The Alternative Sexuality thread

[theruiner]

So...I just tried S&M type stuff for the first time. I have to say, I did not enjoy it at all. About halfway through I was just playing along. The whole time all I wanted to do was go home but I told myself I would try this so I did, I stuck it out.

Now...that all being said, I'm still glad I did it. It was an experience, to be sure. And the aspiring comedian part of my brain at some point just started picking out really funny aspects of the situation that I could turn into a bit later. Not that I would be making fun of people who do this sort of thing, mind you, or the people I was with. I have no problem with any of it and I wouldn't make jokes at their expense. It was more kind of making fun of myself for how awkward I felt and the horribly cheesy music she put on in the background. And then the CD started skipping right in the middle. And I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it.

Also, and this is really weird, but it really kind of made me think of some very personal things differently. I don't know yet exactly how it affected this, but I do think this brought some sort of clarity to my gender issues because part of it was forced feminization stuff. I don't know exactly how my perspective shifted yet, I'll need some time to work through it (and thankfully I start with my gender therapist on Monday) but it definitely felt like something happened there. Either I am going to feel more strongly than ever about the gender thing or I may realize that I don't want that after all. I don't know. All I know is this definitely let me experience something I had always wanted to and it very well might have given me a partial breakthrough about the issue. Which is kind of amazing.

So...yeah. That happened.

[rhet]

hubs is on his first poly date tonight really excited for him and i hope it goes well.

[Lew]

hubs is on his first poly date tonight really excited for him and i hope it goes well.

will you report on this further, please? VERY curious as to how a true poly relationship works irl.
thank you.

[rhet]

will you report on this further, please? VERY curious as to how a true poly relationship works irl.
thank you.

it must have gone pretty well cause he's out with her again tonight hehe

i'm no expert but what is you want to know?

[Lew]

how long you have been doing it (as in: does it work), do you ever worry or wonder that it will derail your relationship?
personally, i think poly makes far more sense for humans than monogamy does, but i have always wondered how well it translates into real relationships and such.
when discussing with others the most common fear seems to be that one partner will end up falling for someone they play with..or generally the idea that accepting that kind of freedom within your relationship is a sure fire way to doom the long term potential of a couple.

thank you for your response.

fwiw: i am in a monogamous marriage, 13 years old now. prior to marriage i was very much about a poly lifestyle because i had zero interest in commitment. i found it way easier to be poly, back then, than to attempt to 'cleave to only one' on a number of levels. i have also, surprisingly, found it easy to be monogamous..but i often wonder if that is a)out of respect for my husband, who is very very not poly minded and/or b) because i have children...in any case i have long been curious to know how poly plays out when one is simultaneously committed...since, back in the day, i was poly but single.

[rhet]

its kind of impossible to answer this without writing a book haha. so here it goes..

i started talking about the idea of open relationships with my husband about 3 years ago (we've been married for 4, together for 8) and i started actively dating about 2 years ago. It took a while for us to talk through all the implications and practicalities plus we weren't really in a great location/time in our lives to be making things more complicated for ourselves so we did things really slowly and talked and talked and talked lol both of us are very introspective and analytical which helps. this time also helped us get our marriage in better 'shape' before opening it up.

i think it has made our relationship way stronger because you HAVE to talk about all of your issues or it doesn't work. also when we first started my sex drive was higher than his so it gave me an outlet and now we've kind of switched roles where his is higher but neither of us feel frustrated or guilty.

as far as being afraid he'll fall for someone else or vice versa..our 'setup' is that we are each others primary partner and our marriage comes first. theres always the super lusty phase when you first meet someone new that might seem to take over for the first few weeks but if that starts to effect our relationship then changes need to be made. things usually settle back down naturally though. i think we've worked really hard to build a solid relationship and trust each other to be able to work through any issues that come up but you have to accept that things don't always turn out the way you plan or imagine. you can't control everything and i could fall for someone else or end up getting a divorce etc whether i was poly or not. i think that attitude helps keep us from taking each other for granted and always working to be better.

[Dra508]

Also, and this is really weird, but it really kind of made me think of some very personal things differently. I don't know yet exactly how it affected this, but I do think this brought some sort of clarity to my gender issues because part of it was forced feminization stuff. I don't know exactly how my perspective shifted yet, I'll need some time to work through it (and thankfully I start with my gender therapist on Monday) but it definitely felt like something happened there. Either I am going to feel more strongly than ever about the gender thing or I may realize that I don't want that after all. I don't know. All I know is this definitely let me experience something I had always wanted to and it very well might have given me a partial breakthrough about the issue. Which is kind of amazing.

So...yeah. That happened.

Not to pry, but I'm curious if this possible realization came when you had been spanked or the like? I asked because I read somewhere, on the internet which we all know is the gospel of truth, that you get a surge of hormone - testosterone. This sounds stupid as I write it, but I personally don't doubt that you get a surge of something.

[icklekitty]

Also NB forced feminisation is one person's idea of feminisation. A lot of male slaves I see around that have been feminised look like shit. And I don't make friends with nobody that looks like shit.

[theruiner]

@Dra- Not a silly question! Actually, no, there was no spanking that time. I actually went back and tried both things one more time, just to give it another shot, and it only confirmed that I didn't like any of it. This time I actually tried bondage in addition to the two original things and...well, let's just say it was not for me.

But yeah. I don't know anymore what the revelation was in terms of my gender expression. That whole thing is shifting (but that's another discussion and thread entirely) The whole thing made me feel really lonely, though. Like, it made me actually really miss being in a relationship, which I haven't missed in a really long time. I still haven't figured out why it triggered that, but it did.

Anyway, you can't say I didn't try but I think it's safe to say I won't be doing any of that again.

[onthewall2983]

A girl begged me for a picture of my feet last night. I am liking where things are going.

[onthewall2983]

I dominated a young man tonight for the first time. He was very compliant and quiet. I discovered the wonders of the bath brush as torture tool.

I had this playing on Spotify

[playwithfire]

..

[onthewall2983]

I'm really wondering if I'm still bi, if all I want to do with other men is play kinky games more than have sex with them.

[jessamineny]

I'm selling off my (pretty extensive) toy bag if anybody's interested. Most of the stuff is higher end, but there are some cheaper things.

It's all on Fetlife (same user name). You can either just perv the photos/descriptions or see the threads in this group: https://fetlife.com/groups/405

[Sarah K]

Oh mah lord. I want it all! ESPECIALLY THIS ONE https://fetlife.com/users/244698/pictures/28334263

I've never owned one. I've gotten hit with a couple, but my previously mentioned huge ass absorbs beatings pretty well. But the ones I've experienced sucked, and I usually just end up asking for a belt instead. But that one up there looks stingy as fuck!

Why are you getting rid of everything?

[playwithfire]

..

[Fixer808]

WOW, I want 'em (the postage for shipping would be astronomical, though...)! It's funny though, my girl and I have a couple floggers I made, and I have a wartenberg wheel, cuffs, ball gag, etc., but we usually don't get around to using them! Like last Saturday when we got home from the fetish night, I'd planned on tying her up and doing some light whipping and sensory play, but we were so fucking horny we just straight-up attacked each other!

[jessamineny]

Oh mah lord. I want it all! ESPECIALLY THIS ONE https://fetlife.com/users/244698/pictures/28334263

I've never owned one. I've gotten hit with a couple, but my previously mentioned huge ass absorbs beatings pretty well. But the ones I've experienced sucked, and I usually just end up asking for a belt instead. But that one up there looks stingy as fuck!

Why are you getting rid of everything?

I left the scene in 2006. And I really need money.

Honestly, I have no idea if I'll ever come back. I haven't even played heavily with my long-term, off-and-on partner.

That flogger with the noose-tips isn't really stingy. It's THUDDY. The kangaroo flogger is stingy.

[playwithfire]

..

[Sarah K]

Lol. I'm on team "whatever will hurt me and leave marks".

Except for canes. That was the woooooorst. I could only take it for a few minutes. It made me feel like a huge pussy.

[jessamineny]

Man, I am SO team thud.

Looking at my flogger collection, you KNOW what team I'm on.

[playwithfire]

..

[playwithfire]

..

[jessamineny]

Also, it's funny, my masochism is really not that sexual oftentimes. It's kind of an end in and of itself.

Like I would love to session with a domme in a nonsexual way. Just like... a nice hour of someone very skilled doing things to me.

Most of my time in the scene was public, nonsexual play. One of my primary partners was a het woman. I highly recommend it.

[Fixer808]

Man, I am SO team thud.

Here, I designed a track jacket for you.

[playwithfire]

..

[Fixer808]

Thought you'd like it! ;D

[onthewall2983]

Well this thread came back with a vengeance.

I think I'm with Sarah on doing S&M with the same sex but not being interested in bumping uglies so much.

[jessamineny]

OMG AT THAT COLLECTION. By the by -- if anyone wants to add me on fetlife, shoot me a pm with your username. I'm not keen on posting mine publicly but down to add people as I'm pretty new to the site.

Yeah, anybody feel free to send me a Friend Request. And pass on links to my stuff if you know someone who might be interested.

EDIT: Sold my Heartwood. ::cries:: At least it was to someone who collects them, and said he would "honor it history." He was lovely.

[jessamineny]

Maybe the universe wants you to get laid this weekend instead. :: positivethinking ::