The Relationship Thread

[Volband]

What did you say and what did she say! DEETS!

Welp, Imma copy paste the boy version with al it's grammar failure/lack of proof read. I would hide it, if I could, so it doesn't take up as much space, but I'm not aware of such an option here on ETS. The spoiler tag just made it look like I was posting secret military information.

-------
So, I went there yesterday morning. It's on the way to my home, so I tried to check out whether she's in, or whether she's name is up on a board, but turns out only the managers are there. I wanted to check her facebook. I think I went there 3 times, the third one being purely for her. Yeah, I know the 3rd one was overboard, but since I realized that it's not gonna be another "I'm totally doing it!!! ... oh wait, nevermind, [excuse, excuse, excuse]", and I'm actually going to go through with it, I had all sorts of problem. Right before I went on my way there I was sweating bullets.


But she wasn't there, so today happened. I went to the gym early, as I always do, and it came in handy, because after you finish with your work-out, you always empowered a bit. I dress up casually, this time not checking before-hand whether she's there or not. You see, after yesterday, I kinda lost interest, like the thing has ran it's course for me. Yeah, I was still nervous, but it was much more managable - yesterday I thought I'm going there to make the world a better place, but today, I was just going there to prove myself.


She's there, behind the counter. There were some people, and I could not just stand there, waiting for the right opportunity, so I started mingling. I bought some shit I did not even need, but finally, I knew I could have my 1 on 1 with her. I walked up to the cookie counter, no one around, and she was still tending to some machines, but I knew she was coming any second now. I even said out loud (but not actually LOUD loud, no one heard me) "well fuck, I'm really doing this." There she is. All right, I practiced this.
- Hi!
- Hi! Umm, what do you suggest?


I could see the pain of the world on her face, thinking "jesus fucking christ, who asks that". She forced a smile and said they are all good. Yeah, generic, uninterested answer 101. Need to dig deeper before I go all out.


- Come on now! That can't be you tatsed all of them!
- Mhm.


What a retarded question in hindsight. Of course it can't be, but what else she was supposed to say? Need to help her and myself to feel a bit more comfortable?


- The [cookie name] is terrible [or did I say shit?] for example. I know it's not you who make it, just saying.
- Well, try something new!


All right, plane crash averted. I'm still nowhere though.


- All right, then I'll take, mmm... [I'm looking around, thinking how fucking terrible all of them are] that strawberry one!
- This? All right!
- There's no way it's not fucking overpriced, but let's try it, haha!
- (genuine laugh)


Genuine!!!! I really am in my element, when I can go overboard with things. It's amusing how many strangers I made laugh, just by acting overzealous. The flip side of this is that it pretty much telegraphs I am everything, but serious, so it must be an instant turn off for girls looking for their M A N. Anyway, I can only awaken this side of me when I'm with someone else. Basically I use them to make my funny remarks work. I.e. when i'm alone, I never interact with cashiers, not even when they do it to me! But if I am with someone else, I have no problem telling him/her "Jesus, I'll be 50 years old and my fucking ID will still be asked for." in front of the cashier, who can then join in on the fun if wants to. I am really-really envy of the people who can be this easygoing even when they are alone.


Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, let's get to the wrecking part.


- So uhm... I... hm, yeah. So I did not... really came here to buy cookies.
- *the fuck is happening...*


Yeah, I screwed up, I totally lost eye-contact and I was doing my best not to reach the point, after I should've been so ashamed, I could've just pussy out right there. In hindsight, I say it was for the better, because I was not convincing as someone insanely confident, so even though the next time I should keep my focus, it wasn't as bad in this scenario as it could've been. Not that it matters, because:


- So, I find you really cute, and I would like to invite you to grab a coffe sometime ... [at this point I already knew my demise is inevitable, but goddamn if I wasn't finishing my sentence!] or something like that.


