Likes: 
Faceplams: Kris, do you by any chance have Asperger's? Not trying to be rude, I'm just wondering since a lot of your posts made me think that.
Stubby Member
Kris, do you by any chance have Asperger's? Not trying to be rude, I'm just wondering since a lot of your posts made me think that.
Bite me
Me, too. No offense.Originally Posted by Nyx
Down, but not out.
None taken, though it does make me wonder what I said. I really try to watch what I say, but sometimes fail miserably at it. I remember being told that some of my thoughts and questions were out there, especially from my parents and whatever close friends I've had over the years.
But yes, I actually have ADHD as mentioned in The Mental Health thread. I've figured there's no hiding it at this point, especially after mentioning it there, and perhaps with the way I have presented myself. I only feel a little bad, but not because of what any of you are saying, but perhaps something probably slipped out that shouldn't. (I'm not blaming any of you for thinking that about me, as I've often said things that were off-base and out of place without even meaning it and/or thinking about it.) I sometimes wonder if my lack of social interaction on my spare time has also affected me in such a way.
Stubby Member
Oh, I'm not thinking of any particular thing you've said, just the problems you're describing (socializing, reading social cues, etc) and the particular way you're describing them. They seem a lot like problems that people with Asperger's go through, so I was just wondering if you've ever been diagnosed with it, that's all. I didn't mean to imply in any way that you should watch what you say or censor yourself, so do carry on and I'll stop derailing the topic
Last edited by Nyx; 10-12-2013 at 02:19 PM.
Down, but not out.
It's sort of on-topic in a way, as I suppose that's probably why I was never good at hints and surprises to start with, and it made me dread the idea of having to have hints and surprises in a relationship. (As I've heard that hints and surprises can be common in relationships.) And when I searched for Asperger's on Google, I kind of see what you mean, as some of the problems and traits also match the problems and traits that can be applied to people with ADHD. I also have a tendency to take things literally and personally too.
Oh, and it's good to know that it wasn't about anything particular that I said, but I've been working on trying not to say the wrong things at the wrong time, as I can sometimes be extremely blunt, foolish, and careless.
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 10-12-2013 at 09:33 PM.
Active Member
So.....I surprised my Man of Interest with his bday gifts. I kinda chickened out and didn't tell him my feelings. The discussion never got anywhere near that territory. I think we are just gonna have to be really good friends and I'm okay with that. Anyways, he liked the gifts that I gave him and we hung out for a few hours before he had to go to work. It was good to see him.
Hairy Member
If you're okay with being just friends, then I guess that's alright, but from what you've said it seems pretty obvious you want more than that. Just because he didn't bring the subject up it doesn't mean he doesn't want the same thing as you. He could just be a really shy guy. If it was me, there are a few different options I would look at.
- Outright tell him how you feel. Obviously this has the potential to be a bit disasterous; but part of one of my favourite quotes is "To know the truth, you must risk everything." If he's a decent guy he wont let it get awkward if he doesn't feel the same way.
- Do you have any mutual friends? If so, you could ask them to do a bit of detective work I guess, and ask him what he thinks.
- Go on being just friends.
It's your call.
Active Member
We talk about everything but our feelings for each other although he knows that I think he is so awesome. I'm just chicken shit. I realize that I will just keep continuing on killing myself if I don't tell him but I don't want to risk the fantastic friendship that we have. No, we don't have any mutual friends. Although it may be heartbreaking for me, I think we just need to remain friends. Ugh, I hate this.
On a different note, I have a date with this other guy. I think he is really into me but I'm not completely sold on him although he is super nice to me and is wrapped around my finger. How do I break it to him that he can't have a future with me without coming off as a bitch?
Hairy Member
While I don't have any more advice on that situation, for what it's worth I know how you feel.
Well if it was me you were telling that to, I'd rather you be upfront about it, in which case I'd be like "Right, fair enough". Though obviously don't put it as "you can't have a future with me". As opposed to you kind of beating around the bush with the whole thing and maybe leaving him in a state of not knowing 100% what you meant, which would be shit for him and that wouldn't be closure for you then.
Active Member
Oh, wise one. You and everyone else that I talk about this to says the same thing. I'm sooooooo scared!!!!While I don't have any more advice on that situation, for what it's worth I know how you feel.
Well if it was me you were telling that to, I'd rather you be upfront about it, in which case I'd be like "Right, fair enough". Though obviously don't put it as "you can't have a future with me"
Ok. Enough about me for now. How or who are you guys doing?
Hairy Member
I'm pretty good. No one, unfortunately.Oh, wise one. You and everyone else that I talk about this to says the same thing. I'm sooooooo scared!!!!
Ok. Enough about me for now. How or who are you guys doing?The main issue is actually finding women that are my type.
Active Member
I know what you mean. What is your type?I'm pretty good. No one, unfortunately.
Hairy Member
I'm actually not entirely sure how to put it into words. The main thing I put a requirement on is similar interests and personality. If they're not there, it's a total deal breaker.
Active Member
I agree both will take it how they take it. Best to be straight forward.
As for how I'm doing, I think today is shot. Been thinking of my ex randomly last few days and today I found out why, got a text asking about a scarf that may be at my place.
It's weird because other times I've encountered these random thoughts similar things have happened. I'm also in a similar boat about type. I have a very general type I guess but it really comes down to the individual. I know what I don't like though.
*Also some people seem much more attractive before they speak.
Last edited by Pillfred; 10-12-2013 at 07:36 PM.
Hairy Member
The last time I actually had contact with my ex was pretty funny - my band was playing a battle of the bands gig and she was there to support another band. She was there with her boyfriend and we were all talking and everything was cool. Anyway like two weeks later was Valentine's Day, and we had been broken up about a year and a few months at this stage, but she sent a text that was obviously meant for her boyfriend to me. I found it really funny that the only time she ever made that mistake was on that day.I also discovered that she's been living literally a 10 minute walk from my house for the past year yet I haven't bumped into her once, despite bumping every other person she lives with hahah.
Same, I know what I don't like, but it gets much vaguer when we start talking about what I do like.
Active Member
I hear you.
Ha! True!
I just had a wtf moment. I invited my ex husband to go shopping for our daughter. *facepalm*
Down, but not out.
I just thought of bringing this up just one more time, and then I'll step away from this topic until I hopefully have a date. I really just want to know what it's like to love and be loved as I've never experienced that in my entire life. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, or get too crazy about it, but it sometimes still happens in spite of me wanting to focus on other things. (Which is what I should've been doing anyway.)Oh, I'm not thinking of any particular thing you've said, just the problems you're describing (socializing, reading social cues, etc) and the particular way you're describing them. They seem a lot like problems that people with Asperger's go through, so I was just wondering if you've ever been diagnosed with it, that's all. I didn't mean to imply in any way that you should watch what you say or censor yourself, so do carry on and I'll stop derailing the topic
But yes, it really is hard for me to make friends, and read certain social cues that aren't completely direct, literal, serious, and obvious. (People with ADHD also seem to have tremendous difficulties in those areas of life too.)
I also seem to have better luck in written communication though, but of course, speech is different ball-game in regards to communication, and it also depends on the person/people I'm speaking to. I'm not even good at kidding around, but it sort of seems easier to detect jokes and kid around on the Internet for some reason, especially at ETS, since the writing quality on forums is usually better than the writing quality on social networks. The more legible and elaborate the writing, the easier it is for me to comprehend, even for a person like me.
I still believe this is connected to how I would obviously react in a relationship and handle a relationship, that is if I were to ever be in one to start with. This also reminded me that there are people out there that would even decline to date somebody with no friends/no family too. I've always thought if that person is hardworking, successful, nice, and means well, that shouldn't be a problem, but for some people it still is, perhaps due to boredom, or the idea that something is "wrong" with that person should they not have any other company but themselves. It sort of freaked me out a bit, I'll admit, but I'm still trying to get over it.
Anyway, I think I've posted enough in this thread for now. I just wanted to point that last part out, because having no friends/no family does fall under deal-breakers to some, or even lots of people.
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 10-13-2013 at 03:58 PM.
Active Member
No friends is a potential deal breaker for me. I cannot be their only social focus, and I like more social people, though I did get involved with this one guy years ago who was SUPER not social. It didn't work for me.
she/her/hers
when my fiancee and i started dating, she hung out with her best friend matt & his wife, becca, almost every night. she went out for drinks with them about three times a week. i was a total home-body, didn't really like going out for drinks (mostly because it's fucking expensive but also because i hate having to worry about getting myself home), and really only spent time with my best friend who was living with me for the summer.
these days, i have a shit ton of people i see all the time, mostly because i'm the sound designer/composer (and i run my sound during shows) for a theatre company. i still don't love going out for drinks, but i'll do it occasionally. what i do love is having people over for drinks/dinner/movies, but my fiancee has gotten progressively more misanthropic. she NEVER likes to go out for drinks anymore, she has only seen her best friend three times in the last 6 months, and even though all of my friends love her, she finds herself choosing to be alone most of the time. and she's happy with that. but i have trouble not feeling guilty if i want to go out and do something, and she's just sitting at home...and i'd also, of course, much rather have her come with me.
Throbbing Member
Trying hard to leave my insecurities at the door (she reminds me of them and helps as we continue) while she tries to get rid of her self-esteem and self-sabotaging issues (I try to guide her where I can). Gee, I wonder if this is how good nurturing relationships are supposed to start.
Active Member
Trust issues suck.
Active Member
When am I ever going to get this divorce done? Blood from a fucking stone he wants.
she/her/hers
tell him you'll draw blood from his stones... o.O
wow, that kind of thing doesn't usually come out of me.
Active Member
Bite me
Your husband is like the husband in the book "Eat, Pray, Love."
she/her/hers
i can't believe you've read that book
Active Member
I haven't, but I think I get what she's saying...i can't believe you've read that book
Active Member
Got a separation this summer. Happy about it, but feeling really lost.
Started seeing a therapist this week. Never been to one before.
The ex is the first sexual relationship I was ever in, we were together for 12 years, married for 5 of them.
Therapist recommended not starting a new relationship for at least six months, which is probably good, and I should listen to his advice (that's what I'm paying him for...).
On the other hand, one of the big issues in the relationship was a lack of sex, and I want to get laid. So tonight I'm hiring an escort. I don't feel bad about that.
Active Member
Glad to see that you're moving toward something better.
And re: sex workers, that's fucking cool! If what someone wants is just to get laid, why not hire a professional. Good sex and you know what you're signing up for. For you, or anyone else thinking of hiring a sex worker, check out slixa for a good non-seedy resource. We've worked with them at my internship and they're good people and it's just a great site.
Bite me
You should read that book!!!!!!
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote