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Thread: The Fucking Thread

  1. #2971
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    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    Oral is just... having sex with someone. On my end it sounds like a narrative I hear a lot from people, typically dudes, where they're very fixated on "giving" their partner orgasms. Like, giving pleasure as a whole thing that they do to their partners. I don't mean like "hell yeah we're going to have a mutually enjoyable experience" but like "she has to come first" kinda shit.
    that's so weird. like...the whole point of sex is to have a mutually enjoyable experience, however that works for the people involved.

  2. #2972
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    But obviously they're god's gift to oral!

    I actually like getting head if my body is working, but this shit is real: https://splinternews.com/against-the...ers-1793855807

    Also this is good. http://www.bkmag.com/2016/04/19/stop...go-down-on-me/

    Give me cis dudes who consider sex continuing after they orgasm to be something enjoyable and normal, and then I'll be interested.

  3. #2973
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    I...should not be reading this at work lol.

    Never had shower sex, or kitchen sex...how once used a mars bar (UK chocolate candy bar) and i do NOT recommend it!

  4. #2974
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    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    I actually like getting head if my body is working, but this shit is real: https://splinternews.com/against-the...ers-1793855807

    Also this is good. http://www.bkmag.com/2016/04/19/stop...go-down-on-me/
    Agree with both of those. And holy shit, read the comments on that second one. Oh my goooood.

  5. #2975
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    Agree with both of those. And holy shit, read the comments on that second one. Oh my goooood.
    Mike is a dude who DEFINITELY understood the point of this article
    ahhhahahahahaha

  6. #2976
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    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    Well like, I have a fetish for neon. Like, the light tubes. I've jerked off to videos of electric discharge. I'm also super fetishistic about latex. I heard some one describe it as a bit of a "zoom" in terms of your focus. Like, it narrows down to That Thing. And That Thing independent of other stuff is arousing.
    That's pretty cosmic to imagine. Definitely a first. Thank you for sharing. I was going to request that people share their fetish(es) in my last post (but I forgot), to segway this all into actual examples of fetishes.

    Oral is just... having sex with someone. On my end it sounds like a narrative I hear a lot from people, typically dudes, where they're very fixated on "giving" their partner orgasms. Like, giving pleasure as a whole thing that they do to their partners. I don't mean like "hell yeah we're going to have a mutually enjoyable experience" but like "she has to come first" kinda shit.
    Maybe that order and/or attitude doesn't do it for you, but I don't find anything inherently negative about it at all. I'm positive that countless couples operate in that dynamic, probably because it works best for both of them. There have been times where I've just gotten her off, and it was heavily implied -if not verbally communicated- that that's all I desired for that moment, and for me that was a mutually enjoyable experience.

    Well? You can't please everybody. I know women of today who are way into receiving, not to be confused with finding it appropriate or cool for a guy to just blurt out how he wants to dive in her vagina headfirst, on the first date. This is a hugely subjective area though.

    On that note, I can only speak for myself, and that's all I care to do... I knew I had an oral thing ever since I was in the single digits. I have no desire to assess why that was for me, but it's still there. If I don't see pretty much eye-to-eye with a woman on one of the ways I want to show my affection for her (T in the V), I can't fathom we'd work out like that.

    I do like how the articles brought up strictly finger/hand stuff. I personally tend to associate that approach with the more gentle side of sex... I've learned to come back around to those more 'humble beginnings' and appreciate how that method sometimes works really well for a woman, as in she really seems to like it, and it's its own super intimate thing to me (and I am quite into that). The last gal I was with was on a high dose of an antidepressant, and had never gotten off by somebody else. Long story made short: clitoral stimulation by hand was super key in getting her there... I don't know who was more surprised when it finally happened for her. That was quite nice.

    Give me cis dudes who consider sex continuing after they orgasm to be something enjoyable and normal, and then I'll be interested.
    As long as I'm not expected to become fully hard within 15-20 minutes after an orgasm, I've been game for something before.
    Last edited by Amaro; 03-08-2018 at 10:33 PM.