What does she do? Her forced smile told a million stories, and I was stabbed repeatedly, as she SILENTLY gave the cookie to me, then slowly walked away. Oh man, cringey as hell, and it will be forever awkward walking around there.


I walked away as well, to grab my beer I promised myself. It was not a celebratory beer I was secretly hoping for, but it still tastes good!


What I took away from it, is that I really can't be confident in this, unless I try it a hundred more times. Being as self-conscious as myself, trying to fake the big boy is just bleeding all over the place, but growing a thick skin, which can get used to listening my hopeless attempts should be possible.
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[playwithfire]

Ohhhhhh man. Well, at least you tried. Some people can't say that.

[Bachy]

So the friend I liked decided to go back with her ex. I'm a little bummed, but I'm glad she's happy and we're still friends. Time to move on.

[ldopa]

^winter = comfort.
she'll come around after the thaw, i'd put money on it.

[Ryan]

(this will be hilarious if he's agonized over this and wrote out these huge tl;dr essays and did all this science and stuff and it turns out she's a lesbian)

This is why I love you.

[Ryan]

Welp, Imma copy paste the boy version with al it's grammar failure/lack of proof read. I would hide it, if I could, so it doesn't take up as much space, but I'm not aware of such an option here on ETS. The spoiler tag just made it look like I was posting secret military information.

-------
So, I went there yesterday morning. It's on the way to my home, so I tried to check out whether she's in, or whether she's name is up on a board, but turns out only the managers are there. I wanted to check her facebook. I think I went there 3 times, the third one being purely for her. Yeah, I know the 3rd one was overboard, but since I realized that it's not gonna be another "I'm totally doing it!!! ... oh wait, nevermind, [excuse, excuse, excuse]", and I'm actually going to go through with it, I had all sorts of problem. Right before I went on my way there I was sweating bullets.


But she wasn't there, so today happened. I went to the gym early, as I always do, and it came in handy, because after you finish with your work-out, you always empowered a bit. I dress up casually, this time not checking before-hand whether she's there or not. You see, after yesterday, I kinda lost interest, like the thing has ran it's course for me. Yeah, I was still nervous, but it was much more managable - yesterday I thought I'm going there to make the world a better place, but today, I was just going there to prove myself.


She's there, behind the counter. There were some people, and I could not just stand there, waiting for the right opportunity, so I started mingling. I bought some shit I did not even need, but finally, I knew I could have my 1 on 1 with her. I walked up to the cookie counter, no one around, and she was still tending to some machines, but I knew she was coming any second now. I even said out loud (but not actually LOUD loud, no one heard me) "well fuck, I'm really doing this." There she is. All right, I practiced this.
- Hi!
- Hi! Umm, what do you suggest?


I could see the pain of the world on her face, thinking "jesus fucking christ, who asks that". She forced a smile and said they are all good. Yeah, generic, uninterested answer 101. Need to dig deeper before I go all out.


- Come on now! That can't be you tatsed all of them!
- Mhm.


What a retarded question in hindsight. Of course it can't be, but what else she was supposed to say? Need to help her and myself to feel a bit more comfortable?


- The [cookie name] is terrible [or did I say shit?] for example. I know it's not you who make it, just saying.
- Well, try something new!


All right, plane crash averted. I'm still nowhere though.


- All right, then I'll take, mmm... [I'm looking around, thinking how fucking terrible all of them are] that strawberry one!
- This? All right!
- There's no way it's not fucking overpriced, but let's try it, haha!
- (genuine laugh)


Genuine!!!! I really am in my element, when I can go overboard with things. It's amusing how many strangers I made laugh, just by acting overzealous. The flip side of this is that it pretty much telegraphs I am everything, but serious, so it must be an instant turn off for girls looking for their M A N. Anyway, I can only awaken this side of me when I'm with someone else. Basically I use them to make my funny remarks work. I.e. when i'm alone, I never interact with cashiers, not even when they do it to me! But if I am with someone else, I have no problem telling him/her "Jesus, I'll be 50 years old and my fucking ID will still be asked for." in front of the cashier, who can then join in on the fun if wants to. I am really-really envy of the people who can be this easygoing even when they are alone.


Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, let's get to the wrecking part.


- So uhm... I... hm, yeah. So I did not... really came here to buy cookies.
- *the fuck is happening...*


Yeah, I screwed up, I totally lost eye-contact and I was doing my best not to reach the point, after I should've been so ashamed, I could've just pussy out right there. In hindsight, I say it was for the better, because I was not convincing as someone insanely confident, so even though the next time I should keep my focus, it wasn't as bad in this scenario as it could've been. Not that it matters, because:


- So, I find you really cute, and I would like to invite you to grab a coffe sometime ... [at this point I already knew my demise is inevitable, but goddamn if I wasn't finishing my sentence!] or something like that.


What does she do? Her forced smile told a million stories, and I was stabbed repeatedly, as she SILENTLY gave the cookie to me, then slowly walked away. Oh man, cringey as hell, and it will be forever awkward walking around there.


I walked away as well, to grab my beer I promised myself. It was not a celebratory beer I was secretly hoping for, but it still tastes good!


What I took away from it, is that I really can't be confident in this, unless I try it a hundred more times. Being as self-conscious as myself, trying to fake the big boy is just bleeding all over the place, but growing a thick skin, which can get used to listening my hopeless attempts should be possible.
--------

LOL

So have you seen her since?

[Bachy]

^winter = comfort.
she'll come around after the thaw, i'd put money on it.

Maybe, maybe not. I can't sit around waiting and hoping for what could be. It's okay. There are certainly other girls out there.

[ldopa]

"what could be" and going back to the ex equals drama in my view. there certainly are other girls, but the cold weather forces a sense of urgency, hence her going to her ex, and your wandering eye. just be cautious.

i swear winter works roots on people. i screwed around with my ex for several winters, in nice weather, neither of us could be found together. it's just a strange relationship phenom. as depressing as it my seem, some nice memories come out of it. and you learn alot so you can be flamboyant for another lover in the rest of the year.

[Bachy]

"what could be" and going back to the ex equals drama in my view. there certainly are other girls, but the cold weather forces a sense of urgency, hence her going to her ex, and your wandering eye. just be cautious.

i swear winter works roots on people. i screwed around with my ex for several winters, in nice weather, neither of us could be found together. it's just a strange relationship phenom. as depressing as it my seem, some nice memories come out of it. and you learn alot so you can be flamboyant for another lover in the rest of the year.

Well, she mentioned to me she's got a trip to Costa Rica planned with him coming up. Seems like she's pretty invested with this relationship. It's whatever. I'm happy she's happy and that we're of course still friends. We'll see what lies ahead in the future, but I don't really see us getting together. It's fine, like I've said, she's one of my best friends and I will always support her in what she does.

[ldopa]

Well, she mentioned to me she's got a trip to Costa Rica planned with him coming up. Seems like she's pretty invested with this relationship. It's whatever. I'm happy she's happy and that we're of course still friends. We'll see what lies ahead in the future, but I don't really see us getting together. It's fine, like I've said, she's one of my best friends and I will always support her in what she does.

like you say, it is what it is! the future is her and you'll hook up for a while. by and by, you'll see her at her most beautiful and at her gnarliest. she's invested in a kick ass trip, not a relationship, believe me! nobody in their right mind will turn down an exotic trip. when her oxytocin with this dude wears out, she'll find her way to you. BUT BE CAUTIOUS! and aloof. the soul of a woman was created below. when you meet again, have as much fun as possible. it's all about learning and fun, you have a lifetime to find a soulmate, use it.

edit: or costa rica will be so divine, you'll never see this bitch again. either way, someone in the world is your fate, and you need to seek them.

[Dra508]

Must be serious, I'm actually going in on a car with him and not having anxiety over it.

/shivers.

