Page 5 of 6 FirstFirst ... 3 4 5 6 LastLast
Results 121 to 150 of 158

Thread: The Childfree and/or Unmarried Thread

  1. #121
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Posts
    2,262
    Mentioned
    63 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by theimage13 View Post
    See, I'm only 99.9% on not having my own...and reasons like this are the ones that throw me. I always forget that fact that haven't offspring doesn't always mean having kids. Yeah, they start off as tiny little alien-looking things that don't do anything but eat, sleep (sometimes), and excrete from every orifice - but that phase is only the first few years. And yeah, you've got your tantrum years. But eventually, they turn into humans who are capable of independent and intelligent thoughts and actions. And I feel like when I'm my parents' age, I'd enjoy having an adult offspring who I could connect with. But that alone isn't enough reason for me to flip my near-positive decision to not reproduce.
    I agree with you, if you can get past the phase of 0-5 yrs, and 15-19 you're set. Those are the 2 toughest times to be a parent. 0-5 Because they are pretty much totally dependant on your every waking move. Once the kid gets to about 6-10 I think they would be generally pretty fun to hang around. My girlfriends sister has 2 kids, 1 is 3 and 1 is 6. The 6 year old is kinda fun, he's down on all his new video games and such, it's cool. But yeah, the early phases of childhood do not make it worth it in my mind.

    Then we have the Terrible, Terrible rebelling teenage stage of 15-19, this stage is almost worse than the 0-5 stage because now you have a young adult that wants to basically question and rebel against your every word. This is where your parenting skills are going to make or break your kid. He can turn into a goddamn crime-ridden hooligan drug addict on the street, or if you play your cards right he might be a well rounded member of society. Sometimes regardless on what you do, you still do not have full control on how he/she turns out. Who the kid hangs around with probably has more influence on their upbringing as teenagers than you do.

    If they grow intoa responsible young adult by 25, then I think it is rewarding, as you mentioned you have a responsible person to share their lfie with you like a very close friend. An attatchment like no other. That might be the ultimate payoff for having to put up with all their bullshit during the diaper and teenage years.

    Still, those two phases put me off from wanting to be a parent amung others like the cost of raising a child and others thrown into the mix. I just don't think I have what it takes to raise a productive member of society. I hate working to the point where I work just enough hours to be able to live comfortably while putting food on my plate, a roof under my head and the ability to travel for shows at my own free will. I don't want to be tied down into a Mon-Friday 9-5 + overtime job to have to pay for me and my family to survive. To me, that is not living life, that is being a slave to society. The key to a good life is finding a great work-life balance Not working to live or living to work or any of that business. I feel having a child would eliminate the abilty for me to have my freedom.

  2. #122
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,441
    Mentioned
    60 Post(s)
    Ughhhh everyone is having babies

  3. #123
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    An unfortunate place somewhere in the Southwest
    Posts
    1,793
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    Every once in awhile I get a little twinge of, like, maybe it would be nice to have a kid someday. Then when I think about it for more than two seconds I realize that I have absolutely no interest in it. Kind of funny when people say you'll change your mind when you're older. Well, I'm 32 now and I still feel the way I did when I was younger.

    Of course, that's a stupid thing to say to someone anyway.

  4. #124
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    888
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    Ughhhh everyone is having babies
    People are always having babies. It's only the ones that don't that tend to notice. In my personal social circle I've yet to see the baby bloom season.

  5. #125
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Joined (old ETS): 01 Sep 2004 -- Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    7,358
    Mentioned
    282 Post(s)
    My daughter is 7 months and 1 week old now.

    She's in her high chair now screaming out DADADADADAAAAA as I type this.

  6. #126
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    3,531
    Mentioned
    198 Post(s)
    I fucking hate the YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND bullshit. It implies that people aren't capable of making decisions for themselves. I'd say about 70% of the people I know who have kids have them because of accidents or being careless. Just because you made a huge mistake and are dealing with it doesn't mean I want to join that club. Kthxbye.

    I'm going to start telling people it's not too late, and they may regret the mistake of having children.

  7. #127
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,441
    Mentioned
    60 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by halloween View Post
    People are always having babies.
    EXACTLY ugghh

  8. #128
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    An unfortunate place somewhere in the Southwest
    Posts
    1,793
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    Heh. A lot of my friends kind of went through baby making season about 10 years ago. Which I guess makes me old now or something.

  9. #129
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    888
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Well, welcome to the animal world.

    I want a child but I'm really lucky to know what it takes to have one responsibly- meaning, I've been on some from of birth control since about 18. I'm about to get an IUD next month because I didn't want to be taking the Depo shots for too many years out of my life and the pills give me migraines. On the other hand, it would be great if I could adopt.

  10. #130
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Northwest Indiana
    Posts
    1,728
    Mentioned
    73 Post(s)
    There's nothing more annoying to me than little kids. If you dig them, great on you, more power to you, you're infinitely more patient and tolerant than I am but to me they're just loud (but not actually saying anything at all), germ factories, and destructive. You cannot reason with them.

  11. #131
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,441
    Mentioned
    60 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by halloween View Post
    Well, welcome to the animal world.
    No this is the child free thread

    I heart you and think you'll be a great parent but I just wanted to vent about how people are having babies no thx

  12. #132
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Turtle Island
    Posts
    587
    Mentioned
    38 Post(s)
    Snipped at 26. Best decision I've ever made. No accidents here!

  13. #133
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    3,531
    Mentioned
    198 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfkiller View Post
    Snipped at 26. Best decision I've ever made. No accidents here!

    How many different doctors did you have to see before you found one who was willing to do it?

    How many told you that you were too young to make that choice?

    How many told you that they wouldn't do it until you had at least one child?

    How many told you that you weren't psychologically prepared to make that choice?

  14. #134
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    9,095
    Mentioned
    716 Post(s)
    I had a female friend in the 90s who was 26 when she decided she wanted to get her tubes tied and her doctor didn't want to do it until she went and got a signed affidavit from her psychiatrist. Which she did. Total double standard.

    Although, my OB/GYN says that he performs tubal ligations on women who've already had a baby or two in their 20s all the time. He's says it's actually the most common form of birth control but people don't know it.
    Last edited by allegro; 03-19-2015 at 10:54 PM.

  15. #135
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Turtle Island
    Posts
    587
    Mentioned
    38 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    How many different doctors did you have to see before you found one who was willing to do it?

    How many told you that you were too young to make that choice?

    How many told you that they wouldn't do it until you had at least one child?

    How many told you that you weren't psychologically prepared to make that choice?
    I'm not sure if you're honestly asking me or just venting, but I'll answer anyways. I asked my regular doc about it and he referred me to the specialist. Had a consultation with him and if I remember correctly, had to wait x amount of weeks before scheduling the appointment. Midway through the procedure (literally, with one tube snipped) he double checked and told me I could still change my mind at this point. I yelled at him to keep going, and bam. Child free. I did have people tell me prior to making the decision that they wouldn't do it unless I already had a kid or I was over a certain age.
    But look on the bright side... at least cutting up your genitals without consent as a baby isn't accepted and encouraged by doctors everywhere! ;D

  16. #136
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    3,531
    Mentioned
    198 Post(s)
    I'm being serious. From about 18 - 25, I tried to get my tubes tied, and couldn't find one single doctor willing to do it. They all just said the same shit about "waiting" and "changing my mind".

    It's such a shitty double standard that men aren't questioned on this decision, but women obviously aren't capable of making the decision that is best for them.

    My IUD will last until I'm 40. So hopefully they will fucking do it by then.

  17. #137
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Turtle Island
    Posts
    587
    Mentioned
    38 Post(s)
    My friend had hers done and she's younger than me with no kids. I'll get back to you with her experience with it if you'd like.
    Update: Bad news. She had to have a letter of recommendation from her normal doc and a psych exam. Couldn't they just check to make sure you bunch of crazy broads aren't PMSing while asking for the procedure?!
    Last edited by Wolfkiller; 03-19-2015 at 02:35 PM.

  18. #138
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    888
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    No this is the child free thread

    I heart you and think you'll be a great parent but I just wanted to vent about how people are having babies no thx
    Very fair and I'm aware of the thread title (I just think it's fair for me to respond too.) I thought I posted in here about me getting an IUD soon. It's ryan that's really confused, talking about his baby in here
    Last edited by halloween; 03-19-2015 at 04:33 PM.

  19. #139
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,441
    Mentioned
    60 Post(s)
    Oh, I know. You were responding reasonably and I was just like venty. (Whenever I drop the caps and punctuation I'm doing tumblr-speak jokes.)

    As for Ryan, I just assumed that was Ryan generally being completely unhelpful and offtopic as per usual.

  20. #140
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    9,095
    Mentioned
    716 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfkiller View Post
    Couldn't they just check to make sure you bunch of crazy broads aren't PMSing while asking for the procedure?!
    Couldn't they check to make sure you bunch of crazy dudes aren't hungover while asking for the procedure?

    OB/GYN malpractice insurance is one of THE most expensive malpractice insurances out there, so they're just covering their financial asses. They really don't care if these women don't want kids; the doctors are just protecting their Porsches.

    http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2...on-young-women

    "I strongly discourage it under age 30 because I've seen so many people change their minds," said Dr. John Merling, a family medicine specialist in Wilmington, Ohio. "They come in and are absolutely sure they want it done."
    "Regret is the competent woman's burden, not the doctor's," said Richie, an adjunct professor at the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences. "Very few providers of other permanent elective treatments like plastic surgery refuse treatment over fear of regret. Why should sterilization be any different?"
    Last edited by allegro; 03-19-2015 at 10:56 PM.

  21. #141
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Turtle Island
    Posts
    587
    Mentioned
    38 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    Couldn't they check to make sure you bunch of crazy dudes aren't hungover while asking for the procedure?
    Wait, women don't get hangovers?! Goddamn Matriarchy at it again!
    I figured it was harder for women to get fixed because it's harder to reverse functionality, but my 30 seconds of googling tells me that the fail rate for reversed procedures are pretty equal. So I dunno. Curious if the age of the doctor or if certain regions (Bible belt for example) has anything to do with how women are treated, or if certain areas men have the same problems.

  22. #142
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    US of A
    Posts
    2,101
    Mentioned
    48 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    I fucking hate the YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND bullshit. It implies that people aren't capable of making decisions for themselves.

    I'm going to start telling people it's not too late, and they may regret the mistake of having children.
    I don't think it implies that at all. People view the world differently as they grow - thank fucking god that the person I was at 20 wasn't the person I was just three years prior. And there were no big "eye openers" - no drug addictions, no friends getting killed, no going to jail...just three years of living as a boring, fairly normal person, and I changed a lot. I've got almost another decade on that now, and I'm still changing. I don't mean to imply that you, personally, will change your mind about children. I'm simply saying that every single person I know has changed significantly in at least one way from who they were when they were younger, and are continuing to change. That doesn't mean that this topic is one that every single person will change their mind about, but I don't think anyone is trying to insult you and tell you that you're incapable of making decisions.

    That said, I still snickered at your last line.

    I haven't made up my mind once and for all, but I absolutely love that my girlfriend has already said that if it came down to it, she'd chose a child-free life with me over leaving just so she can have kids with someone. I love being in a position that if I do change my mind, the option is there. And we've both agreed that adoption is the way to go if we ever decided to have a kid (singular), so no poopy diapers here. I keep reminding myself that I may not like little kids, but I do like the relationship I have with my parents, and some day I might like to be on the other end of that. But that's a huge "maybe," and one I'm not sure I want to take a gamble on. I mean....raise a kid and turn out it's not for you? You've messed up that kid's life. Decide not to and wish you had? You've only messed up your own life.

    Anyway...if you don't want kids, don't have 'em. We need more people in the world to actually think ​about their parenting abilities and desires before just blindly popping 'em out because it's what they think is just the natural next step in their life.

  23. #143
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    888
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    I read a great piece online that my sister posted but later deleted (because she was embarrassed by how it would be taken, because she has a child) I managed to catch it and I thought it was great. It was a woman explaining how she absolutely loves her children but she absolutely would not have made the same choice, she misses what her life was like before.

    The great point she made is that despite knowing motherhood wasn't for her, she still loves her children and she hasn't "messed up the kids life". That happens if you decide to tell the kid those feelings, which she probably never will because she loves them and is being responsible for the decision she made. I mean, the flipside is people who give their kids up for adoption or just play out their misery. It was just interesting to see the less depicted reality of it all appears normal and is happy because she loves her children, but realizes it wasn't the best decision.

  24. #144
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    The Part of Texas Where Motherfuckers Actually Wear Cowboy Hats and Whatnot
    Posts
    4,584
    Mentioned
    362 Post(s)
    i was supposed to get a ready made family with my wife, but through a perfect shitstorm of bad events, her awful ex husband won custody. so although she has two children aged 9 and 12, she's only spent one month with them in the past couple of years. and now the ex husband won't even let her talk to them on the phone or tell us where they live.
    we are starting to think that those two kids are just gone. hopefully she will get to see them when they are grown.

    SO...we are childless.
    we both just turned 35, and are wondering. her tubes are tied. we have discussed in vitro.

    That being said, it MAY be for the best that i don't have a child. i'm not sure if i could really handle the responsibility.

    i've been thinking about it a lot. i worry about my spiritual "line" ending. i believe that a part of our consciousness is passed on to our children in some way.

    my brother has a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old boy. maybe they are part of my "line?"

    also, not to sound like a bitch, but i've been through so much pain in my life. and everyone we love will die eventually. and NONE of us knows what happens to us when we die. So part of me thinks it would be better to NOT bring another being into this world.

    I better figure it out pretty quick, seeing as how the mrs is 35.

    another thing to consider is that i don't know how much damage she suffered from the meningitis. she has a completely different personality. i know that she is still getting better, but i'm not 100 percent sure that she could manage to raise a child.
    i THINK she could but i'm not sure yet.

    i think i will be okay with just having the niece and nephew. they are great.
    my niece ADORES me, and when i'm done playing with her, she goes back to mommy and daddy!

  25. #145
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    9,095
    Mentioned
    716 Post(s)
    Nieces and nephews are very okay, @elevenism ! And, someday, after your wife's children are out from under the thumb of their controlling father, they may want to be back in contact with their mother. You never know. But, you are very wise to know that children aren't pets and require LOTS of responsibility. And In Vitro is no picnic, it's REALLY expensive, requires a lot of shots and meds and is very taxing on the female. Alexis Stewart, Martha Stewart's daughter, was really honest about what bullshit the "In Vitro Is Simple" thing is: she says she spent $27,000 per month for the In Vitro plus an additional $6,000 per month for the drugs she had to inject herself with to stimulate her egg production, and then she had four miscarriages. Ultimately, she paid a surrogate to give birth to her two children.

    G and I have godchildren and pets. Lots and lots of pets! And charities and good causes and lots of love to give to nature and flora and fauna.

    Not to get too heavy, here, but you may have already had children in a previous life. Or lives. So that's why it may not be that important this time around. And you can have others in future lives. Until your soul is finally fully developed. If you're into that kinda thing. (wink)
    Last edited by allegro; 03-23-2015 at 10:33 PM.

  26. #146
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    The Part of Texas Where Motherfuckers Actually Wear Cowboy Hats and Whatnot
    Posts
    4,584
    Mentioned
    362 Post(s)
    thanks, @allegro .

    we thought we could get the in vitro for closer to $12-$15,000. And if it's very taxing, after Lorien's brain infection, i don't want to subject her to it.

    We have an American bulldog who is damn near like a kid, with all the attention he demands. We have three kitties, and the niece and nephew.

    And i have no doubt that her kids will want to contact her when they can.

    It has been SO hard for her. You know, in ten years of marriage, her ex husband only worked four. The rest of the time he drank whiskey and played video games. But then, through a perfect storm of bullshit, he won custody...sigh.
    I cry for her.
    But although her son may have been too young to understand what was happening, her daughter DID. I'm sure she will be back around as soon as she can.

    Thank you so much for your words tonight.

  27. #147
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    US of A
    Posts
    2,101
    Mentioned
    48 Post(s)
    Friend shared this today. Some snarky smart-assery in there, but for the most part, some pretty good points. I agreed with the vast majority of what was written.

  28. #148
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Ontari-ari-ario
    Posts
    2,967
    Mentioned
    123 Post(s)
    I would sooner chew my own arm off than wilfully impregnate someone. Nor will I ever sign legal documents to 'take' a human being. No thank you, madam Speaker.

  29. #149
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    US of A
    Posts
    2,101
    Mentioned
    48 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by botley View Post
    No thank you, madam Speaker.
    I feel like I missed something.

  30. #150
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    87
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Too many people on this planet so i have two reasons not to be interested in having kids at the moment:

    - Another "human" on planet "destroyed" and ending.
    - I miss any interest in having any child at the moment.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions