok being single; I learned last year that I absolutely need that kind of love in my life). He's great with getting out and meeting people, and I'm generally more open when I'm with someone I feel comfortable around, so I've got my hopes up that this will at least help a little.

I'm getting a bit better with this. I've attended a Writer's meetup every other week. I think the first meeting was a bit weird for me as I knew noone. But everyone there was so welcoming and easy to fit into my "space" that I felt very good about the group and interacting with them.

I go to bars occasionally and am able to chat it up with the bar tenders and nearby patrons. But I don't usually open my space to all of them. I just enjoy a bit of company along with my beer.

Getting out has felt easier since my marraige break up as she was a pure extrovert and our common social settings felt uncomfortable to me. Now I get to set my own terms with social life. I think that level of control feels better to me and makes things easier.

theimage13
07-19-2013, 08:18 AM
I go to bars occasionally and am able to chat it up with the bar tenders and nearby patrons. But I don't usually open my space to all of them. I just enjoy a bit of company along with my beer.

Ah, and that's where I fail. I can't go to a bar alone, period. I just feel 100% wrong. I've tried - and failed - to make small talk with bartenders. I've never so much as been able to open my mouth in the direction of someone else at the bar. And when someone at the bar tries to talk to me, I just kind of laugh nervously and shy away.

Even when I go with others, it ends poorly - except with my core group of 2-3 friends. If I go out with colleagues, I find myself sitting to the outside of the group, listening to their stories and not having a single word to put in myself. By the time they're on to ordering the second or third round, I'm excusing myself to go to the hotel to catch some sleep - even if it's not even 8PM.

sentient02970
07-19-2013, 08:55 AM
I think what has helped me with the "bars" is I've kind of become a regular at a couple of them so my familiarity with the place and the bar tenders has helped a lot. But I hear what you're saying. I used to take business trips and bars in other cities felt like an excuse to "leave early" and head back to the hotel.

theimage13
07-19-2013, 05:32 PM
I don't make enough to be a regular. Actually, realizing that had helped me financially, so I'm pretty okay with it!

Cat Mom
07-31-2013, 06:16 AM
6 Things You Thought Wrong About Introverts (http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3569058?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003)

The_Prowler
07-31-2013, 06:00 PM
It's always interesting when I go out with a friend and we meet up with his/her other friends, and they're always convinced that I'm not having a good time. Just because I'm not loud, talking nonstop, energetic and talking to a dozen random strangers doesn't mean I'm not enjoying myself. I just enjoy myself differently.

But put me at a concert and I'm the guy you want to be standing a minimum of fifteen feet away from at all times because I will sing and dance and make a general ass of myself with absolutely zero shame :D

But for the most part I'm pretty quiet and slightly uncomfortable in most social situations.

Cat Mom
07-31-2013, 07:48 PM
I'm not good in big social situations, like music festivals, anymore because I have zero asshole tolerance and those festivals tend to be Asshole Magnets.

Drunk Asshole Magnets.

Drunks Assholes Who Talk During The Entire Show Magnets.

It does not compute.

miss k bee
08-04-2013, 06:34 AM
It's always interesting when I go out with a friend and we meet up with his/her other friends, and they're always convinced that I'm not having a good time. Just because I'm not loud, talking nonstop, energetic and talking to a dozen random strangers doesn't mean I'm not enjoying myself. I just enjoy myself differently.

But put me at a concert and I'm the guy you want to be standing a minimum of fifteen feet away from at all times because I will sing and dance and make a general ass of myself with absolutely zero shame :D

But for the most part I'm pretty quiet and slightly uncomfortable in most social situations.

Yes this is the same with me. I amount of times I get asked by certain friends if I am ok, I would be a millionaire! Yep the dancing thing as well - no shame ( well a little bit :) )

Bad Wolf
08-04-2013, 10:06 AM
Allegro's myth post nailed it. There was a period where I tried to make friends, but eventually I pretty much said fuck it. I really embraced enjoying being by myself when I lived by myself in college. I became even more introverted when I got sick with a chronic illness. It made me very sensitive to several environmental factors- light, sound, tactile etc. so everything became very abrasive to me. I feel like my illness pretty much took what introversion was already there and magnified it. I also had to learn to put myself first even if it means hurting other people's feelings. I lost some very close friends because of it. It hurt at the time, yes, but honestly I have enough on my plate and I don't need that shit. I say I don't deal with people anymore.

I love the friends I already have, but I don't care to make new ones. If it happens that's fine, but I don't go out of my way to interact with someone new. I also don't require companionship. People look at me like I have 3 heads when I tell them I don't date because I like being by myself. What's wrong with that? Adding people just makes things too complicated and I can't deal with that. Again, if it happens, whatever, but I'm not going out of my way. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone goes 'I want to go see such and such but I have nobody to go with waaaaah!!!' If you want to go fucking go! It's just bizarre to me that someone would rely on someone else to make themselves happy.

Going out has always been very aversive to me. I like things in small doses, but if I'm relying on someone else like to drive for example and cannot leave when I want to I almost always end up not enjoying it. I don't like being on other people's schedules.

