Page 26 of 26 FirstFirst ... 16 24 25 26
Results 751 to 772 of 772

Thread: The Transgender Thread

  1. #751
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    An unfortunate place somewhere in the Southwest
    Posts
    1,787
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    Oh my god, this post makes me so happy. Welcome to the light, my friend. It's wonderful over here.

  2. #752
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    69
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    So I (MtF) went full time on Monday and I actually feel a bit stupid that I didn't do this earlier. The change was basically only at work, since I was out to most people in my private life for over a year and since October, I've been 50/50 with girl mode/boy mode after work. Most people at work didn't really care (I mean that in a positive way), the rest seemed a bit cautious, but I can understand that and to be honest, I was nervous and cautious, too. Name changing in all the administrative directories etc. was surprisingly uncomplicated, now my old name is only left on my ID, driver's license, bank account and with all the insurances. Here in Germany you can't really change those until you've gone through a long (3-12 months) and costly (1000-3000€) lawsuit. The corresponding law is insanely outdated (late 70's) and parts of it have been declared illegal in the last 20 years. But since this year is federal election year, I don't see an updated law coming in 2017 and I'm not waiting until that is going to happen.

  3. #753
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    An unfortunate place somewhere in the Southwest
    Posts
    1,787
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    That's so awesome! Congrats!

    I'm kind o f in the same boat you were in. The only place I am in guy mode anywhere is work. Everywhere else I am living as myself pretty much completely. That should change in the next three to four months (hopefully, fingers crossed).

  4. #754
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    69
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Thank you I'm keeping my fingers crossed, too, that everything will work out for you as well!

  5. #755
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    An unfortunate place somewhere in the Southwest
    Posts
    1,787
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)

  6. #756
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Chicago, Illinois
    Posts
    5,599
    Mentioned
    285 Post(s)
    New Single - Blackthorn



    i wrote & recorded the music & lyrics for this song back in november, and my friend Nina did her incredible vocals a couple weeks ago. this song is extremely close to my heart, as it deals with issues of being trans and feeling stuck, like you can't do anything about it; longing for the transformation that will allow you to be who you are. it's a daily struggle for me and expressing it this way was so cathartic. i hope you enjoy the song and consider buying it to help me donate some money to Center on Halsted, who help support the LGBTQ youth community of chicago (all proceeds for the first 30 days go straight to them).

  7. #757
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Top of the Texas Panhandle
    Posts
    4,385
    Mentioned
    345 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    Great tune. And your production skills never cease to amaze me.
    This is something really special man. It's an issue i am SO grateful i've never had to deal with because it sounds AWFUL.
    You've captured the sound of what i'd IMAGINE it would feel like.
    And the donation program is awesome. I'm damn proud of you.

  8. #758
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Top of the Texas Panhandle
    Posts
    4,385
    Mentioned
    345 Post(s)
    Oh and @kleiner352 , i'm just now seeing this and i'm GODDAMN proud of you!

  9. #759
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Western New York
    Posts
    1,744
    Mentioned
    26 Post(s)
    Happy day of visibility to all, hopefully someday we won't need to worry about being seen.

  10. #760
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    An unfortunate place somewhere in the Southwest
    Posts
    1,787
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    Hey, here's a new picture for Trans Day of Visibility. It's a bathroom selfie, which I guess is pretty lame, but when I try to take selfies by holding the phone close to me I look absolutely terrible. Not that I look all that great here. I am NOT a photogenic person at all. I swear I look much better than this in real life, guys. XD

    http://imgur.com/a/6Uz4S

  11. #761
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Western New York
    Posts
    1,744
    Mentioned
    26 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by theruiner View Post
    Hey, here's a new picture for Trans Day of Visibility. It's a bathroom selfie, which I guess is pretty lame, but when I try to take selfies by holding the phone close to me I look absolutely terrible. Not that I look all that great here. I am NOT a photogenic person at all. I swear I look much better than this in real life, guys. XD

    http://imgur.com/a/6Uz4S
    Bathroom selfies are not at all lame, my female friends do them all the time, one of which actually did a photo series of bathroom selfies. I don't do them, personally, but totally get it. I am also totally not photogenic (I found that many photographers hate having pictures taken!) But I think especially in the current political/societal climate, bathroom selfies are such a powerful thing.