[playwithfire]

*somewhat unattainable crush says literally anything to me, likely something boring*

My brain: Great, let's have sex. You should be horny now.

UGHHHH

They live very far away, also.

[halloween]

My heart has been breaking over and over again recently. My ex wants to continue being friends so I said- Ok, I'd like too as well but first I need to speak my mind about a few things, clear the air and what not. With each new question comes new confessions that is heart breaking and humiliating. Humiliating in the sense that I feel embarrassed with how I acted, what I expected, but now also with what I'm learning from him. I'm going through a phase of "let me re-live everything through this new filter!" and it's painful. All that's comforting about this whole thing is that he truly loved me but unfortunately for me he was inept at telling me anything so what's NOT comforting is that he sort of play-acted for I don't know how long (maybe he'll tell me in his latest response to my email.) So much easier to do it now that it's all "over" and I'm no longer living near him, I'm sure.
Fuck this whole thing mostly because continuing to be friends is a bit of an illusion because I don't plan on coming around to visit anytime in the next few years, all it means is that we can continue staying connected on facebook without any resentment. He's not one for keeping contact so I can't expect virtual friendship from him. All I'm hoping for is a moment of "Ok, now I understand a little better what went through your mind and I'm finally OK enough to stop feeling angry at you and me and if one day we happen to be near each other, I will hopefully want to hang out with you again."

[eversonpoe]

my wife is in full "I NEED TO HAVE A BABY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE" mode. as she puts it, it's a combination of her biological clock and the fact that her mom had her first baby at 31, her sister had her first baby at 31, and now my wife is 31. i am all for having a baby, but 1. i am not emotionally ready yet and 2. we are not at all financially ready yet. also, her job still makes her absolutely miserable, and her therapist is on maternity leave, so she hasn't had anyone but me to talk to for the last couple months, and still won't until some time next month.

i had been looking into changing careers (because working for your self-employed dad is a minefield, even when you make $41/hr after taxes) to something where i work more than an average of 12 hours/week. a lot of people had told me to look into coding, so i was all prepared to go to Dev Bootcamp here in chicago...but i can't do it. coding is absolutely not for me. the amount of anxiety and confusion i went through just preparing for the admissions interview was staggering, and i'm just not a natural. despite being able to type very fast and being good at problem solving, i think my brain is just not equipped to do it. and i feel like a failure because of it. i feel like i've let my wife down because it was going to bring in as much money as we normally make in one year COMBINED, which would have allowed her to leave her job sooner AND be able to take a couple years off to spend the formative first few years of our kid's life being there.

so now i'm back to sticking with my current job (which i quite like, despite my dad being an asshole sometimes), and i sat down and had a talk with my dad yesterday (with my mom as moderator) so we could discuss beefing up our business. i signed us up for Angie's List (we were already on yelp) and have been trying to reach out to existing customers to write us some reviews. a family friend/business associate who mostly does IT work called me this morning to talk about sitting down and figuring out a way we can both help each other expand our customer bases (we have gotten each other customers before by bringing each other in on jobs) and we're meeting on friday to do just that. i'm hoping that over the next year, we can expand enough so that i can stop worrying about money and focus on the positive aspects of having a kid.

meanwhile, my wife said last night while having a breakdown trying to apply for new jobs, that she might be able to stay at this one for a bit longer. she said that once she gets pregnant, knowing that at the end of nine months she'll be able to leave, she can do it. which puts even more pressure on me.

my goal in life, honestly, has always been to make the people around me as happy as possible. i derive happiness from that more so than any direct happiness i experience (with the exception of collecting and listening to vinyl and making music). so i want nothing more than to make her as happy as possible. but i feel ill-equipped to do that right now, seeing as i am so apprehensive about taking steps toward getting pregnant. the fact that i even want to have a child is a HUGE deal, because before i met and fell in love with her, i was determined to never have a child. i'm still terrified at the prospect of bringing a new life for which we will be responsible into a world that is quite literally going to shit.

phew.

tl;dr - my wife wants to have a baby ASAP because she's miserable at work, but unless something changes for me, we absolutely don't have enough financial stability to do it, and i'm feeling a lot of pressure.

