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Thread: The Relationship Thread

  1. #1
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    The Relationship Thread

    Might as well add this back.

    I'm single, since I've decided all men are bastards. Now, continue.

  2. #2
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    I'm getting married in July.

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    Quote Originally Posted by october_midnight View Post
    I'm getting married in July.
    whoa, exciting! congrats!

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    Me and the lady broke up last month after 8 years together. Probably for the best as things have been kinda strained for a bit. On the up side it seems that I haven't completely lost my swagger.

  5. #5
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    Thank you! I actually proposed last Christmas but we gave ourselves a year and a half to plan/save $$$ and I highly recommend doing that for anybody. Holyyyyyy shit does the cost add up. Food for 100 people at $5800 alone? We're doing our best, with honeymoon included, to keep it under $30,000 and my goal is to be no more than $5,000 in debt once it's done.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by october_midnight View Post
    I'm getting married in July.
    That came out of nowhere!!


    I've started dating again. The men are meh, but a girl's gotta eat.

  7. #7
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    ^^^LOL that's QOTD material right there...

  8. #8
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    I've been married for over four years. The Husband and I have been together for about 13 years now.

  9. #9
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    The general rule is while I'm in school, I cook for us both and my boyfriend does the dishes, when I'm on break I cook and do the dishes. So, it's finals time, and he get a cute pout and asks if I'll do the dishes this time. I told him "if I get a chance to I'll help., but I'll probably be busy all day" Fast forward to later, this afternoon, where I'm doing homework and getting ideas written down getting ready to shoot for one of my finals. He asks "now tell me again why you can't do the dishes today?" I'm assuming he thought I was goofing around online rather than working on homework, so I told him I was doing homework and can't. Mind you, he's playing Metal Gear Solid 3 this whole conversation. He gets mad, doesn't say anything, but I know that look. A little while passes, I finish up on the computer and am ready to shoot. He breaks his silence to point out that the two characters on screen are gay, I giggle and go to give him a hug. He sits there and takes it, but doesn't really reciprocate. He then says "I'm still mad you won't take a 20 min break to do the dishes." I really wanted to say "I should take 20 minutes from doing my homework to do them so you don't have to take 20 minutes from playing a video game to do them? Seems fair..." because I didn't really want to start anything.
    Eventually, my camera battery dies, and my extra seems to have lost its charge since it's been forever since I've been able to shoot digital for an assignment. So I tell him "you got your wish, I have to take a break and let my batteries charge."

    Dishes are a problem a good part of the time. Between hours spent IN class, and twice as many hour spent outside class working on assignments, lately I'm only ever home to cook (him dinner before he goes to work, which often means coming home early just to have that done in time) and sleep. He feels like since he works full time and pays rent/electric, it shouldn't be his job to clean up the dishes I dirty. He won't cook because he never learned how (and is stubborn as hell when I try to teach him). He tried making himself grilled cheese while I was in class one day. Let's just say it was a disaster.
    I don't mind cooking for him, I always loved experimenting with food when I was younger (I've taken nearly a half hour to make THE PERFECT MEAL-SIZED SALAD but oh god it was so good). I just need to find a way to deal with the dishes issue.
    Anyone ever have a similar problem in a relationship? How did you handle things?

    Oh, relationship info: dating 3 years, living together for most of it, getting engaged when money isn't so tight, we're awesome.

  10. #10
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    ^^^^Get in front of that now or else next thing you know ten years has gone by and you've let it go because it's the right thing to do and you're a tolerant person. Then you say "what the fuck, I am not your mom."

    Yeah, I'm currently separated from my husband. In my mind, there's no going back. I got my own place and he wants to mediate a divorce. Translation - he wants the house and most of my income.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by sick among the pure View Post
    Dishes.
    Bin them and start using cardboard plates.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by DF118 View Post
    Bin them and start using cardboard plates.
    I can't cook with those

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    Going to NOLA with my boyfriend for Mardi Gras. I've wanted to go there all my life and never have gotten to even though my god mother lives down there so I am really excited. We leave the day after Valentine's day, haha. This is going to be crazy.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by sick among the pure View Post
    Dishes-related woes
    This is exactly why I'm happy about not being with someone. At the same time, I spent this time last week drunk on wine and bawling my eyes out at the end of the new Katy Perry video. C'est la vie.