    I'll prob take a selfie before the day is up, too.

  12. #762
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Chicago, Illinois
    Posts
    5,599
    Mentioned
    285 Post(s)
    just made a request to start seeing a therapist at Intra Spectrum right near me to talk about the potential of transitioning.

    i'm so nervous but also excited.

    also realized that my first tattoo, which is on my chest, is going to look AWFUL if/when i get boobs. :/
    Last edited by eversonpoe; 04-19-2017 at 04:42 PM.

  13. #763
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    3,535
    Mentioned
    204 Post(s)
    Ugh, so. I've dealt with this more than once before, but it's been exceptionally difficult this time around -- in the past several months, I'll "accept" myself and my identity and commit to it mentally, and then ... life keeps going, and I end up feeling like I'm wrong, and I'm not this, and I'm mistaken, and I'm delusional and life would just be easier for me to stay the way I was born and I'm only embarrassing myself in the future the more that I say this about myself to other people and then I start to feel like, wait, this isn't me, this isn't my voice, this is my own thoughts filling in for all of the people who I know would say these very same things to me if I told them who I see myself as, and I'm sabotaging myself out of fear of the process of transitioning.

    I know that's a hell of a run-on but I hope it makes some sense to somebody here -- it's a constant point of stress for me lately and almost every day this past week I've thought about it. I have one close friend left who doesn't know and they're for whatever reason the biggest barrier -- I don't think I have anything to worry about with them, but I feel like maybe in my head I know that once I've told them, I won't have any way to "hide" again amongst my friends? Does that even make any sense? It's like I'm terrified of having the inability to sink back into the familiar person suit I was born into and am stuck inside of to such an extent that my own mind goes to great lengths to convince itself that it should stay this way and that it'll all be fine.

  14. #764
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Chicago, Illinois
    Posts
    5,599
    Mentioned
    285 Post(s)
    i started going to therapy today at a place that specializes in queer issues. i love my therapist, they're perfect, and i'm glad i decided to start this process. i haven't been to therapy regularly in about 12 years, and i left feeling elated.

    then i tried to tell my wife about the one moment that made me cry during my session (talking about wanting to be a mom) and, of course, she didn't have the reaction i had hoped she would have...the one person whose opinion/reaction i actually care about in regards to me transitioning is reacting poorly because she always pictured a mom, a dad, and a kid; i always pictured two moms and a kid. she's worried she won't be attracted to me if i change (because she's physically attracted to so few people, it's not even a gender issue) and it hurts a lot. :/

  15. #765
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    3,327
    Mentioned
    139 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by sick among the pure View Post
    Happy day of visibility to all, hopefully someday we won't need to worry about being seen.
    I know I'm late in my response, but I really needed that. Thank you for indirectly cheering me up. There's already more than enough things that sometimes bum me out to the point that they make me feel like I shouldn't even exist. This definitely shouldn't be one of them.

    And well, thank you yet again.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 05-04-2017 at 08:30 PM.

  16. #766
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Western New York
    Posts
    1,744
    Mentioned
    26 Post(s)
    Yeah, this is a hard time for us, but know that we are not alone in this, and there are genuinely good allies out there everywhere. Joining a bunch of groups on FB since the election (to stay informed on things and organize contacting government officials, etc) who have NO connection to trans people or even the LGBT community as a whole, I've seen that a lot of people are on our side in all of this. Many do not fully understand us but do care about us being treated like people and having the right to exist safely and pursue happiness the same as any cis person.

  17. #767
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    An unfortunate place somewhere in the Southwest
    Posts
    1,787
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by ”kleiner352”
    Ugh, so. I've dealt with this more than once before, but it's been exceptionally difficult this time around -- in the past several months, I'll "accept" myself and my identity and commit to it mentally, and then ... life keeps going, and I end up feeling like I'm wrong, and I'm not this, and I'm mistaken, and I'm delusional and life would just be easier for me to stay the way I was born and I'm only embarrassing myself in the future the more that I say this about myself to other people and then I start to feel like, wait, this isn't me, this isn't my voice, this is my own thoughts filling in for all of the people who I know would say these very same things to me if I told them who I see myself as, and I'm sabotaging myself out of fear of the process of transitioning.
    So, let me start by saying that this is SO common and you are not alone in this. Like, at all. What you’re describing sounds like serious internalized transphobia and I think most trans people deal have dealt with it at some point in their lives. I know I have. Internalized transphobia was something I had to actively fight to get past. I’m in a much better place now, but it took some time and some serious effort to get there.

    I can tell you from experience, not only my own but talking to countless other trans people throughout the years that this is NOT going away. I’m not trying to tell you to transition or not to transition, but you have to realize that this is not something that’s going to get better with time. This is who you are, deep down, truly, in your hearts of hearts, and avoiding it and denying it and trying to push it down is only going to make things worse (even if it does temporarily feel better sometimes, it will always come back).

    It’s really hard to get past that perception that there’s something wrong with you. It’s REALLY hard to get to a point where you stop caring about other people’s judgements. Believe me, I have struggled with this for years. It took me a LONG time to get to the point I’m at now, but most of the time I could just not give a fuck what anyone thinks. Now, there are times when I feel self-conscious (especially when I’m wearing something especially feminine and I’m alone, going to the store in a skirt by myself sometimes still makes me nervous, though most of the time I’m mostly ok). What helped me was the realization that the people judging me were, whether it was their intention or not, basically telling me to hide who I was, to keep it behind closed doors, that I wasn’t allowed to be in the world as myself. THEY could be, of course, but I wasn’t allowed to. And every judgmental stare and every whisper is them trying to tell us that we fucked up and this is our punishment.

    When I started framing it like that in my mind, that they were trying to tell me I wasn’t ALLOWED to dress this way or to be myself, my stubbornness came out full force. I remember the first time I went out in a skirt for a whole day, outside of just a support group and “safe” spaces. I was terrified. And I started telling myself, like, no, NO ONE is going to tell me how I am supposed to live my life or how I am allowed to dress. If they are allowed admission into the outside world as themselves then I have every right to do the same, and no one better stop me. That was the turning point for me. That’s when I truly stopped giving a shit. And it was what I built off of to build up my confidence, and it’s what I use now when I start to falter.

    I know that's a hell of a run-on but I hope it makes some sense to somebody here -- it's a constant point of stress for me lately and almost every day this past week I've thought about it. I have one close friend left who doesn't know and they're for whatever reason the biggest barrier -- I don't think I have anything to worry about with them, but I feel like maybe in my head I know that once I've told them, I won't have any way to "hide" again amongst my friends? Does that even make any sense? It's like I'm terrified of having the inability to sink back into the familiar person suit I was born into and am stuck inside of to such an extent that my own mind goes to great lengths to convince itself that it should stay this way and that it'll all be fine.
    The more you come out to people the easier it gets. And, at least for me, the more people I’m out to, the freer I feel. Every time I come out, even now when I’m out to almost everyone, I feel this huge weight being lifted more and more off my shoulders. I love it. No one should pressure you into it, of course, but I have found that sometimes I have to push myself in my transition, whether it’s coming out or other things I’ve done, and I’ve never regretted it.

  18. #768
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    3,535
    Mentioned
    204 Post(s)
    @theruiner thanks for that thoughtful and thorough response -- I'm actually trying to figure out how I want to come out to everybody I know all at once on social media soon. I know I want to do it as soon as I can because this sense of needing to doesn't go away anymore than the sense of fear of it does, and I feel like that's the only way both will disappear at once.

  19. #769
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    An unfortunate place somewhere in the Southwest
    Posts
    1,787
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    It gets easier. Trust me, it really does get easier.

    And you have plenty of support here if you need it.

  20. #770
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    3,535
    Mentioned
    204 Post(s)
    So, something that's grown to help me a lot in recent days in accepting myself and my identity more is not seeing it as "Am I transgender" but "Am I cis?" Because the answer to that one is so easily a "No" for me.

    I don't know why it is that it works that way in my head, but I find it a lot easier to accept that, yeah, I don't feel like or identify as a guy, than it is to say "Of course I'm a woman." I'm sure it has a lot to do with internalized transphobia and different issues with self-image but reversing the line of questioning has gone a very long way in helping me feel alright lately. Ruling out the things that I know I'm not make it so much easier to accept that things that I am, if that makes any sense.

  21. #771
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Chicago, Illinois
    Posts
    5,599
    Mentioned
    285 Post(s)
    i've been having a weird time lately.

    on the one hand, my therapist (who i adore and is a perfect match for me) realized that my transition goals don't require hormones, which is a HUGE deal. so i'm looking at hair removal, breast implants, and a change of wardrobe. potentially, down the line, facial feminization surgery, but that's kind of a last resort. i honestly don't care about passing as a cis woman to other people (which i know is a goal for a lot of trans women, and that's fine), i just want to be able to look in the mirror and see a woman. this is really all about my perception of myself. anyway, the not having to take hormones aspect is a big weight off my shoulders both financially and logistically, especially because one of my worries was about sex drive and functionality (as i have no interest in bottom surgery and would like to maintain the sexual relationship i have with my wife).

    i also shaved my beard (always takes getting used to my face) and have been painting my nails (i've always loved the ritual of it, as well as the smell of nail polish). i'd really like to buy a dress soon because i haven't owned one since high school. i miss having the confidence i somehow had back then, despite being terribly depressed and constantly bullied.

    on the other hand, last week, on the second day that i was in extreme pain due to an out-of-place rib, my mom decided it'd be a good time to really get into a deep discussion about me being trans. now, i love my mom, and she's always been supportive and like my best friend, but sometimes, she can be REALLY indelicate about certain things. she said a few things that came off so condescending and rude that i almost couldn't believe it. each time, i stopped her, explained why what she said wasn't ok, and requested that, if she wants to talk to me about this stuff (which i am more than willing to do), she needs to ask questions from a place of respect and the desire to understand, not a place of judgement. it was rough. one of her main concerns is how my dad is going to react, which is weird, because every time i imagine talking to him, i just see him having a non-reaction.

    also, on saturday, my wife and i had plans to go to target. when we woke up in the morning, i asked if we could measure my chest so i could buy a bra. i was already planning on dressing up and wearing makeup for the show i'm playing this friday (live debut of one of my musical projects, and my first time on stage since last august), and my wife knew about that. apparently the idea of wearing a stuffed bra was too much for her, though. the problem is that she didn't SAY that, she just spent the whole morning being upset and not being able to articulate anything. i didn't even end up LOOKING at bras at target, we didn't speak at all on the car ride home. when we finally managed to talk about things, she said that she was only upset about the bra/boobs aspect happening so quickly (whereas it seemed like she was upset about me even wanting to dress up/wear makeup, and i was sitting there feeling like "oh, fuck...this is the beginning of the end"). once we got on the same page, we both felt much better, and she agreed to do better next time to communicate very clearly what specifically upsets her (because i know this won't be the last time she gets potentially worried/upset about something). so that was a mixed bag. but at least she's still doing my makeup on friday, for which i'm very excited.

    tl;dr

    getting closer to starting my transition, which for me will mean slowly making my appearance and wardrobe more feminine, until i'm ready to get hair removal and implants.

  22. #772
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Concrete Prairie, Texas
    Posts
    2,790
    Mentioned
    74 Post(s)
    http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/201...9eN/story.html

    Nice story.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions