The Childfree and/or Unmarried Thread

[Alexandros]

^^I don't really know. Perhaps I'd be like Tea and go through with it for them. But then, if they found marriage *essential* would I even get past a few dates with them?

I don't think it's that simple. You would be surprised (or maybe not) at how entrenched the idea of marriage is to some. That person could be (almost) perfect for you, yet retain that one notion. And sometimes it may well not be their notion anyway, it depends on what sort of society you live in and what the family thinks. It's all well and good to say "I don't believe in marriage, I'd rather avoid it", but would you really want to put your partner in a place where he/she has to deal with a disapproving family? And for what is simply one day of ceremony and a signature in a piece of paper? I know it sounds like the coward's way out and a compromise one shouldn't be forced to do, but it is something to think about.

[botley]

I don't think it's that simple. You would be surprised (or maybe not) at how entrenched the idea of marriage is to some. That person could be (almost) perfect for you, yet retain that one notion. And sometimes it may well not be their notion anyway, it depends on what sort of society you live in and what the family thinks. It's all well and good to say "I don't believe in marriage, I'd rather avoid it", but would you really want to put your partner in a place where he/she has to deal with a disapproving family? And for what is simply one day of ceremony and a signature in a piece of paper? I know it sounds like the coward's way out and a compromise one shouldn't be forced to do, but it is something to think about.

There is no such thing as someone who is even "almost perfect" for you. That is a lie, perpetuated by greeting cards. You either love someone to the point where you can meet them halfway on issues where you disagree, or you don't. This was an issue for me in my recent failed LTR. We'd had discussions about getting married one day and I was not very open to the idea (except in the weaselly "maybe I will one day when I'm older" way). My ex had it entrenched in her upbringing that she wanted a marriage in order to start her own family unit... not necessarily with kids, but including a public ceremony. I could sort of understand the desire for that, but I wasn't exactly sure whom it would benefit... was she trying to get back at her parents for splitting up? I don't know.

You make a fair point about cultural differences. I wouldn't want to get involved with someone whose family ties are closely entrenched in strict religious rules that I can't get behind, but people fall in love before they look at that shit all the time.