[R-Dot-Yung]

my wife is in full "I NEED TO HAVE A BABY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE" mode. as she puts it, it's a combination of her biological clock and the fact that her mom had her first baby at 31, her sister had her first baby at 31, and now my wife is 31. i am all for having a baby, but 1. i am not emotionally ready yet and 2. we are not at all financially ready yet. also, her job still makes her absolutely miserable, and her therapist is on maternity leave, so she hasn't had anyone but me to talk to for the last couple months, and still won't until some time next month.

i had been looking into changing careers (because working for your self-employed dad is a minefield, even when you make $41/hr after taxes) to something where i work more than an average of 12 hours/week. a lot of people had told me to look into coding, so i was all prepared to go to Dev Bootcamp here in chicago...but i can't do it. coding is absolutely not for me. the amount of anxiety and confusion i went through just preparing for the admissions interview was staggering, and i'm just not a natural. despite being able to type very fast and being good at problem solving, i think my brain is just not equipped to do it. and i feel like a failure because of it. i feel like i've let my wife down because it was going to bring in as much money as we normally make in one year COMBINED, which would have allowed her to leave her job sooner AND be able to take a couple years off to spend the formative first few years of our kid's life being there.

so now i'm back to sticking with my current job (which i quite like, despite my dad being an asshole sometimes), and i sat down and had a talk with my dad yesterday (with my mom as moderator) so we could discuss beefing up our business. i signed us up for Angie's List (we were already on yelp) and have been trying to reach out to existing customers to write us some reviews. a family friend/business associate who mostly does IT work called me this morning to talk about sitting down and figuring out a way we can both help each other expand our customer bases (we have gotten each other customers before by bringing each other in on jobs) and we're meeting on friday to do just that. i'm hoping that over the next year, we can expand enough so that i can stop worrying about money and focus on the positive aspects of having a kid.

meanwhile, my wife said last night while having a breakdown trying to apply for new jobs, that she might be able to stay at this one for a bit longer. she said that once she gets pregnant, knowing that at the end of nine months she'll be able to leave, she can do it. which puts even more pressure on me.

my goal in life, honestly, has always been to make the people around me as happy as possible. i derive happiness from that more so than any direct happiness i experience (with the exception of collecting and listening to vinyl and making music). so i want nothing more than to make her as happy as possible. but i feel ill-equipped to do that right now, seeing as i am so apprehensive about taking steps toward getting pregnant. the fact that i even want to have a child is a HUGE deal, because before i met and fell in love with her, i was determined to never have a child. i'm still terrified at the prospect of bringing a new life for which we will be responsible into a world that is quite literally going to shit.

phew.

tl;dr - my wife wants to have a baby ASAP because she's miserable at work, but unless something changes for me, we absolutely don't have enough financial stability to do it, and i'm feeling a lot of pressure.

So here's my advice on the whole coding thing, and it's mostly in reference to the idea that you "can't do it".

Freshman year of college I was at RPI for Computer Science and Video Game development, and it was my first experience with coding. I struggled immensely, buckled under the pressure, and went cold turkey on the stuff, transferring to another school and majoring in Psychology. There were other issues involved in that decision but the point still remains that I saw myself unfit to code in the same way you currently see yourself unfit to code.

Skip 5-6 years ahead, I went back to Graduate School a little over a year ago because my artist project as a musician/producer had hit a wall I couldn't get around financially, and the pressure from my parents to "get a real job" was bugging me as well. Long story short, in my program, there was a chance to take a DSP, Programming path, and I kind of made it my goal to redeem myself for getting cold feet and giving up freshman year of college. And now here we are a year later, and I'm currently working on my thesis writing a shit load of code to do some crap I could have never pictured myself doing 6 years ago.

So long story short, if you want to learn how to code, don't sell yourself short. It's going to be hard as shit for a little, but if you like to problem solve and challenge yourself, you can push through and give yourself a life skill that is incredibly valuable. I've only heard good things about those coding boot camps, and you can supplement your formal knowledge with things like www.codeacademy.com which I used to teach myself Python syntax after learning the foundations of HOW to code with C. Harvard also basically makes all their CS courses available for free with open-courseware.

TLDR = You can do it.

[Dra508]

tl;dr - my wife wants to have a baby ASAP because she's miserable at work, but unless something changes for me, we absolutely don't have enough financial stability to do it, and i'm feeling a lot of pressure.

Having a baby is like getting a pet, especially a dog, you both have to be bought into at the same time. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready and you should not acquiesce to make your wife happy because she thinks that having one now is a necessity. I know it's harsh, but you don't want to resent your wife or your child because you didn't get your shit together the way you would like before embarking on the journey that is parenting. Time to be selfish. #prochoice ^^^^ and what he said too

edit: my mom had me when she was 27. When I turned 27 I was like "baby?, fuuuuuuuccccckkk no!!!"

[allegro]

tl;dr - my wife wants to have a baby ASAP because she's miserable at work, but unless something changes for me, we absolutely don't have enough financial stability to do it, and i'm feeling a lot of pressure.

I suspect your wife's being miserable at work is only part of the problem; I think the biggest part of the problem is that she is reaching an age where it is going to become a lot more difficult to get pregnant with that first baby, without in vitro and all that shit. I know lots of career women who put off pregnancy and ended up having to spend a friggin' fortune trying to GET pregnant once they found it was "the right time" and some never ended up being able to get pregnant at all. G's cousin has two daughters who "put it off" and had to spend a fortune on in vitro for every one of their babies. If you are going to put it off a lot longer, you might want to freeze her eggs.

Look, coding might not be for you. If you like what you're doing and it's flexible, don't force yourself into doing something that's not for you. And maybe you and your Dad can beef up your work and do it that way. More importantly, though, what is your INSURANCE situation? If she were to maybe find a job she can do from home, maybe consulting, and you and Dad do your thing and beef it up and certainly your daycare expenses would be minimal, could y'all afford healthcare insurance for you, her and baby? Also, consider tightening up your expenses, maybe a move to the suburbs, etc.

Waiting for "the right time" and there may never be "the right time" because her eggs aren't getting any younger.

[Timinator]

tl;dr - my wife wants to have a baby ASAP because she's miserable at work, but unless something changes for me, we absolutely don't have enough financial stability to do it, and i'm feeling a lot of pressure.

That's clearly a terrible reason to have a baby. Have one because you want it.

31 is not very old for baby-rearing these days. I waited until I was 45, and my wife was 39, and I'm really, really glad we did. I'd gotten all the partying/traveling/fun out of my system, and didn't feel regretful. I felt stable enough and mature enough and patient enough (just!) to manage a kid. Note: this is just my personal anecdote.

The work thing is tough. If you don't think you're financially stable enough to have a baby, you're probably not. Make a commitment to your wife to wait 4 more years so everyone can sort their shit out. Then focus on that first. You can always move up the baby schedule if you get stable sooner.

[allegro]

31 is not very old for baby-rearing these days. I waited until I was 45, and my wife was 39

Yes, but guys can father children as long as their penis still works (and, really, even if it doesn't, so long as they stored sperm); Tony Randall fathered his first kid when he was 77; females start having trouble in their 30s, your wife was pretty lucky getting pregnant with her first at 39 (and never mind the increased odds of things like Down Syndrome). I'm not exaggerating when I say that I know a LOT of women who have had to pay for fertility treatments (shots, doctors, timing their monthly ovulation and temperature, and still had trouble getting pregnant) because they waited until their early-to-mid-30s. When you START trying to get pregnant is just the START when you're in your 30s. Just because his wife's mom and sister got pregnant at 31 doesn't mean it will happen for her; it could take her 3 years to get pregnant, who knows.

edit: Alexis Stewart has written a lot about this. See also this.

I know it's harsh, but you don't want to resent your wife or your child because you didn't get your shit together the way you would like before embarking on the journey that is parenting.

That works the other way, too; waiting and waiting until "the right time" which never arrives and then it's too late and then she hates him.

[Dra508]

That works the other way, too; waiting and waiting until "the right time" which never arrives and then it's too late and then she hates him.

Who says never arrives? They've been married what, a year? I don't call that waiting and waiting. Agree to a plan @eversonpoe , even if it's you find a new job, I'll figure out my career, we'll pay down debt then let's fuck a lot and make babies. I stick to my statement - you both have to be bought into the idea.

[allegro]

Who says never arrives? They've been married what, a year? I don't call that waiting and waiting. Agree to a plan @eversonpoe , even if it's you find a new job, I'll figure out my career, we'll pay down debt then let's fuck a lot and make babies. I stick to my statement - you both have to be bought into the idea.

They've been married a year but lived together for many years before that. She agreed to wait a year and they can start the plan now (that they start trying to make a baby in a year), and that's a good plan. But he seems to have some kind of open-ended plan coupled with a lot of fear, and that seems to be what she is afraid of. If he keeps waiting until they are "financially stable," that day may never arrive with his Dad's company. N'est-ce pas?

[Dra508]

They've been married a year but lived together for many years before that. She agreed to wait a year and they can start the plan now (that they start in a year), and that's a good plan. But he seems to have some kind of open-ended plan coupled with a lot of fear, and that seems to be what she is afraid of.

well tl:dr

She doesn't want to work?? Wha?

[allegro]

well tl:dr

She doesn't want to work?? Wha?

No, she wants to stay home with baby and have him work. But he works for Dad and Dad has a business that isn't making any money. So he had a meeting with Dad and said he's making some moves to increase the business, and signed them up for Angie's List and stuff and maybe got them some new partnerships and stuff. But that's no guarantee for new business. But maybe wife can work from home?

Honestly, one of the parents staying home full time with baby these days is a luxury that most people can't afford. I don't know of many people who "stay at home with the kids" unless they're rich and even then they hire an au pair part time while one of the spouses works part time.

I was talking with my hairstylist recently and she has to work part time because she is going through a divorce and her mom is babysitting and it's a mess, ugh, and she told me that babysitters these days get FIFTEEN FUCKING DOLLARS PER HOUR. I was, like, WHAT?? I used to babysit ALL THE TIME when I was young, had my own babysitting business, socked money away to the point where my Mom borrowed money from me, I was booked for New Year's Eve a YEAR in advance, and I made $1.50 PER HOUR!

If I had a kid, I'd take in OTHER KIDS and MAKE MONEY BABYSITTING, omg. Obviously, you have to limit HOW MANY kids to avoid being a daycare center and requiring licensing or something, but ...

[Dra508]

Honestly, one of the parents staying home full time with baby these days is a luxury that most people can't afford. I don't know of many people who "stay at home with the kids" unless they're rich and even then they hire an au pair part time while one of the spouses works part time.

Agreed. It's a giant luxury.

My BF's sister has a full-time job that allows her, for the most part, to work from home so she doesn't have any child care other than a couple of hours of pre-school for her 4 year old. Every time something comes up that requires her to go to an event, in the office, or whatever, she's hitting us up, because we both happen to be home, working, to take care of her kid. Makes me crazy. She makes shit money, so she doesn't want to even hire the teenager, because guess what, they want $10 an hour.

Moving to piss off thread.....

[playwithfire]

My ex is currently dealing with a lot of complex and negative feelings, and it's kind of translating into him being a bit of a dick to me. And like, I get it, he probably feels pretty shitty. I'm making sure all of my responses are understanding and kind. Doing that encourages him to not have more feelings of resentment towards me (something that is currently a thing) and that ALSO has the added benefit of letting me feel like I'm in the right, which makes it easier for me to continue to make sure I'm super nice.

