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Faceplams: Today is one of those days that I hate being single. (Sorry if this is posted in the wrong thread.)
Active Member
Today is one of those days that I hate being single. (Sorry if this is posted in the wrong thread.)
BACKROLLS?!
Having sex and still texting each other a week later is a good sign, yeah?
Active Member
Well this is a brand new one...
Met a girl. She's really into me, and I'm pretty sure I kind of dig her. We've had some really fun dates.
Except she's never dated anyone before, and for cultural reasons, she's not comfortable with doing...well...anything at all, really. Take the most conservative thing you can imagine, and then make it even more conservative. Now you're getting close.
Why, universe? Why can't you just find me someone who actually likes me and is ready to have a real relationship? I'm a loving, intelligent, fit, non-misogynistic and loyal man in the prime of his life...what's so seemingly horrible about that that drives everyone away?
/rant
Resident Asshole
Can't you have a "real" relationship without sex?
.com
Nope! (johnbron has spoken)Originally Posted by NotoriousTIMP
Resident Asshole
Shhh, Johnbron.......
- smiley face added so you know I'm not trying to be an "Internet asshole"
she/her/hers
in my opinion, a relationship is a balance of love, sex, & partnership. if they're not balanced, it's not a healthy relationship.
however, i do think that if both parties are comfortable being asexual and are simply invested in each other emotionally, then it can work. but that's not a very likely scenario. i know there are some asexual people out there, but two of them finding each other and having more in common than simply being asexual is a slim chance.
Active Member
Not "really".
Bite me
I think there are all kinds of people who have real deep and fulfilling relationships without sex. Handicapped people, old people, all kinds of people. "Intimacy" isn't defined strictly as "sex."
Throbbing Member
Preach. / Asexual people (which is mentioned above). But also people who are comfortable with polyamory might have an asexual relationship with one person and a sexual one with another or others. Sex lives don't have to fall neatly into these squares and categories. I myself don't connect sex to commitment at all, seeing as I reject fidelity as an entire concept pretty much. But yeah it can be difficult...trying to explain myself to people I'm interested in.
There are also many many many people for whom sex has never represented anything positive in their lives, and whom are liberated in abstaining, and just as many whom sex has never represented anything positive but still engage due to societal pressures and what not. Pretty complex subject matter.
Last edited by littlemonkey613; 02-25-2014 at 11:03 PM.
Banned
How's your throbbing member doing?
Active Member
@littlemonkey613 , I logged in just to like that. What you said. You nailed it.
Throbbing Member
my vagina and clit are doing pretty okay. llolol
Active Member
Boyfriend is frustrated that he can't get with other people, also feels a little guilty about it. It's funny, I'm actually content with monogamy (after being the one who wanted to open back up for so long) and don't really want poly right now (I'm busy as fuck and it's been nice to not worry about the headache of super safe sex and all the extra communication and shit.) but I'm open to it if he wants it. I just dunno about a lot of factors.
ladyborg
when me and hubs started this whole poly thing a couple of years ago, his aim was to date around and see people more casually since thats something he never really did before we got married (he was a serial monogamist) and my goal was to have additional relationships since i did the casual thing a fair amount but have only had one long term relationship. welp, i guess old habits die hard cause i'm casually seeing 3 people and the first person hubs went on a date with became his steady gf (she's awesome, i'm not complaining). either way its workin for us and we've never been happier!
Active Member
Yeah, I'd be more likely to date other people whereas he's more likely to do casual stuff.
It's funny given how long I wanted this to be an option again that, to see it as (possibly) available, I'm mostly apathetic about it.
For one, I don't think we're really strong enough or ready for it, but we can work on that.
I'm also a gigantic weirdo (when compared to the rest of the world) about having super safe sex, especially since we're fluid bonded, and that's been something that's dissuaded him from wanting poly in the past. (If a chick is hyper responsible and getting tested regularly, just use a condom when you fuck her, whatever, but otherwise due to you not wanting to discuss it or just knowing she isn't? Yeah, dental dams. He likes really oral, it's an obstacle for him.) And while I'm still figuring out the level of risk I'm comfortable with, he needs to be able to live with that if we do this.
He also gets bothered by the fact that at some point our relationship has a definitive end due to us having drastically different long-term goals (the main one being that I absolutely don't want children and he does -- but that's something that he doesn't even want til his 30's and we're in our mid twenties). He wonders about the point of staying in something so long (I would happily do this for years more.) when it's definitely going to end. I don't see the point of not doing something just because it ends, but I'm not him and his thought process. But, because of that he's afraid of falling in love and shit (even though we both love each other and tell each other that regularly I guess there's a difference).
There are also things I want out of our relationship he's never been great at, but he cares and he's a great guy, so yeah.
/rambling
ladyborg
yeah hubs was asking me yesterday when its appropriate for him to go fluid bonded with his gf and it kinda irked me cause they've only been together for 2 months and she's seeing other people as well. i know they're super safe and we all get tested regularly etc but just...no. i know its partly an emotional response (thats MY special privilege) but it's still too early for that anyway right? see, these are the sorts of things i don't know about because i've never had another LTR. when do you go fluid bonded??
Active Member
Man, I have no idea. 2 months does seem kinda soon. If logistically it's not a risk then I think it's just more about the emotional complications. Boyfriend and I have both discussed how it's going to be weird to have sex when we aren't (since it's just really likely that when we break up sex will still happen sometimes) and there is something really romantic about it to me.
This is also my first "relationship relationship."
ladyborg
i guess if i knew she was only sleeping with hubs and her other main partner then maybe it would be ok, but knowing she has other more casual partners it just seems like a lot of risk. i told him 6months seemed more reasonable but i don't want to be the controlling wife who stops all the fun. (which i know is not how he sees it all but its how i feel sometimes)
my initial impetus for wanting to open up was cause i really wanted to hook up with an ex. we only dated for a few weeks but man the sex. i still have dreams about it/him. unfortunately dude got into a serious relationship before i was able to make it happen. boo.
I was nobody. Nothing.
@playwithfire , every time i get on the relationship thread it seems like you're here.
what is "fluid bonding?"
Anyway, i came here for a little advice.
I'm a man, and my fiancee has taken to hitting me if she doesn't like something i say. she "slaps" me ( but REALLy fucking hard, i mean like to where it makes my ears ring,) and occasionally punches me like a man.
The other day, she slammed a giant mug into my face, rim side first, which blackened my eye a bit and put a lump on my jaw.
I love her SO much, and i've begged her not to do this.
We've been together pretty much 24/7 for about two years.
Is this relationship doomed?
Active Member
Holy shit, dude.
That's abuse, plain and simple, but I think you know that. I couldn't in any situation advise you to stay with someone that treats you that way.
But, you need to make it clear to her that what's she's doing is abuse and you guys should probably be seeing a counselor because that kind of behavior can't continue.
To respond to the other stuff: Last time I was on here asking for advice was December, but eh. This place is a nice safe space to talk about shit. Fluid bonding means that we don't use any barriers when we have sex. His risks are my risks and mine his.
Last edited by playwithfire; 02-28-2014 at 10:04 AM.
Active Member
Absolutely. When I have sex with someone I'm not only thinking about my own health but that of three other people. Condoms for all but the inner circle (lol)
ladyborg
thanks, i feel better about sticking to my gut feeling on it now. i know he doesn't want to put me at risk he's excited about the new shiny thing.
Active Member
/Nevermind, I'm not ready to write this.
Active Member
So, this week marks one year of me being single. It's really starting to aggravate me. I lost sleep last night in sheer frustration. I'm the only single girl in my department at work and it's starting to not be fun being single. It took me a very long time to realize it, but I'm an awesome person. I really want to share my awesomeness with someone. I'm gonna be 33 this year, and I fear that time is running out. It's kinda of hard to find someone who is equally awesome and weird just like me who is gonna accept me for who I am and my 6 year old fantastic daughter. Ugh.
*end of single mom rant*
Hairy Member
Been a while since I've been here. Hope some of you remember me.
I'll soon be going into my final year of university and I've been single for almost the entire thing. The thing I mentioned a few months back didn't work out. I knew it wouldn't but that doesn't make it particularly any better. Oh well, we'll persevere.
The Enhancer
Texting with the ex... OLD WOUUUUUUNDS
Hierba Gatera
Are opiates still part of the relationship?
The Enhancer
FORMER RELATIONSHIIIIiIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!!
I was nobody. Nothing.
HAhahahahhaha. Yes, i am opiated on occasion. her, not so much. does being on opiates make one predisposed to getting beat?
edit: @playwithfire , i guess december was about the last time i was here too.
So yeah, i know it's abuse. It's crazy because most people don't usually think of men being abused.
We are engaged and have been living together for two years but i'm thinking of FORMER RELATIONSHIIIIIIIPing her ass.
Last edited by elevenism; 03-09-2014 at 11:55 AM.
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