Likes: 
Faceplams: I don't know. That kind of thing tends to happen especially if the breakup is fresh.
Trollhunter
I don't know. That kind of thing tends to happen especially if the breakup is fresh.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
In general, maybe.
But they also have like the greatest communication that I've ever seen in a couple. And it *seems* out of character.
Hopefully he comes around. <3
Administrator
Dislike.Originally Posted by playwithfire
In other news my ex wants almost nothing to do with me and has a ton of feelings of resentment towards me and has kind of acted like a jerk lately.
Active Member
What started as a really unpleasant conversation today (I'd been reaching my limit in terms of it just being too much stress on top of what I'm already dealing with) turned into a lot of apologies and it seems like we're in a much better place now. He's just been in so much pain. I'll always think he's one of the best people I know. Him being a kind of a dick because he's hurting doesn't change that.
Throbbing Member
you have a big ass heart. i'm sure you know this, but you need to care about yourself first. i've seen your posts about work stress and general anxiety, don't spread yourself so thin that you become invisible. you will regret it at some point in the future. which causes resentment in both parties and really fucks with your head.What started as a really unpleasant conversation today (I'd been reaching my limit in terms of it just being too much stress on top of what I'm already dealing with) turned into a lot of apologies and it seems like we're in a much better place now. He's just been in so much pain. I'll always think he's one of the best people I know. Him being a kind of a dick because he's hurting doesn't change that.
sometimes caring too much can cripple you. especially when you can't convince your love to care about themselves. it's a big circle. everyone needs to care for themselves to care about others and build trust and confidence.
when that is achieved, life is so fucking beautiful. and rare.
Last edited by ldopa; 01-19-2016 at 02:35 AM.
Throbbing Member
I met this really great guy recently and he's one of two people who has expressed seriously coming to visit me in my new home land, he said "how about after summer?" I'm not holding my breath but it's pretty cool! Then another guy, who I had actually hooked up with over last summer, is starting to say "I should visit sooner rather than later!"
I don't know if I should call it irony, but it's cruel and makes me laugh at the absurdity that the two people who expressed somewhat serious interest in visiting are two guys who I'm crushing on. I need need need to stop falling in love with people who aren't in the same zip code as me, haha. Not that this is a serious problem, I'm about to start studying and I'm sure I'm going to find wonderful new people who will find their way into my pheromone ruled heart.
Active Member
Do you ever get over the first one? I've just been feeling like an utter turd lately.
Throbbing Member
yes, i swear on everything you do. it takes a bitch ass load of time and introspection. even a few slips. you will re-visit this relationship at least twice. it will span between 7-10 years. you will feel like LESS than a turd, and conversely you will feel so inspired and flamboyant like you own every place you walk into.
then you realize that your mate might be counter productive and your future visions might not match. you get depressed about "the one that got away" then eventually (if you make peace and allow it) they just become a distant memory. then you apply ALL you learned to your next relationship, which DOES come, maybe when you're not expecting it. and if you apply what you learned in the past, it's 5000 times easier the next time around. you even feel greater. because you have a bit of life experience
TLDR: yes you do, it even gets better.
Throbbing Member
It's been five years since I broke up with my first love (my first boyfriend was not that) and just when I thought I was over it, I got hit with dreams about him, but then I got over it. I had a dream about being with him just a few days ago but it did not make me feel terrible. I just realize now that it means that relationship had a huge impact and I reflect on what was great about it and what wasn't, to make it a learning experience and not a regretful or melancholic thing.
Anyways, pretty much what Idopa said.
she/her/hers
it's been almost five years since i've even SEEN my (abusive) ex, and over five since we broke up, but i still have dreams about her all the time. ultra-realistic ones where i wake up thinking we're still together and it takes me a while to readjust to reality. it's disturbing and unsettling.
Active Member
Thanks for all the helpful words. I think what really eats away at me is the idea that she just purely hates me, and that I can't handle. I just don't understand it.
Like George Costanza once said, "She just dislikes me so much, it's irresistible."
Active Member
Turning people down is without question the most awkward and weird and unpleasant part of being single again. Especially when it's like... really early on. Blehhhh. I don't know how to gracefully do this over the internet (had someone respond to a personal ad I posted on fetlife for non-sexual bdsm, added her since I couldn't see any pictures of herself on her public profile, she's really not my type -- chemistry and attraction still matters for me even if sex is off the table if we're playing one on one).
Active Member
Ugh, why can't I meet a girl who truly appreciates NIN?
