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Thread: Don't be a shithead in threads about sexual assault.

  1. #61
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    And there are very few things about sex and relationships that are guaranteed but if you talk to people and are considerate of them being comfortable you can be a lot more sure and geez, maybe that's worth something.

  2. #62
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    And sorry for the triple post here but honestly how bad at flirting are you people if you think a question like "can I kiss you" is awkward and not something that builds anticipation if you do it right, swear to god. If someone wants to fuck you, you don't need to "win them over" and you can ask them questions.
    Last edited by playwithfire; 11-04-2017 at 08:20 PM.

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by tremolo View Post
    It doesn’t apply to me.

    And having that kind of dialogue, besides being unnatural and ridiculous, doesn’t guarantee anything.
    why does human communication not apply to you? Nothing is guaranteed in life but if you find talking unnatural and ridiculous I agree that you probably shouldn’t be having sex until you are mature enough to do so.

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    I don't know why you think it is unnatural and ridiculous unless you can't fathom the idea of having conversations with the people you have sex with where what is good/bad for them is something you may give a shit about.

    "Hey I'm going to sit on this person's face but god forbid I ask them how they might let me know they don't want to keep going or if they enjoy facesitting"
    Quote Originally Posted by icklekitty View Post
    why does human communication not apply to you? Nothing is guaranteed in life but if you find talking unnatural and ridiculous I agree that you probably shouldn’t be having sex until you are mature enough to do so.
    I meant that the situation doesn’t apply to me because I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for over a decade. I’m not asking for myself because I’m afraid to make a move.

    I’m asking in general: how are people supposed to behave in these situations to avoid having the police at their door a couple days later when everything seemed to be alright at the moment.

    It’s funny how most of you jump to the most ridiculous conclusions about people you don’t know, making judgement calls and pointing fingers just because of a question that none has managed to answer yet.

    Maybe I wasn’t clear enough: the purpose of my question is not “how to get consent”, but “how does anyone know for sure that even the most loud and inequivocal “YES” won’t be retracted hours or days later, not because the person had a moment of regret, but because she/he agreed because she/he was feeling vulnerable (for whatever reason... emotionally vulnerable after a breakup or a big shock in their lives, being lightly intoxicated, etc).”

    Rape, molestation and sexual assault accusations shouldn’t be disregarded, and should be taken into consideration. Victims should be supported and encouraged to speak and go to the police ASAP. We can all agree on that, I think. What happens when this scenario meets the one from the previous paragraph? Where do we draw the line? “Don’t make sexual advances to someone who shows clear/onvious signs of distress/vulnerability” Well, how do we define “clear/onvious signs of distress/vulnerability”?

    One thing leads to another, in the same way that one set of rules opens the gate to scenarios where said set of rules won’t apply as effectively. It’s a slippery slope.

    If you are unable to elaborate an answer in a respectful manner without making this about me, please don’t bother. I’m not the subject of discusion here. I do get that maybe my previous posts were not clear enough and that might have led you to think that I was refering to myself. I have corrected and clarified that in this post.

  5. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by cashpiles View Post
    There are feminists and social justice warriors that definitely fucking follow a hierarchy of victimhood. You can watch hundreds of videos on youtube and read countless articles that support my claim. So fuck yourself.

    my point about “are you white” directly ties to that bias with certain feminists and sjws.

    My other question about what the content of the sexual assault was was a question I wanted to know the answer to. THE ANSWER to that question might help explain why the director of the transgender support group and the other leaders DID NOTHING about the sexual assault claim.

    Your reaction to my initial questions makes me sick. I see that that thread is not about explanations or investigation now... only support and sharing of experiences. GOT IT. Fully understood. But I think my questions are valid and worthy of answers... It’s funny...how intolerant some of you are who claim to fight against intolerance.
    Fuck you. Shut your goddman mouth and open your fucking ears you ignorant shit.

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by tremolo View Post
    Good point.

    Based on that, what’s the solution to that problem? Maybe keeping man from taking the initiative and instead letting women do it? Honest question, I can’t think of another answer.
    No, the solution is for anyone to pay attention to how their partner is reacting to their advances. She doesn't have to use the word no to communicate a no, there are a metric fuck-ton of non-verbal cues that mean no, or at the very least mean slow down and ask me how I'm feeling because something's off.

    EDIT: For clarity, by advances, I'm including more than just physical.

    When you discuss sex, is she reacting by discussing sex openly and happily, or is she shying away? If she's shying away from discussing sex, that's a no. The opposite isn't necessarily a yes, but if she's shying away from the topic, you should drop it.

    If you invite her to your home alone, is she excited to go there, or is she apprehensive? If she's apprehensive, that's a no. Again, it's not a yes if she's fine with visiting your home, but it's a no if she's not.
    Last edited by eskimo; 11-05-2017 at 11:00 AM.

  7. #67
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    Honestly, this stuff's not hard.

    If you aim to make positive experiences for both people involved, sometimes you'll have sex and sometimes you won't, but at least it'll be positive no matter how it turns out.

    But if your aim is to have sexual experiences instead, sometimes you'll have positive ones, and sometimes you'll assault people.

    Take your aim for positive and this stuff becomes pretty fucking easy.

  8. #68
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    Although, the more and more I think about this, the more bothered I am that we even need to have discussions like this.

    It's like they'r taking the fact that women get assaulted frequently, and twisting it to say that men are powerless in their ability to not assault or harass women.

    I understand that men are taught that it's OK to do it, when it's not OK, but I call complete bullshit on the idea that men are powerless in their ability to not harass women.

  9. #69
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    I also find it frustrating when it conversations like this folks seem to seek out some sort of perfect answer on how to know it's a "yes every time" when the fact is that humans are fallible and the main problem is we're seeing people being incredibly inattentive to power dynamics, non-verbal cues, or straight up expressions of disinterest/not wanting a thing. If we could just get folks to stop sucking at that we'd be so much farther along.

    People are going "what if she says 'Yes Jake, I want you to have genital intercourse with me tonight and am enthusiastic about this idea." and then says she didn't mean it, but people are also ignoring someone looking out into space (though hey, for some people this is a sign that they're enjoying themselves, for me it's a bad sign, this is why asking is good) and making excuses about why she can't tonight that she eventually drops as her partner keeps going "but baby, please"

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    I also find it frustrating when it conversations like this folks seem to seek out some sort of perfect answer on how to know it's a "yes every time" when the fact is that humans are fallible and the main problem is we're seeing people being incredibly inattentive to power dynamics, non-verbal cues, or straight up expressions of disinterest/not wanting a thing. If we could just get folks to stop sucking at that we'd be so much farther along.

    People are going "what if she says 'Yes Jake, I want you to have genital intercourse with me tonight and am enthusiastic about this idea." and then says she didn't mean it, but people are also ignoring someone looking out into space (though hey, for some people this is a sign that they're enjoying themselves, for me it's a bad sign, this is why asking is good) and making excuses about why she can't tonight that she eventually drops as her partner keeps going "but baby, please"
    THIS THIS THIS EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

    pay attention, everyone in this thread who keeps asking for answers - this is the central theme, here.

  11. #71
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    also, I think there's a large population of armchair commentators anonymously venting their sexual frustration on the net. Ok, I get it, you're mad that you're not getting laid, but don't complain about feminist critique of video games or moan about how men just have it so bad in this society. Give me a fucking break. MRA types are weird. Just get some exercise, shave your neck, maybe you'll find some girls like you a little more. Fuck this whole "men are treated so badly in the world because of social justice warriors" horseshit.

  12. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by tremolo View Post
    I meant that the situation doesn’t apply to me because I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for over a decade. I’m not asking for myself because I’m afraid to make a move.
    Spousal rape is a real thing. The fact that you're in a LTR doesn't mean you have a free pass to sex with your partner regardless of their consent. You still need to be sure that they want to have sex with you each time you have sex. This very much does apply to you.

  13. #73
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    Don't be a shithead in threads about sexual assault.

    Quote Originally Posted by icklekitty View Post
    Spousal rape is a real thing. The fact that you're in a LTR doesn't mean you have a free pass to sex with your partner regardless of their consent. You still need to be sure that they want to have sex with you each time you have sex. This very much does apply to you.
    What the fuck do you know about my personal life and intimacy, and what makes you think you get to dictate how my partner and I aproach sex?

