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Faceplams: Clerks. What a disappointment, I mean really. I cannot fathom how this became a cult movie.
If it were released now it'd sink without trace.
Active Member
Clerks. What a disappointment, I mean really. I cannot fathom how this became a cult movie.
If it were released now it'd sink without trace.
Gilded Member
In a row?!Originally Posted by aggroculture
House Always Wins
I've tried watching it and its sequel many times. I don't think it's any good, funny, excellent or anything remarkable. Just dull and boring to me.
Saul Williams fan.
Clerks will always be remarkable for me because of the Star Wars dialogue and the scene with the mother and the baby.
I hated, hated, HATED Sweeney Todd. Never seen the musical and probably never will. Interestingly enough, Kevin Smith made a "re-enactment" (ahem) of the play in Jersey Girl (which many people hated, but I thought it was okay). I'd rather watch the "Ben Affleck version" 90 times than sit through Tim Burton's suckfest again. Everything about it was awful. The characters were unbearable, the songs were incredibly annoying, the hyper-violence was unnecessary, I didn't root for the hero, I didn't hate the villain as much as I was supposed to, the plot twists were predictable and even its few saving graces, the production design and overall aesthetic overstayed their welcome. I kind of understand why so many people love it, but nobody understands why I hate it. Well, here you go.
Active Member
Clerks was big because people werent over the casual conversation as dialogue thing (the tarantino thing of standing around talking about nothing)... Also the pop culture as reference points aspect wasnt done in many films back then, certainly it would be one of the first films to go on about star wars (not the last, see shows like spaced), and the intial wave of star wars fans would have been in their 20s 30s at that point, etc etc
Saul Williams fan.
Plus, the dirty jokes. Smith has gotten lots of attention for the repeated cursing and crass humor in his movies. As he once wrote in his blog when he discovered germs in the saliva are much more dangerous than those living in shit, "I have a dirty mouth. And, apparently, it's even dirtier than my asshole."
Disaster may as well be the dumbest movie I've ever seen. I'm so glad I missed the first 30-40 minutes or so. Yeah, I shouldn't have an opinion if I haven't seen the whole thing, but what I saw (and I watched it until the end) was completely laughable, so I doubt the rest was Oscar-worthy material.
Speaking of disasters, this movie is so facepalm-worthy that it doesn't even deserve being compared to shit. Making scatological references to describe this movie would actually do it justice. It's that bad. And Brent fucking Spiner is in it.
Crash. Yeah, the 2004 movie, the one that got an Oscar. It didn't deserve most of the praise it got. It was generic, naive, tearjerker Lifetime material that somehow got a big movie release. Why do I hate movies with Jennifer Esposito so much? Oh, well, it's not her fault, as I hated her the least in both movies. Plus, she got naked in Crash, that was nice of her.
Matador de Froot Loops
Damn, i watched this one at the movie theater mostly because Dana Carvey, i had so much faith in him, the movie disappoints, but it's the kind of thing "you want to give it a chance" because you love the actor so much, such a bomb...
speaking of crappy SNL spinoffs:
Hairy Member
Everything 3D
Everything Adam Sandler (Punchdrunk also?..yes)
Everything Rob Schnider or "SNL Guys"
Everything Owen Wilson
Everything "fast and furious, part 1,2 3,4 ...."
also: FUCK REMAKES...FUCK THEM ALL.
Movies are not the same as before.
Active Member
But Clerks didn't sound casual at all: it sounded like they were reading this really laborious, overwrought script, really fast. Nobody talks like that: I felt like I was watching a bunch of amateurs. Which I was. Tarantino by constrast is great at making loopy dialogue seem so utterly casual.
Member
I had a unfortunate morning watching Bratz: The Movie today. I will admit to having masochistic tendencies to watch a bad movie just to see how bad it is. That was not a film. It was a bullshit propaganda feature-length commercial into saying buying expensive clothes, have your hair a certain way, wear jewelry, and sing stupid pop sings while being true to your friends so you can be on MTV or whatever. I wanted to gouge my eyes out watching this. Jon Voight, what did he do to appear in this piece of shit? Was it for appearing in all of those awful Michael Bay films or was it the fact that he was willing to sell his soul just for a measly paycheck? No wonder Angelina Jolie had been estranged from him for such a long time.
Stubby Member
If you can't fathom why this was a cult hit in the 1990s then you were living in a cave in the 1990s or weren't a teenager then.
Last edited by owinn; 06-06-2012 at 02:35 PM.
Active Member
I was 16 when it came out (which is also when I saw it), so maybe my opinion would be different today, but I remember The Ninth Gate being a TERRIBLE movie.
Throbbing Member
The Forgotten with Julianne Moore. Came out in 2004. The fuck up of an ending...WOW.....Aliens took her son? What the fuck?
ending was so bad its unbelievable . So lazy.
If you have ever been disappointed with the way a film ends....check this one out.
About a woman 'searching' for her son. She asks people for information as to where he is, they inform her she never had a son in the first place.
She insists she did have a son and goes on a quest. The premise is interesting for first 20 minutes. That's why the ending seems so bad. Then the film becomes appalling at a dramatic rate.
And yeah....you find out it was 'Aliens' who did it they say 'not enough time' or something and it just ends.
Its like something went wrong on set and they had to end the project quickly so just blamed it on the Aliens.
Apparently there is an alternative ending. Thats much better.
This just reminded me of the simpsons episode itchy and scratchy and poochie where they cant even bee bothered and just say Poochie went to his home planet.
Active Member
Feast
Henry Rollins is in it. So it Jason Mewes and Baltazar Getty. A bar in the desert gets attacked by mosters kinda like Tremors. The movie is horrible and boring. I would randomly fast forward and it was always the same things minus a few less survivours.
Homeboy
Starring Mickey Rourke and Christopher Walken. I have been on a recent Mickey Rourke kick where I decided to watch all of his movies. Its not joke that his output bottomed out in wuality during the 90s.
Active Member
Excuse me? I don't like you.
Last edited by Amaro; 06-07-2012 at 02:44 PM.
Member
How can anyone dislike everything w/ Owen Wilson? What about his work with Wes Anderson or Midnight in Paris?
Gilded Member
My friend hates Owen Wilson. He's got the same aversion to him as I have for Ben Affleck.
Throbbing Member
I have that with Matt Damon. Can't stand him, even when he's actually very good. Cannot. Stand. Him.
House Always Wins
Why Dennis Hopper, why?
Active Member
Because he was paid money and probably didn't even know what the videogame was like
Last edited by Frozen Beach; 06-07-2012 at 05:29 PM.
Active Member
I have a pretty good feeling some of you take some movies too seriously.
Member
I read a bio by John Leguizamo. He said Super Mario Bros. was a terrible experience because there were a bunch of directors involved who didn't know how to make a movie. The only good thing Leguizamo had to say about the film was getting shit-faced with Bob Hoskins every day after filming.
Matador de Froot Loops
...
..
.
MONKEY!
Throbbing Member
Halloween Resurrection (2002) the one with Busta Rhymes was so bad it was really sad. Was horrible watching a classic project fall into the wrong hands and get destroyed.
This is probably the worst film I have ever paid to see . Behind anger there is sadness and with this it was beyond anger. It was just sadness and worry for the next generation of youth i felt as i left the theatre after seeing this.
There was no art involved. Just nothing, total insult to the audience. And to the Horror genre.
Struggled to fathom what i had seen after this.
I know this film has subsequently been disowned by the franchise, but it was worrying at the time, who were these people in Hollywood churning out this shit?
Especially after how good Halloween H20 was, around 2002 last decade a lot of shit was coming out, it was worrying.
Matador de Froot Loops
I agree, H20 was one of the best ones in the franchise and then we get "Resurrection", what a crappy follow-up!
Many of the fans consider "Halloween 3" the weakest link, i disagree i think it's not that bad, just different, but man, "Resurrection" sucked ass, but i gotta admit i laughed hard when Busta shouts: "trick or treat motherfucker!"
Active Member
So, I bought the Silent Hill movie a while back, on blu-ray...I dunno why, probably just because it was $9. It had zero bonus features on it. Not even commentary. The other day, I picked up a used copy of the DVD for $1.50, solely because it had the bonus features on it. The fact that I had to buy the movie twice to get all the content sucks as is, but that's not why I came here.
I just wanted to say that if you're a director, and you want to adapt a video game into a movie while "remaining as true to the source material as possible," you should probably start with avoiding these things: Changing the main character's gender, making 90% of the cast female, as opposed to an even split in the game, changing the names/identities of all but three characters in the entire movie, adding multiple characters that aren't in the game at all, taking out characters that are essential to the game's story, completely changing the driving forces behind the story, recycling the soundtrack completely using Silent Hill game soundtracks + Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire"...
I mean, the list just goes on. I will seriously contend that I could adapt a Silent Hill movie better than this. I know that they need to change a few things to make it more appealing to a wider audience, but there's a way to do that without butchering the source material....It's not a TERRIBLE movie. Even some of the camera work was pretty cool, and mirrored certain shots from the game. And a couple of moments were downright AWESOME (Pyramid head in front of the church was one). But if the right people were on board with making a Silent Hill movie, it could have turned out a lot better. I only bought it because I've grown to really like the Silent Hill franchise these last few months. Even if they wanted to do a Silent Hill film that was a stand-alone from the games, that could turn out okay. But don't make a film based on the first game and then change it to the point where it has nothing in common with the first game. "We wanted to listen to the fanbase more than anything" my ass.
I know, it's a shallow thing to bitch about, but this guy did to Silent Hill what Mr. Brainwash did to graffiti. "HEY I LIKE THAT STUFF I CAN DO IT TOO LOOK EVERYONE!"
I'll see Silent Hill 3D. I'm gonna go in with pretty low expectations, but with hopes that maybe they learned from their mistakes.
Also, Sean Bean would have been a great Harry Mason.
Last edited by ImTheWiseJanitor; 06-19-2012 at 08:36 PM.
Saul Williams fan.
Drive Angry.
I was actually surprised by the movie's story and setting. It seemed it could become a nice homage to 80's trashy thrillers. I mean, the trashiness is there. Swearing, nudity, violence. And it was shot in 3D (I saw the 2D version, mind you).
Buuuuuut, it failed so miserably.
It tried to be "so bad, it's good" and screwed up in the process. I'll admit it wasn't an awful movie. It never felt excessive. However, this is part of why it's a failure; it was simply not excessive enough. It played it safe, and that took away the fun from all the violent scenes. The "3D show-off" scenes were pretty stupid, since most of them were based on terrible CGI (the "stuff flying at you during an explosion" scene was horribly executed). I couldn't believe a 2011 mainstream theatrical release could have effects worse than a direct-to-video shitfest.
And, of course, the biggest flaw of the movie is Nicolas Cage. His constant moronic expressions and monotone voice completely ruined the main character. Just like "Kick-Ass", he played the complete opposite of what his character was supposed to be like.
This is a great example of a movie trying to appeal to fans of a specific genre by giving them the bare minimum and masquerading it as a tribute. It left so much to be desired. It could have been "so bad, it's good," but it's just "so mediocre, it's sad".
Matador de Froot Loops
speaking of videogame-based-movies:
This one is bad EVEN for the Rock's standards...
Member
That was a terrible movie. And what a waste of a good NIN remix.
Active Member
Ya know, I liked The Rock in The Rundown. That was a fun movie.
That was about it, though.
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