  7. #2977
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amaro View Post
    Maybe that order and/or attitude doesn't do it for you, but I don't find anything inherently negative about it at all. I'm positive that countless couples operate in that dynamic, probably because it works best for both of them. There have been times where I've just gotten her off, and it was heavily implied -if not verbally communicated- that that's all I desired for that moment, and for me that was a mutually enjoyable experience.
    Yeah, but it's not the order, right? It's either the expectation of it as a status quo (regardless of individual experience, the typical social pattern is absolutely that the male orgasm is viewed as the "end" to sex under ideal circumstances, continuing after male orgasm is viewed as "caring about their partner's pleasure" vs. something just as chill as a female partner doing so/a normal part of routine, and that dismisses that tons of women also have refractory periods and is just heteronormative as all get out) or all the other things in play around that. The "she comes first" narrative (note the "first" part of that, and I'm specifically referring to the book + the things that spun out for it) is problematic as hell.

    Also to be clear, I'm talking about like this as a social theme and not your own experiences.

    So like, sadism is a big thing for me. I didn't realize how big it was until someone framed it as "giving intense sensations" vs. just "pain" because I thought what was basically edging as standard practice was just like, me enjoying giving hand jobs. But, it's absolutely a sadism thing. And like Charlotte says, you see that a lot in porn these days. "Hardcore-lite gonzo porn of the early aughts has given way to the Kink.com trend of performers trembling through numerous orgasmic seizures, sometimes forced out of them by the infamous Hitachi magic wand."

    The mentality of men basically "giving' their partners orgasm as this like, new breed of sexual prowess, is a whole thing. Because instead of it being about what their partner *wants* it's about what the men *do* for/to them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Amaro View Post
    On that note, I can only speak for myself, and that's all I care to do... I knew I had an oral thing ever since I was in the single digits. I have no desire to assess why that was for me, but it's still there. If I don't see pretty much eye-to-eye with a woman on one of the ways I want to show my affection for her (T in the V), I can't fathom we'd work out like that.
    Yeah, similarly for me if it was important for a partner to be able to sexually touch me every time we had sex, it wouldn't work. Everybody has to find who they're compatible with.

    Anyway, I mean, broader oral fixation *is* a fetish? So maybe if this is a broader thing for you, it is fetishistic? But, if it is restricted to just really liking going down on women, that's just... enjoying sex imo.

  8. #2978
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    At some point making out just became a thing that I'm just frequently... bored by? I had a date the other week and we were cuddling and watching through an old season of Doctor Who and the guy kept wanting to kiss during it, and he's a good kisser and I think I do like him (we're only like 4 dates in) and if I wasn't dealing with the chronic BV stuff we'd probably have actually had penetrative sex by now because SHIT I MISS BEING ABLE TO DO THAT but like... I wanted to watch the show. I also know a lot of folks who go to kissing-centered parties and I have 0 interest in it. I don't really know if this is a change in preferences, or because the main person I was hooking up with for a stretch wasn't huge on kissing that I got used to that or what.

    It's fun every now and then, but like, if I'm watching something I want to just watch it. I also know that I don't have the highest libido, and dealing with the guilt that comes out of that is really frustrating. :/

  9. #2979
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    Friend living in Germany paid a surprise visit, so it became a sexual Sunday.

  10. #2980
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    Going on almost 5 year dry spell, maybe thats part of why i feel so irritable.

  11. #2981
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    Double fun-day Monday! Two-times Tuesday?

  12. #2982
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    If you have sex on a Wednesday, I like to call that double hump day.

  13. #2983
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    https://medium.com/@emmalindsay/squi...g-bbfd04aa2e88

    I thought this was interesting, given all the like... squirt dialogue out there. I don't squirt, have no desire to squirt, I do watch a ton of squirting porn, and if a partner was someone who squirted, I guess I'd just figure it out (urine is an ocd trigger for me irl) because like, bodies do things? Still, there's like... such a weird push for people with vulvas to learn to squirt and so much debate over what it is and all that shit. This was an interesting take.

    Pee isn't sterile, though.

    I also really like this: https://www.theguardian.com/commenti...en-to-tell-you
    Last edited by playwithfire; 05-27-2018 at 08:05 AM.

  14. #2984
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    Honestly it's just another way to police women's sexuality. They say that the sample size argument does not hold up. In social science, we are supposed to have at least 30 subjects for each condition. So in a hard science, I imagine that figure should be similar or way more. However, it is something that weirds people out, so they took this "study" and ran with it. The only thing that it really stated is that it has some of the same chemical compounds as urine. But like - duh.

  15. #2985
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    I find squirting being presented as like... a goal people should strive for to be annoying.

    I also find people acting like it's some magic fluid that has nothing to do with pee to be ridiculous since we know for sure that... yeah... it's coming from the bladder and the bladder is expanding. But then like, you have the tons and tons of experiences of folks saying it looks/smells/feels different. And like, even if it is pee, why should it matter (and I'm saying this as someone who would like, cry, if I accidentally sat on a wet public toilet seat)? I liked the first article being like "yeah, well, it's clearly something some women's bodies do either way, pee or not."

  16. #2986
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    Well, beer is 95% water, but that small percentage is enough to give it very different properties. Squirting doesn't make bedsheets stink like it's been peed on in my experience.

    As for whether squirting is positioned as a "goal", I've more commonly heard the opposite - a lot of people really don't like it, particularly since the urine research. But either way, social pressure for your body to work a particular way doesn't sound healthy.

  17. #2987
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    Oh, yes. I do not believe that it should be a "goal" or there shouldn't be pressure put upon people to try to "achieve" it. Like many things, I think this is linked with porn. Men are led to believe that squirting is like, the pinnacle of orgasms. But like, it's just something that happens or it doesn't. I don't like these aggressive dudes who are like EVERY WOMAN CAN DO IT WITH THE RIGHT GUY. No. Go away.

    I don't think I'd even count it as an orgasm. And if it is, it's like... my least favorite form of orgasm.

  18. #2988
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    My like, favorite person, is in town right now, and we hung out last night and we didn't really hook up or anything because we were both tired and it was late, but I ACTUALLY FELT SEXUAL ATTRACTION TOWARDS ANOTHER HUMAN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS ��It's been seriously getting to me how out-the-window my libido is, and how hard feeling essentially asexual has been for me, because I am not asexual, so ffffffffff, yay, feel a little less like I'm malfunctioning, yay.

  19. #2989
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    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    My like, favorite person, is in town right now, and we hung out last night and we didn't really hook up or anything because we were both tired and it was late, but I ACTUALLY FELT SEXUAL ATTRACTION TOWARDS ANOTHER HUMAN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS ��It's been seriously getting to me how out-the-window my libido is, and how hard feeling essentially asexual has been for me, because I am not asexual, so ffffffffff, yay, feel a little less like I'm malfunctioning, yay.
    when your libido is so low that you're feeling asexual toward other beings, do you still have any libido/drive in terms of your own personal sexuality? i.e. is masturbation also just completely off the table for you? i can't even imagine how frustrating that would be for someone who isn't asexual (but i also say that not knowing anyone personally who is asexual, and i don't know if masturbation is a thing that most asexual individuals do or don't participate in)

  20. #2990
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    Yeah, totally still do/did. Which is super common since being asexual only means you don't experience sexual attraction to others.

    And like, if I'm doing sexual things with another person I can enjoy it from a physical pleasure standpoint. But the like... desire for that other person just isn't there. But like, I'm not asexual. So like, experiencing sexual attraction to other people like... flew out the damn window sometime in the winter and hasn't been doing a great job of being around.

    Which is problematic because there are various people in NYC I need to figure out if I'm pursuing shit with or not. It's also made me feel really disconnected with myself/I think it's been a part of hormonal imbalance and depression.

    But this person, who I've been into for years, and have hooked up on and off with for a couple of years, shows up and my brain is like "yeah you totally want them" and oh thank god

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