Don't be a shithead in threads about sexual assault.

[cashpiles (closed)]

I'll try to keep this brief, both because I don't feel like typing out a big long thing right now (it's late and I'm tired) but also because I don't feel like going through every part of this awful experience again in detail.

I was sexually assaulted at a transgender support group a couple of months ago. I reported the assault to the president of the organization (who also happens to be the leader of the group, it's a small outfit) and she told me she would let the board know and get back to me. A month later I still hadn't heard anything. I found out that the person who assaulted me was not kicked out of the group. I wrote said president (who, once upon a time not that long ago, was an actual friend) and told her how shitty I thought it was that someone can commit sexual assault and still be welcomed back into the group.

She didn't like my harsh words. An argument ensued. It was nasty. She told me that what happened to me wasn't really sexual assault (because there was no malice involved, and apparently in her mind as long as the person didn't MEAN to hurt you it doesn't count, I guess), after which I seriously took off the gloves. She bristled at the idea that I called her out for perpetuating rape culture by trying to deny that an assault occurred, by trying to downplay my feelings as a victim, and she cursed me out. She went on to insult me for not being full time yet (which is, you know, lovely for the leader of a transgender support group to do), told me that I was a "bitch" who thought the world revolved around me, and even tried to imply that I was a racist for making a big deal out of this because the person who attacked me happened to be black (I hadn't ever mentioned race once our entire conversation, and it literally doesn't matter to me what their race is). She then tried to "talk some sense into me one last time" and tried to get me to understand where the person was coming from, that they didn't mean anything by it, that they were "trying to help." It was seriously disgusting.

I took screenshots of our entire conversation and sent it to the board. Not a single one of them ever e-mailed me back. The person who assaulted me is still in the group (to the best of my knowledge). The president manned the booth at a local LGBT festival this weekend, so she is still very much involved in the group. Apparently the people who head my support group are ok with sexual assault and have no problem with the way the president of the organization handled herself, at least not enough to kick either of them out.

It's been infuriating. I cannot tell you how much it hurt to have someone think it was ok to touch an intimate part of my body without consent. I cannot tell you how horrible it feels to have someone blatantly try to downplay what you went through, deny your assault, try to make you into a crazy person, try to get you to "sit down and have a talk" with the person that did it to hash things out. They actually wanted me to sit down with the person that assaulted me and have a nice cup of tea and chat. Are you fucking kidding me?!

Anyway, needless to say I will never, ever step foot in that group again. I told my therapist about it and she said she used to send clients there all the time, but would not be doing that anymore. So at least I have that. There were no other repercussions, though. The person who assaulted me got to stay. The president of the org got to stay. I got to leave.

Fuck this culture where shit like this is deemed ok. This was not ok. None of this is ok.

2 questions:

what exactly did the person do to you?

are you “white”? Because in social justice there is a hierarchy, and black people will always be seen as bigger victims than white people.