The Introvert Thread

[Jord]

Over the last three of four months I've found myself going out and socialising less, going on less nights out and preferring to keep myself to myself than get involved in half of the bullshit my group of friends discuss and go about doing. I've still made time for my friends on the odd weekend so I'm not full hermit.

I guess I've become a lot more introverted, being a creative guy and making music has been my sole focus. I've been comfortable spending a lot of time on my own deep in thought.

[frankie teardrop]

bless you @allegro , for mentioning that introverted doesn't always mean you're a complete shut-in. i've had discussions with the missus about how introverted i am (she doubts this), despite constantly being surrounded by people as a NYC DJ/musician/whatever else i get up to. i've always known that most of these people i saw every week on end weren't friends, just a friendly face to pass the late night hours with, most often over a drink or two. i'm not shy whatsoever, have no problem meeting or opening up to new people, but (these days more than ever), my default is heading straight home after work, throwing myself into a project, and being in very limited company, if any at all. when i do make plans, i prefer to keep a select few close.

i'm also with @halloween on being a fantastic social actor, but i seldom enjoy random interactions with the aforementioned late night strangers. it's seldom personal and just a preference to be alone these days.

[allegro]

bless you @allegro , for mentioning that introverted doesn't always mean you're a complete shut-in. i've had discussions with the missus about how introverted i am (she doubts this)

It just means that you need to recharge your batteries by being alone, and that you don't get your energy from socializing. And you don't go nuts when left alone.

[playwithfire]

But I think those of us who don't understand how Introversion works assume that we're "shy" or have social anxiety when maybe that's not true

I am shy. I'm also loud and really talkative. The stuff doesn't conflict.

I also dislike small talk and find myself feeling very awkward a lot of the time, but the latter part of that isn't necessarily a part of my introversion.

There's a decent chance, depending on where you'd meet me, that you wouldn't think I'm an introvert.

Also, I'm some sort of online extrovert sometimes.

[allegro]

You CAN be a shy Introvert, sure; but, you don't HAVE to be shy if you're an Introvert.

There are shy Extroverts, too.

One can overcome shyness. I'm not sure that one can (or wants to) overcome being an Introvert.

I'm not sure that Introvert is a trait that stands out to others upon meeting; it's something that becomes apparent when NOT meeting. Gregariously and animatedly chatting with lots of people whilst in the middle of a large crowd and really enjoying one's self has nothing to do with being or not being an Introvert. When you go home and enjoy your solitude, later, while you recharge: THAT is the Introvert part.

Honestly, I still have no idea if I'm "shy." INTJs tend to bend these kinds of things to fit each situation due to the inherent perfectionism and/or need for logic, so there are things we conceal (even from ourselves?) like shyness when the situation calls for something other than shy. I guess it may also be because INTJs don't have patience for emotions, even our own; isn't shyness an emotion?

[MrsMeowMeow]

I think I was always an Introvert, as far as I can remember. I found it exhausting to play with other kids, so I rather stayed alone most of the time. Other people made me think that being a 'loner' was a bad thing, so I used to try to hide it... it never really worked of course ^^ it just made me hate mysef. I also lost friends, who wouldn't understand why I rather stay home and draw something instead of going out, because of this.

I have been called shy a lot (especially by my mom who tried to excuse the fact that I don't talk much), but I don't think I really am. Its more like I don't have anything of importance to say or I don't want to annoy people with my boring stories. But it also depends a lot on the situation.

After some rough years I have developed social anxiety though, so I'm even more awkward know and I unlearned the few social skills that I had. But nowadays I can admit all of this and don't feel ashamed of the way I am. Also I have learned how to avoid uncomfortable social situations. :P

[thelastdisciple]

I'm a lot of things but probably an introvert is woven among my DNA somewhere...

Some points..

-I like going to concerts and parties but i really spend a lot of time alone and sometimes for long periods i just avoid going out for whatever social event is on the menu. I CAN be a social butterfly if everything falls in to place or if the planets and stars have aligned, sometimes it's almost seasonal, sometimes the liquid courage definitely opens me up although i try my best not to rely on it.

-I most definitely prefer one on one interaction as opposed to groups, i suck at initiating conversations but i can hold my own sometimes and carry things along it all depends what fuels my mind mechanics. I appreciate time to compose my thoughts and absorb my surroundings, I'm not really one for improvisation. I am a great listener and with someone i know well enough i am spot on for an engrossing conversation, once the gears get going i really like telling stories and entertaining. If i can make my friends laugh i feel amazing.

-I try to avoid people that seem too clingy, people that don't ease up on their interactions and like to call you after each waking moment where you can't so much as even walk through the door to your home after a long ass, tiring and stressful day... take some time for yourself, have a shit, a shower... something to eat without hearing that god awful fucking phone ring like clockwork. I'm sometimes led to be dishonest about where i am or what I'm doing when it comes to folks like this that haven't a clue how much latched themselves to my being.

-I don't like putting myself in the spotlight whatsoever, public speaking is NOT something that I'm good at nor is it ever my choice to do it.

-I can't stand communication over the phone due to awkward silences, feeling trapped with long winded folks that'll do anything to talk your ears off is not my idea of a good time especially when i cannot even get a word in and by the time I've formulated a brilliant thing to say I'll just get cut off. Text messaging or face to face where i can read body language and interpret emotions is most preferential. I like texting because i don't feel pigeonholed and i can respond on my own terms unless it's a dire emergency and usually that's when I'd like people to call if they must.

-I am horrible at making plans, I'm a follower and not a leader although if it's just me on my own i prefer to go against the grain, deviate from the course of nature or against where ever which way the water's flowing and find my own way. Don't ask me what I'm doing a month from now, a week from now, a day from now or even 5 hours from now... just fuck off and let things fall where they may.

[allegro]

For what it's worth, I've seen a LOT of polls asking people (all people) their biggest fear, and it's nearly always: Public speaking

[mfte]

Im an introvert. I am also shy and extremely self conscious at times BUT I dont mind public speaking. I had a few classes in college that focused on in, and while terrifying at first, it became easier. Now, I welcome the chance to speak publicly as it gives me a totally pure chance to improve speech, clarity, body language. KINDA like the best way to learn a new language is to immerse yourself in an environment where that language is spoken... i tend to speak quietly and mumble so public speaking is a good exercise to work on improving those things.

It's nice to hear people here talking about the things that I feel other wise alone with. Social situations are so exhausting, I can act like an extrovert for about an hour and then I feel mentally gassed.

[redshoewearer]

I I can act like an extrovert for about an hour and then I feel mentally gassed.

Totally the same - I teach dance/aerobics - 10-14 classes a week. I'm up on a platform, doing the moves, calling out cues to 25+ people and entertaining them for an hour. Then when the last person leaves, I need to recharge. It is fun, and because it is a specific role that I play and am comfortable with, I'm not scared, since I know all my customers. But put me in a party, or unfamiliar situation, and I'll be in love with my phone. Either way, when I get home, I collapse in front of the computer and need time with no interaction.

[Frozen Beach]

I'm in and out of this state. The problem is that now that I'm willing to get out more, I've isolated myself to a point where it's practically impossible to get out. I don't have many friends, and the friends that I have aren't really the type that hang out. I still live with my parent, and I'm almost 22. Makes me feel like a failure and a burden, though I recognize there are people in a worse state than mine.

[allegro]

Yeah, don't totally isolate yourself; humans need social interaction at least once in a while (although, technically, you're living with your parents so you probably get more social interaction than most of us).

[xmd 5a]

Major introvert here. I've had issues with shyness and social anxiety since my early teens and am slowly overcoming them. I feel very awkward in most social situations, even ones where I know most of the people around me. I tend to stumble over words and have difficulty articulating things in my head into words, which just serves to make me feel even more awkward and self-concious. I also tend to assume no-one wants to talk to me until proven otherwise, thus I rarely approach others and generally wait for them to make the first move. It's not really negatively impacting much at the moment though. I do fine at work and interacting with colleagues. Outside of work I spend most of my time with my wife and daughter. Most of my closest friends live elsewhere in the country so I rarely see them. I'm generally too busy to have any regular social hobbies (on a rotating roster at work which makes things difficult too).

It all sounds rather pathetic typing it out but it works for me. Hopefully I'll continue to get over the social anxiety but I'll always value my 'alone with music and thoughts' time.

Edit: I'm 23 and being so introverted makes me simultaneously feel younger and older than I actually am. Like, I'm too old to be an awkward teen yet too young to be a career/family focussed man. If that makes any sense. Weird feeling.

[thevoid99]

I'm also an introvert. I'm very shy. I don't go out very much. I don't have any friends. I usually spend a lot of my time writing film reviews or essays (and if I ever have any ideas, I'd write my own original stuff). I only go out for groceries or anything that's on sale or there's a film or show that's coming. That's pretty much it. I prefer to keep things simple and not have any kind of complications as I do see a shrink every few months.

[themethatyouknow]

I've taken two Aspergers tests this week and have scored in the borderline category both times. I don't really mind being introverted except for the fact that being an extrovert is preferred in society. Job interviews in particular, favor people who are outgoing and chatty. I hate the fact that I have a hard time getting a good job because I'm not great at small talk. Even though I'm clearly qualified if they gave me a chance.

[allegro]

Introverts can get good jobs, AND be really good at job interviews. Read this whole thread for examples of Introverts excelling in all kinds of things.

Introverts can be just as "good" at small talk as Extroverts; and Extroverts don't necessarily love small talk, either (nor are they necessarily "good" at it).

Job interviews require practice and studying up on how to be good (or, at least, functional) at it. Nobody is born with good interview skills, just like no one is born to write a great résumé.

For the record, chatty people do NOT do well in job interviews. People who know how to answer questions and discuss their résumé in a succinct, to-the-point manner ace the job interview. Chatty wastes time.

Being an Introvert will only negatively affect you if you let it.

[Fixer808]

Job interviews in particular, favor people who are outgoing and chatty. I hate the fact that I have a hard time getting a good job because I'm not great at small talk. Even though I'm clearly qualified if they gave me a chance.

In my head: "Look around his office and on his desk, try and spot something to talk about to break the ice. FUCK, now I'm not looking at him, he's going to notice that I'm averting my eyes or something! This is going from bad to worse, I'm never going to get this jo--- Hey there's a dog under the desk."

"Hey, doggy!"
"Yeah, that's Marv!"
Marv walks over and flops on his side, wagging his tail.
"Well, Marv says okay, you wanna start on Wednesday?"
"Sure, yeah!..... Sorry, what day? Was giving Marv a tummy rub..."

That was- almost verbatim- my last interview.

[rhet]

In my head: "Look around his office and on his desk, try and spot something to talk about to break the ice. FUCK, now I'm not looking at him, he's going to notice that I'm averting my eyes or something! This is going from bad to worse, I'm never going to get this jo--- Hey there's a dog under the desk."

"Hey, doggy!"
"Yeah, that's Marv!"
Marv walks over and flops on his side, wagging his tail.
"Well, Marv says okay, you wanna start on Wednesday?"
"Sure, yeah!..... Sorry, what day? Was giving Marv a tummy rub..."

That was- almost verbatim- my last interview.

And this is why I want a dog to take with me to work (among other obvious reasons). I'm crap at small talk so meeting loads of new people all the time and getting up in their space can be awkward but a dog would be an instant conversation starter! And it would be much less annoying to have the same conversation over and over if it was about my cute doggy hehe

[allegro]

Or, just get into Law, where a partner who sees employees talking will walk over and tell them to shut up and get back to work. Once, a coworker and I were reprimanded for talking on the job AND WE WERE DISCUSSING PROBLEMS WITH A REAL ESTATE FILE.

Hell, there are LOTS of careers / jobs where socializing while on the clock isn't allowed or, at least, is highly discouraged. Which works great for Introverts, since we're usually the ones DOING ALL THE WORK.

Small talk means LESS WORK IS GETTING DONE while you're on somebody else's dime.

I highly recommend THIS BOOK.

[playwithfire]

I'm glad I caught that pdf link before you edited it out. What site did you originally get it from? I'd like to see the pdfs for other types as that profile was fabulous and the most in-depth one I've ever read.

[allegro]

I'm glad I caught that pdf link before you edited it out. What site did you originally get it from? I'd like to see the pdfs for other types as that profile was fabulous and the most in-depth one I've ever read.

I'll PM you. I decided that I didn't want to scare the MB newbs in here with specific career suggestions without them knowing much about MB, first.

[miss k bee]

I am ISFP. I have been on Paroxetine for couple of years and I'm currently reducing the dose to come off it. I have a few friends and never been one for going around in a big group. I love going to concerts by myself,if I invite a friend or go with someone I tend to worry if they are not enjoying it. I am not big on small talk either but have worked in a call centre so have no probs talking to someone I don't know.

[JessicaSarahS]

For what it's worth, I've seen a LOT of polls asking people (all people) their biggest fear, and it's nearly always: Public speaking

I don't mind public speaking at all. I dread talking on the phone more than public speaking.

[RJK]

I don't mind public speaking at all. I dread talking on the phone more than public speaking.

Oh yes so true. I could talk in front of hundreds of people but I can't and won't call a business to ask a question. Hate hate hate it.

[Beef of the Sea]

THIS is the best article on introverts I've ever read. I think @ad infinitum was the one who introduced me to it.

I loved this article so much, I sent it to my partner, to which she said: "That's all bullshit though, and you're not even an introvert."
Me: "Do you even know what an introvert is?"
Her: "..."

Think it's time to move on...

[Madmya]

Yes, I'd be looking to move on too if my man was looking up these articles and showing them to me too.

[Beef of the Sea]

Thanks a bunch for your exceedingly positive contribution, buttercup.

[Fixer808]

Yes, I'd be looking to move on too if my man was looking up these articles and showing them to me too.

I'm curious as to what antagonizes you so about this thread...

Moving on, I think karaoke helps me. Get the fuck up on stage and perform, have some fun and don't mind that people are watching you!

[themethatyouknow]

Moving on, I think karaoke helps me. Get the fuck up on stage and perform, have some fun and don't mind that people are watching you!

I'm pretty sure that's alcohol that helps you.

[Fixer808]

Semantics.