I'm pretty goddamn sure I'll never reach for an edible... >___<
I really, really didn't think I'd go back to using weed after my last nightmare, New Years 2016. Clearly a paradoxical substance for some, like myself. I resumed with it almost a full year from the last time, this past December, going into it here and there ever since. I've been vaping the green mostly so far, but also experimenting with smoking again due to CBD release. Dosing is everything.
I know I've changed in identifiable ways since my last dealing with it. But as always, sometimes I'll border on some kind of hypomania, or a kind of extreme clarity where I know, as long as I'm alone, I can positively get high and be alright, and/or I just don't care where it takes me. That's probably where most stoners draw their tolerance from, and not the brand of anxieties I possess. Issues I have include but are not limited to OCPD, so I know my issues of control all too well, and am always learning more and more of how it is to let go, when I can/do. And with that, my main goal with weed is to continue to "open my eyes." Weed started as a seriously profound thing for me, where it was all positive, 4 years ago, and if I actually want to put my guard down it still apparently can achieve for my brain what it always has trouble fully doing on its own. It can truly be a tool to learn from in my case.
It's worth mentioning I started taking regular recommended doses of St. John's Wort this past November, along with certain adaptogens, cognitive supplements, and common relaxants like valerian root throughout the day. In the last couple of weeks I've started to up the SJW dose high, after confirming there'd be no harm in doing so. I've read some people online having compared megadosing SJW to a very mild dose of LSA. I'm at 2,500mg-3,000mg a day right now, not quite megadosing, but that is triple the recommended dose. Anyway, I can absolutely say this (and many other a supplement) is something worth trying for anyone carrying on with depression/anxiety, that is if you don't notice any side effects with basic dosing at first. It's hard to explain the feeling I get, but I know I'll continue doing this indefinitely, and also introduce other supplements. I use Nature's Way "Perika" brand of SJW, which is a patented extract from Germany (where SJW is a mainstream approach for depression), a reputable SJW product (and brand name). Like with any supplements, you must take it on a schedule and for 6-8 weeks before you should make any claims on any effectiveness.
Please remember that SJW quickens the life of any other drugs/supplements in your system. For example, for women on birth control, SJW is probably not a route worth trying as long as they're relying on birth control.
I've wondered a bit about MDMA lately. The real thing. No bullshit cuts.