I like being by myself. I like doing things by myself. I like doing things on my own schedule, in my own way, in my own time. And it's ok, goddammit!

The_Prowler
08-04-2013, 01:49 PM
Yes this is the same with me. I amount of times I get asked by certain friends if I am ok, I would be a millionaire! Yep the dancing thing as well - no shame ( well a little bit :) )
I went to see Black Sabbath on Friday, and I completely turned into a different person. I was dancing, jumping, singing, talking to people... It's very strange when that happens to me and I look back on it a day or two later when I'm back to "normal" and realize how completely out of character I was acting.

theimage13
08-04-2013, 02:56 PM
What I've started noticing on this tour is that I'm getting better at being conscious of the fact that no one knows who I am once I've stepped off the bus or out of the venue. I can roam the streets, do touristy things, whatever strikes my fancy...and not give the tiniest little bit of damns about what anyone around me may think. Not that I'm doing anything that should be attracting any attention in the first place. But wow, the feeling of anonymity that comes with being in a different city (or state) several times a week feels extremely liberating.

And concerts (as an attendee)? It usually takes me a little bit to warm up, but I tend to be jumping up and down after a few songs. Still don't really find it in me to approach anyone or strike up a conversation, though.

miss k bee
08-05-2013, 06:51 PM
I am so used to going to concerts and gigs by myself now, that it is almost not enjoyable to go with other people as I worry if they are not enjoying it as much as me... which makes me not enjoy it.

Bad Wolf
08-05-2013, 09:26 PM
Concerts are weird aren't they? They're one of the very few exceptions when it comes to feelings towards going out and it is a pretty extreme version of a social situation, yet we can still manage to enjoy ourselves (for the most part anyway)

redshoewearer
08-07-2013, 03:50 PM
I'm not good in big social situations, like music festivals, anymore because I have zero asshole tolerance and those festivals tend to be Asshole Magnets.

Drunk Asshole Magnets.

Drunks Assholes Who Talk During The Entire Show Magnets.

It does not compute.

I totally thought of this when I was at The Cure at Lolla. But I kept moving up till I got with folks who were there to see/listen to The Cure and not just ham it up for facebook pics. Fortunately NIN shows kick the ass of drunk talking during the entire show assholes - either they shut up or they leave because they can't handle someone being louder than them (ie the intensity of the show).

theimage13
08-07-2013, 09:08 PM
Concerts are weird aren't they? They're one of the very few exceptions when it comes to feelings towards going out and it is a pretty extreme version of a social situation, yet we can still manage to enjoy ourselves (for the most part anyway)

The power of music, my friend. It's largely the reason I work painfully long hours under strenuous conditions for absolute crap money - nothing else speaks to me and moves me the way music does, so I figured I may as well try to make a living at it. Bonus of my job: being backstage during the show helps me to not feel like I'm being a complete hermit, but the distance from the audience allows me to avoid that overwhelmed "what the hell am I doing here" kind of feeling I tend to get in crowds.

MrsMeowMeow
08-09-2013, 01:20 PM
Yeah, concerts are definitly an exceptional state for me. I can even small talk a bit with random people when waiting in line without feeling extremly uncomfortable, because its usually about the band.
I can headbang, sing, scream like an idiot and don't feel judged by the people that surround me, its awesome!

sore_and_crucified
08-09-2013, 03:06 PM
It takes me years to meet people, I've lived here for 18 months and only real friend is brother in law. I've spoken to some work colleagues, but, nothing outside of work. Just me, janes addiction and some tequila tonight.

rhet
08-09-2013, 03:35 PM
i think one of the hard truths of adulthood is that its quite difficult to make good friends especially after school/university and outside of work. I've talked to loads of people my age about how its hard to meet people and am always surprised at how many people seem to agree..even extroverts and it can be even harder for us introverts. I've moved every year or 2 for the last almost 10 years so I've definitely struggled to get any sort of roots down or a solid friend group going. stick with it though! do things you like and talk to people there. also this: How to Make Friends as a Grown Up (http://offbeathome.com/2013/06/how-to-make-friends)

theimage13
08-09-2013, 03:39 PM
Yeah...I can count the people I'd really consider to be friends on one hand, and my relationship with each of them goes back over ten years (when I was still in high school). I haven't met a single person since then who I'm comfortable talking to on a regular basis. And heck, I've lived in my current town (which I'm finally leaving) for over two and a half years. No going away party though, because I can't think of one single person who I'd even want to ask to join me at the pub. Kinda one of the big reasons that I'm leaving...

rhet
08-09-2013, 03:48 PM
Yeah I've lived in this city for almost 2 years and my best friends are ones I've met in IRC (and hang out with in person regularly) and friends I inherited from my husband..luckily he has good taste!

sore_and_crucified
08-09-2013, 03:52 PM
A husband (or wife's) friend is not the same though do you find, not sure. It's tough, ill sure check out that link though, perhaps not after a quarter bottle of tequila though.

rhet
08-09-2013, 04:00 PM
Well obviously they were his friends first from high school but i kind of commandeered the ones I liked and now they're more my friends since my hubby isn't as social as I am (which is funny since he's the extrovert).

playwithfire
08-10-2013, 05:28 AM
I've made like most of my NYC friends because I knew @goody (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=69). THANKS ETS.

rhet
08-10-2013, 05:36 AM
Internet friends FTW

Pillfred
08-29-2013, 02:37 AM
Redundant maybe, but does anyone else get weird when they try to be more open, outgoing, with people when expressing, I guess, emotions?

