Don't be a shithead in threads about sexual assault.

[tremolo]

Check your self at the time? No use of threatening or scary body language, and providing the other party with the ease and ability to decline the invitation? And, ask and give them the option of declining? It's not as complicated as it sounds. I know in some people's heads, they think this is an invitation to some kind of "trick," like "omg, if I don't get a signed contract that's notarized I could be sent to jail." No. Not unless, of course, the other person is a minor or is under the influence enough to not be able to provide consent.

It is complicated when everything you are mentioning leads to a “yes” and the next day it happens that said “yes” wasn’t honest because the person wasn’t comfortable saying “no”.

I insist, it’s not black and white as some people want to make it look.

I’m talking about a regular situation “boy meets girl” scenario, not a boss inviting his assistant to stay late and go for dinner.

[allegro]

It is complicated when everything you are mentioning leads to a “yes” and the next day it happens that said “yes” wasn’t honest because the person wasn’t comfortable saying “no”.

I insist, it’s not black and white as some people want to make it look.

I’m talking about a regular situation “boy meets girl” scenario, not a boss inviting his assistant to stay late and go for dinner.

No, honey, I'm in my 50s and have done plenty of dates, I've been married twice, I've had lots of experience, and no, it's not that complicated. It's not.

People consenting to sex and then feeling remorseful later and declaring it a sexual assault is a narrative portrayed on TV or online or whatever, but it's very very very rare and it's not too difficult to figure out.

Yes means yes is black and white, people with experience know this, they feel good about saying yes, enthusiastic, and the assaulter KNOWS this stuff but just doesn't care.

If a "too scared to say stop" instance happens, that's likely involving a weapon or strong physical overpowering; it's simple, what would make somebody THAT scared? Sex, itself? Not likely. Although, that's the narrative that held for a LONG time, up until probably the 60s, where it was assumed that all females are "afraid" of sex because it's dirty, etc., so it was expected that all girls will say "no" but somehow they REALLY mean "yes."

Here, I think this is a pretty good article. For what it's worth, I'm glad you're asking this question if you mean it as a serious question and not just playing Devil's Advocate. "Enthusiastic Consent" is a pretty easily-understood thing, especially when you're in the heat of the moment. Being turned-on shouldn't turn off a person's compassion and empathy and respect for other people.

in the case of Harvey Weinstein, even THOSE victims were saying "NO." He didn't listen. He didn't care.

Listen to this verbal exchange. Does this sound like consent?

[tremolo]

No, honey, I'm in my 50s and have done plenty of dates, I've been married twice, I've had lots of experience, and no, it's not that complicated. It's not.

Willingly consenting to sex and then feeling remorseful later and declaring sexual assault is a narrative portrayed on TV or online or whatever, but it's very very rare and it's not too difficult to figure out.

Yes means yes is black and white, people with experience know this, they feel good about saying yes, and the assaulter KNOWS this stuff but just doesn't care.

If a "too scared to say stop" instance happens, that's likely involving a weapon or strong physical overpowering; it's simple, what would make somebody THAT scared?

in the case of Harvey Weinstein, even THOSE victims were saying "NO." He didn't listen. He didn't care.

Listen to this verbal exchange. Does this sound like consent?

I do not care about your personal experiences, they are as meaningless as mine in the great scope of things and by no means they can be used as a set of rules to define behaviour and human interactions.

The problem is that in today’s world yes doesn’t necessarily means yes.

Again, it’s not black and white.

Edit: i’m not playing devils advocate. There is no way to justify abuse. My point has more to do with how society is trying to establish a set of strict rules about something that is not black and white. For you it might be different because you grew up, dated, got married in different times. Same applies to me. For the young ones it is a very different story.

And to make it clear, I’m not talking about situations where there is a clear problem in the power balance, so the Weinstein thing doesn’t apply, because that is a power issue that is not present in the scenario of 2 strangers meeting/having sex.