The Fucking Thread

[xfocalinx]

Almost broke my dry spell last night. Went out to dave and busters with this chick I've been talking to for a few months now. She came to my place and stayed the night. Then I had to be responsible and be a designated driver for two of my friends, so her and I didn't get to play around...baby steps in the right direction!

[Dra508]

Sure, some people do. But your body and your mind belong to you, not your doctor. If you're perfectly healthy and have stated quite clearly that you do not want to bear children, that doctor is being extremely disrespectful if they outright refuse to honor your wishes.

Refusing is NOT cool. I thought I read recently that IUD before ever being preggo is fine. Oh yeah, and Planned Parenthood hood rawks.

Moar fucking..

[niggo]

I'm in a relationship where I'm not fully sexually satisfied. I don't know. It's a long-distance relationship, we're together for almost two years now and see each other every four weeks or so. We get along super well, but when it comes to sex we maybe just aren't as compatible as I initially thought.

Little backstory: She's my first girlfriend and she also took my virginity – I'm her fifth boyfriend I believe. I'm 23 and she is 25. She started dating at a young age and she has almost 10 years of sexual experience ahead of me.

In the beginning everything was great. We had a lot of sex and both of us enjoyed it a lot. The first time we had sex she had her first vaginal orgasm, which made me obviously reaaally happy. But ever since those first few weeks, sex got rarer and rarer. Which is a normal thing, I know, but it kinda bums me out nonetheless. Since we're living pretty far apart, we don't see each other that much (like I said, probably once a month for a few days) and when we do see each other, I'm pretty interested in getting dirty.

Unfortunately she isn't nearly as interested as I am. So, while I would love to have sex two to three times in the span of maybe four days when we're seeing each other, she's fine with having sex maybe once. Her sex drive just isn't as high as mine. Which is totally okay, but I really feel that it's dragging me down. I spoke with her about it and she told me that she isn't interested in having more sex but that I could still try to initiate it more often. I don't know, I feel kind of bad and turned off by that. When I know that she isn't interested, why should I persuade her? I wouldn't feel so bad about it if I knew that we were "balanced out" and that she would maybe do this from time to time, too. But, you know, most of the time I am the one interested in having sex.

I also made the suggestion that I would love it if she would jerk me off or maybe even give me a blowjob. But since those activities are still counting as sex, she is not interested in having more of that either. (Speaking of blowjobs: My last blowjob was last year in May, so it's been a full year since the last time. Bums me out, too. I go down on her pretty regularly and I really enjoy it, but it seems she's not interested in returning the favor.)

I don't know, I feel like I'm young and I would love to have more sex and I would like to get more experimental and stuff, but I'm more and more afraid that she's not the right one for that. She's older than me, she has had a lot more relationships and she had the opportunity to really try herself out. Whenever we spoke about it, she told me that she really enjoys our sex. So I firmly believe that I'm the one who is just not satisfied with our sex life.

I don't know, other than that we're great together and complement each other really well. It's just the whole sex thing that's really making me feel bad. I'm afraid sooner or later I have to take the consequences. I also noticed that the more we talk about it, the more we're both getting turned off because neither of us seems to be able to change that much. It's a vicious circle, really.

Man, the whole thing just sucks.

[cashpiles (closed)]

I'm in a relationship where I'm not fully sexually satisfied. I don't know. It's a long-distance relationship, we're together for almost two years now and see each other every four weeks or so. We get along super well, but when it comes to sex we maybe just aren't as compatible as I initially thought.

Little backstory: She's my first girlfriend and she also took my virginity – I'm her fifth boyfriend I believe. I'm 23 and she is 25. She started dating at a young age and she has almost 10 years of sexual experience ahead of me.

In the beginning everything was great. We had a lot of sex and both of us enjoyed it a lot. The first time we had sex she had her first vaginal orgasm, which made me obviously reaaally happy. But ever since those first few weeks, sex got rarer and rarer. Which is a normal thing, I know, but it kinda bums me out nonetheless. Since we're living pretty far apart, we don't see each other that much (like I said, probably once a month for a few days) and when we do see each other, I'm pretty interested in getting dirty.

Unfortunately she isn't nearly as interested as I am. So, while I would love to have sex two to three times in the span of maybe four days when we're seeing each other, she's fine with having sex maybe once. Her sex drive just isn't as high as mine. Which is totally okay, but I really feel that it's dragging me down. I spoke with her about it and she told me that she isn't interested in having more sex but that I could still try to initiate it more often. I don't know, I feel kind of bad and turned off by that. When I know that she isn't interested, why should I persuade her? I wouldn't feel so bad about it if I knew that we were "balanced out" and that she would maybe do this from time to time, too. But, you know, most of the time I am the one interested in having sex.

I also made the suggestion that I would love it if she would jerk me off or maybe even give me a blowjob. But since those activities are still counting as sex, she is not interested in having more of that either. (Speaking of blowjobs: My last blowjob was last year in May, so it's been a full year since the last time. Bums me out, too. I go down on her pretty regularly and I really enjoy it, but it seems she's not interested in returning the favor.)

I don't know, I feel like I'm young and I would love to have more sex and I would like to get more experimental and stuff, but I'm more and more afraid that she's not the right one for that. She's older than me, she has had a lot more relationships and she had the opportunity to really try herself out. Whenever we spoke about it, she told me that she really enjoys our sex. So I firmly believe that I'm the one who is just not satisfied with our sex life.

I don't know, other than that we're great together and complement each other really well. It's just the whole sex thing that's really making me feel bad. I'm afraid sooner or later I have to take the consequences. I also noticed that the more we talk about it, the more we're both getting turned off because neither of us seems to be able to change that much. It's a vicious circle, really.

Man, the whole thing just sucks.

For some people, one partner can't fulfill all of their needs. Maybe you could suggest an open relationship or suggest polyamory (almost the same thing as far as I know).

At your age and up until about 33 I was horny as fuck all the time. I had the opportunity to be with a number of partners and I'm very happy for it, because some of the experiences were amazing.

Open relationships are a real option. I've done it in the past and have acted on it, and it was just so satisfying to "have it all". It made me love the girlfriend at the time even more.

[niggo]

For some people, one partner can't fulfill all of their needs. Maybe you could suggest an open relationship or suggest polyamory (almost the same thing as far as I know).

At your age and up until about 33 I was horny as fuck all the time. I had the opportunity to be with a number of partners and I'm very happy for it, because some of the experiences were amazing.

Open relationships are a real option. I've done it in the past and have acted on it, and it was just so satisfying to "have it all". It made me love the girlfriend at the time even more.

Thanks for your response. I haven't thought about that -- don't know if I could deal with it. I feel pretty bad thinking about her sleeping with other guys and I guess she would think the same the other way around. Then again, I never really thought about it and have no experience whatsoever. It definitely is an option.

How did you guys make it work?

[theimage13]

I'm in a relationship where I'm not fully sexually satisfied. I don't know. It's a long-distance relationship, we're together for almost two years now and see each other every four weeks or so. We get along super well, but when it comes to sex we maybe just aren't as compatible as I initially thought.

etc etc

Here's a question for you: what's the future look like in regard to distance? If you continue dating is it going to be years and years of long distance / once a month short visits? Or is there a plan to be in the same area soon? If it's the latter, is that a move that you (or her, or both) would be willing to make even if the relationship ended up not working out?

I've spent years doing long distance. That kind of schedule really messes with your sex drive. I know what you're thinking...if you spend weeks at a time apart, shouldn't you want to jump each other the second you're together? Frankly, I've found that it doesn't work that way. I don't know how feasible this is, but I feel like your best bet would be to try to see if there's a way to spend substantially more time together. See what, if anything, that does to the way your physical relationship works.

Discussing an open one is an option as well. Personally, it's not a route I'd take - but it's not because I think there's something inherently immoral about it or anything like that. Just a personal preference.

[niggo]

Here's a question for you: what's the future look like in regard to distance? If you continue dating is it going to be years and years of long distance / once a month short visits? Or is there a plan to be in the same area soon? If it's the latter, is that a move that you (or her, or both) would be willing to make even if the relationship ended up not working out?

Distance will be reduced but not eliminated starting next month. It'll get halfed, so we're from about 6 hours down to 3 hours -- which makes it a lot easier. Driving 6 hours on a friday after work really sucks, 3 hours on the other hand are okay I guess. It's still not really close-by, but it's a positive change nonetheless. After that, maybe in 1 or 2 years, we'll maybe even work in the same city -- depending on our respective work situations (but that's not something I would count on).

Relationship-wise I don't think I would be down to move to another city and find a new job just to be able to live / spend more time together. Same goes especially for her. She's totally focused on her career and she won't make any compromises on that front, which I'm fine with. I think we're just not at that stage, although we really do like each other and obviously would love to be able to see each other more often.

So, our situation will get a bit better soon, but in the end it won't be that much more time.

[theimage13]

Distance will be reduced but not eliminated starting next month. It'll get halfed, so we're from about 6 hours down to 3 hours -- which makes it a lot easier. Driving 6 hours on a friday after work really sucks, 3 hours on the other hand are okay I guess. It's still not really close-by, but it's a positive change nonetheless. After that, maybe in 1 or 2 years, we'll maybe even work in the same city -- depending on our respective work situations (but that's not something I would count on).

Relationship-wise I don't think I would be down to move to another city and find a new job just to be able to live / spend more time together. Same goes especially for her. She's totally focused on her career and she won't make any compromises on that front, which I'm fine with. I think we're just not at that stage, although we really do like each other and obviously would love to be able to see each other more often.

So, our situation will get a bit better soon, but in the end it won't be that much more time.

This is just my two cents, this is not meant to be taken as instruction...

If I'd been with someone for two years and lived three hours away from them, one of us would be leaving work on Friday and driving straight to the other's house/apartment/whatever. Every weekend. If I've been with someone for that many years and I'm not willing to put in that kind of time - and/or they're not willing to put in that kind of time - I'd be seriously questioning just how we actually feel about each other and whether we really want to spend the rest of our lives together. But then I also don't keep moving in a relationship if I don't see it ending in marriage, because I've just never enjoyed dating for the sake of dating.

edit: I also realize that not everyone works a Monday-Friday job and that maybe weekends don't actually exist in your world, or hers, or both. But I'd still personally be using that overall gauge of "if we're not willing to spend X amount of time to see each other, are we really in this for the long run?"

[cashpiles (closed)]

Thanks for your response. I haven't thought about that -- don't know if I could deal with it. I feel pretty bad thinking about her sleeping with other guys and I guess she would think the same the other way around. Then again, I never really thought about it and have no experience whatsoever. It definitely is an option.

How did you guys make it work?

Well.... the way I explained is that I love her but no matter what I still find myself sexually attracted to others and want to act on it.....it ended up being a one-way street where I took advantage of the agreement and she didn't. She ended up being super hurt. I know other people have made it work though.

[playwithfire]

Um, non-monogamy works well for me. It's not for everyone. Personally, this doesn't sound like a sustainable arrangement, though.

[Dra508]

Her sex drive just isn't as high as mine. Which is totally okay, but I really feel that it's dragging me down.

No, you're not ok with it so don't say you are. Be honest, it bothers you.

Between this and the distance, you should probably wrap it up. It'll always bother you and unless she's going to change, which trust me, she won't at least not with you. Don't take that the wrong way, just sometimes sexual compatibility just isn't there. Breaking up with someone for this miss match is a totally legitimate reason IMHO.

I had a long distance relationship for several years (1500 miles) and we managed to see each other every couple of weeks for a handful of days or a week. Some days we didn't even get out of bed. Eventually, we made a plan to live in the same place, which we did, and we are still together. Maybe we don't have sex 3 or 4 times in 2 days anymore, but I'm happy to report that we have not had boring married sex yet. OK, maybe once. ....

[niggo]

Thanks guys.

If I'd been with someone for two years and lived three hours away from them, one of us would be leaving work on Friday and driving straight to the other's house/apartment/whatever. Every weekend. If I've been with someone for that many years and I'm not willing to put in that kind of time - and/or they're not willing to put in that kind of time - I'd be seriously questioning just how we actually feel about each other and whether we really want to spend the rest of our lives together. But then I also don't keep moving in a relationship if I don't see it ending in marriage, because I've just never enjoyed dating for the sake of dating.

Well, she kinda conditioned me into not taking the relationship too serious. So, marriage is kind of unimaginable right now. It's not something I would 100% definitely rule out, but it's just so, so far away. We're together for almost two years now, and as far as I know her parents don't even know I exist. She just likes to keep things light and I kind of adapted to that. It's not great, but it definitely helps dealing with the distance.

Having said that, I'm pretty sure we won't be seeing each other EVERY weekend. We just have personal things we'd like to attend from time to time. But I hope it'll get more.

No, you're not ok with it so don't say you are. Be honest, it bothers you.

I'm not saying I'm okay with it, I'm just saying it's nothing I would blame her for. It does bother me, obviously.

Between this and the distance, you should probably wrap it up. It'll always bother you and unless she's going to change, which trust me, she won't at least not with you. Don't take that the wrong way, just sometimes sexual compatibility just isn't there. Breaking up with someone for this miss match is a totally legitimate reason IMHO.

Like I already said in my first post, I'm afraid it's just compatibility. Frankly, I would feel pretty bad if that's the reason for breaking up an otherwise great relationship (on a personal level), but in the end it comes down to what's important to me.

I won't rush into breaking up, though. I will take my time and I will look how I feel the next couple of times we're seeing each other.

[eversonpoe]

Like I already said in my first post, I'm afraid it's just compatibility. Frankly, I would feel pretty bad if that's the reason for breaking up an otherwise great relationship (on a personal level), but in the end it comes down to what's important to me.

I won't rush into breaking up, though. I will take my time and I will look how I feel the next couple of times we're seeing each other.

in my opinion, a good, healthy (non-platonic) relationship is a balance of three things: love, sex, and partnership.

it sounds like you've got the love, but the sex isn't what it needs to be, and the partnership sounds like it's lacking a bit, too. it sounds like you have something that would be better as a friendship, and if you can turn it into that, you'll be able to remain a part of each others' lives while pursuing more fulfilling relationships.

some of my best friends (and healthiest friendships) are people who i previously dated and we found ourselves to be incompatible in some way or another in that type of relationship, but as friends, we're fantastic.

[theimage13]

in my opinion, a good, healthy (non-platonic) relationship is a balance of three things: love, sex, and partnership.

it sounds like you've got the love, but the sex isn't what it needs to be, and the partnership sounds like it's lacking a bit, too. it sounds like you have something that would be better as a friendship, and if you can turn it into that, you'll be able to remain a part of each others' lives while pursuing more fulfilling relationships.

some of my best friends (and healthiest friendships) are people who i previously dated and we found ourselves to be incompatible in some way or another in that type of relationship, but as friends, we're fantastic.

This is extremely good advice. It's definitely not healthy to be talking about a relationship's health with things like "well, other than that..." thrown in all the time, especially if the "that" is something as important as sexual well-being.

I was once discussing the future with my then-partner and it sounded like we were both in it for the long run. Later on I was absolutely devastated when it ended, but now we've reconciled as friends and I actually feel like I'm getting more out of this relationship than when we were a couple. There's something to be said for having friends who you trust and connect with at nearly the same intensity as a partner, just without one or two key things that would have made it work as something more.

[xfocalinx]

Almost broke my dry spell last night. Went out to dave and busters with this chick I've been talking to for a few months now. She came to my place and stayed the night. Then I had to be responsible and be a designated driver for two of my friends, so her and I didn't get to play around...baby steps in the right direction!

finally broke it. longest dry spell i've ever been in.

[playwithfire]

How long was it?

[xfocalinx]

How long was it?

7 months. I realize a lot of people have it worse, but jeez. I didn't enjoy it at all.

[playwithfire]

Yeaaaah, that's a drop in an ocean, but grats I suppose.

[icklekitty]

Had my first full sex with a penis in well over a year; my vagina muscles were so tight I pooed a bit when I came. :/

[eversonpoe]

Had my first full sex with a penis in well over a year; my vagina muscles were so tight I pooed a bit when I came. :/

i don't know if i've ever heard of that happening!

i'm assuming that you've masturbated during that time, but (i'm guessing) with no penetration?

did you at least enjoy yourself? hopefully it wasn't too awkward.

[icklekitty]

Yeah it was good. I reached down afterwards to get a finger full of sperm to lick (protein!) and it was brown!! We mutually agreed it was gross and I had a quick wash.

I've had an issue with penetration for a few years (I can manage it for a little while and fingers are OK but not a full session) and haven't orgasmed in about a year (documented here). It's all very psychological and I'm on the waiting list for psychosexual counselling.

[eversonpoe]

Yeah it was good. I reached down afterwards to get a finger full of sperm to lick (protein!) and it was brown!! We mutually agreed it was gross and I had a quick wash.

I've had an issue with penetration for a few years (I can manage it for a little while and fingers are OK but not a full session) and haven't orgasmed in about a year (documented here). It's all very psychological and I'm on the waiting list for psychosexual counselling.

well i hope things get better/easier/more satisfying for you.

and also, i'm glad your partner wasn't a dick (pun intended) about what happened. haha.

[Bachy]

Welp, I got laid for the first time since November

[Lew]

Had my first full sex with a penis in well over a year; my vagina muscles were so tight I pooed a bit when I came. :/

my love, if i come too hard i feel very in danger of the same...though thus far a fart is all that happens...also, sometimes i worry i will pee...not sure if that is common, plus the two kidlets i had, or what...but was the orgasm good? that is the important thing

[Bachy]

The girl I've been seeing keeps saying she wants to fuck in a cemetery. I just don't know if I'm ready for that. I only just lost my virginity about a year ago.

[playwithfire]

nevermind

[Bachy]

Yeah, it's especially awkward because the nearest cemetery has my uncle buried in it. That's a little too much for me.

[allegro]

We used to go smoke pot in the wee hours in an historic cemetery when we were teens, but we treated it like the really sacred place that it was and we were very respectful.

[Bachy]

A friend invited me to a three-way. I asked the girl I'm seeing, she said no but told me to go for it

[Mantra]

why would anyone want to bang in a cemetery? sounds creepy as fuck.

plus, cemeteries have a way of instantly sending me in to an existential crisis. So instead of focusing on the sex, I'd be thinking about how someday I'll be plunged into eternal darkness, and that would definitely put a damper on the mood for me, no doubt.

"Hey what's the matter?"

"Oh sorry, got distracted thinking about how someday my dick will turn to dust."