Page 5 of 6 FirstFirst ... 3 4 5 6 LastLast
Results 121 to 150 of 179

Thread: The Childfree and/or Unmarried Thread

  1. #121
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Northwest Indiana
    Posts
    3,198
    Mentioned
    117 Post(s)
    There's nothing more annoying to me than little kids. If you dig them, great on you, more power to you, you're infinitely more patient and tolerant than I am but to me they're just loud (but not actually saying anything at all), germ factories, and destructive. You cannot reason with them.

  2. #122
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Turtle Island
    Posts
    683
    Mentioned
    47 Post(s)
    Snipped at 26. Best decision I've ever made. No accidents here!

  3. #123
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    4,552
    Mentioned
    234 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfkiller View Post
    Snipped at 26. Best decision I've ever made. No accidents here!

    How many different doctors did you have to see before you found one who was willing to do it?

    How many told you that you were too young to make that choice?

    How many told you that they wouldn't do it until you had at least one child?

    How many told you that you weren't psychologically prepared to make that choice?

  4. #124
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Highland Park, IL
    Posts
    14,384
    Mentioned
    994 Post(s)
    I had a female friend in the 90s who was 26 when she decided she wanted to get her tubes tied and her doctor didn't want to do it until she went and got a signed affidavit from her psychiatrist. Which she did. Total double standard.

    Although, my OB/GYN says that he performs tubal ligations on women who've already had a baby or two in their 20s all the time. He's says it's actually the most common form of birth control but people don't know it.
    Last edited by allegro; 03-19-2015 at 10:54 PM.

  5. #125
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Turtle Island
    Posts
    683
    Mentioned
    47 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    How many different doctors did you have to see before you found one who was willing to do it?

    How many told you that you were too young to make that choice?

    How many told you that they wouldn't do it until you had at least one child?

    How many told you that you weren't psychologically prepared to make that choice?
    I'm not sure if you're honestly asking me or just venting, but I'll answer anyways. I asked my regular doc about it and he referred me to the specialist. Had a consultation with him and if I remember correctly, had to wait x amount of weeks before scheduling the appointment. Midway through the procedure (literally, with one tube snipped) he double checked and told me I could still change my mind at this point. I yelled at him to keep going, and bam. Child free. I did have people tell me prior to making the decision that they wouldn't do it unless I already had a kid or I was over a certain age.
    But look on the bright side... at least cutting up your genitals without consent as a baby isn't accepted and encouraged by doctors everywhere! ;D

  6. #126
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    4,552
    Mentioned
    234 Post(s)
    I'm being serious. From about 18 - 25, I tried to get my tubes tied, and couldn't find one single doctor willing to do it. They all just said the same shit about "waiting" and "changing my mind".

    It's such a shitty double standard that men aren't questioned on this decision, but women obviously aren't capable of making the decision that is best for them.

    My IUD will last until I'm 40. So hopefully they will fucking do it by then.

  7. #127
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Turtle Island
    Posts
    683
    Mentioned
    47 Post(s)
    My friend had hers done and she's younger than me with no kids. I'll get back to you with her experience with it if you'd like.
    Update: Bad news. She had to have a letter of recommendation from her normal doc and a psych exam. Couldn't they just check to make sure you bunch of crazy broads aren't PMSing while asking for the procedure?!
    Last edited by Wolfkiller; 03-19-2015 at 02:35 PM.

  8. #128
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    897
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    No this is the child free thread

    I heart you and think you'll be a great parent but I just wanted to vent about how people are having babies no thx
    Very fair and I'm aware of the thread title (I just think it's fair for me to respond too.) I thought I posted in here about me getting an IUD soon. It's ryan that's really confused, talking about his baby in here
    Last edited by halloween; 03-19-2015 at 04:33 PM.

  9. #129
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Highland Park, IL
    Posts
    14,384
    Mentioned
    994 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfkiller View Post
    Couldn't they just check to make sure you bunch of crazy broads aren't PMSing while asking for the procedure?!
    Couldn't they check to make sure you bunch of crazy dudes aren't hungover while asking for the procedure?