That's certainly not a major factor in whether or not I wanna date them, but dammit, it sure would be nice.
Active Member
You know that scene in Mulholland Dr. where Naomi Watts is crying and masturbating? I'd say that's an accurate depiction of my current relationship status. I guess on the plus side I won't have to waste time and money on Valentine's Day in two weeks.
Add Violins
I had a gf years ago who loved nin, but she was also totally obsessed with this one Hillary Duff album, so it was basically like playing russian roulette anytime she was in charge of the music selection.
Active Member
I met a girl today who's been surprising me back and forth. She just texted me this:
We're going out Friday.
Active Member
I am beyond smitten. It just feels like she's reading every thought I have. This is surreal.
Throbbing Member
hella oxytocin!
keep both hands on the wheel, or the crash will be fatal.
Active Member
New Relationship Energy, @Bachy .
Throbbing Member
This isn't about relationships but about hook up culture so I wasn't sure if this or the fucking thread is more appropriate but here it is anyway.
I've tried the whole "I just met you, let's kiss" thing about three times in my life and it makes me repulsed each and every time. I'm officially of the camp of "kissing is pretty intimate" and I reserve that for when I get to know someone better. Never the less, guys who have tried to kiss me without any sort of sign on my end that I was ready to receive the kiss- meaning, they don't wait for eye contact, they don't wait to see if I'm also leaning in- never seem to understand this when I explain to them that I'M NOT TURNED ON ENOUGH TO BE KISSING THEM. Last night I was out at a carnival block party dancing to a Bowie themed block party, and ended up having a conversation and dancing with this Irish guy who's been living here for 6 years. He was being nice until all his alcohol caught up with him and ugh, his fucking slobbery attempts to kiss me were soooo awful. I don't know why I tried, but I tried to tell him how hooking up with random guys just doesn't do it for me and he just didn't understand.
The most annoying part of this is that today I woke up feeling GUILTY for some reason?! Like, what the fuck did I do wrong? Nothing!! I was even super polite to him and I still felt like I did something wrong. Someone snap me out of this!
Edit. I think I feel bad because I was into him, he seemed interesting and was attractive, when he was sober. It's too bad he got fuck all drunk. He probably won't remember the night at all. It reminded me of a guy I had a crush on but one night he got really drunk and attempted to have sex with me while I kept saying NO! His reaction was "I thought you'd be aaaaalllll over this!!" and spread his arms out, indicating his body. That crush ended right then and there with his rape attempt. Then men wonder why I have a wall of distrust around me when I first meet them, ESPECIALLY if there's alcohol involved.
Last edited by halloween; 02-10-2016 at 09:37 AM.
Stubby Member
Kinda similar thing happened to me recently, went on a few coffee dates with this guy, he was very polite and not flirty at all, then we went on a movie date and out of nowhere he keeps trying to kiss me and feel me up during the film. I was able to dodge his requests to go back to his place by quickly hopping on a bus. Next day I texted him to say I wasn't feeling anything between us but still feel guilty about turning him down because he was otherwise a nice guy.
Online dating is not working out so well for me this time around, my profile has plenty of interest but the quality of people interested is severely lacking.
Quiet Member
Somehow, bizarrely, I've never posted here before.
I'm on my cellphone so it's hard to go into details with two thumbs instead of a real keyboard, which means I'm really just posting this here to make it official and speak openly about it somewhere she'll never see it (to get it ALL out without being TOO much of an asshole), but OMFG 3RD BREAKUP IN A ROW AFTER DISCOVERING I'M DATING YET ANOTHER LYING, CHEATING BITCH.
Please forgive any unintentional misogyny, I'm just trying to be dispassionately accurate, lol.
I
The long and the short of it (so to speak) is that my dedicated, long-term gf somehow decided that the 3-week sweet-spot between our anniversary and the-day-before-Valentine's-Day was the PERFECT time to FINALLY tell me, after she BEGGED me to fly back asap after a 1-month visit home (Star Wars/Xmas/Pinched Nerve/Grandma's death/funeral/wake/final-arrangements), that she met some douche at work she had a crush on, Which I went OUT OF MY WAY to be cool about since she's younger, less experienced, was curious about a threesome with, was way respectful about boundaries/ground-rules about, etc., and I didn't want to rob her of a cool thing I thought she was ready to share with integrity. I seriously just wanted my gf to be happy and thought she could handle it.
