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  1. #1
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    The Relationship Thread

    Might as well add this back.

    I'm single, since I've decided all men are bastards. Now, continue.

  2. #2
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    I'm getting married in July.

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    Quote Originally Posted by october_midnight View Post
    I'm getting married in July.
    whoa, exciting! congrats!

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    Quote Originally Posted by october_midnight View Post
    I'm getting married in July.
    That came out of nowhere!!


    I've started dating again. The men are meh, but a girl's gotta eat.

  5. #5
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    Me and the lady broke up last month after 8 years together. Probably for the best as things have been kinda strained for a bit. On the up side it seems that I haven't completely lost my swagger.

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    Thank you! I actually proposed last Christmas but we gave ourselves a year and a half to plan/save $$$ and I highly recommend doing that for anybody. Holyyyyyy shit does the cost add up. Food for 100 people at $5800 alone? We're doing our best, with honeymoon included, to keep it under $30,000 and my goal is to be no more than $5,000 in debt once it's done.

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    Quote Originally Posted by october_midnight View Post
    Thank you! I actually proposed last Christmas but we gave ourselves a year and a half to plan/save $$$ and I highly recommend doing that for anybody. Holyyyyyy shit does the cost add up. Food for 100 people at $5800 alone? We're doing our best, with honeymoon included, to keep it under $30,000 and my goal is to be no more than $5,000 in debt once it's done.
    My wife and I just got married in October. We ended up with a little more then $5000 in debt after it was all done. One thing I wished I would have done was open up a credit card that gives rewards. I put a shit load on my CC and got nothing in return. Also, plan to spend 25% more on the honeymoon then you budget.

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    Quote Originally Posted by october_midnight View Post
    Thank you! I actually proposed last Christmas but we gave ourselves a year and a half to plan/save $$$ and I highly recommend doing that for anybody. Holyyyyyy shit does the cost add up. Food for 100 people at $5800 alone? We're doing our best, with honeymoon included, to keep it under $30,000 and my goal is to be no more than $5,000 in debt once it's done.

    Arrrgg! Best wedding I've ever been to only cost about 400$ it was a brunch and it lasted like, 2 hours. Best. Wedding. Ever.

    Then again I hate weddings and it doesn't really matter if it's a "different" wedding (like my sister had) I'm still going to hate it, I'm sorry. Me and my bf's heart are set on going to the judge. But if a ceremony is demanded on us I'm seriously going with the brunch thing.

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    ^^^LOL that's QOTD material right there...

  10. #10
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    I've been married for over four years. The Husband and I have been together for about 13 years now.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by leo3375 View Post
    I've been married for over four years. The Husband and I have been together for about 13 years now.
    15 years, here, and not married but shacking up.

    We're talking about getting married in March 2012 (our 16th anniverary). On SKIS.

    edit: Here's when we met. He was sitting next to me. We started shooting the shit about Led Zeppelin and having seen Page & Plant at the United Center. He said he thought, "I'm gonna marry that girl." The rest is history. His friend Harry, who was there, said "Yeah, you guys never shut up."
    Last edited by allegro; 12-06-2011 at 02:37 AM.

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    I actually blew allegro off to go on that first date, haha! Do you remember me calling you from the bar?
    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    15 years, here, and not married but shacking up.

    We're talking about getting married in March 2012 (our 16th anniverary). On SKIS.
    Whoa, that's wild! What made you change your tune on getting hitched?

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    Quote Originally Posted by botley View Post
    I actually blew allegro off to go on that first date, haha! Do you remember me calling you from the bar?
    What???? Seriously? Was I in Toronto with VeraLynn?

    Edit: Wait, I seem to remember a phone call at a bar in Montreal! (With VeraLynn)
    Last edited by allegro; 12-06-2011 at 03:05 AM.

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    The general rule is while I'm in school, I cook for us both and my boyfriend does the dishes, when I'm on break I cook and do the dishes. So, it's finals time, and he get a cute pout and asks if I'll do the dishes this time. I told him "if I get a chance to I'll help., but I'll probably be busy all day" Fast forward to later, this afternoon, where I'm doing homework and getting ideas written down getting ready to shoot for one of my finals. He asks "now tell me again why you can't do the dishes today?" I'm assuming he thought I was goofing around online rather than working on homework, so I told him I was doing homework and can't. Mind you, he's playing Metal Gear Solid 3 this whole conversation. He gets mad, doesn't say anything, but I know that look. A little while passes, I finish up on the computer and am ready to shoot. He breaks his silence to point out that the two characters on screen are gay, I giggle and go to give him a hug. He sits there and takes it, but doesn't really reciprocate. He then says "I'm still mad you won't take a 20 min break to do the dishes." I really wanted to say "I should take 20 minutes from doing my homework to do them so you don't have to take 20 minutes from playing a video game to do them? Seems fair..." because I didn't really want to start anything.
    Eventually, my camera battery dies, and my extra seems to have lost its charge since it's been forever since I've been able to shoot digital for an assignment. So I tell him "you got your wish, I have to take a break and let my batteries charge."

    Dishes are a problem a good part of the time. Between hours spent IN class, and twice as many hour spent outside class working on assignments, lately I'm only ever home to cook (him dinner before he goes to work, which often means coming home early just to have that done in time) and sleep. He feels like since he works full time and pays rent/electric, it shouldn't be his job to clean up the dishes I dirty. He won't cook because he never learned how (and is stubborn as hell when I try to teach him). He tried making himself grilled cheese while I was in class one day. Let's just say it was a disaster.
    I don't mind cooking for him, I always loved experimenting with food when I was younger (I've taken nearly a half hour to make THE PERFECT MEAL-SIZED SALAD but oh god it was so good). I just need to find a way to deal with the dishes issue.
    Anyone ever have a similar problem in a relationship? How did you handle things?

    Oh, relationship info: dating 3 years, living together for most of it, getting engaged when money isn't so tight, we're awesome.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by sick among the pure View Post
    Dishes.
    Bin them and start using cardboard plates.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DF118 View Post
    Bin them and start using cardboard plates.
    I can't cook with those

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    Quote Originally Posted by sick among the pure View Post
    Dishes-related woes
    This is exactly why I'm happy about not being with someone. At the same time, I spent this time last week drunk on wine and bawling my eyes out at the end of the new Katy Perry video. C'est la vie.

  18. #18
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    TL;DR version: my first big (four-and-a-half-year) relationship ended in July. We were long-distance off and on for two years before that, because of career commitments. Now she lives in England and we're still friends, but since the breakup I haven't seen her in person, nor been involved with anyone else.

    We met as penniless idealistic university students, fucked like rabbits, and moved in together during our final year at school. After graduating, we both had a tough time finding our feet and setting out in the working world. During this time I spent a few weeks on my own backpacking in Europe for a sightseeing and music festival-going vacation. I had a great time, remained faithful, and missed her very much. I could tell that she wanted to go with me and was upset that she couldn't, and I would have brought her along if that were in any way financially feasible. But my job at the time sucked ass, and I really needed to clear my head and get myself together so I could move into the field I wanted to be in (theatre). It paid off, because soon after I came home to Toronto I landed a sweet internship that kept me out of the city for almost three months. Of course it was difficult for us to keep tabs on each other emotionally without being there in person, but I made an effort to commute back and forth as much as I could, given the infrequent public transportation available. There were lots of lonely nights and days, but again, I remained faithful and missed her terribly. We tried to make long phone calls a priority, but I was not great at opening up over the phone even at the best of times. When she finally came out there to visit me (rather than me commuting back home) towards the end of the internship, there was a definite distance between us that suddenly manifested itself as her getting upset again and scolding me. She said — in no uncertain terms — that if I in any way squandered this career opportunity, she would not forgive me for putting her through that much needless separation. Somehow, we got through that difficult patch, but when my big chance at a full-time gig came up the next year, with a regional summer stock theatre, I took off again.

    We borrowed my uncle's car so I could bring my stuff out to the remote town where I'd be spending the next three months, which was even less accessible by reliable public transportation. We kissed goodbye and she drove back home. Towards the end of that summer, though I did keep visiting, our face-to-face time had become even rarer and it was clear that she was not making a return trip to visit me, which I thought I'd made clear was important if not absolutely essential to me. Instead, she called me up one night and told me of her plan to follow through on a longstanding dream to try finding a job in England. She has a dual citizenship, you see, and family there that she'd stay with. Maybe I could join her there after a few months. I was skeptical about this plan, given that it involved yet more time apart. In fact, I said outright that I couldn't envision how it'd be possible to make a relationship work with that much distance between us. She was upset again and said it wasn't fair that I got to have such an adventurous time on my own doing exciting things, that she needed this, that this is what she thought about all the time. Not for the first moment, I was considering breaking up with her right then and said so... but my options were limited. She said she wouldn't go if it meant I'd do that — and, well, I didn't want to deny her that which would make her happiest. I still loved her, after all, and despite how it might have appeared to anyone else I honestly thought I'd made every effort to keep the relationship going. I schlepped my stuff back home to Toronto on the twice-weekly bus, alone. I was in such a hurry to make it back to her that I left my only sex toy (a masturbation sleeve she'd bought me so I could keep my dick happy and still remain faithful) in the bedside drawer, where it remained until reappearing a year later to my absolute mortification.

    When I got back, I wasn't exactly happy about the situation. With every step closer to her moving away, I was dreading the thought that we'd be separated for endless weeks and months. How would I make this work? There had to be a way. I figured I could save up enough money to move with her to England if I made the effort; if I moved back in with my parents to save money on rent, if I worked more, if I spent less, if I made sacrifices, if I applied for jobs from outside the country. We borrowed her mom's car, packed it with her stuff, kissed goodbye at the airport and I was genuinely excited to see her embarking on a new life. Eventually, I had enough scrimped together to make a short visit to see how she was doing (and — holy shit yeah — get laid again because I was still staying faithful this whole time... not that any of the masculine allure which comes with sleeping on a couch in my parents' spare room was exactly doing wonders for me). I was starting to have crushes on other girls and wondering what it would be like to cheat with them, though I kept Skyping and Whatsapp'ing with my beloved and reassuring her whenever she had problems with adjusting to life in England. We talked about how great it'd be if we both could get to work and live together again like it was in the old days. Secretly, though, I was starting to have grave doubts about this whole monogamy racket. My visit to England came and went, uneventfully, early this year. There were lots of nice moments, but somewhat less intimacy than I wanted (although I lied to her about that and said it was enough for me). I overspent my budget, even though I did significantly less sightseeing than on my previous solo Europe visit, aside from a few memorable day-trips (although I did get a chance to meet up with some online friends, whom I had missed the last time around).

    I returned home, went on tour with a kick-ass musical theatre show, and started really adjusting to my life apart from her. My feelings of independence truly began to return when I sublet my friend's place for a few months, thus getting my ass off of my parents' couch. It felt like I was slowly climbing out of limbo. I eagerly took an offer to return to the same regional theatre festival where I'd worked the last year. It was actually even more fun staying there all summer without having to commute back to Toronto. She was getting some amazing job opportunities too, and is still having a blast in England. The conversations we had this summer were less and less about how we were feeling, and more about the exciting things we were doing that day. We were staying friendly but becoming less intimate. It was clear to me that that part of our relationship was all but over. I agonized about the right moment to make the break. Finally, I phoned her up in the greenroom on a day when I didn't have much work to do. I said I would always love her but that I couldn't be her boyfriend anymore. We were both incredibly sad, of course, but also relieved. There's a definite loss, which I carry with me, and yet I feel freer than I have in ages. Not being in a hurry to go through that whole roller-coaster again, I've not been able to let myself get close to another woman. And so, consequently, because I was faithful to her the whole time and still find myself adjusting to being single again, I haven't got my dick wet since the England trip. Is it that I'm slightly afraid of intimacy now? Yeah, probably.

    Why do I spill all this to you now? Well, I suppose it's a cautionary tale. We both had lots of growing up to do, both together and apart, when we first hooked up. We weren't sure what we wanted out of life before we made a major commitment to share it with each other, and I think that was a mistake. If I had to do it again I wouldn't have let myself get so involved with someone without both of us being sure we had the same goals in mind. I knew for a long time that she loved England and wanted to move there someday, way before it became a firm plan, and until we broke up I couldn't face the fact that I was never really prepared to make the necessary amount of sacrifices in what I wanted in order to satisfy what she wanted. In that kind of scenario, if you've already spent enough time with that person to the point where they are indelibly part of your life for good, you will be grieving when it ends. Even if it ends relatively happily with no hard feelings and an amicable parting-of-ways. It still leaves a deep scar. I'm not comparing this to a broken marriage or anything like that, but I can now understand some of the heartbreak that must come with those situations.

    Okay, I need some sleep now.
    Last edited by botley; 12-04-2011 at 04:40 AM.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by sick among the pure View Post
    DISHES
    Have you actually sat down and talked about the issue instead of making snarky remarks such as "I should take 20 minutes from doing my homework to do them so you don't have to take 20 minutes from playing a video game to do them? Seems fair..."?
    I really enjoy cooking as well, and so I don't mind doing most of it. But you need to have the other side supportive of that. They don't want to do the dishes when it's fair? Then they don't deserve a fresh meal. Explain to him that even if the amount of house work is unfair at the moment due to your extra studying needs, you want his support, and you know that at some point he'll be in the same position with extra responsibilities. I know the situation, we currently live sans-dishwasher, dishes are The Ultimate Chore Of Doom if you're a from-scratch person.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by sick among the pure View Post
    Dish shit
    Seriously, dude—you need to nip this in the bud. I've had a lot of friends with boyfriends who seem to think that gaming takes precedence (and I know one couple in particular where I could easily envisage this exact same scenario going down) and as a gamer and someone who's lazy but still manages to get my fair share of the chores done, I have to say it's not cool. I don't know how that conversation should pan out, but maybe next time something like this happens (when you're legitimately busy and he's slacking off playing a game that doesn't take all that much effort to pause) you should calmly inform him that you're busy doing coursework and you're on a bit of a roll. Maybe it was an innocent case of him not actually realising you were busy in which case you'll avoid that problem by letting him know you ARE busy. If not, and if he was being selfish, well... You'll be pointing that fact out to him, too.

    As for my relationship woes... I've had two perfectly good friendships spoiled because the guy thought it'd be a good idea to take things to the next level. There are a number of reasons that's not going to happen (#1 being that I'm not interested) and yet it seems like it just keeps on happening. Is it possible for two people to just be friends any more these days? It's not like I'm putting out DATE ME signals or anything; does the fact that I seem willing to hang out doing the exact sort of things friends do make it seem like I'm looking for something more? Maybe I should just stick to socialising in a group...

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hula View Post
    As for my relationship woes... I've had two perfectly good friendships spoiled because the guy thought it'd be a good idea to take things to the next level. There are a number of reasons that's not going to happen (#1 being that I'm not interested) and yet it seems like it just keeps on happening. Is it possible for two people to just be friends any more these days? It's not like I'm putting out DATE ME signals or anything; does the fact that I seem willing to hang out doing the exact sort of things friends do make it seem like I'm looking for something more? Maybe I should just stick to socialising in a group...
    If it were me, and I were single and a bit attracted, I'd probably mistake hanging out alone as a sign that you were interested in more. It can be a bit ebarrassing to realize it wasn't an invitation to more. It probably would be a safer bet to hang out with a couple people at the same time, if you don't want to go to a romantic relationship. In my opinion.

  22. #22
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    I simply don't get boys. I can't even call a majority of the ones I know "men."

    It seemed this guy I met was really excited to spend time with me. I liked him immediately, which doesn't really happen to me, much. Then something genuinely bad happened in his life. He didn't completely flake out on me, so I still had hope, but over the course of this week, it's like we never really met. And he bailed out of a date tonight with a vague suggestion he'd call sometime later in the week.

    I'm crushed, since I haven't let myself like anyone since 2008. I feel really stupid for even bothering to try to date. Dating is stupid.

    I'm crying over a fucking boy. This whole thing is stupid.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hula View Post
    As for my relationship woes... I've had two perfectly good friendships spoiled because the guy thought it'd be a good idea to take things to the next level. There are a number of reasons that's not going to happen (#1 being that I'm not interested) and yet it seems like it just keeps on happening. Is it possible for two people to just be friends any more these days? It's not like I'm putting out DATE ME signals or anything; does the fact that I seem willing to hang out doing the exact sort of things friends do make it seem like I'm looking for something more? Maybe I should just stick to socialising in a group...

    In short... NO.


  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tea View Post
    ...In university (in England) I had equal male/female friends. The guys knew I had a boyfriend, several of them had girlfriends, and none were the type to try an affair...
    The video doesn't ask if the guys are in a relationship or not, they only ask if there was a chance would the guy hook up with the girl. "If there was a chance" could easily mean "If you two were both single".

    But that being said, even if I was single, there are a few female friends that I have that I wouldn't want to jump in bed with.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Warped_Savant View Post
    The video doesn't ask if the guys are in a relationship or not, they only ask if there was a chance would the guy hook up with the girl. "If there was a chance" could easily mean "If you two were both single".

    But that being said, even if I was single, there are a few female friends that I have that I wouldn't want to jump in bed with.
    I'm not saying the video was at all referencing to affairs; I was simply stating that I am fairly certain the men I was friends with were not there for the chance of hooking up, whatever their situation was.

    And I was trying to tease ickle. My goodness. Next time I'll add a winking face.

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by AgentofChaos View Post
    In short... NO.

    I think they should rename it "Why attractive men and attractive women can't be friends."

  27. #27
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    I'm done with this dating stuff. If a miracle happens, and someone actually likes me for more than three days, 1 1/2 dates, then fine, if not, oh well. I'm just done with the rejection stress. I need time away from anyone, male, female or other. The last few months have just been misery. I do everything asked of me, and ask for just a little in return, but end up getting nothing in return. What a waste of time. I have better things to do than wonder if things will work out with someone else, or not. Especially the guys I've been meeting for several months. They're all so weird, right now. And not in a good way.

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    ^^^^Get in front of that now or else next thing you know ten years has gone by and you've let it go because it's the right thing to do and you're a tolerant person. Then you say "what the fuck, I am not your mom."

    Yeah, I'm currently separated from my husband. In my mind, there's no going back. I got my own place and he wants to mediate a divorce. Translation - he wants the house and most of my income.

  29. #29
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    Going to NOLA with my boyfriend for Mardi Gras. I've wanted to go there all my life and never have gotten to even though my god mother lives down there so I am really excited. We leave the day after Valentine's day, haha. This is going to be crazy.

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    After the crap with the semi-stalker, a friend of a good friend started texting me. After many weeks we finally decided to go out. I'd never been physically attracted to him, but we'd always had so much fun talking together whenever we saw each other.

    I am SO glad I gave it a shot. I'm astounded at how easy everything is with him. We make sure we talk and are honest. He makes me so happy. So safe. And the chemistry I never thought we had was just hiding. I cannot keep my hands off him.

    Who knows where it'll lead, but we're just taking it as it comes.

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