Shitty Movies - So bad, they're bad

[ImTheWiseJanitor]

Against my best wishes, I'm starting the day watching Prince of Persia while I eat breakfast. Apparently, when you grow up as a middle-eastern orphan raised by the Persian king, your english accent not only remains prominent, but becomes MORE Christian Bale-esque with time. Along with the voice of every character with screen time. I'm 9 minutes in and I'd already rather die of dehydration.

Ubisoft, please, PLEASE, for the fucking love of fuck, don't completely ruin Assassin's Creed. My advice for anyone curious to see this movie out of curiosity - Don't. You're good.

[bobbie solo]

echoing the opinions that Paranorman & Frankenweenie are excellent movies. And believe me, they have heart aplenty.

[thevoid99]

Here's a recent bad film I saw. Accidental Love aka the film formerly once known as Nailed by David O. Russell. Wow, this is an example of what happens when a production gets fucked when the money goes away, comes back, and goes away again. A story that could've had potential but instead, it goes to shit as it's got a bland look and it was obvious that whoever was in charge of the editing really did a shoddy job. Many of the actors looked bad and it didn't know what it wanted to be. No wonder Russell wanted no part with the final product as I'm sure the experience of making it was bad enough.

[Jinsai]

Holy shit... do NOT see Rings. I would rather watch the evil cursed VHS tape than sit through the rest of that movie... So incredibly bad.

[eversonpoe]

Holy shit... do NOT see Rings. I would rather watch the evil cursed VHS tape than sit through the rest of that movie... So incredibly bad.

my friend randall had to see it (and review it) for CoS. he did not like it.

[Jinsai]

my friend randall had to see it (and review it) for CoS. he did not like it.

He gave it a D? He's being generous.

I never walk out of a movie I paid to see... I only saw this because it looked like a good way to kill the time while the Apple geniuses fixed my phone screen after my dogs decided to chew it up. After a little less than an hour, I opted to just walk around and wait outside for them to hurry up and fix it already. Also, it was raining. Fuck that movie.

[Sutekh]

Speaking of Burton-bashing, I know I'm in the minority, but I absolutely despised Sweeney Todd. I get what they were trying to do, and I know that the musical is considered a classic, but I didn't even like the songs. I would have appreciated their cheesiness if they weren't presented in such a pretentious look-at-me-I'm-so-goth way. I hated almost all of the characters, and even seeing them being brutally murdered didn't do it for me. I guess I could watch one of the taped Broadway performances of the musical itself, but... eeeeh, I don't know. For all its atmosphere and gore, it eventually became a one-note movie, and one note I got sick of hearing. It was clear to me that Burton was doing "dark" and "goth" and shit just because, by that point, he was supposed to be doing stuff this way. Edward Scissorhands managed to be hauntingly beautiful without having every single frame painted in drab digital colors. I did like that one moment when Todd and that Bonham Carter character imagined a better future for themselves. I don't know. Maybe if it was more... fun? It had several attempts at dark humor, like with Sacha Baron Cohen's character, but I didn't even crack a smile.

I'd rather watch Ben Affleck, Raquel Castro and George Carlin recreate Sweeney Todd all day long. There.

Minority? Everything he has done since mars attacks has been total shit...

So glad I don't socialise much outside my elite circle of chin strokers

[thevoid99]

Minority? Everything he has done since mars attacks has been total shit...

So glad I don't socialise much outside my elite circle of chin strokers

What about Superman Lives? The Superman movie that never got off the ground. I think it would've been a game-changer for Burton and probably have him make better films instead of the films he's made since Mars Attacks.

[Jinsai]

Minority? Everything he has done since mars attacks has been total shit...

No way... Corpse Bride was pretty cool, and Frankenweenie was amazing. I'd also say that Ed Wood was by far the best movie he ever made, though Edward Scissorhands comes close.

[Sutekh]

@thevoid99 never read the script, but a film that never got made is damming with faint praise in my book
@Jinsai agreed, ed wood was his best film, but that was 2-3 years before mars attacks. Also agreed it is a near tie with scissorhands. For me, ed wood proved he was talented - his other films had that heavily stylised bo welch type production design, but ed wood proved he could still deliver with a real world setting. Admittedly it was in a fifties period setting so it does have that sort of hyperreality, but still

Wasn't a massive fan of corpse bride, actually frankenweenie was pretty decent, but a remake of an earlier film, so he gets half a point. I just really hate the cutesy goth aesthetic. His post mars attacks stuff feels like self parody.

[Your Name Here]

Cloud Atlas sucked balls, I fucking hated that movie.

