SWIM's drug story (because SWIM need to vent right now)...struggled with additiction to painkillers from 1999 to 2008. Very addictive personality. I had a job at a medical warehouse in 99 and moved up quickly. Eventually was in charge of the controlled stuff. This was 1999 so things werent monitored like they are now. I could order anything, adjust inventory, whatever i wanted. Quit over unrelated shit a year later, and then got it from whoever i could for next 8 years.

Eventually, i made the choice, after trying it once, to switch to H because it was cheaper (at the time), and easier on the body (was taking around 10-15 norcos a day, not good for your insides). Wasnt shooting but snorting. Struggled with that for another 4 years. Constantly lying, cheating, stealing, fucking over everyone in my path. Did some fucked up shit to make money my family and wife didnt know about. Somehow managed to keep my main job the whole time (been at the same place for 12 years). But my job duties include me driving around alot so it worked out...leaving in a company vehicle everyother day to run to the west side of chicago. Never got busted, luckily. Tried to get off it a few times. Took weeks off work to detox on the couch, only to be miserable. Never felt better, even weeks later. So i would return to it. My wife had no clue so i had to tell her i had the flu or someother bullshit to explain why i couldnt move/eat/sleep/do anything for weeks. Finally clicked one of the times, but a month later, got a kidney stone. Used that as an excuse to relapse. Things went even more downhill and finally broke down and told my wife and family everything. It all made sense to them...all the missing money and stolen/pawned shit.... Went into rehab for a week and then aftercare for a month. Wife got pregenant right after i got clean. It all finally clicked and made sense to me. Drs put me on suboxone, which made it almost too easy to stay clean. I didnt want to be dependant on anything at all though, so it was a struggle getting off that, but i did.

Somehow my wife stuck around thru it all. Been clean for over 2 years now. I dont really agree with all of the 12 step shit. I think you have to do what works for you. Everyone is different. I still have a few drinks here and there and a few puffs here and there. I would even do a psychedelic if the timing was right (hard to find 12 hours to kill when you have a kid and both of us work). But one thing i know for certain, opiates are OUT. I liked them way too much. They filled a hole in me i never knew i even had till i tried them. Im 33 right now so the way i look at it is, i fucked around alot up to my 30's, but now ive got my shit together. Its been one hell of a ride but wouldnt change a thing because it brought me to where i am now=happily married with a son i love more than anything in the world and i still have my job. My friends and family were great and i couldnt have done it without them. I didnt have to cut anyone out of my life, except my dealer, because i was the type that did my drugs alone. It was my thing, my secret. No one knew.

I still will go to a meeting here and there but its hard to find time for anything anymore. I just want to hang at home with my family and when my son and wife go to sleep, i record, record, record. Every step along the way has been 'documented' sonically. The one thing that helps though, is talking about it. I think thats the whole basis of 12 step programs. It feels good to get it out. Everyones story is pretty similar. Anyways, thanks for letting me get it out ETS. If anyone is struggling with addiction and needs to vent or to be pointed in the right direction, I am here. Im def not sponsor material but, you need to end the cycle. I waited so long because i was scared of never feeling happy again. And it took awhile, but it HAS happened. I feel naturally happy again. And naturally sad. It happends. Its life. But it IS possible to overcome.

tl;dr: used to be an addict, now im not