[playwithfire]

Got to hook up with a friend I've been wanting to get with for years without being able to act on it until last night. We'd briefly been hooking up before but then my relationship closed for several years and like, single now, so brought that up again.

I'm in a kind of funny place with it. I'm always an awkward weirdo around him because like... here's person I'm very attracted to who I couldn't express that to up until last night. I wonder if he has any idea what I'm like when I'm relaxed around someone and make direct eye contact and fully engage. I definitely don't want anything serious with him, for many reasons. One of those reasons is it's just not a thing he does with other humans, he's a pretty non-feely guy (but like very honest and a good person), but even if he did, I want the connections I have right now with people to be full of autonomy and space and freedom.

But also right now I'm like YESSS FINALLY GOT TO ACT ON ALL OF THIS and I just want to like make out for hours and stuff and there's no planet on which that is convenient or our schedules are aligning to make that happen in the near future. Also he's dating like a ton of people (we're all poly, obvs)... which is great and fine... but of course I even feel like I'm being awkward about that shit as well. He let me know that a girl he's seeing will be at some post-work festivities tomorrow and I'm like "Awesome. " because it is? But geez, me. How do I human.

I'm just awkward for life. I also worry that in my effort to like... seem cool and like I don't want anything serious from him (I don't), I might be acting a little *too* aloof (we work in the same space but not for the same company) to my own disadvantage because like... flirting is still good. I'd like sexy texts or something, what if I'm sending signals that he should back off? Who knows. Not worried so much as venting about my own awkwardness.

[eversonpoe]

Got to hook up with a friend I've been wanting to get with for years without being able to act on it until last night. We'd briefly been hooking up before but then my relationship closed for several years and like, single now, so brought that up again.

I'm in a kind of funny place with it. I'm always an awkward weirdo around him because like... here's person I'm very attracted to who I couldn't express that to up until last night. I wonder if he has any idea what I'm like when I'm relaxed around someone and make direct eye contact and fully engage. I definitely don't want anything serious with him, for many reasons. One of those reasons is it's just not a thing he does with other humans, he's a pretty non-feely guy (but like very honest and a good person), but even if he did, I want the connections I have right now with people to be full of autonomy and space and freedom.

But also right now I'm like YESSS FINALLY GOT TO ACT ON ALL OF THIS and I just want to like make out for hours and stuff and there's no planet on which that is convenient or our schedules are aligning to make that happen in the near future. Also he's dating like a ton of people (we're all poly, obvs)... which is great and fine... but of course I even feel like I'm being awkward about that shit as well. He let me know that a girl he's seeing will be at some post-work festivities tomorrow and I'm like "Awesome. " because it is? But geez, Lydia. How do I human.

I'm just awkward for life. I also worry that in my effort to like... seem cool and like I don't want anything serious from him (I don't), I might be acting a little *too* aloof (we work in the same space but not for the same company) to my own disadvantage because like... flirting is still good. I'd like sexy texts or something, what if I'm sending signals that he should back off? Who knows. Not worried so much as venting about my own awkwardness.

i would say just be up front with him about what you're expecting. i always say that communication in ANY relationship is key. you're relying on a lot of hidden signals and subtext to convey your intentions when it would be much easier to just be like "hey, dude. i'm glad this finally happened and i want certain aspects of it to keep happening. are we both cool with that?" because you're awesome and, even if you're awkward, that doesn't detract from your fantastic personality.

[playwithfire]

Oh, that's already understood between us, I'm just complaining about being a weirdo. The rest will fall into place, I think.

In other news my ex wants almost nothing to do with me and has a ton of feelings of resentment towards me and has kind of acted like a jerk lately.

[halloween]

That's awful about your ex! That sounds completely unexpected and lame =(

[Sarah K]

That seems really fucking weird.