    OB/GYN malpractice insurance is one of THE most expensive malpractice insurances out there, so they're just covering their financial asses. They really don't care if these women don't want kids; the doctors are just protecting their Porsches.

    http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2...on-young-women

    "I strongly discourage it under age 30 because I've seen so many people change their minds," said Dr. John Merling, a family medicine specialist in Wilmington, Ohio. "They come in and are absolutely sure they want it done."
    "Regret is the competent woman's burden, not the doctor's," said Richie, an adjunct professor at the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences. "Very few providers of other permanent elective treatments like plastic surgery refuse treatment over fear of regret. Why should sterilization be any different?"
    Last edited by allegro; 03-19-2015 at 10:56 PM.

  10. #130
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Turtle Island
    Posts
    683
    Mentioned
    47 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    Couldn't they check to make sure you bunch of crazy dudes aren't hungover while asking for the procedure?
    Wait, women don't get hangovers?! Goddamn Matriarchy at it again!
    I figured it was harder for women to get fixed because it's harder to reverse functionality, but my 30 seconds of googling tells me that the fail rate for reversed procedures are pretty equal. So I dunno. Curious if the age of the doctor or if certain regions (Bible belt for example) has anything to do with how women are treated, or if certain areas men have the same problems.

  11. #131
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Laughingstock of the World (America)
    Posts
    4,579
    Mentioned
    104 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    I fucking hate the YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND bullshit. It implies that people aren't capable of making decisions for themselves.

    I'm going to start telling people it's not too late, and they may regret the mistake of having children.
    I don't think it implies that at all. People view the world differently as they grow - thank fucking god that the person I was at 20 wasn't the person I was just three years prior. And there were no big "eye openers" - no drug addictions, no friends getting killed, no going to jail...just three years of living as a boring, fairly normal person, and I changed a lot. I've got almost another decade on that now, and I'm still changing. I don't mean to imply that you, personally, will change your mind about children. I'm simply saying that every single person I know has changed significantly in at least one way from who they were when they were younger, and are continuing to change. That doesn't mean that this topic is one that every single person will change their mind about, but I don't think anyone is trying to insult you and tell you that you're incapable of making decisions.

    That said, I still snickered at your last line.

    I haven't made up my mind once and for all, but I absolutely love that my girlfriend has already said that if it came down to it, she'd chose a child-free life with me over leaving just so she can have kids with someone. I love being in a position that if I do change my mind, the option is there. And we've both agreed that adoption is the way to go if we ever decided to have a kid (singular), so no poopy diapers here. I keep reminding myself that I may not like little kids, but I do like the relationship I have with my parents, and some day I might like to be on the other end of that. But that's a huge "maybe," and one I'm not sure I want to take a gamble on. I mean....raise a kid and turn out it's not for you? You've messed up that kid's life. Decide not to and wish you had? You've only messed up your own life.

    Anyway...if you don't want kids, don't have 'em. We need more people in the world to actually think ​about their parenting abilities and desires before just blindly popping 'em out because it's what they think is just the natural next step in their life.

  12. #132
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    897
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    I read a great piece online that my sister posted but later deleted (because she was embarrassed by how it would be taken, because she has a child) I managed to catch it and I thought it was great. It was a woman explaining how she absolutely loves her children but she absolutely would not have made the same choice, she misses what her life was like before.

    The great point she made is that despite knowing motherhood wasn't for her, she still loves her children and she hasn't "messed up the kids life". That happens if you decide to tell the kid those feelings, which she probably never will because she loves them and is being responsible for the decision she made. I mean, the flipside is people who give their kids up for adoption or just play out their misery. It was just interesting to see the less depicted reality of it all appears normal and is happy because she loves her children, but realizes it wasn't the best decision.

  13. #133
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    the beginning of the end
    Posts
    9,342
    Mentioned
    732 Post(s)
    i was supposed to get a ready made family with my wife, but through a perfect shitstorm of bad events, her awful ex husband won custody. so although she has two children aged 9 and 12, she's only spent one month with them in the past couple of years. and now the ex husband won't even let her talk to them on the phone or tell us where they live.
    we are starting to think that those two kids are just gone. hopefully she will get to see them when they are grown.

    SO...we are childless.
    we both just turned 35, and are wondering. her tubes are tied. we have discussed in vitro.

    That being said, it MAY be for the best that i don't have a child. i'm not sure if i could really handle the responsibility.

    i've been thinking about it a lot. i worry about my spiritual "line" ending. i believe that a part of our consciousness is passed on to our children in some way.

    my brother has a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old boy. maybe they are part of my "line?"

    also, not to sound like a bitch, but i've been through so much pain in my life. and everyone we love will die eventually. and NONE of us knows what happens to us when we die. So part of me thinks it would be better to NOT bring another being into this world.

    I better figure it out pretty quick, seeing as how the mrs is 35.

    another thing to consider is that i don't know how much damage she suffered from the meningitis. she has a completely different personality. i know that she is still getting better, but i'm not 100 percent sure that she could manage to raise a child.
    i THINK she could but i'm not sure yet.

    i think i will be okay with just having the niece and nephew. they are great.
    my niece ADORES me, and when i'm done playing with her, she goes back to mommy and daddy!

  14. #134
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Highland Park, IL
    Posts
    14,384
    Mentioned
    994 Post(s)
    Nieces and nephews are very okay, @elevenism ! And, someday, after your wife's children are out from under the thumb of their controlling father, they may want to be back in contact with their mother. You never know. But, you are very wise to know that children aren't pets and require LOTS of responsibility. And In Vitro is no picnic, it's REALLY expensive, requires a lot of shots and meds and is very taxing on the female. Alexis Stewart, Martha Stewart's daughter, was really honest about what bullshit the "In Vitro Is Simple" thing is: she says she spent $27,000 per month for the In Vitro plus an additional $6,000 per month for the drugs she had to inject herself with to stimulate her egg production, and then she had four miscarriages. Ultimately, she paid a surrogate to give birth to her two children.

    G and I have godchildren and pets. Lots and lots of pets! And charities and good causes and lots of love to give to nature and flora and fauna.

    Not to get too heavy, here, but you may have already had children in a previous life. Or lives. So that's why it may not be that important this time around. And you can have others in future lives. Until your soul is finally fully developed. If you're into that kinda thing. (wink)
    Last edited by allegro; 03-23-2015 at 10:33 PM.

  15. #135
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    the beginning of the end
    Posts
    9,342
    Mentioned
    732 Post(s)
    thanks, @allegro .

    we thought we could get the in vitro for closer to $12-$15,000. And if it's very taxing, after Lorien's brain infection, i don't want to subject her to it.

    We have an American bulldog who is damn near like a kid, with all the attention he demands. We have three kitties, and the niece and nephew.

    And i have no doubt that her kids will want to contact her when they can.

    It has been SO hard for her. You know, in ten years of marriage, her ex husband only worked four. The rest of the time he drank whiskey and played video games. But then, through a perfect storm of bullshit, he won custody...sigh.
    I cry for her.
    But although her son may have been too young to understand what was happening, her daughter DID. I'm sure she will be back around as soon as she can.

    Thank you so much for your words tonight.

  16. #136
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Laughingstock of the World (America)
    Posts
    4,579
    Mentioned
    104 Post(s)
    Friend shared this today. Some snarky smart-assery in there, but for the most part, some pretty good points. I agreed with the vast majority of what was written.

  17. #137
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Ontari-ari-ario
    Posts
    5,658
    Mentioned
    250 Post(s)
    No thank you, madam Speaker.
    Last edited by botley; 10-17-2019 at 08:50 AM.

  18. #138
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Laughingstock of the World (America)
    Posts
    4,579
    Mentioned
    104 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by botley View Post
    No thank you, madam Speaker.
    I feel like I missed something.

  19. #139
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    193
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Too many people on this planet so i have two reasons not to be interested in having kids at the moment:

    - Another "human" on planet "destroyed" and ending.
    - I miss any interest in having any child at the moment.

  20. #140
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Ontari-ari-ario
    Posts
    5,658
    Mentioned
    250 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by theimage13 View Post
    I feel like I missed something.
    I was just trying to use Parliamentary language.

  21. #141
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    An unfortunate place somewhere in the Southwest
    Posts
    2,000
    Mentioned
    68 Post(s)
    I always heard, oh you'll change your mind, oh you'll change your mind. Well, I'm 34 now and I still don't want kids. At all. Even a tiny bit. So...yeah. So much for changing my mind.