Halo Infinity
08-29-2013, 06:30 AM
Yes, but it also happens when it's the other way around too. I can also see how silence can be awkward, but being forced to speak to fill in the silence for the sake of speaking, while getting pried for some information and emotion can be a lot more weird to me, thus making me weird in the process. I've also been always a bit of a homebody and a loner too, and found out that I actually prefer to socialize in smaller groups, or one-on-one. (That is, whenever I'm actually socializing.)

Khrz
08-29-2013, 06:36 AM
I actually prefer to socialize in smaller groups, or one-on-one. (That is, whenever I'm actually socializing.)
When there's several persons in the room I'll remain silent and listen/analyze every word that's said, but once I'm alone with someone it devolves into mutual psycho-analysis and genealopsychology real fast...
There has to be a middle ground somewhere, but I can't be hassled to talk about the weather or sports and politics and religion are too hairy even with familiar people...

Halo Infinity
08-29-2013, 09:08 AM
I've been following this thread since it started, but as of now I'm not sure if this questions was already asked. Did any of you deal with the following questions? I understand that being quiet, or being a loner doesn't necessarily mean that one has to be a introvert, but I'm sure lots of introverts had to have gone through questions along these lines. (They didn't say all of these things directly, but I think that's what they implied.) I also noticed that I felt a lot better when I said something after completing my thought. I should also do that more often when I'm typing too, since it leaves me editing my posts like crazy.

1. Why are you so quiet? The silence is killing me.

2. Don't you ever talk? I wish you'd let me know what you were thinking.

3. I wish you'd open up more. It's boring and stressful when people don't talk. Silent people make me feel awkward too. (Not that people have directly said that, but they sure as hell implied it. -I edited the earlier part of my post to clarify the way entire list of questions were written.-)

4. Why are you by yourself so much? Don't you have any friends? Don't you get bored?

5. What do you do on the weekends? Don't you have a life? Don't you get out? And shouldn't you get out more? (I only put it directly here, but I've heard questions like that too.)

This happened whenever I was quiet in a school and work setting as well. I wasn't even ignoring anybody, but my silence sometimes shook people up for whatever reason.

Oh, and here's the kicker of all these questions to me. I also find it odd that being silent can, and is associated with being arrogant sometimes.

6. Don't you have a sense of humor? Do you have to be so serious? (This was asked in response to being quiet, which always puzzled me, because being quiet obviously doesn't always mean that something's serious, or even wrong for that matter.)

playwithfire
08-29-2013, 11:14 AM
I'll bite:

1. Why are you so quiet? The silence is killing me. - I'm not quiet and don't get asked this.

2. Don't you ever talk? I wish you'd let me know what you were thinking. - See above.

3. I wish you'd open up more. It's boring and stressful when people don't talk. Silent people make me feel awkward too. (Not that people have directly said that, but they sure as hell implied it. -I edited the earlier part of my post to clarify the way entire list of questions were written.-) - I don't like silence. It makes be get bored really quickly and I'm not comfortable with that. I don't really do "contented silence." I also happily overshare. I love being alone but I don't spend it in contended silence. I occupy my time. Usually with idiocy.

4. Why are you by yourself so much? Don't you have any friends? Don't you get bored? I don't have friends who ask me this. :(

5. What do you do on the weekends? Don't you have a life? Don't you get out? And shouldn't you get out more? (I only put it directly here, but I've heard questions like that too.) See above. Nobody asks me that.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7zos5vNur1r04hw7o1_400.gif

But honestly, I'm either busy with work, make plans, or have been asked to something. When I'm not invited to or included in something I occasionally get :( about it, but my alone time is precious, so.

6. Don't you have a sense of humor? Do you have to be so serious? Sorry, I can't hear you over the fart joke I just made and the 10/10 comments I just left on a bunch of my boyfriend's photos.

It just goes to show ya how much us introverts can differ.

rhet
08-29-2013, 01:11 PM
i used to get questions like that a lot when i was younger..people seemed quite put off by me sometimes because i can be quiet around new people and maybe a bit aloof (though less so now) but i'm not near as bothered about peoples perception of me these days so i'm just myself and go with the flow. it takes me a bit longer to warm to new people perhaps but after that i'm an open book.

Butterscotch
08-29-2013, 01:14 PM
I've been following this thread since it started, but as of now I'm not sure if this questions was already asked. Did any of you deal with the following questions? I understand that being quiet, or being a loner doesn't necessarily mean that one has to be a introvert, but I'm sure lots of introverts had to have gone through questions along these lines. (They didn't say all of these things directly, but I think that's what they implied.) I also noticed that I felt a lot better when I said something after completing my thought. I should also do that more often when I'm typing too, since it leaves me editing my posts like crazy.

1. Why are you so quiet? The silence is killing me.

2. Don't you ever talk? I wish you'd let me know what you were thinking.

3. I wish you'd open up more. It's boring and stressful when people don't talk. Silent people make me feel awkward too. (Not that people have directly said that, but they sure as hell implied it. -I edited the earlier part of my post to clarify the way entire list of questions were written.-)

4. Why are you by yourself so much? Don't you have any friends? Don't you get bored?

5. What do you do on the weekends? Don't you have a life? Don't you get out? And shouldn't you get out more? (I only put it directly here, but I've heard questions like that too.)

This happened whenever I was quiet in a school and work setting as well. I wasn't even ignoring anybody, but my silence sometimes shook people up for whatever reason.

Oh, and here's the kicker of all these questions to me. I also find it odd that being silent can, and is associated with being arrogant sometimes.

6. Don't you have a sense of humor? Do you have to be so serious? (This was asked in response to being quiet, which always puzzled me, because being quiet obviously doesn't always mean that something's serious, or even wrong for that matter.)

Holy shit, are you me? Seriously, I'm like this, and I get asked questions like this constantly.

redshoewearer
08-29-2013, 11:41 PM
I just realized tonight, that I haven't put myself in ANY unfamiliar social situations in quite a few years. I teach aerobics, and do fine in that role, because I am the leader, AND I know everyone. There is a math department picnic this weekend at the grad school I go to, but I am terrified! Since I'm only a part time student, I don't know people that well, but I feel like I should be there. I have this feeling everyone will look at me and think why is SHE here - isn't that ridiculous? Introvert problems.

Regarding silence from the topic above - I don't get asked why I'm quiet (my husband talks enough for both of us), but I'm perfectly happy to stay quiet. I was picking up a textbook recently, and I ran into a woman who worked there that I knew a little - I had to wait for the book to be brought up from the basement. After my standing there quietly for a short time, she proceeded to pump me for info - what is my major, do I still do the work that I used to do bla bla bla. So I turned the tables and asked her about her kid, but I would have preferred to just stand there. Why do people feel like they have to fill silence with inane chatter? If they are not your friend it just feels like they are being nosy, and I don't know any way to stop the questions that doesn't come off as rude.

Another silence story - evidently when I was 4, when my mother went to the teacher conference night at my pre-school, in November, the teacher asked my mother if I could talk. I'd been there since September and she hadn't heard me say a word, so I guess I've always been like this.

playwithfire
08-30-2013, 01:31 AM
Why do people feel like they have to fill silence with inane chatter?
I straight up get bored. It takes an astoundingly small amount of time. If I can't politely turn to my phone/something else/leave... then silence becomes uncomfortable and full of nothing and in the nothing I get bored and antsy and I basically just tolerate the silence.

miss k bee
08-30-2013, 07:00 AM
I hate the awkwardness of leaving work and finding a work colleague is going home part of the same route as you and trying to be polite striking up some small talk only to end in awkward silence and from then on trying not to leave work at the same time so as to avoid awkward small talk. This has happened at quite a few places I've worked at. I also see people do it all the time. I also don't have a problem with silence, sometimes silence is golden !
I went on a assertiveness evening course a couple of years ago and was surprised not only at how many people were on the course but also at how many worked as teachers!

frankie teardrop
08-30-2013, 12:05 PM
i appreciate silence on the train, when i'm trying to read and lose myself in my headphones for a while, even if i'm riding somewhere with my wife or a friend... but when i'm hanging out with someone at home/bar/dinner, etc., i can't handle silence and feel the need to fill every moment with conversation, music, or something because it just gets TOO QUIET AND AWKWARD.

in the end, i can't really stand having the same small conversations every five minutes and am glad i don't DJ much these days. now i don't have to pretend i'm this social butterfly and hide in the booth all night.

work, is also generally quiet time, but once in a while i get so bored during a slow day and become the random weirdo i am deep down. which, considering how quiet and introverted i am usually, tends to surprise my coworkers.

Cat Mom
08-30-2013, 12:48 PM
I just realized tonight, that I haven't put myself in ANY unfamiliar social situations in quite a few years. I teach aerobics, and do fine in that role, because I am the leader, AND I know everyone. There is a math department picnic this weekend at the grad school I go to, but I am terrified! Since I'm only a part time student, I don't know people that well, but I feel like I should be there.
I was inducted into three honor societies while I was an undergrad, and I skipped two of the induction ceremonies. I went to my Sigma Tau Delta induction because that was fairly important to me, but G went with me. Unless G can go with me, I generally don't go. Yeah, that's kinda sad but I just hate standing around with a glass in my hand checking my watch.

(Because I'm bored out of my fucking skull.)

JessicaSarahS
08-30-2013, 04:46 PM
9 Things Introverts Do All The Time. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/9-things-introverts-do-all-the-time,33683)

kel
08-30-2013, 06:57 PM
this thread is great. it's cathartic to read about your struggles with introversion. i have my own.

five years ago i was outgoing, fun, even popular. after experiencing my first panic attack and bout with depression, i clammed up socially. most of my close friends are now close facebook friends and i spend most of my free time at home with my dogs.

i keep hoping that i'll snap out of it while i'm still relatively young. not a ton of hope there, though.

Cat Mom
08-30-2013, 09:39 PM
I had a great time at G's Latin class party, all really diverse interesting SMART people, no small talk at all. Probably all INTJs.

JessicaSarahS
09-02-2013, 03:26 PM
I have been socializing with people all damn day for the past 5 days straight and I feel so fucking depleted. Going to one more party tonight. I need a break before I pass out. :(

rhet
09-02-2013, 03:31 PM
I have been socializing with people all damn day for the past 5 days straight and I feel so fucking depleted. Going to one more party tonight. I need a break before I pass out. :(

that does sound exhausting. i usually try to schedule our social activities so they're spread out or theres some down time in between but obviously you can't always do that. in fact i'm selling tickets to a show for next monday because i'm working with a load of people for long hours on thursday and friday then my inlaws are down for the weekend so i know i won't be in the mood to fight crowds.

Pillfred
09-02-2013, 04:12 PM
I usually don't mind being around people say at a coffee shop or show, ad long as I don't have to really interact with them. I used to run into that though after a long day/week at work when the ex's parents would come to visit.

Big Fat Matt
09-02-2013, 04:52 PM
spent my entrie labor day weekend playing pokemon and seeing how sleep deprived i can get. i only go outside to smoke cigarettes.

JessicaSarahS
09-02-2013, 07:00 PM
that does sound exhausting. i usually try to schedule our social activities so they're spread out or theres some down time in between but obviously you can't always do that. in fact i'm selling tickets to a show for next monday because i'm working with a load of people for long hours on thursday and friday then my inlaws are down for the weekend so i know i won't be in the mood to fight crowds.

Oh I definitely try to limit my outings to once a week, but it's been unavoidable these past couple of weeks. :(

Cat Mom
09-03-2013, 12:12 AM
This weekend, I spent a few days in the row, all day, with both G and my mother. And they talk at the same time. I felt like I was guest host on The fucking VIEW. In a restaurant on Saturday night, the cacophony was so intense it was making me want to stab somebody with a pen. Actually, while I was signing the check so we could get the hell out of there (and I could finally get some alone recharging quiet time), I stabbed THE TABLE with a pen. And I broke the pen. It was the waitress's pen. I put it back together, but I think I made my point. They shut up after that. For about 5 minutes.

I don't mind conversation but sometimes when that^^ happens it feels like there are 500 conversations all around me and I want to go sit in a quiet car for a while (actually, I've DONE that).

Beef of the Sea
09-03-2013, 12:30 AM
Found the same thing happens to me in meetings when it degrades into 3-4 people trying to talk over the top of each other, I just end up walking out.

JessicaSarahS
09-03-2013, 03:46 PM
Ahhhhhhh, much needed solitude today on my day off.

theimage13
09-03-2013, 03:59 PM
I don't mind conversation but sometimes when that^^ happens it feels like there are 500 conversations all around me and I want to go sit in a quiet car for a while (actually, I've DONE that).

I get that feeling at family gatherings sometime. It could be just my mom and my grandmother talking in the same room as me, and I love them both dearly, but sometimes I just need to not be in that room. Same goes with plenty of other situations, but I think that's the one that feels the most "wrong" to feel the need to escape from.

Also, the single most successful person I personally know may also be the best example of an introvert who can get out of the bubble when they absolutely need to (for work, school, etc). She just told me I "have to" read the book she just finished - Quiet: The Power of Introverts (by Susan Cain). This is a woman who A: I will probably be trusting my life to (literally) someday, and B: has rarely, in the decade + that I've known her, said the words "have to" when offering a book suggestion on even her most passionate topics. Needless to say, I've got a copy on hold at the library now. Just thought I'd pass it along in case anyone else wants to do the same.

Cat Mom
09-03-2013, 04:16 PM
^^ That's on my "To Read" list, it's been all over the place on TV and online.

edit: just bought it on Kindle

Halo Infinity
09-03-2013, 04:18 PM
This weekend, I spent a few days in the row, all day, with both G and my mother. And they talk at the same time. I felt like I was guest host on The fucking VIEW. In a restaurant on Saturday night, the cacophony was so intense it was making me want to stab somebody with a pen. Actually, while I was signing the check so we could get the hell out of there (and I could finally get some alone recharging quiet time), I stabbed THE TABLE with a pen. And I broke the pen. It was the waitress's pen. I put it back together, but I think I made my point. They shut up after that. For about 5 minutes.

I don't mind conversation but sometimes when that^^ happens it feels like there are 500 conversations all around me and I want to go sit in a quiet car for a while (actually, I've DONE that).
Then it also must've been awful for you to be in any classroom where it seemed like 5 to 20+ people were speaking at the top of their voices simultaneously. And I'm not talking about regular classroom discussions either. Just students that speak as if every single minute needs a conversation. What you said also reminded me of that. It also drives me nuts and I'm glad to see that I'm not alone, even though it still sucks.


Found the same thing happens to me in meetings when it degrades into 3-4 people trying to talk over the top of each other, I just end up walking out.

I feel exactly the same way, as I'd also rather not put up with that.


Ahhhhhhh, much needed solitude today on my day off.
Oh yes, I could certainly use more of those moments myself. And for the lack of a better term, sometimes peace and quiet really is the shit. :)

Cat Mom
09-03-2013, 04:24 PM
Then it also must've been awful for you to be in any classroom where it seemed like 5 to 20+ people were speaking at the top of their voices simultaneously.
Yeah, I seem to have this kind of "red line" that happens where, suddenly, BOOM, I am aware that the noise level is way too much for me. Not "noise" so much as "din." It's a cacophony of talk talk talking, throws my brain into chaos.

Loud restaurants are *intolerable* to me and G. We have taken a few good restaurants off our "like" list because of the noise levels, and we learned tricks for our favorite restaurant (eat at the bar, only go during lunch, only go between 5-6 pm) to avoid the noise levels.

Cat Mom
09-03-2013, 04:41 PM
When I worked the door at a club, one night I realized that I just felt kinda "off" - irritable? not feeling so good? weird? The sound guy sat around a little wall behind me and he asked, "are you okay?" (We hadn't even been talking, he just NOTICED it, weird.) I told him the above and he said, "go outside for a few minutes, it's the noise." He was absolutely right! Not the bands so much as the constant DIN of that bar PLUS the noise of the bands.

Oh, yeah, see this (http://www.psychologies.co.uk/self/revenge-of-the-introverts.html).


Studies have shown that introverts are physiologically more sensitive than extroverts – they sweat more in reaction to stimuli such as noise and emotions, and salivate more in response to a drop of lemon juice on the tongue. ‘These reactions transmit into subtle signs that are not necessarily perceptible in a social setting – a quick aversion of the eyes before you shake hands with someone new, for example,’ says Cain. ‘It’s only in the lab that we can pick these changes up.’ In short, introverts react more strongly to stimulus and therefore need much less of it or they rapidly become overstimulated.

‘When overstimulated, an introvert’s mind can essentially shut down,’ says life coach Nancy Okerlund of introvertenergy.com. ‘It becomes hard to think, hard to make light conversation, hard to feel comfortable, even in a room full of close friends.’ Introverts thrive in a lifestyle that provides frequent opportunities for quiet, ‘and even solitude doesn’t necessarily guarantee downtime’, she says. ‘Sometimes downtime means giving the hard-working, complex introvert brain a rest from thinking, by smelling the flowers or staring out the window at a cloud.’

ninrogue
09-04-2013, 02:00 AM
I feel very uncomfortable when it comes to parties. When I want to feel happy, I feel a sudden shiver and numbness on my lips, almost like hypertension. Even though I like working out to the park, sometimes I'd prefer to go when there are lesser people by the park. When a woman wants to engage in a conversation with me, responding back is almost as if I were on buffer mode; know how to respond back, yet run out of other things to say. I am easily able to communicate with guy friends however, I consider myself to be heterosexual.



Am I an introvert?


By the way, the guide gave me laughs. Very motivational. +1

Halo Infinity
09-04-2013, 02:46 AM
I just thought that any of you that are still on Facebook could certainly appreciate and like the following pages. :)

https://www.facebook.com/IntrovertsAreAwesome

https://www.facebook.com/SocialIntroverts

https://www.facebook.com/LonerWolf

miss k bee
09-07-2013, 12:37 PM
Going to two social Meet Up events this week. The first one yesterday was quite nice meeting a bunch of shy ladies for a roller disco, which was fun.
The second one today is going to a singles evening with a friend - shitting myself, last time I went to one of these things was not good my friends left me stranded as they were two hours late!

theimage13
09-08-2013, 12:39 PM
Going to two social Meet Up events this week. The first one yesterday was quite nice meeting a bunch of shy ladies for a roller disco, which was fun.
The second one today is going to a singles evening with a friend - shitting myself, last time I went to one of these things was not good my friends left me stranded as they were two hours late!

I've been trying to force myself to utilize that website for over a year. When I moved the other week, I checked out the ones in my new city and thought "finally!" - multiple groups for things I actually enjoy, primarily hiking. I thought "this is just what I've needed".

And I still can't do it.

It always starts off sounding good on paper. Then I look at the nitty-gritty; the 20-30 people (mostly couples and/or people at least ten years my senior) who have all been to numerous meetups before, and I run away screaming. Or whimpering. I desperately long for that one person who I feel comfortable taking by the hand and just wandering through the woods with, but going for a group hike with dozens of people who I've never met just scares the absolute shit out of me, not to mention that I've realized that hiking with that many people doesn't sound like the quiet escape to nature that appeals to me in the first place.

In other news, I'm up to chapter 5 in that Quiet book and I don't get what the big deal is. There's all sorts of talk about how introverts are thoughtful and can do great work by themselves (no shit, Sherlock), that they can be extremely successful career-wise (assuming they've found that thing that they're super passionate about and are actually good at it), and about theories on what causes one to be intro or extro. Gotta say, I'm not taking anything away from this so far other than that the word "introvert" doesn't automatically mean "bad," which is another "no shit" statement. I'm still waiting for the part that explains how an introvert is able to become social enough to find those rare few people who they're comfortable with, and should one of them happen to be extremely extroverted, how to keep up with them (I've heard that this part is actually addressed somewhere in the book; I think I'm just not there yet).