[eversonpoe]

@thevoid99 never read the script, but a film that never got made is damming with faint praise in my book
@Jinsai agreed, ed wood was his best film, but that was 2-3 years before mars attacks. Also agreed it is a near tie with scissorhands. For me, ed wood proved he was talented - his other films had that heavily stylised bo welch type production design, but ed wood proved he could still deliver with a real world setting. Admittedly it was in a fifties period setting so it does have that sort of hyperreality, but still

Wasn't a massive fan of corpse bride, actually frankenweenie was pretty decent, but a remake of an earlier film, so he gets half a point. I just really hate the cutesy goth aesthetic. His post mars attacks stuff feels like self parody.

frankenweenie was a full-length stop-motion remake of a live-action short...so it's more of an adaptation than a remake. and i LOVED it.

hadn't seen ed wood until...last year? fucking phenomenal. also hilarious piece of trivia: tim burton was so unhappy with vincent d'onofrio's orson welles impression that he had maurice lamarche (nibbler from futurama, brain from pinky & the brain) overdub his voice.

[Sutekh]

Any movie that features Korla Pandit as a character - however briefly - deserves top marks

[Louie_Cypher]

i was looking @ the returns for yesterday's super bowl adds and I thought of a new idea, how to troll the president for fun and profit
-louie

[sentient]

Nocturnal Animals was one of the most wasteful 2 hours since Random Hearts.

[bobbie solo]

Did you not get the ending? Or did you really just not like it? I thought it was pretty great overall with lots of good performances (Kick Ass kid, Gyllenhaal & Michael Shannon especially), and a different way to end that kind of story.

[eversonpoe]

last night, we watched (with rifftrax, thank goodness) what is possibly the WORST movie we've ever watched - Samurai Cop

can't wait to watch the sequel that came out two years ago, featuring Tommy Wiseau, Bai Ling (from The Crow), and a bunch of porn stars

[elevenism]

Did you not get the ending? Or did you really just not like it? I thought it was pretty great overall with lots of good performances (Kick Ass kid, Gyllenhaal & Michael Shannon especially), and a different way to end that kind of story.

i agree. i thought Nocturnal Animals was fucking stunning.
I think it was probably Michael Shannon's best work.

[imail724]

Minority? Everything he has done since mars attacks has been total shit...

Granted I haven't seen it in more than 10 years, but wasn't Big Fish pretty good? Other than that I completely agree with you though.

[sentient]

Did you not get the ending? Or did you really just not like it? I thought it was pretty great overall with lots of good performances (Kick Ass kid, Gyllenhaal & Michael Shannon especially), and a different way to end that kind of story.

I watched and got through it only because of Shannon. Everything else felt derivative and dull. The ending was expected and a let down because it was so expected.

[Space Suicide]

This thread works for tv shows too right?

I kept Fox on after X Files and the latest Ryan Murphy show, 9-1-1, came on and I must say...

What an absolutely horrid and absolutely idiotic portrayal of first responders and safety enforcement drama I have ever seen. If I was a policeman, firefighter, 911 operator or paramedic I'd be appalled by this show.

I also read it got renewed for a 2nd season. Who? How? Why?

[wizfan]

The House. Jesus. Yeah, I know that it follow the mold of movies like Office Christmas Party, where the actors essentially improvise around an extremely thin plot and then the supposedly funniest bits are edited together into some kind of "comedy", but at least these "comedies" usually have some competent directing. The House was fucking terribly directed, written and edited. And unspeakably unfunny. Not even the outtakes at the end were funny. Will and Amy, you have reached a new low point in your filmography.

[Haysey_Draws]

Dunno whether anyone else has mentioned it but...Sex Lives of the Potato Men, fucking awful awful AWFUL film. One of those low budget indie British comedy (with some great comedic talent) but just not funny...or good in any shape what-so-ever! The worst film i've ever had to sit through (luckily me and a bunch of mates at the time rented it on one of our curry sunday's, so the experience wasn't a complete waste...i'd have ripped my own eyes out if i'd had to see it in a cinema!)

Also as Darkest Hour is out over here worth mentioning The Darkest hour, a 2011 sci-fi film that was all kind's of rubbish! It had a promising looking trailer, but the film was just the dullest hour and a half ever!

[thevoid99]

The most recent bad film I saw on TV was Fifty Shades Darker. I love erotic cinema when it doesn't take itself so seriously and I don't mind that if it's willing to do something different or dramatic. This however was just offensive in how stupid it is. I was so infuriated in what I saw that I ended up writing a rant about the film: https://letterboxd.com/thevoid99/fil...shades-darker/

[aggroculture]

just watched High-Rise and it was pretty shitty, in a mediocre, over-reaching sort of a way. Treats Ballard's writing like some sort of retro-nostalgia curio, rather than being relevant to our contemporary world. Also, the cast was all-white, which also doesn't make much sense. The film was about class, should have been about race too.
A missed opportunity, I'd say.

[Halo Infinity]

[Self.Destructive.Pattern]

^^^ In my top ten of best bad movies ever. Jontron does this so damn well (Stop that foot shit!).

[eversonpoe]

i've only watched Birdemic with rifftrax but the riffing is incredible and highly quotable. my wife and i say "i have boner, you go car now" at least twice a week hahaha

[elevenism]

"i have boner, you go car now"

I need to see this, based on the hilarity of that quote, even without context.

[eversonpoe]

I need to see this, based on the hilarity of that quote, even without context.

i will send you a dropbox link when i get home tonight