All I ever wanted was grey hair. When I was 16, I tried to dye it grey, but no one could get it right. Then, of course, at 27, my hair had thinned enough that head shaving was probably the best option—with nary a fucking grey in sight. And now, the goatee I've had for much of my adult life has a number of super thick greys coming in...only on one side. It looked really awkward. From time to time, I've shaved it off, but even then, I'm always a little scraggly. And they still drive me nuts. It's like my follicles took a vote on which ones were in the best position to make me look awkward with a rapid depigmentation, and then they acted on their consensus.
My brother-in-law had a moustache for 30 years—wouldn't even shave it off when I offered him $100 to do it and then grow it right back—and he finally had to ditch it because it went white on one side and nothing
at all happened on the other.
Why the hell is goddamned vestigial fur such a pain in the ass for some of us!?