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Thread: The Relationship Thread

  1. #3061
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    Quote Originally Posted by slave2thewage View Post
    I think we're hanging out when I go to see Depeche Mode next month.
    And we did. And it was great.

  2. #3062
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    So my date a few weeks ago with the wonderful woman I’m moving in with couldn’t have gone better. It was the first time being together face to face in about three years so I was understandably nervous. Though all the nerves melted away the moment she opened the door and we embraced. We had such a fun time together. I still got that feeling of electricity up my spine the moment we held hands, much like the first time. I can’t wait to see her again.

  3. #3063
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    Work consumes me, unfortunately. I consider myself a dapper gentleman but I donít seem to have time to fuel the fire relationship wise.

    I do miss that spark... the goosebumps, the electricity, feeling my heart pounding in my chest while my normally steady hand quivers.

  4. #3064
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    I'm realizing a relationship/friendship that was in my life for years and years was a lot more toxic than I ever realized, and it's giving me weird clarity around my own actions that I didn't have before (the tl;dr of it is that maybe I was much less bad than I thought I was, this shit seriously lowered my opinion of myself for like... the past 5 years).

    I was talking about this stuff with my mom tonight, and I was describing how I felt about this person... that their mental health, which they refused to seek external help for, felt like knowing someone with a broken leg who never saw a doctor, treated it themselves, but if we then went on a walk would go "How dare you ask me to go on a walk! You KNOW my leg is broken." when their leg started hurting.

    And my mom points out that the leg hurting and their reaction to the pain are two different things, and that some people would just say that their leg was hurting and that they needed to stop.

  5. #3065
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    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    I'm realizing a relationship/friendship that was in my life for years and years was a lot more toxic than I ever realized, and it's giving me weird clarity around my own actions that I didn't have before (the tl;dr of it is that maybe I was much less bad than I thought I was, this shit seriously lowered my opinion of myself for like... the past 5 years).

    I was talking about this stuff with my mom tonight, and I was describing how I felt about this person... that their mental health, which they refused to seek external help for, felt like knowing someone with a broken leg who never saw a doctor, treated it themselves, but if we then went on a walk would go "How dare you ask me to go on a walk! You KNOW my leg is broken." when their leg started hurting.

    And my mom points out that the leg hurting and their reaction to the pain are two different things, and that some people would just say that their leg was hurting and that they needed to stop.
    Feeling this. I still haven't figured out the best way to engage with a person I'm close with in my life who has untreated mental illness.

    It's a difficult thing, cause I do feel you have to respect their autonomy and independence. You can't insist that that they seek out help, obviously. Also, sometimes it takes people a while to go through the motions and process things before they arrive at the point when they're ready to seek some kind of treatment. So even though I'll make little mentions of it here and there, I've always been reluctant to push them too strongly. But then I doubt myself and wonder if maybe I'm being a shitty friend. Maybe what they really need is someone who will assertively steer them in the right direction, and here I am letting them down. But then again, if the person really doesn't want to, that is their right, and you don't want to piss them off or alienate them.

    So I don't know, I just go round and round in my head trying to work through this. It's tough. I think your mom's observation that the "leg hurting" and their reaction are two separate things is really smart though. I think it's good that you're processing through some of this stuff. It's weird how it can sometimes take years to get any real perspective on something.

  6. #3066
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    It's been some weird epiphanies, for sure.

    Yeah, I can't keep them in my life anymore. They're incredibly toxic to me. I'm pretty positive there is some undiagnosed personality disorder stuff there, where they have zero empathy for my intent with interactions with them, and instead, there is only a multitude of ways I have hurt them. Some stuff that every other person I have EVER recounted this stuff to has gone "it sounds like they're really overreacting." It's their prerogative to get help or not get help, but I can't be a part of the only dynamic that has ever made me question if I'm a good person, anymore.

  7. #3067
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    Sometimes you just have to accept that a relationship is over. There's no point trying to fix it because it's irreparably broken. Time to move on. Other fish in the sea.

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