    Go fuck yourself, you keep on stiring the conversation towards me, turning it into something personal.

    My bad for giving this a chance, thinking there was a possibility to talk about these issues with a bit of perspective, but it’s still the same crap: self entitled cunts pointing fingers and telling other what to do and what to think. Pure gold.

  14. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by tremolo View Post
    What the fuck do you know about my personal life and intimacy, and what makes you think you get to dictate how my partner and I aproach sex?

    Go fuck yourself, you keep on stiring the conversation towards me, turning it into something personal.

    My bad for giving this a chance, thinking there was a possibility to talk about these issues with a bit of perspective, but it’s still the same crap: self entitled cunts pointing fingers and telling other what to do and what to think. Pure gold.
    Umm....all icklekitty said was that you still need your spouses consent to have sex with them.

    If you're not doing that, then you're the one who can go fuck themselves. Fuck you. If you don't have consent, it's sexual assault, even if you're married.

    Fuck you.

  15. #75
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    Calling a woman a cunt in a thread about how to NOT have discussions about sexual assaults and the environment that cultivates them.

    A+++++

  16. #76
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    To be fair - while there is no need to use certain (c-)words - you treated him like an idiot this whole page by talking down to him and implying he was immature, bad at flirting or too stupid to get "this stuff". And with that you're not encouraging a debate or discussion on this here board either.
    Last edited by r_z; 11-08-2017 at 01:58 PM.

  17. #77
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    As allegro said, "you" doesn't mean "YOU".

    And anyone making excuses about this shit deserves to be talked down to.

  18. #78
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    Eh, I'm pretty comfortable with being called a cunt because I guess I know I'm having a discussion on a Nine Inch Nails forum and maybe don't take things wildly personally calm down

  19. #79
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    No one was making excuses. That's exactly the point. That post will surely get you a lot of "likes" from the usual suspects, but it's empty in that it's again implying and talking down to someone who didn't make any excuse about "this shit". Therefore it's you being a shithead to another user whose only fault it was to not share the majorities' point unconditionally.

    Edit: And it's not even that he didn't share your points. He dared to ask some theoretical questions and you all jumped on him like crazy stating obvious facts that I'm sure no one on this board would take into question.
    Last edited by r_z; 11-08-2017 at 02:20 PM.

  20. #80
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    "here is a genuine question"

    "okay here is a genuine answer"

    "that is ridiculous and unnatural"

    "wtf how bad at flirting do you have to be to think that's ridiculous and unnatural"

    #personallyattacked

  21. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by r_z View Post
    To be fair - while there is no need to use certain (c-)words - you treated him like an idiot this whole page by talking down to him and implying he was immature, bad at flirting or too stupid to get "this stuff". And with that you're not encouraging a debate or discussion on this here board either.
    Because whether or not consent is required for sexual acts isn't up for debate.

    Nor should it be.

    Fuck off.

  22. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by eskimo View Post
    Because whether or not consent is required for sexual acts isn't up for debate.

    Nor should it be.

    Fuck off.
    That's exactly what I meant with "stating the obvious". Who would put that up for debate, really? In stating that you're accusing others for doing so (which they never did) and therefore insulting them. Same with throwing in a "fuck" for good measure as it's seemingly some kind of weird signature of yours. Way to go.

  23. #83
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    I see where you're coming from with that but I'd also posit that tremolo took that shit way too personally since it's not like people going "yeah dude, this DOES still apply to you" is calling someone a spousal rapist.

  24. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by r_z View Post
    That's exactly what I meant with "stating the obvious". Who would put that up for debate, really? In stating that you're accusing others for doing so (which they never did) and therefore insulting them. Same with throwing in a "fuck" for good measure as it's seemingly some kind of weird signature of yours. Way to go.
    To answer your question about who would put that up for debate, how about the person you're defending here?

    Read this, tell me they're not putting whether or not consent is required up for debate, I'll give you a hint, they are.

    Quote Originally Posted by icklekitty View Post
    Spousal rape is a real thing. The fact that you're in a LTR doesn't mean you have a free pass to sex with your partner regardless of their consent. You still need to be sure that they want to have sex with you each time you have sex. This very much does apply to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by tremolo View Post
    What the fuck do you know about my personal life and intimacy, and what makes you think you get to dictate how my partner and I aproach sex?

    Go fuck yourself, you keep on stiring the conversation towards me, turning it into something personal.

    My bad for giving this a chance, thinking there was a possibility to talk about these issues with a bit of perspective, but it’s still the same crap: self entitled cunts pointing fingers and telling other what to do and what to think. Pure gold.

    And the fuck off is meant to be insulting. Pointing out that it's insulting is really just stating the obvious.

  25. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by tremolo View Post
    What the fuck do you know about my personal life and intimacy, and what makes you think you get to dictate how my partner and I aproach sex?
    Hi there.

    Go fuck yourself, you keep on stiring the conversation towards me, turning it into something personal.
    Have we met?

    My bad for giving this a chance, thinking there was a possibility to talk about these issues with a bit of perspective, but it’s still the same crap: self entitled cunts pointing fingers and telling other what to do and what to think. Pure gold.
    I see your join date is four years ago. Surely, surely you know better than to go off like this. In a thread with a title that starts out "Don't be a shithead" you're suddenly mr "self-entitled cunts" and "go fuck yourself".

    Your reaction is very, very over the top.

    Can we all work towards taking more of a de-escalation approach, going forward?

  26. #86
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    This is an INSANELY touchy subject and i can't remember the last time i've seen THIS level of vileness here throughout this many threads.
    I think part of it is that it's a subject fraught with intangibles and disagreements on definitions of several things, along with a a FUCKTON of passion.

    The conversation in this thread and others led to a discussion my wife and i had for a couple of hours on these subjects today, and while we certainly remained civil, we realized there are a LOT of areas where we disagree regarding the topic.

    This is a subject that can, upon deeper discussion/closer examination, cause people who think they are of the same mind find out that they aren't.

    edit: i'm not making excuses for anyone by any means and some opinions i've seen here are indefensible.
    these were just thoughts i had earlier on the complexity of the whole thing
    Last edited by elevenism; 11-08-2017 at 08:25 PM.

  27. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leviathant View Post
    Hi there.



    Have we met?



    I see your join date is four years ago. Surely, surely you know better than to go off like this. In a thread with a title that starts out "Don't be a shithead" you're suddenly mr "self-entitled cunts" and "go fuck yourself".

    Your reaction is very, very over the top.

    Can we all work towards taking more of a de-escalation approach, going forward?
    Sorry, I guess the internet etiquette dictates to always turn the other cheek. My bad?

    I have read really awful shit in threads of “highly sensitive subjects”, even dragging people’s kids in topics related to rape... by those super enlightened beings while waving their tolerance flag.

    Yeah, I gave a chance to keep the conversation on topic when the lack of arguments kept stiring it towards personal comments and how I am supposed to live and experience intimacy with my partner... It’s absolutely ridiculous, and yeah, it might be perceived as an overreaction, but I’m just saying what I see: a self entitled person (because I doubt anyone gave them the authority to preach and tell others how to live their (sex) lives, so that entitlement comes from their own head). And a cunt is just a cunt, if the word is too offensive, I truly apologize and i can change it to a word of lower caliber of whoever’s choice. “Go fuck yourself” seems like an appropriate answer when a stranger who doesn’t know anything about you starts preaching on how to live your personal life. Anyone who has a certain degree of intimacy with someone else understands that is nobody else’s business.

    I don’t remember when I joined this site, and I don’t think it matters.

    I try to be polite and respectful, but that doesn’t mean I won’t call a spade a spade when someone is being a “spade”. If someone is being a shithead towards me, I can’t help but turn into one too, I hit back but I don’t usually start this kinda bs.

    I’m all for moving forward and staying on topic.

  28. #88
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    Back on topic: I get that non-verbal communication is key, but not everyone gets it in the same way, and that’s the problem: same signals can be intepretated in different ways, and some just don’t get it, like sarcasm.

    Sadly, we have to aim towards the lowest common denominator.

  29. #89
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    Which is why clear ~verbal~ communication is the key.

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