Instead, it turned out to NOT be just some guy she wanted us to fuck around with a few times times for the hell of it, and instead more of a new toy who's always around and kind of a dick while I'm boyfriend no. 2 and they fuck around behind my back, which isn't exactly what I signed on for AT ALL and wtf, ffs. The fact that they set it up so well only to cut me out and do their own thing is really what stings the MOST since I was wanting to be accepting and inclusive with good intentions based on what I knew.
She now apparently "loves us both" and is "too conflicted" to give it another chance/last-hurrah for me at least before I leave, yet might still fuck "the other guy," who's a rude, distracted, idiot gamer with a much smaller cock...which is apparently a selling point, fwiwlol.
So at least there's that!
I guess I'll just call it a WIN and move along.
It's just hard to do since I burned so many bridges commiting to her fully the past year and spending all my VERY LIMITED money to be here for the last two weeks worth of bullshit I fucking REALLY could have done without.
Ugh.
Just a stupid fucking fling with some chubby, retarded goober and she knows it. Now here I am stranded for no reason beside being too cool about it, I guess.
Yay for me.
EDIT: Owait it actually gets WAY worse. To be continued.
Last edited by Hazekiah; 02-13-2016 at 06:49 AM.
Captain Rustleboots
Haz, dude I'm so sorry...there's literally nothing I can say to help but dude...I'm sorry.
Quiet Member
Yeah, basically. But thanks.
There's still a LOT more to get into once I'm not on my phone, but it just REALLY pisses me off that crucial, extra bit that I had nothing but good intentions and tried my best to accommodate her, when I had absolutely ZERO interest in the guy beyond making her happy (I seriously never even MET him before she brought him into our bed), and she pushed for it so hard anyway, yet I'm stuck here till at least tonight, at great expense, until she can get the car from her mom to drive me to a bus/train/plane I can't afford and will have to beg money from who-knows-who to who-the-fuck-knows-where/I-still-have-no-idea-where-to-go/I-just-spent-all-my-money-to-get-BACK-here-for-her, ffs, and still, hoping against hope, I tried to at least salvage SOMETHING out this disaster and suggested we just forget about everything, go out on a high note, and have some fucking fun finally since I'm probably stuck here in rural New Hampshire with her till fucking Valentine's Day anyway, and THAT'S what I came back for after all, not to let her invite some fucking stranger into our bed only see myself kicked out of it and told to sleep on the sofa last night.
I mean, it's the dead of winter in the middle of NOWHERE and it's not like I can spend $200 I don't have after coming back here just for her just to Uber or cab my way back to the same fucking airport an hour away in Boston that I just fucking ARRIVED AT 10 days ago. So I'm basically stuck with my retarded ex in the very next room over during the WORST POSSIBLE HOLIDAY for that to happen during and simply suggested we make the most of it and enjoy ourselves together one last time while we're stuck here, still supposedly in love with each other, and saying our final goodbyes anyway. But nope.
Important enough to badger me about the whole time I'm dealing with shit out-of-town for a month? SURE. During EVERY single phonecall? SURE. Important enough for me to fly back cross-country asap? SURE. Important enough to bring a stranger into bed? SURE. Important enough for them to break the ONE rule we ALL agreed on as a prerequisite? SURE. Important enough to break up with me on TODAY of all days? SURE. Important enough to make the best of the clusterfuck I'm stuck in now, to prove it ever meant anything, to leave on better terms, or to at least make the trip worthwhile? LOLNO HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID I'M SUCH AN ASSHOLE FOR EVEN THINKING OF IT. It's not like she pulled a complete bait-and-switch on me and I was just hoping to maybe make love to my gf one last time after she's fucked me over completely anyway and set me up for the same old situation she KNOWS kills me more than ANYTHING, where all of a sudden EVERYONE ELSE gets to fuck my gf except for ME.
What a peach.
But she still loves me and wants to stay friends, lol. Nevermind the fact that EVERY other "friend" apparently has a better shot than her BOYFRIEND she dragged back for NO REASON and is still stuck with her on Valentine's Day and trying to make peace with her, ffs.
That, on top of ALL the other shit I can't even go into right now is just SO FUCKING INFURIATING. Just absolutely the worst insult to add to the injury.
I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS ENTIRE TRIP AND THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A VALENTINE'S DAY.
</3
Banned
...you allowed a chubby guy with a small dick into your bed to fuck your gf?
Active Member
Asking the tough questions.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
Men who are open to that are awesome. Good for him for being secure enough for that, as it doesn't happen all that often.
The rest of it sounds awful, though.
Banned
I know you love her but she seems to be the kind of person that pushes things as far as you let her AND THEN BEYOND. I don't know her. But I gotta say from this story that she is totally disrespectful and my advice is that you cut her out immediately and permanently or else she'll keep doing what she's doing...
I'm reading all these articles and know about a bunch of people that are doing open relationships and allowing their partners to sleep with other people. After reading your story Hazekiah, I think I will steer way clear of any allowing of a partner to fool around with others....unless it was a non-exclusive relationship to begin with. then I would know what to expect and not give so much of my love to her.
Good luck dude. You're 100000 times better without her.
Throbbing Member
You got no one to blame but yourself. You got cheated on 3 times now? Did i get that correctly? You know how it goes fool me once and all that. Also having A MFM with your girlfriend is asking to be cucked.
Quiet Member
^ Point taken, and THANK YOU to anyone walking through all this with me.
But, just to be clear, I was venting from a place of anger and probably being a bit of a hardliner there. She's a really, REALLY good girl and after all the bullshit I'd been through before in my immediate past relationships, BELIEVE me...I can spot a shitbag from MILES away by now.
And I guess that's how this sneaked up on me.
Like I said, she's just a young, curious girl and I love and respect her (in-the-moment shit-talking aside), so when she expressed an interest in stuff I'd done a million times before I was even HER age, I couldn't help but try to support her willingness to get freaky and have fun. Hell, we've ALL done SOMETHING crazy, and I'm not one to judge. Mostly, I guess, it was dumb of ME, the aged, experienced one, to think that accepting her very-specific-restrictions-apply inquiry and that, in hindsight forestalling the inevitable would help "contain" the situation, but I'll get into all that later when I'm not still right here.
I mean, hell...we ARE here already so wtf, right? It's just a tight schedule I have on this laptop before I catch a car, to a bus, to a REALLY FUCKING GOOD FRIEND who doesn't mind me suddenly imposing on an otherwise romantic holiday. So I'll submit the REST of the details to the legendarily cynical ets peanut gallery LATER, damnit. That said, I can't stress enough how appreciative I am of the support I got here! Means the world. Wasn't really going for that, I just saw the thread and was feeling jilted so I went off. Honestly, I'm pretty isolated out here since I'm only here for HER and in the absence of her I guess I probably DID need SOMEONE to bounce this shit off of...so I guess every once in a while this site isn't necessarily a bunch of assholes shitting on each other, lol. Meanwhile, your favorite band still sucks and feel free to facepalm!
So, again, THANK YOU for that. Just thought I was throwing it all down the sewer and didn't really expect actual feedback.
Oh, and ALSO in the interest of clarity, until I can address comments for fully, the previous girlfriends I mentioned both cheated on me because I was either 1,000 miles away and they were horny teenagers or because I was COMPLETELY blindsided by a SUPER manipulative and scandalous BPD psychotic (which ets regulars familiar with my last break-ups details in the Mental Health thread may remember). Completely different situations. That was all WAY behind my back stuff and this was more of a me-being-too-nice-and-getting-fucked-over-for-it thing.
For what it's worth, we're parting on good terms now. Not what I wanted AT ALL but I knew enough to see the warning signs and I'm at least glad that this time I stepped-up AHEAD of the problem and explained my issues (she knew anyway), told her it was time to figure her shit out and make a decision, left her with an ultimatum, and had my bags packed before she returned, just to underscore my seriousness. That shit almost WRECKED ME FOR GOOD the last time around, so I didn't mince words, that's for GODDAMNED sure.
Wish she would've chosen otherwise, but it is what it is.
Ohhhh, and I've been busy since my last post because I had to hurriedly post it without proofreading because she was JUST waking up and walking into the living room to grab me off the sofa as I finished it.
Of all people, I'M the one still worried about getting caught in the act, lol.
But she grabbed me and dragged me into her bedroom to take me up on my it's-over-anyway-and-I'm-still-stuck-here-so-FUCK-IT-let's-send-it-off-with-a-bang offer and she fucked my brains out THREE TIMES IN A ROW, so I'm obviously feeling a LOT better about the whole thing now! We take our good news where we can, amirite?
Anyway, maybe this should be moved to the Fucking Thread now instead, lol.
And I wasn't into the guy AT ALL, but she was so I did my best to deal with it and be GGG in true, "Savage Love" fashion.
Oh, and I didn't say his cock was "small," just that mine was still bigger.
Last edited by Hazekiah; 02-13-2016 at 08:25 PM.
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