And now, time to watch my favorite team's season opener - alone, at home. Because I couldn't muster the courage to ride 40 minutes (each way) with one of my best friends to a bar, where I'd meet up with another of my few close friends, and watch surrounded by strangers while also being subjected to a barrage of questions (on account of it being my first game back in town in several years). I think there might be more than just introversion going on here.

miss k bee
09-08-2013, 06:31 PM
The meet ups that I went to this week were not too bad as most people were new, the roller disco one was a '2 shy girls' meet up for shy black girls. The singles night one was surprisingly not too bad even though my friend who is an extravert left early, tbh alcohol helped as it was in a cocktail bar. Always feel awkward going to meet ups though.

theimage13
09-09-2013, 02:56 PM
Plowed through Quiet over the weekend and into this morning. Turns out it wasn't really worth the time, and I'm glad I only borrowed it from the library. Let me summarize:

Introverts can be successful career-wise if they happen to enjoy focusing on something that's commercially viable in their country's job market. (Smart people can get jobs? No way!)
Introverts are good listeners and make extremely good partners/spouses...if someone magically falls into their lap (No kidding...but not super helpful)
Despite being so awesome, introverts can and should find a level of faking it that will allow them to be successful in a society that still heavily favors and values extroverts. Be an introvert on your own time. (That's encouraging)

Cat Mom
09-18-2013, 02:54 PM
Plowed through Quiet over the weekend and into this morning. Turns out it wasn't really worth the time, and I'm glad I only borrowed it from the library. Let me summarize:

Introverts can be successful career-wise if they happen to enjoy focusing on something that's commercially viable in their country's job market. (Smart people can get jobs? No way!)
Introverts are good listeners and make extremely good partners/spouses...if someone magically falls into their lap (No kidding...but not super helpful)
Despite being so awesome, introverts can and should find a level of faking it that will allow them to be successful in a society that still heavily favors and values extroverts. Be an introvert on your own time. (That's encouraging)
Heh, thanks for saving me the time I may have wasted reading this book. We're already experts, having spent our entire respective lives as introverts; dunno why we'd have to read a book about it. These books are probably better for extroverts, to help them understand introverts?



And now, time to watch my favorite team's season opener - alone, at home. Because I couldn't muster the courage to ride 40 minutes (each way) with one of my best friends to a bar, where I'd meet up with another of my few close friends, and watch surrounded by strangers while also being subjected to a barrage of questions (on account of it being my first game back in town in several years). I think there might be more than just introversion going on here.
Yeah, perhaps. You aren't going to meet a best friend you can go hiking with if you stay at home alone, though. Get out there, maybe you'll find other uncomfortable miserable introverts; make sure your introvert radar is switched to 'on' and is fully functioning. You're more likely to meet fellow introverts at geeky events like Star Trek conventions or MENSA meetings, though, rather than home openers at a sports bar. Just sayin'. However, that doesn't mean that you can't go enjoy a game with friends and some beer.

The_Prowler
09-23-2013, 12:11 AM
It's always fun when someone says "you should be more outgoing!"

Thank you so much! All my problems are instantly solved! Why didn't I think of that before? You're a fucking genius!




Another huge problem (I don't know if anyone else here is like this or if it's just me) is that when I do finally work up the balls to talk to someone (especially female), I try so hard to make a good impression that I end up making an idiot of myself and completely ruining any chance of a real friendship or possible relationship.

miss k bee
09-24-2013, 03:06 PM
People talking shit all the time at work, like constant small talk about shit - sometimes annoys me massively!.

Halo Infinity
09-24-2013, 04:45 PM
The worst part of that to me would be that they'd expect everybody to love it too.

theimage13
09-24-2013, 04:59 PM
Another huge problem (I don't know if anyone else here is like this or if it's just me) is that when I do finally work up the balls to talk to someone (especially female), I try so hard to make a good impression that I end up making an idiot of myself and completely ruining any chance of a real friendship or possible relationship.

This. I've been told that I've come on way too strong when I'm simply trying to express a genuine enthusiasm and interest in someone, but I'm absolutely horrified that toning it down will just result in appearing uninterested. Feel like I can't really win.

Halo Infinity
09-24-2013, 05:06 PM
I also noticed that it seems like the majority of people assumes that everybody wants to talk and be around people. Sure, it's inconsiderate to "not be social", but isn't it also just as inconsiderate to expect everybody to be social as well?

People have also gotten pissed off at me at a job I used to work at for not opening up even when I wasn't ignoring them or acting as if I was bored, annoyed, and pissed off. It was a long time ago, but it still grates my nerves.

They basically asked why I was so quiet and said that it would be better if I were to open up more because I was boring them, and that's what they found annoying about me. Why? So I can talk about clubbing? Being a player? Getting laid? Shitty dysfunctional family/friend problems that I shouldn't give a rat's ass over? Stupid shit from ODing on drugs and alcohol? That's what they mostly spoke about to pass the time, and I just don't give a fuck about that shit at all. Well, maybe getting laid, but I'd rather keep that to myself. Oh, and last time I checked, my job was NOT to entertain them.

Sorry, I also know that this is more into the little things that piss you off thread-type material, but it really is fucking annoying, even to just think about again.

Halo Infinity
09-24-2013, 05:14 PM
I also think it's one of THE lamest reasons for people to get disappointed and annoyed over "not knowing what the other person is thinking". Sounds like a nosy person to me. Introvert or not, I'm sure most quiet people can relate.

ericy210
09-24-2013, 10:34 PM
Anyone don a Myers-Briggs personality test? I'M an istj for those who know. They define introvert as where you draw energy from, internal or external. An extrovert goes out to work with s bunch of people to chat. I go out and drive around listening to music, come up with a lot of ideas and solutions for work, and come back to the office energized

Iran_Ed
09-24-2013, 11:11 PM
Anyone don a Myers-Briggs personality test? I'M an istj for those who know. They define introvert as where you draw energy from, internal or external. An extrovert goes out to work with s bunch of people to chat. I go out and drive around listening to music, come up with a lot of ideas and solutions for work, and come back to the office energized

I'm an INTP. This explains me perfectly http://www.personalitypage.com/INTP.html

Cat Mom
09-25-2013, 12:06 AM
Several of us said we're INTJs, toward the beginning of this thread (see beginning at post #3)

MrsMeowMeow
09-25-2013, 10:42 AM
I'm in a new school/class and people just won't stop saying things like "you never talk, you don't like us?" "you should be more accessible to people" "you always look so grumpy" (well, thats my face you idiot)
I wonder if they ever heard of the term "introvert", because they all don't seem to have a clue what that means.
I don't want to make any friends there (meaning I don't want to meet any of them after school). I just want to get along and concentrate on school. Why do I have to talk to people, when I already know I don't share many or any interests with them. Its so exhausting to have a conversation with people like that and they don't understand how tiring this is for me.

frankie teardrop
09-25-2013, 11:31 AM
Several of us said we're INTJs, toward the beginning of this thread (see beginning at post #3)

i finally took one of these and got a INFJ. pretty much spot on.

orestes
10-03-2013, 09:54 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtGscT3l-bs

Substance242
03-09-2015, 05:33 PM
Sorry to bump this thread, but recent talk about Astrology inspired me to search forum for INTJ. :-) Hello fellow INTJ-ers, how are you today. :-)

Cat Mom
03-09-2015, 09:51 PM
Sorry to bump this thread, but recent talk about Astrology inspired me to search forum for INTJ. :-) Hello fellow INTJ-ers, how are you today. :-)
(waives) Hello!

playwithfire
03-09-2015, 10:25 PM
I'm an ISFP. Human embodiment of a kitten.

The_Prowler
03-09-2015, 11:15 PM
Small talk is my enemy. If I have something legitimate to talk about and bond over, I'm gold. But if I have to fish for a conversation, I'm like a blind man searching for Manhattan in the Sahara Desert.

Pillfred
03-10-2015, 02:14 AM
I just agree a lot and act interested. If I like the person. Otherwise I ignore them. It's a lot of; yep, ooh sure, right, no shit, etc. Fortunately I'm usually at work, with people I work with, or at home alone. This social thing is a fairly recent tying however. I will say I do have a tendency for seeming quiet still. Until you trip my mouth trigger.

Millionaire
03-10-2015, 07:07 PM
I'm not a fan of small talk either. Not only is it just tiring, I also find it, in general, really fucking boring. Sometimes I have this thought in the middle of it like, "Are we really doing this right now? Is this necessary?" If the person I'm talking to is interesting, and we have chemistry or stumble on a compelling line of dialogue, then I could talk for hours sometimes, but I'm really tired of the "So, what do you do? how old are you? How do you feel about this current topic?" thing. The people I like talking to skip that. I met someone last week, and almost straight off we talked about putting various weapons on our motorcycles. Boom, you're my friend.

Halo Infinity
03-10-2015, 10:15 PM
Looking back at it now, it wasn't small talk that was the problem as much as the awkwardness of forced conversation, especially if the other person actually hates and dreads silence. I've been around people that would even go as far as to try too hard to joke their way out of silence and try all they could to get a reaction out of me, while also bringing up as many things as they could out of the blue. That's what also made family gatherings very awkward for me sometimes. Some of them have even admitted to me that they absolutely hate silence when being around others. Forced conversation also just adds to my obliviousness and confusion. It's always awkward never knowing what to really say sometimes. Otherwise, I just manage to shrug it off and keep quiet.

I've hopefully improved since then, especially after learning about which types of questions and statements shouldn't be taken literally. I also probably don't care about coming across as boring as much as I've used to either, but I still sometimes care about that a bit, considering how I've just mentioned it. I however, can understand how people that are naturals at small talk have a much more difficult time with those that don't just jump into it as readily though, as I've also experienced it from the other side too, but at least I've also gotten better at knowing just when to apply the brakes. And from the looks of it, I'm probably an ambivert, but it would also most likely depend on my mood and what I'm talking about it.