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    After the crap with the semi-stalker, a friend of a good friend started texting me. After many weeks we finally decided to go out. I'd never been physically attracted to him, but we'd always had so much fun talking together whenever we saw each other.

    I am SO glad I gave it a shot. I'm astounded at how easy everything is with him. We make sure we talk and are honest. He makes me so happy. So safe. And the chemistry I never thought we had was just hiding. I cannot keep my hands off him.

    Who knows where it'll lead, but we're just taking it as it comes.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by october_midnight View Post
    Thank you! I actually proposed last Christmas but we gave ourselves a year and a half to plan/save $$$ and I highly recommend doing that for anybody. Holyyyyyy shit does the cost add up. Food for 100 people at $5800 alone? We're doing our best, with honeymoon included, to keep it under $30,000 and my goal is to be no more than $5,000 in debt once it's done.
    My wife and I just got married in October. We ended up with a little more then $5000 in debt after it was all done. One thing I wished I would have done was open up a credit card that gives rewards. I put a shit load on my CC and got nothing in return. Also, plan to spend 25% more on the honeymoon then you budget.

  17. #17
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    TL;DR version: my first big (four-and-a-half-year) relationship ended in July. We were long-distance off and on for two years before that, because of career commitments. Now she lives in England and we're still friends, but since the breakup I haven't seen her in person, nor been involved with anyone else.

    We met as penniless idealistic university students, fucked like rabbits, and moved in together during our final year at school. After graduating, we both had a tough time finding our feet and setting out in the working world. During this time I spent a few weeks on my own backpacking in Europe for a sightseeing and music festival-going vacation. I had a great time, remained faithful, and missed her very much. I could tell that she wanted to go with me and was upset that she couldn't, and I would have brought her along if that were in any way financially feasible. But my job at the time sucked ass, and I really needed to clear my head and get myself together so I could move into the field I wanted to be in (theatre). It paid off, because soon after I came home to Toronto I landed a sweet internship that kept me out of the city for almost three months. Of course it was difficult for us to keep tabs on each other emotionally without being there in person, but I made an effort to commute back and forth as much as I could, given the infrequent public transportation available. There were lots of lonely nights and days, but again, I remained faithful and missed her terribly. We tried to make long phone calls a priority, but I was not great at opening up over the phone even at the best of times. When she finally came out there to visit me (rather than me commuting back home) towards the end of the internship, there was a definite distance between us that suddenly manifested itself as her getting upset again and scolding me. She said in no uncertain terms that if I in any way squandered this career opportunity, she would not forgive me for putting her through that much needless separation. Somehow, we got through that difficult patch, but when my big chance at a full-time gig came up the next year, with a regional summer stock theatre, I took off again.

    We borrowed my uncle's car so I could bring my stuff out to the remote town where I'd be spending the next three months, which was even less accessible by reliable public transportation. We kissed goodbye and she drove back home. Towards the end of that summer, though I did keep visiting, our face-to-face time had become even rarer and it was clear that she was not making a return trip to visit me, which I thought I'd made clear was important if not absolutely essential to me. Instead, she called me up one night and told me of her plan to follow through on a longstanding dream to try finding a job in England. She has a dual citizenship, you see, and family there that she'd stay with. Maybe I could join her there after a few months. I was skeptical about this plan, given that it involved yet more time apart. In fact, I said outright that I couldn't envision how it'd be possible to make a relationship work with that much distance between us. She was upset again and said it wasn't fair that I got to have such an adventurous time on my own doing exciting things, that she needed this, that this is what she thought about all the time. Not for the first moment, I was considering breaking up with her right then and said so... but my options were limited. She said she wouldn't go if it meant I'd do that and, well, I didn't want to deny her that which would make her happiest. I still loved her, after all, and despite how it might have appeared to anyone else I honestly thought I'd made every effort to keep the relationship going. I schlepped my stuff back home to Toronto on the twice-weekly bus, alone. I was in such a hurry to make it back to her that I left my only sex toy (a masturbation sleeve she'd bought me so I could keep my dick happy and still remain faithful) in the bedside drawer, where it remained until reappearing a year later to my absolute mortification.

    When I got back, I wasn't exactly happy about the situation. With every step closer to her moving away, I was dreading the thought that we'd be separated for endless weeks and months. How would I make this work? There had to be a way. I figured I could save up enough money to move with her to England if I made the effort; if I moved back in with my parents to save money on rent, if I worked more, if I spent less, if I made sacrifices, if I applied for jobs from outside the country. We borrowed her mom's car, packed it with her stuff, kissed goodbye at the airport and I was genuinely excited to see her embarking on a new life. Eventually, I had enough scrimped together to make a short visit to see how she was doing (and holy shit yeah get laid again because I was still staying faithful this whole time... not that any of the masculine allure which comes with sleeping on a couch in my parents' spare room was exactly doing wonders for me). I was starting to have crushes on other girls and wondering what it would be like to cheat with them, though I kept Skyping and Whatsapp'ing with my beloved and reassuring her whenever she had problems with adjusting to life in England. We talked about how great it'd be if we both could get to work and live together again like it was in the old days. Secretly, though, I was starting to have grave doubts about this whole monogamy racket. My visit to England came and went, uneventfully, early this year. There were lots of nice moments, but somewhat less intimacy than I wanted (although I lied to her about that and said it was enough for me). I overspent my budget, even though I did significantly less sightseeing than on my previous solo Europe visit, aside from a few memorable day-trips (although I did get a chance to meet up with some online friends, whom I had missed the last time around).

    I returned home, went on tour with a kick-ass musical theatre show, and started really adjusting to my life apart from her. My feelings of independence truly began to return when I sublet my friend's place for a few months, thus getting my ass off of my parents' couch. It felt like I was slowly climbing out of limbo. I eagerly took an offer to return to the same regional theatre festival where I'd worked the last year. It was actually even more fun staying there all summer without having to commute back to Toronto. She was getting some amazing job opportunities too, and is still having a blast in England. The conversations we had this summer were less and less about how we were feeling, and more about the exciting things we were doing that day. We were staying friendly but becoming less intimate. It was clear to me that that part of our relationship was all but over. I agonized about the right moment to make the break. Finally, I phoned her up in the greenroom on a day when I didn't have much work to do. I said I would always love her but that I couldn't be her boyfriend anymore. We were both incredibly sad, of course, but also relieved. There's a definite loss, which I carry with me, and yet I feel freer than I have in ages. Not being in a hurry to go through that whole roller-coaster again, I've not been able to let myself get close to another woman. And so, consequently, because I was faithful to her the whole time and still find myself adjusting to being single again, I haven't got my dick wet since the England trip. Is it that I'm slightly afraid of intimacy now? Yeah, probably.

    Why do I spill all this to you now? Well, I suppose it's a cautionary tale. We both had lots of growing up to do, both together and apart, when we first hooked up. We weren't sure what we wanted out of life before we made a major commitment to share it with each other, and I think that was a mistake. If I had to do it again I wouldn't have let myself get so involved with someone without both of us being sure we had the same goals in mind. I knew for a long time that she loved England and wanted to move there someday, way before it became a firm plan, and until we broke up I couldn't face the fact that I was never really prepared to make the necessary amount of sacrifices in what I wanted in order to satisfy what she wanted. In that kind of scenario, if you've already spent enough time with that person to the point where they are indelibly part of your life for good, you will be grieving when it ends. Even if it ends relatively happily with no hard feelings and an amicable parting-of-ways. It still leaves a deep scar. I'm not comparing this to a broken marriage or anything like that, but I can now understand some of the heartbreak that must come with those situations.

    Okay, I need some sleep now.
    Last edited by botley; 12-04-2011 at 04:40 AM.

  18. #18
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    I'm drunk, so I only read half of that, but that is some depressing shit dude.

    I left a link to Immigrant Song on my old flame's Facebook. My life, my choices...

  19. #19
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    I've been with the same girl for 5 years. I'm 22 and no, I haven't missed anything.

  20. #20
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    A long, difficult road of divorce, counseling, trying to patch things up with the ex, and about a year since it has been more than clear that me and the ex are no longer capable of any relationship at all. I don't miss anything about it anymore.

    I have met someone for the first time since 2009 that really stirs something great in me. 2 dates in, and I'm feeling that chemically beautiful newness already. I could really do with a healthy relationship finally.

  21. #21
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    Girl I ended up sleeping (no sex) with last week ended up getting ahold of me last night and we wen't out for a drink and hung out at my place for a few hours chatting last night. Was nice to get a chance to talk to her when we both weren't hammered. Was kind of awkward being as we slept together the one night at my buddies place right after we just met. Wasn't sure how to go about things but she seems like a cool chick, didn't even mind hanging out in my sparsely furnished and very much unpacked apt. Not that I'm looking to get super involved atm but it was nice to chill.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by october_midnight View Post
    Thank you! I actually proposed last Christmas but we gave ourselves a year and a half to plan/save $$$ and I highly recommend doing that for anybody. Holyyyyyy shit does the cost add up. Food for 100 people at $5800 alone? We're doing our best, with honeymoon included, to keep it under $30,000 and my goal is to be no more than $5,000 in debt once it's done.

    Arrrgg! Best wedding I've ever been to only cost about 400$ it was a brunch and it lasted like, 2 hours. Best. Wedding. Ever.

    Then again I hate weddings and it doesn't really matter if it's a "different" wedding (like my sister had) I'm still going to hate it, I'm sorry. Me and my bf's heart are set on going to the judge. But if a ceremony is demanded on us I'm seriously going with the brunch thing.

  23. #23
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    Things are looking up for ol' Liz Lemon.

  24. #24
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    Botley! That is quite a story but i'm glad things ended up working out for the best, despite how painful it was. Do you keep contact still with her at all? Or was it a complete break?

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fixer808 View Post
    Things are looking up for ol' Liz Lemon.
    heh heh, I thought you were talking about me. I need to get that avatar back. But, yeah - UP and DOWN relative to this thread.

  26. #26
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    Liz is so my life model right now.

  27. #27
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    I'm going to sound like a spoiled cunt, but my boyfriend got me a Kindle Fire for Christmas, and to be honest - I don't think I can stand the layout and how limited it is. I'm either going to completely root it with a separate launcher or tell him it's not worth spending so much money on me. I feel sort of bad... but I'm super anal when it comes to technology and customizing things for personal use. Plus, if I'm not going to enjoy it, I don't want it to be money that he wasted. Does this sound reasonable to bring up to him or am I an utterly over-pampered prick?

  28. #28
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    I think it's perfectly reasonable. I got into a huge fight with an ex years ago over this exact thing. The way I see it, you've either got two choices- keep it and lie to him and pretend you like it when you really don't (in which case he wasted two hundred bucks) or just be honest with him and nicely tell him you appreciate the thought but it's really not your thing. I'd much rather someone be honest with me and let me know they don't dig what I got them than have them lie to my face and pretend they like it to spare my feelings. My take on it is, hey, if you don't like it, by all means get something else instead. If I'm buying a present for someone it's because I want them to enjoy it. If I goofed and got the wrong thing, I'd rather they go back and get something they like. That's the entire point of giving them a gift.

    Not sure if it'll work out, but that's my take on it.

  29. #29
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    Secretly I would kill for an iPad right now so I understand your pain. It's really the only thing out there that's really good to read with because of the no glaring and the page turning not blinking and ruining my eyes. And of course you have the option to yarrr books.

    I have my priorities straight though. And at least he's finally moving out of his parents house. And we are buying house stuff... and planing on a nice trip. *sigh*

    I want an iPad, dammit!

  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by halloween View Post
    Botley! That is quite a story but i'm glad things ended up working out for the best, despite how painful it was. Do you keep contact still with her at all? Or was it a complete break?
    We are still friends, and keep in touch via text; occasionally we'll video chat as as well. It feels much nicer having that level of contact with a friend you're happy to hear from, rather than with a significant other whom you feel obligated to keep tabs on. That can feel very restrictive and even breed resentment when it doesn't live up to the kind of contact you want to be having with them. I found that part of the long-distance relationship to be its most sucky and frustrating aspect, even more so than the lack of actual sex (which is clearly something I eventually adjusted to).

    She's coming back to visit over Christmas for the first time since departing Canada last year. I'm going to see if she'll want to hang out for an afternoon and maybe catch Dragon Tattoo in the big digital theatre downtown. Last movie went to see together as a date was The Social Network in Kings Cross, and our first date was after a NIN show in 2005!
    Last edited by botley; 12-06-2011 at 02:35 AM.

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