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Thread: The Relationship Thread

  1. #3001
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    Maybe this will end with facepalms, but I realized my three main relationships were with girls not using hormonal contraception. Of course that is hardly enough for some statistical analysis :-), but what if I really can not "smell" women using that, and in return they can not "smell" me...? You know, because with these three, I immediately felt some emotional FEEDBACK, and now I feel... nothing. Anything I broadcast, I receive nothing. (except one coworker and even she left the town, damn it...) Am I invisible, or... what happened? Maybe MY receiver is broken? Halo? Can you hear me? :-)
    (random babbling of sexually and generally frustrated man, forgive me please;-)

  2. #3002
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    I don't understand how that would affect you now though? Assuming you are not using hormonal contraception. Sometimes when it rains it pours re: strong chemistry with folks. Also there's a whole range of hormonal contraception and effects that come out of it.

  3. #3003
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    I have a fun, short, anecdote: There is a guy (!!!!! @ this being rare) I like/would love to ask out but the circumstances around it are waaaaay too creepy for me to be comfortable doing so. Here they are:

    I came across his profile a loooong time ago on okc. We're like a 99% match. I "Liked" him and didn't get any response there and didn't message because I'm lazy, but whatever, shit's chill. Cut to some time later, I'm attending this poly networking thing in NYC with a fwb and we meet this (straight) girl who looks SUPER FAMILIAR. At some point she shows me pictures of her husband, and woah, cue me realizing I recognized her from him linking to her profile on his okc account. (I remembered him because super high match % plus him being a guy) -- I mention this to her outright and ha ha it's funny whee

    Her and fwb date for like a year or so, she invites me recently to a party she's hosting (this has happened before but I've never made it out), at some point she breaks things off with my fwb due to various personal stuff, I attend party, actually meet husband, husband is adorable. We become friends on Facebook, etc. He likes posts I make. I can't lazily flirt with him via Facebook because dude NEVER POSTS. And *I* am not comfortable being like "hey want to go out sometime, person whose wife I recognized from the internet" -- that's where I'm at, I don't know if the girl ever recounted that to him, nah. Also my fwb wouldn't give a shit but I have some sensitivity to "hey guess what asked out the husband of your ex-partner". Anyway, l0lforever.

  4. #3004
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    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    I have a fun, short, anecdote: There is a guy (!!!!! @ this being rare) I like/would love to ask out but the circumstances around it are waaaaay too creepy for me to be comfortable doing so. Here they are:

    I came across his profile a loooong time ago on okc. We're like a 99% match. I "Liked" him and didn't get any response there and didn't message because I'm lazy, but whatever, shit's chill. Cut to some time later, I'm attending this poly networking thing in NYC with a fwb and we meet this (straight) girl who looks SUPER FAMILIAR. At some point she shows me pictures of her husband, and woah, cue me realizing I recognized her from him linking to her profile on his okc account. (I remembered him because super high match % plus him being a guy) -- I mention this to her outright and ha ha it's funny whee

    Her and fwb date for like a year or so, she invites me recently to a party she's hosting (this has happened before but I've never made it out), at some point she breaks things off with my fwb due to various personal stuff, I attend party, actually meet husband, husband is adorable. We become friends on Facebook, etc. He likes posts I make. I can't lazily flirt with him via Facebook because dude NEVER POSTS. And *I* am not comfortable being like "hey want to go out sometime, person whose wife I recognized from the internet" -- that's where I'm at, I don't know if the girl ever recounted that to him, nah. Also my fwb wouldn't give a shit but I have some sensitivity to "hey guess what asked out the husband of your ex-partner". Anyway, l0lforever.
    Time and distance sounds man, time and distance make all that less relevant. 99% is impressive.

  5. #3005
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    I figure one day it won't matter.

    I actually have a really good streak with 99%s. Ex is 99%, another girl I briiiefly went out with and her husband were both around 99% I think -- this dude, like, okc seems to think he's like the highest match for me. NYC is a weirdly small place.

  6. #3006
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    I've pretty much given up with online dating...and dating in general.

    I found regardless of match rate or interests i was lucky to even get a view, let alone a reply (and i wasn't being "that guy" who just sends "hi how are you" or being a general penis, i actively looked for people with the same interest, music tastes or just stuff in common and tried to start a conversation, but in recent years most of my messages weren't even read...i haven't changed physically from when i used get replies/dates, i just got the feeling attitudes online have changed quite a bit and fewer people are even willing to consider anyone that doesn't match their perfect picture of their partner should look like)

    It's probably better off this way anyway, i always ended up with the wrong kind of people. My new relationship goal is to get a cat...

  7. #3007
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haysey View Post
    I've pretty much given up with online dating...and dating in general.

    I found regardless of match rate or interests i was lucky to even get a view, let alone a reply (and i wasn't being "that guy" who just sends "hi how are you" or being a general penis, i actively looked for people with the same interest, music tastes or just stuff in common and tried to start a conversation, but in recent years most of my messages weren't even read...i haven't changed physically from when i used get replies/dates, i just got the feeling attitudes online have changed quite a bit and fewer people are even willing to consider anyone that doesn't match their perfect picture of their partner should look like)

    It's probably better off this way anyway, i always ended up with the wrong kind of people. My new relationship goal is to get a cat...
    get two cats! they do better in pairs so that when you're not home they don't get as lonely. people always think cats don't need them but cats are just as loving and caring as dogs...they just don't always show it in the same way

  8. #3008
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    Well, it's about to happen my friends... My girlfriend and I are about to close our Long Distance gap in 2 days. Well, 2 days unofficially. We each have 1 day left "alone". Tomorrow will be each of our last days apart. I will be flying out to Montreal on Tuesday to help her finalize everything for her move here, and going to the Montobello Rockfest as well (Which was my birthday gift to her), then we will be flying back here on the 28th. Movers will be getting her stuff this Wednesday and we will see them here on the 29th.

    Started this relationship with her last July, so we survived a whole year in a Long Distance relationship. I swore I would never do a LDR in my life, but when I met her last summer when I went to Montreal, I couldn't help but change my mind. Not going to say it's been easy, because it's been hands down the HARDEST thing I have ever went through in my life. The relationship was fine, neither of us ever doubted the other and there was nothing but trust and respect the whole way through. What was hard was the endless stretches in between visits that wet on for months at a time. We saw each other 4 times (5 if you count my original visit when we met) on different occasions through the year (once per season. Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring) and here we are again, full single, going back to Montreal where it all began on Tuesday for my final flight before bringing her back here.

    I am both excited and nervous as hell. Both of us really want this to work. We openly share our thoughts about what a successfully relationship means. We are aware of the challenges that closing the gap is about to create. Living in close quarters with one another and having to change/adapt our communication style. No more texting endlessly, we now have to have face to face discussions about thoughts and feelings and disagreements that may arise from living together. It's going to be different. I've been living alone for the last 7 months for the first time in 10 years recently. Before this I always lived with roommates and ex's, being alone these last 7 months has been a challenge on it's own. it's nice to be able to do what you want, when you want, but it's also very lonely at times. I don't know what's going to happen.... but life is all about taking risks. I think all the pieces fell together quite nicely on how we met. One door closed and another opened and I was crazy if I didn't take the opportunity to walk through the door when I did. Now, here I am almost 1 year later about to move in with this person....

    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    get two cats! they do better in pairs so that when you're not home they don't get as lonely. people always think cats don't need them but cats are just as loving and caring as dogs...they just don't always show it in the same way
    Now, here's the predicament... I have a cat and so does she... so this is about to get a whole lot more interesting. Poor cats, neither of them have any idea how much each of their lives are about to change. I don't know how my cat is going to take it. I always wanted to get him a friend, but that was when he was young and full of energy. You could tell he needed a cat friend. He's older, well 2.5 years old now, not sure old. But he's very jealous and territorial. When i used to play cat videos on youtube, he would come over and be curious and running around the house trying to find the other cat, now he couldn't give 2 shits. He's still a troublemaker, and likes to bite and attack still. He's super loving and affectionate to me, but he doesn't like strangers or company very well. He even hissed at my girlfriend when she was here. He really didn't like her. He warmed up to her during her 2 week stay this last April, but I fear it's back to square one again once she comes... and this time with another cat. Not sure how he'll reach, but hopefully he doesn't kick the new cat's ass too much. I know he is going to be the dominant one, her cat is a bit of a pushover. Super softy. Wouldn't hurt a fly kind of cat. Super gentle. Mine is the opposite. Full of energy and a bit of a dick, lol. I'm sure once he let's the other one know who's boss they'll be fine... but it's the initial reaction/shock that's going to be interesting to see how they handle it.

  9. #3009
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    Quote Originally Posted by ManBurning View Post
    Now, here's the predicament... I have a cat and so does she... so this is about to get a whole lot more interesting. Poor cats, neither of them have any idea how much each of their lives are about to change. I don't know how my cat is going to take it. I always wanted to get him a friend, but that was when he was young and full of energy. You could tell he needed a cat friend. He's older, well 2.5 years old now, not sure old. But he's very jealous and territorial. When i used to play cat videos on youtube, he would come over and be curious and running around the house trying to find the other cat, now he couldn't give 2 shits. He's still a troublemaker, and likes to bite and attack still. He's super loving and affectionate to me, but he doesn't like strangers or company very well. He even hissed at my girlfriend when she was here. He really didn't like her. He warmed up to her during her 2 week stay this last April, but I fear it's back to square one again once she comes... and this time with another cat. Not sure how he'll reach, but hopefully he doesn't kick the new cat's ass too much. I know he is going to be the dominant one, her cat is a bit of a pushover. Super softy. Wouldn't hurt a fly kind of cat. Super gentle. Mine is the opposite. Full of energy and a bit of a dick, lol. I'm sure once he let's the other one know who's boss they'll be fine... but it's the initial reaction/shock that's going to be interesting to see how they handle it.
    Keep them separated. I usually do at least a week. Make sure you put something belonging to the new cat in your cat's space (like a towel from its carrier.) Let them smell each other under the door and get used to the idea of each other. Switch them occasionally so they can check out the others' scent more fully. When you finally get them together, do it over food. Keep a water bottle handy to spray them if they get into a big tussle.


    And congrats!

  10. #3010
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    It's been so long since I've been in a relationship and I have no children. That's why I've actually forgotten how to love people. I finally realized that when I was talking to my friends in England.

  11. #3011
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    I currently feel really stupid about something stupid and everything is stupid and I'm not sure what that means for me and my feelings past that yet, which is also stupid, and bleh.

    And I try not to use the word "stupid" that much but that's literally how I feel about this right now and also anxiety is stupid.

  12. #3012
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    A my first ex and I started talking fairly seriously again recently. We both kinda vented to each other how we were unhappy in our relationships at the time. We both wound up breaking up within the same week. Anyways, we're both single now. And there is still this chemistry between us. I would love to try a relationship again, kinda obvious since she was my first gf and she broke up with me. When she broke up with me, I was still a virgin to pretty much everything. She told me at the time that she felt I needed more life experience and to learn to love myself (I was incredibly pessimistic and self-destructive a few years ago). Anyways, would I be crazy to try things again with her? There's always been a part of me that's wanted to give it another go, then there's the part of me that thinks I should just keep her a friend.

  13. #3013
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    I reinstalled the Bumble app because I'm daring life to get more depressing at this point.

  14. #3014
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    I forgot how much I hate dating.

    My long-term relationship ended in September, even though it was really over months before we officially broke it off. I jumped into a rebound relationship way too quickly; I was vulnerable and lonely and unfortunately ignored too many red flags. I stayed with rebound until February, before I came to my senses and realized I had to end it. It was a rough relationship, but I was going through a rough patch in general and tried to use the relationship as a way to pretend that everything was alright. It wasn't fair to either of us to let it get any further.

    After ending it with rebound, I was finally able to break out of my rough patch. I got a new job, traveled out of the country for the first time, went on a mini-tour for my music project, got a new car...in general, got my shit together.

    With my life in a somewhat good place, I decided to try dating again. I had been in relationships for so long, I forgot how shitty dating can be. I've become a little jaded by the process.

  15. #3015
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    I asked the girl in my previous post if she wanted to move to CO with me. She said "Yes," and then began looking for job openings.

  16. #3016
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bachy View Post
    A my first ex and I started talking fairly seriously again recently. We both kinda vented to each other how we were unhappy in our relationships at the time. We both wound up breaking up within the same week. Anyways, we're both single now. And there is still this chemistry between us. I would love to try a relationship again, kinda obvious since she was my first gf and she broke up with me. When she broke up with me, I was still a virgin to pretty much everything. She told me at the time that she felt I needed more life experience and to learn to love myself (I was incredibly pessimistic and self-destructive a few years ago). Anyways, would I be crazy to try things again with her? There's always been a part of me that's wanted to give it another go, then there's the part of me that thinks I should just keep her a friend.
    I am able to kind of relate the ex's-reestablishing a friendship and then question the resume button on relationship.
    in my case 'he' was my best friend. then we married and then we had kids and then things fell apart (not because of the kids, it was my developing a tolerance to his neg stimuli). after a cpl of yrs of being separated but maintaining that the kids come first road we remained amicable then the friendship returned.

    the qualities i admired in 'him' before we were ever married are the same qualities i still admire in him today. then there are the things that i cannot tolerate for long durations of time when we hang out together with the kids (which is quite often).. those are the things that I'm grateful that i don't have to live with day to day inside my space.
    i love the man. 'he' is my best friend. he is the father of our shared children (and a remarkable father at that). he will in a way remain a constant fixture in my life for the rest of my life.
    going back to him and i being in relationship other than friendship and co-parenting; things are as perfect as they have ever been right where we are right now.
    i'd prob suggest be wary of your intentions and remember the specifics in the 'why' she broke up with you then and how things would be 'different' in a now relationship
    not sure if that helped any? good luck to you...
    *in retrospect i should've known better; he wasn't a big fan of NIN. pfffft!
    Last edited by Eichalvindore; 07-25-2017 at 06:57 PM.

  17. #3017
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    I fell in love with someone who lives across the pond. Then I did everything I could to fall out of love as quick as I could. Never going there again.

  18. #3018
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boots View Post
    I fell in love with someone who lives across the pond. Then I did everything I could to fall out of love as quick as I could. Never going there again.
    *offers Boots a hug

  19. #3019
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    So anyone I see right now is going to have to be some level of "open" - life is a shitshow. But I am trying to learn how to become friends with the partner(s) of my partner(s). I *feel* like I am open to it. But then when we are all actually together, I also feel like there is a weird tension in the air.

    HOW DO I DO THIS

  20. #3020
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    So anyone I see right now is going to have to be some level of "open" - life is a shitshow. But I am trying to learn how to become friends with the partner(s) of my partner(s). I *feel* like I am open to it. But then when we are all actually together, I also feel like there is a weird tension in the air.

    HOW DO I DO THIS
    It isn't up to you, it's up to them?

    Sometimes the tension isn't something you can fix and has nothing to do with you?

  21. #3021
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    I think some of it is that we would likely never be friend outside of these circumstances. And it ain't like we have to be FRIENDS FRIENDS. But as our social circles intersect more and more, it would be nice if we could be chill and talk a bit. Perhaps my expectations are too high.

  22. #3022
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    That seems like some real normal, healthy expectations. Them avoiding that is silly and weird.

    Being friends/friendly with metamours is one of my faaaaaavorite parts of non-monogamy.

  23. #3023
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    It isn't up to you, it's up to them?

    Sometimes the tension isn't something you can fix and has nothing to do with you?
    @allegro
    true dat.

  24. #3024
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    I did a bad thing.

    I went and looked at a profile of my last ex on social media. I'm filled with a small lament of sorrow and contempt for the dude she's with now since the breakup was abrupt and messy and he was around when it occurred. I know they've been together for awhile at this point (10/11 months). Not sure why I posted this, anonymous outlet I guess.

    Now I'm gonna get back to work and listen to metal music.

  25. #3025
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    Quote Originally Posted by Space Suicide View Post
    I did a bad thing.

    I went and looked at a profile of my last ex on social media. I'm filled with a small lament of sorrow and contempt for the dude she's with now since the breakup was abrupt and messy and he was around when it occurred. I know they've been together for awhile at this point (10/11 months). Not sure why I posted this, anonymous outlet I guess.

    Now I'm gonna get back to work and listen to metal music.
    it's always rough. unless things end amicably, it's always best to just stay away from and out of the business of past partners. unless a generous amount of time has passed, it's best to leave things in the past. sorry you're hurting. <3

  26. #3026
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    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    it's always rough. unless things end amicably, it's always best to just stay away from and out of the business of past partners. unless a generous amount of time has passed, it's best to leave things in the past. sorry you're hurting. <3
    I have been keeping distance and we still are friends. It wasn't a blown out horrible ending but it was abrupt with no real reasoning behind it. I have moved on and have done so much for myself. I bought a new (used) car that I WANTED (didn't need). I got a better job that pays nicer, which I have grown into and still am present at. I have pursued my hobbies, dug into more music, collected things that make me happy and have gone through with new dates and avenues for connections. I don't have a girl but I'm shelving the idea after my month period with that teacher I was seeing I posted about way back in December. it didn't go anywhere and I really enjoyed her company.

    As for the ex and her current dude, I just seen they got a new apartment/rental house and I'm like "ugly cry" exclaiming "that's supposed to be me!" So that explained my little post this morning. Plus I just don't care for the dude she's with. I spoke with him a few times, I don't find him anything special but I guess it's not me dating him so whatever haha.

    :P Haha. Joke's aside, I'm over this late 20's single guy phase. I''m bored with my life currently. I need places to go and a person to join me. I'm content with my life overall but find loneliness in human connections and my routine boring.
    Last edited by Space Suicide; 08-01-2017 at 07:31 PM.

  27. #3027
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eichalvindore View Post

    i'd prob suggest be wary of your intentions and remember the specifics in the 'why' she broke up with you then and how things would be 'different' in a now relationship
    not sure if that helped any? good luck to you...
    *in retrospect i should've known better; he wasn't a big fan of NIN. pfffft!
    Well, the initial break up was, as she explained it to me and how I understood it, was because I just wasn't ready at the time for a long term commitment. Which was true you could say. I was 26 at the time, but she was still the first girl I had really "dated," so while I was taking it day to day and looking at the present, she was looking to the future. I really had no direction at the time. So she told me at the time that she felt I needed to get more life experience and learn to love myself (at the time I wasn't the greatest fan of myself with absolutely zero self-confidence). Anyways, since then, I have been through a few different relationships and learned to go after what I truly want in life. Mainly, I want to take that next step. Since I've graduated and started work at my job, I've felt like I've kinda been just sitting in place. Not making any forward progress. So I've decided to move away from this to Colorado and start a new life to hopefully achieve some of the goals I set for myself career wise in college.

    Anyways, an update, I asked her to move away with me, and she said yes.

  28. #3028
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    @Bachy
    i wish you the best in your endeavors, happiness and healthiness in the makings of your new life together.
    i am happy for you both.

    your update made me smile. ty.

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