  22. #142
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    St. Louis
    Posts
    4,974
    Mentioned
    280 Post(s)
    I forgot this thread existed.

    fuck kids

  23. #143
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    An unfortunate place somewhere in the Southwest
    Posts
    2,000
    Mentioned
    68 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tony.parente View Post
    fuck kids
    You...may want to reconsider that wording.

  24. #144
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    the beginning of the end
    Posts
    9,342
    Mentioned
    732 Post(s)
    Marriage was the entire goal of my life. It goddamn sure hasn't "lost its meaning" for us. It WAS and IS the next level of our relationship.
    Kids, though, i wanted one bad but always knew that i would be doing the kid a serious disservice because i'm my own baby. Someone has to watch over ME or i will fuck up. So how in the hell could i watch over someone else long term?

    So it just so happens that my wife got her tubes tied before we met.
    I'm fucking hell bent on us staying together for the long haul, which ain't really that fucking long. Time seems to be speeding up. We've been living as married for 5 years and actually married for 3, and it feels like we just met.
    i'm 37 now. ("i'm already five years older" and so forth.)

    I have 5 year old niece and i am like the light of her life, like a magical superhero.
    And i have a 2 year old nephew who i hope will feel the same.

    When they come to visit, my niece basically kicks it with me the entire time. She's even come by herself. So i do some parenting, but i can always give the kids back to their mom and dad if shit gets hectic.

    I'm going to teach them to smoke when they are like ten. Not really. PROBABLY not really.

  25. #145
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Detroit-ish Area Bacon Taste: Deliciously Maple
    Posts
    518
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Kids suck. They're like people who are smaller and less in control of their minds and mouths.

  26. #146
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    6,688
    Mentioned
    82 Post(s)
    I would like to get married and have kids, but I seem to suck at life.

  27. #147
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    berlin
    Posts
    1,830
    Mentioned
    65 Post(s)
    ina garten, aka the barefoot contessa, is easy to despise. her well-to-do, east hampton lifestyle, etc. but she's actually really dynamic and has done some amazing shit. plus she supports and donates substantially to great causes like planned parenthood.

    huff post published an article about her choice to not have children and how the decision enabled her to live such an extraordinary life. it was great.
    Last edited by kel; 04-22-2017 at 08:28 AM.

  28. #148
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Ontari-ari-ario
    Posts
    5,658
    Mentioned
    250 Post(s)
    I knew this was going to bite me in the ass.

    Anyone have a breakup in an otherwise relatively healthy, happy, giving, supportive sexual relationship, simply over a difference of opinion about this?
    Last edited by botley; 10-17-2019 at 08:51 AM.

  29. #149
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Ontari-ari-ario
    Posts
    5,658
    Mentioned
    250 Post(s)
    Hopefully something positive comes out of it @playwithfire . We're seeing a couples counseling person to work out what the fuck is actually going on but, yeah, breaking up is on the table. Which I think would be a shame but they don't call it a deal-breaker for nothing...

  30. #150
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Laughingstock of the World (America)
    Posts
    4,579
    Mentioned
    104 Post(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by botley View Post
    I knew this was going to bite me in the ass.

    Anyone have a breakup in an otherwise relatively healthy, happy, giving, supportive sexual relationship, simply over a difference of opinion about this?
    A difference in opinion on that topic is never "simple", sadly. I know I'm preaching to the choir, but wanting / not wanting to have kids is nothing like wanting / not wanting to buy a certain type of car or something. Parenthood is so life-consuming from conception until death that simple is the very last word that would ever come to mind to describe it.

    I'm guessing your post means you still have no desire to have children, but your s/o does? If that's the case...well, I really hope that counseling helps. But if they're 100% pro-parenthood and you're 100% anti-parenthood, that's tough - because no matter what solution there is, someone is taking a major life-long compromise. There are certainly options - at least here in the states we have the Big Brother / Big Sister program, which is sort of like being a part-time parent/mentor to a child. I know one couple who were on the fence and decided to adopt a pet first, and realized through that venture that they didn't want the responsibility of caring for a human child. Maybe - hopefully - you'll find that there's a solution that works. It would definitely be awful to lose an otherwise healthy relationship over one difference of opinion, even if it's on a pretty significant topic. Good luck!

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions