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Faceplams: Dogs and cats get neutered and spayed. They're cleverer than us.
Active Member
Dogs and cats get neutered and spayed. They're cleverer than us.
Throbbing Member
This. I know a couple of women who work in education and made this deal: as long as they're working with kids or (in my case) unruly teenagers, they're not getting kids of their own.Originally Posted by mixxy
Also, I'd think I'd be a really crap mother. So it would be rather unfair to do that to someone.
Active Member
Not that I needed another reason, but...
Average cost of raising a child: $241,000
Shit brushes skin
$241,000 is a little rich for my blood. Plus, between my psoriasis and various (likely genetic) mental quirks I'd rather not bring someone into this world who's more likely than average to suffer from these ailments.
Active Member
That grinds my gears a lot. I'm involved with a PCOS charity. Symptoms include weight gain (leading to diabetes), female baldness, crazy periods, infertility, excess hair, depression, a suicide rate that is 7 times higher, and a bunch of other things. The women that have it, that I have met, are all really down by it, say it's ruined their lives, that they have no confidence etc. Their one wish in live? To have children, to the point of a million cycles of expensive IVF. Presumably, so they can breed more insecure self-loathing women?! WHY?
Active Member
Because for some reason that I have yet to grasp, parenthood as touted as the most extraordinary high in the world. And while some people are smart and compassionate enough to adopt, most have it ingrained that the only acceptable way to have a child is to have it themselves - nevermind the fact that it might not be in the best interest of that potential child.
My own stance: I'm 99% sure that I don't want kids, as I don't like babies or children. But I do have days where I think about the relationship I have with my parents and think "at that age, I bet I'd want to have an adult son/daughter to share stories with", and I have to remind myself that kids aren't diaper burning snot bags their whole lives. But I'm also scared shitless that the whole "unconditional love" thing couldn't apply to a child who I adopt the same way I'd adopt a dog or a cat, and that the only way I could even possibly love a child unconditionally is if I shared a genetic connection with it from day one. But I don't really believe that would make some magical switch flip either. So...yeah, highly unlikely that I'll ever be a father. Which will probably cost me any chance I have of marrying before I'm 40. But a child is not something I'm going to accept just to tie the knot.
Shit brushes skin
There's also that. But the fact that my genes are fucked is more important than that, IMO.
ladyborg
I usually say "I'd rather have dogs". It's the line I've been giving my mother since I was like 13 and by now she's learned not to ask me about kids and not to be disappointed if I never have any. Which is the plan. The rest of my family on the other hand... theres a new batch of babies every time I go home so she gets her fill of cuteness.
EDIT: also, i had a couple of months where I wanted babies DESPERATELY and it really threw me but it turns out that can be a side of effect of changing birth control! Thank god I'm back to my baby-hating self.
Last edited by rhet; 08-18-2013 at 11:15 AM.
Bored
I'm very happily unmarried and most definitely single for life (I'm aromantic, something people around me can't understand but it's their problem, meh) and I don't have kids and never will have them.
However and this is where I differ from some of you: I love kids. I get along with them perfectly. I love spending time with my nephews and niece. And I have one of those faces that little kids are attracted to. In public, little kids come to me all the time.
I wanted at least one child for a long time; I was picturing myself adopting from another country. But it never happened and honestly, I don't think I would have the patience to raise a kid today. It was never meant to be and I'm alright with that.
But I have no problems with kids. I do have a lot of problems with irresponsible parents, however.
ladyborg
i wish i felt like that, but kids make me nervous and my interactions with them always feel super awkward..even with my younger sister sometimes (who's 8). i've just never had that natural maternal instinct or whatever it is. my brother and dad are the sort of people like you that kids flock to and its a wonderful thing to watch but just not me.
ladyborg
My husband was telling me the other day that he sometimes worries that he'll get to retirement age and wish for a relationship like he has with his parents and a feeling of leaving a legacy but I told him we can start a non profit or something which would help lots of people instead of just a few brats. much more efficient.
Down, but not out.
I almost forgot to post another question I came across that went into the selfish category again. And like all the other questions, it just grated my eyes and ears. Are you ready for it? It's just... just read this to see why it had that effect on me...
Isn't it selfish to refuse to procreate after all the works and contributions generations upon generations of societies and civilizations have brought forth to bring you into this planet? Don't you feel like you owe it to them to keep the species going after all they've done in order to get you here?
(I sometimes look up questions and opinions that oppose the childfree, and that was my latest finding so far.)
Active Member
The answer to that is there are plenty of people procreating. The world is not going to suffer because I don't bring more people into it. It's way too crowded already. If anything, I'm doing the world a favor by not making it worse.
Besides, I won't live my life based on what other people want. We all only get one shot at this life, we should be damn sure we do everything we can to live authentically and happy. I'll be damned if I'm going to bring children into the world that I don't want because society tells me I'm supposed to.
Sorry. I've had a bad night. ha ha.
(none of this was directed at you, Kris)
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
Don't get married because I have yet to find a partner who holds my interest for more than a few months at a time. Admittedly, that is a fault of my own, and generally doesn't have much to do with them. I just get extremely bored extremely easy. I've had two boyfriends who have brought up getting married. It basically causes me to shut down and leave.
I don't have kids because I want to experience life. I have never had any desire to reproduce. And then last year, after a stint in the hospital, I discovered that if I did ever want children, I would have to plan it like a year in advance, give myself shots every day, and be on bed rest the entire time. Fuck that noise.
Also, I don't understand people's obsession with making more people when wey have a ton who need taken care of already. Adopt. I want to be a foster parent someday.
ladyborg
I'm really really easily bored as well when it comes to partners so when I met my husband and didnt get bored with him, I knew it was a good match. We're also lucky/fortunate in that we've both grown in a sort of similar direction..we're both very different from when we first met but fit together even better now than back then. I think it's as much luck as hard work to stay connected and not grow apart over the years personally.
ladyborg
I only really married my partner due to immigration and dead lord do I wish I could have eloped. And I took his last name purely because its sooo much cooler than mine. he originally told me I wasn't allowed to take his name though like the good feminist he is.
ladyborg
Fair point. There's actually a lot of other way more personal reasons that I won't go into here but the easy explanation that I'm used to rolling out is the one I mentioned above.
Throbbing Member
Hah, it's funny you came back to this now, because I'm getting married to the girl in question in a little more than two weeks! It's basically how you said, we've been together for nine years now, so marriage is not really a game-changer for us. And there is also an added benefit: I will be going to Singapore for a PhD as of January, and us being married is the only way she can come and live with me in the campus (which she will). The way things turned out, the decision to marry her proved to be very easy for me (which it wasn't two years back when I posed the question), which in turn was kind of a small revelation. I was like "Of course we'll marry now, I want us to be together over there".
Active Member
Feminism is about no grades, dummy.
Bite me
My feminist spouse didn't want me taking his name, either. I didn't. I use both mine + his for social reasons, but only mine for legal things.
Truthfully, I'm not too hung up about keeping my own name, anymore. My first name + his last name = 4 letters each and that seems kinda cool to me. But, I'M LAZY. It would take far too much work for me to change my name.
Last edited by allegro; 09-04-2013 at 08:49 PM.
ladyborg
Truth! especially with all my visa/passport crap it's such a pain in the ass. I've changed my name with the bank so people can pay me using the same name in my website/business card but that's about it. I'll get around to the other stuff eventually but sending off my only form of ID to the US for an indefinite length of time makes me nervous.
The Virus Inside
Oh, I don't think i've seen this thread before, which is odd, I would have noticed it, I have a pretty strong feeling towards not wanting kids. It's nothing really different than the reasons most people have already given, so I won't bother reiterating everything that has already been said, just nice to see a thread like this as I thought I was one of the only people on this planet for NOT wanting kids.
Everytime kids come up in conversation with friends of mine and my girlfriend they are always shocked we don't want them. I'm lucky my girlfriend and I both see eye to eye on not wanting children. It's probably one of the biggest things we have in common, the fact we both really dislike the thought of having our own children.
One of my good friends of 15 or so years that I knew since high school just had his first kid this spring with his girlfriend, their kid is only a few months old, but everytime we hang out with them and their kid, it reinforces us why we DON'T want kids. Not that we hate their kid, he's fine and all... well, he doesn't do much other that poop and puke and cry, haha. But that's enough of a reason for us.
Active Member
See, I'm only 99.9% on not having my own...and reasons like this are the ones that throw me. I always forget that fact that haven't offspring doesn't always mean having kids. Yeah, they start off as tiny little alien-looking things that don't do anything but eat, sleep (sometimes), and excrete from every orifice - but that phase is only the first few years. And yeah, you've got your tantrum years. But eventually, they turn into humans who are capable of independent and intelligent thoughts and actions. And I feel like when I'm my parents' age, I'd enjoy having an adult offspring who I could connect with. But that alone isn't enough reason for me to flip my near-positive decision to not reproduce.
The Virus Inside
I agree with you, if you can get past the phase of 0-5 yrs, and 15-19 you're set. Those are the 2 toughest times to be a parent. 0-5 Because they are pretty much totally dependant on your every waking move. Once the kid gets to about 6-10 I think they would be generally pretty fun to hang around. My girlfriends sister has 2 kids, 1 is 3 and 1 is 6. The 6 year old is kinda fun, he's down on all his new video games and such, it's cool. But yeah, the early phases of childhood do not make it worth it in my mind.
Then we have the Terrible, Terrible rebelling teenage stage of 15-19, this stage is almost worse than the 0-5 stage because now you have a young adult that wants to basically question and rebel against your every word. This is where your parenting skills are going to make or break your kid. He can turn into a goddamn crime-ridden hooligan drug addict on the street, or if you play your cards right he might be a well rounded member of society. Sometimes regardless on what you do, you still do not have full control on how he/she turns out. Who the kid hangs around with probably has more influence on their upbringing as teenagers than you do.
If they grow intoa responsible young adult by 25, then I think it is rewarding, as you mentioned you have a responsible person to share their lfie with you like a very close friend. An attatchment like no other. That might be the ultimate payoff for having to put up with all their bullshit during the diaper and teenage years.
Still, those two phases put me off from wanting to be a parent amung others like the cost of raising a child and others thrown into the mix. I just don't think I have what it takes to raise a productive member of society. I hate working to the point where I work just enough hours to be able to live comfortably while putting food on my plate, a roof under my head and the ability to travel for shows at my own free will. I don't want to be tied down into a Mon-Friday 9-5 + overtime job to have to pay for me and my family to survive. To me, that is not living life, that is being a slave to society. The key to a good life is finding a great work-life balance Not working to live or living to work or any of that business. I feel having a child would eliminate the abilty for me to have my freedom.
Active Member
Every once in awhile I get a little twinge of, like, maybe it would be nice to have a kid someday. Then when I think about it for more than two seconds I realize that I have absolutely no interest in it. Kind of funny when people say you'll change your mind when you're older. Well, I'm 32 now and I still feel the way I did when I was younger.
Of course, that's a stupid thing to say to someone anyway.
Throbbing Member
People are always having babies. It's only the ones that don't that tend to notice. In my personal social circle I've yet to see the baby bloom season.
Banned
My daughter is 7 months and 1 week old now.
She's in her high chair now screaming out DADADADADAAAAA as I type this.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
I fucking hate the YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND bullshit. It implies that people aren't capable of making decisions for themselves. I'd say about 70% of the people I know who have kids have them because of accidents or being careless. Just because you made a huge mistake and are dealing with it doesn't mean I want to join that club. Kthxbye.
I'm going to start telling people it's not too late, and they may regret the mistake of having children.
Active Member
Heh. A lot of my friends kind of went through baby making season about 10 years ago. Which I guess makes me old now or something.
Throbbing Member
Well, welcome to the animal world.
I want a child but I'm really lucky to know what it takes to have one responsibly- meaning, I've been on some from of birth control since about 18. I'm about to get an IUD next month because I didn't want to be taking the Depo shots for too many years out of my life and the pills give me migraines. On the other hand, it would be great if I could adopt.
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