Shitty Movies - So bad, they're bad

[Khrz]

Jaws is a movie about a shark where the shark is in it for seven minutes.

And Waiting for Godot is a play where the aforementioned character is nowhere to be found. I think you missed the entire point of the movie, it wasn't sharknado...

And Ultraviolet is garbage while Equilibrium is a masterpiece ? They're the same movie !

[Millionaire]

Anyone watch Battlefield Earth lately? Its such a huge orgasmic explosion of shit that I kinda love it.

[Vertigo]

That's some hot imagery, @Millionaire .

[klang]

I'm still not sure if Vampire's Kiss is really bad or absolutely genius. Also, Pocahontas 2 is one the funniest, most bearable disney sequels I've forced myself to watch. Then again I was drinking at the time....
But so bad it's bad....Prometheus. I've never left a movie theater more infuriated.

[Swykk]

I'm not "trying to be cool." Are you fucking kidding me?! Think about that assumption. I'm not 15. I probably hate hipsters more than is healthy, but I can't tolerate their lack of passion and the affectations that go with it.

I'm catching all kinds of hell for saying what I think--Spielberg is average at best. It's something I've felt for about two decades now.

Equilibrium isn't the same movie for reasons that should be obvious.

I've been a huge movie fan my entire life. I have over 1200 in my collection (filmaf.com/swykk). I'm not some ITZ GOTTA HAVE EXPLOSIONS casual movie goer. I used to do some critic work. Show some respect, for fuck's sake.

[Khrz]

Spielberg has been average in a very efficient way for twenty years, I'd agree with that statement. Saying he has always been average and uninteresting is like saying the Beatles have always made boring pop music. You're stripping the context out of the success of a work of art, of course said success will seem unwarranted... Nowadays Spielberg runs on a formula he set up himself, so if you work backwards from now you'll see that formula everywhere in his filmography, obviously...

[Alexandros]

@Swykk No disrespect meant, my main point was that this thread is supposed to be for really bad films and I believe Spielberg's in no way fit this category. Not next to Battledield Earth type films.

[henryeatscereal]

I guess you're right, there is a lot of enjoyment to be gotten from it.

I think Richard Kelly's movies are that way, he's able to direct some great scenes but the story at times is so-so, he's also great at picking songs for his movies. It's almost like watching a music video (and that's what i enjoy of "Southland Tales")

[allegro]

Jaws...come on man, really?

The late Roger Ebert, a Real Film Critic, reviewed lots of Spielberg flicks, including Jaws.

Here is a list of Ebert's reviews of Spielberg-directed films. Your Honor, I enter this list as "Exhibit A" and move that Spielberg be stricken from this thread.

[theruiner]

Anyone watch Battlefield Earth lately? Its such a huge orgasmic explosion of shit that I kinda love it.

It's amazingly bad but immensely enjoyable (if watched the right way). I remember renting it with a friend with the specific intention of making fun of it and we were not disappointed. It was hilarious. I have never seen so many Dutch angles in a movie in my life.

[allegro]

I didn't get to the part where the song happens. I know I'm not the target demographic for this movie, but this is just fucking awful. I've never been so glad to not have kids. Could you imagine, having to sit through this movie over and over again, and having your daughter sing the songs all day long? That sounds like hell.

I haven't seen it, yet, but my mom bought it and has been bugging me to come over and watch it with her, like some kind of girl-fest thing.

Suck movies that I watch, anyway, and they're the worst but in a hilarious way: Holiday movies back-to-back from November 1st through December 31st on the Hallmark Channel, including THIS gem:

[Jinsai]

Yeah, I agree... this isn't the "overrated movies" or "controversial opinions on movies" thread... unless you authentically feel that Spielberg is bad in a Michael Bay or Uwe Boll way... in which case, go ahead. I'll disagree, but it's opinions.

Really though, the only movie he's made that obviously deserves to be mentioned in this thread (in my opinion) is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. And AI. Fuck that movie too. But on a whole? His best movies are pretty damn good.

[Swykk]

Battlefield Earth is low hanging fruit.

As for Ebert, sure he's universally respected, but his reviews were all over the place. It's not necessarily a bad thing but he's no god.

Striking Spielberg from this thread? So you've forgotten his truly awful stuff like Always, AI, Minority Report and goddammit, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?!

edit: @Jinsai hasn't forgotten

[Khrz]

God, Minority Report... The Spielberg Algorithm in action...

But compared to Battlefield Earth, it's still a very skillfully executed action flick.

Even on autopilot, Spielberg is leagues above, say, Uwe Boll.

[Swykk]

So again, is it just all going to be low hanging fruit like Boll? That's kind of easy and boring.

All Twilights, all Wayans brother parodies, are we really doing that?

[Swykk]

Separate from this mini discussion, Richard Kelly is kind of an odd case. Donnie Darko was great and then the Director's Cut ruined it, quite frankly. It was as if he misunderstood his own movie. Southland Tales is terrible in that way where you can tell many of the actors are really trying hard to make a bloated script work.

[thevoid99]

Separate from this mini discussion, Richard Kelly is kind of an odd case. Donnie Darko was great and then the Director's Cut ruined it, quite frankly. It was as if he misunderstood his own movie. Southland Tales is terrible in that way where you can tell many of the actors are really trying hard to make a bloated script work.

There has to be reasons into why he hasn't made a new film in quite some time. He's obviously someone where if he has editors or people who will tell what doesn't work, good things will come. I heard that the director's cut of Donnie Darko is one of those director's cuts that doesn't work while Southland Tales was just awful. I wondered why Trent backed out of the project. Probably he realized that it was going to suck.

[littlemonkey613]

Frozen sucks. This movie is bad. So, so, so bad.

OMG THANK YOU!

Im actually a HUGE disney fan, and I love most their princess movies actually. They are typically very well done with logical scripts with great pacing.

This movie made no fucking sense, and it seemed like when writing they were just throwing ideas at the wall to see what stuck. No theme or idea was explored beyond mention and it was littered with obvious plot holes the entire time. I don't get how people actually thought it was so good.

I understand why people enjoyed it, I just don't understand how people thought it was well written or anything. I thought the characters were mostly great but stuck in a shitty movie that didn't explore their potential. And I think its bullshit that the movie wasn't even really about the sisters at all. The ending was tacked onto a movie that I didn't just see.

[Jinsai]

So again, is it just all going to be low hanging fruit like Boll? That's kind of easy and boring.

All Twilights, all Wayans brother parodies, are we really doing that?

Well, to be fair... Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and AI were, in my opinion at least, just as shitty as anything Uwe Boll has made.

[marodi]

Dreamcatcher is terribly, horribly bad.

[Khrz]

Well the source material wasn't great to begin with... I lost King after Tommyknockers, and even that was really stretching it...

And I think Richard Kelly lucked out on Donnie Darko... Must be something like a Shyamalan syndrome, where a director makes a really enjoyable film, only to spiral down in mediocrity after it...

[Space Suicide]

Try snakes on a train

Thanks, I'll pass.

[allegro]

As for Ebert, sure he's universally respected, but his reviews were all over the place. It's not necessarily a bad thing but he's no god.

[Swykk]

Sure. I said I respected a film critic but implied he wasn't always right. That makes me a troll...by no logic I'm aware of.

[Your Name Here]

...............

[Frozen Beach]

Ebert had some garbage opinions. He hated Blue Velvet because he felt Isabella Rossellini (who was a close friend) was mistreated with all that she had to do in the movie, even after Isabella told him that she was okay with everything.

[Jinsai]

Ebert had some garbage opinions. He hated Blue Velvet because he felt Isabella Rossellini (who was a close friend) was mistreated with all that she had to do in the movie, even after Isabella told him that she was okay with everything.

Yeah... Ebert was definitely off on some things. He loved that shitty Burton's Alice in Wonderland movie, he loved Crash (the shitty one, not the Cronenberg one), he had some weird moral hangup with Kick Ass (same thing he complained about with Leon: The Professional), he liked Speed 2, he hated pretty much everything David Lynch ever did, he gave Full Metal Jacket a shitty score, while he gave the movie Junior (where Arnold Schwartzenegger gets pregnant) a near perfect score, bashed Resevoir Dogs and Brazil... He apparently didn't like The Hudsucker Proxy, Dead Man, A Clockwork Orange, or To Kill a Mockingbird, but he loved Anaconda.

and he liked The Happening...



He also liked Congo... really, has anyone here seen Congo? That movie SUCKED.
He also gave BOTH of the Tomb Raider movies good scores.
Some of his opinions are just kind of baffling.

[allegro]

But, that doesn't make him any less of a FILM CRITIC LEGEND.

Even when his reviews seemed "baffling," he knew it and explained WHY. Have you read any of his film books? The guy FORGOT more than any of us know about film. Considering his THOUSANDS of film reviews, he's still a God. Far more than any of US mere stupid mortals.

He loved Mulholland Drive.

He loved Inland Empire.

He loved The Straight Story.

I saw "Blue Velvet" the day it came out in theaters and I hated it, too, still do. So sue me.

Oh, and he gave Reservoir Dogs a Thumbs Up in 1992 so I don't know WHAT you're talking about.

Anyway, back to SHITTY MOVIES (not directors, or film critics).

I CAN'T FUCKING STAND "REQUIEM FOR A DREAM. IT SUCKS. PERIOD. IT'S OVER-THE-TOP ANTI-DRUG HYPERBOLE, LIKE REEFER MADNESS ON CRACK.

[Exocet]

I CAN'T FUCKING STAND "REQUIEM FOR A DREAM. IT SUCKS. PERIOD. IT'S OVER-THE-TOP ANTI-DRUG HYPERBOLE, LIKE REEFER MADNESS ON CRACK.

its film about addiction, not recreational drug using, its relentlessly bleak and oh so grim but none of it is far fetched.
Ellen deserved an Oscar, as did Clint Mansell that score is so good.

[implanted_microchip]

I CAN'T FUCKING STAND "REQUIEM FOR A DREAM. IT SUCKS. PERIOD. IT'S OVER-THE-TOP ANTI-DRUG HYPERBOLE, LIKE REEFER MADNESS ON CRACK.

Except they make a major point of showing the mother addicted to everyday things that no one calls drugs -- television, food, etc. The film is about so much more than heroin being a bad thing, it's about the nature of extreme addiction, about what drives individuals to addiction, about the grip it takes on someone and the things that we can form addictions around. It asks the question of what counts as an addictive substance in the first place, it argues that we can develop dependencies on almost anything that creates dopamine in our heads.

And really, Reefer Madness? Reefer Madness was blatant fear-mongering about marijuana, a substance that is largely agreed on as relatively harmless. Requiem for a Dream's central drug is heroin. Heroin. I don't understand, are you implying that heroin is just as safe as marijuana? Are you saying it's not really that bad, that it doesn't harm addicts, that it has no real negative effects and that people haven't had their lives spiral out of control because of it?

And beyond just that, from a film-making technique it's above and beyond a lot of mainstream films. Clint Mansell's score is astonishing in every way (although I still would argue his Fountain score is more powerful), the cinematography is stellar and the jump-cut style used when characters ingest drugs is fantastic (as is the editing in general), the pacing is great, the way it uses colors and shifts from bright and warm tones to the harsh, stark shades towards the end, from the sets to the wardrobe to the makeup actresses wear.

Also, Ellen's performance in that film is just amazing. In general it's got some wonderful performances, but hers is heart-breakingly good. Few actresses have made me feel for them as much as she did, there was such a deep sympathy and sadness to her portrayal that it's undeniable.

If you want to argue that it's a little heavy handed or not as subtle as you'd like, fine, sure, whatever, but to devalue literally every good thing about it and in turn manage to act like saying heroin is harmful is the same as saying weed is, well, that's really ridiculous. To list it in a thread along the likes of Snakes On a Plane is just out there.