I can dig it, Sensei. Not interested much in "destinations"/destiny in general at this point, just waiting for the next fish to bite.
God is an American
I can dig it, Sensei. Not interested much in "destinations"/destiny in general at this point, just waiting for the next fish to bite.
BACKROLLS?!
I'm giving my spare Rammstein ticket to the guy I was massively into last year. Oops.
Stubby Member
I'm seeing someone at the moment.
Throbbing Member
Congrats!Originally Posted by Christo
I dated someone for a few weeks but then he suddenly decided that it won't work out. Fucking gays.
Stubby Member
I had been with the same guy for eight years, since my freshman year of high school. He was my best friend and we both helped each other through some really tough times. I am heartbroken to see it end but the relationship had been going downhill for a while and took a complete nosedive over the last year. The worst part is that I feel like it was all my fault that it did fail. I was overly stressed with finishing school and working two jobs, and being very sick at the same time. I had zero energy to put towards him but I still tried my best to try and turn things around, I wanted to make things work and if he had asked me to marry him I would have said yes, but instead he asked me to move out.
And then his colors changed, he became the most bitter asshole to me he could be. Not once in those past eight years had he ever been mean or fought with me. All of a sudden I owed him money for this and money for that, he wanted back things he had given me and guilt me into feeling like I owed him something for all the past things he had helped me with. The most caring person I had once loved almost overnight turned into a materialistic money driven perfectionist that made it absolutely clear that I was never going to be perfect enough for him.
Strangely I'm kind of glad that it did end that way though, it helped me to know that the person I loved wasn't there any more and it was ok to leave because he wasn't coming back. it was a clean break and things have been really turning up for me since then. Its been just over three months and I have started looking towards grad school, got a full time position so I could quit my miserable second job and now have health insurance so I can take my medicine and stop being deathly ill. And since I have no clue how to be single, I have started a new relationship with a really awesome guy who has so far made me feel amazing in every way.
I met up my ex last night and we ended up talking for hours, just like we used to. it seemed like I was talking to the old him and that nothing had changed between us. It made me realize that I still do love him a lot and I just wish that he would let me know if he feels the same. Now I just feel terrible all around, now that things are seemingly becoming better between me and the ex I am starting to not be so ok with the fact that its over. And I don't know if I rushed into things with this new guy just so I could feel loved again, I would hate to have him start having feelings for me in a way that now I'm not yet ready to share back. sorry for my run on post but I needed to vent my feelings to the online world for the off chance that someone will tell me that I'm not wrong in feeling this way.
God is an American
Your feelings aren't wrong. They can be based in faulty assumptions but they can't be right or wrong; they're just how you feel. But until you talk more to both guys about what's going on, there can't be any informed course of action. You seem to feel comfortable enough to talk about all this on an online forum where anyone can see it, so I'd recommend broaching the subject of your ex to this new guy. No need to jump right in with "I still might have feelings for him" as that could be misconstrued — but if you explain some of the background, how you spent those eight years with him etc., that might be a good thing to have out in the open. Then no matter what happens, he'll be informed, and if he's as amazing as you think and understanding about it all, then you can move forward from there.
Hairy Member
My ex broke up with me two months ago like an emotionless prick. We were together for almost two years. What he did was he ignored me for two weeks and then sent a long string texts at 2am and pretty much got rid of me everywhere online right after he sent them. After everything we've been through I still can't believe how he did that. I (and others) pretty much had to make him meet me in person and talk, but that lasted about five minutes before he "had to go". He's been under a lot of stress with college and work. He did this before though in January but did it in person, but came back 10 minutes later begging to forgive him. I have no idea if I should have then, because it wasn't the same after that since he would never want to talk about it or ignore it ever happened. Keep in mind we rarely fought and got along amazingly until I was the only one making effort. Right now he's acting like a completely different person and even our mutual friends agree. It's just so strange and not like him at all. He wants to be friends, but I don't see how that will happen since he's pretty much erased me from his life. I didn't handle it well at first, but I'm starting to move on and I'm a lot better now thanks to my friends.
Active Member
When I was a teenager I would constantly fall in love with my best friend. Then there'd always be a messy break-up and I'd lose two people. Somehow I've managed to quickly put all my male friends into the category of "big brother" so it doesn't happen anymore.
I have a first date with someone tonight. We have a few things in common but I'm not really attracted to him. Whatever, beats sitting around at home when there's no Eastenders to look forward to.
Stubby Member
Well, that sucks. Especially since I'm incredibly awkward in group situations! Thanks for your input, though. At least I know it's not as if I'm inadvertently throwing myself at these guys without realising it.
Stubby Member
looks like my 6 year relationship is coming to an end, totally fucked off about it but at the same time the only person i really feel bad for is our 5 year old daughter
Flaccid Member
Probably breaking up tonight. Been thinking about it for a while and I'm not going to get a better chance in some time. I'm super nervous and scared shitless.
We've been together for about a year, and it's basically my first serious relationship.
Last edited by westost; 12-08-2011 at 07:27 AM.
Flaccid Member
Thanks
Anyway, I did it. It was fucking awful, but not worse than I was expecting.
We met about a year ago at a meet-up for new members of the political party I'm active in, and while I didn't fall madly in love, I really liked her and we were both interested. So why not give it a go? It was less serious at first, because she was going away to Amsterdam for six months and none of us felt like trying a long distance-thing. But as the date for her departure came closer, the more we realized that we wanted to stay together. So we tried long distance after all, and it wasn't easy, but the relationship survived and I was really happy to see her back in my apartement six months later. However, a new side of her had started to appear during our skype-conversations and really started to take ahold of more and more of her personality when she came home: She would, without warning, break down and be really sad, wallow in self-loathing, then start yelling me out, for fucking hours, about stuff that I said or did that I had no idea she found offensive in the first place. That shit drained me of energy every time. I thought maybe that was just a phase, that she was just having a rough stretch with a job that she hated. But as the months drew on I slowly realized that the period before her emotional outbursts was the actual phase: this was just a part of her personality. I adressed the problem, we tried to work on it, but essentially nothing changed. There was no real balance to our relationship anymore, it was either great or horrible, and as I grew more detatched she would find more stuff that I probably acctually deserved to be yelled out about. I started to get confused about whether she was emotionally unbalanced or if I was just being an asshole who deservedly got yelled out by her every now and again. It just sort of went downhill from there, until I realized how tired this relationship was making me, how it affected my studies, my friendships, etc. I concluded, that for whatever reason, either me being a horrible boyfriend or her being a psycho, we probably weren't right for each other, and when our fights started to damage my feelings for her, I realized I had to break up.
Last edited by westost; 12-09-2011 at 11:20 AM.
Flaccid Member
I've banned myself for dating. I've come to the conclusion that I'm really bad at it. Especially since my last two exes said I'm a horrible person and I ruined their lives. I didn't think I was that bad, but I guess I am. But to be completely honest, I like being single. I tend to get caught up in a relationship and ignore those around me, or my significant other doesn't like one of my friends or something along those lines. Since I haven't been dating I've repaired friendships and made more meaningful relationships.
I do get lonely, but I have great friends and those feelings don't last very long.
reznorwaver
5 years, 1 girl...and I can´t imagine it any better.
She also accepts my NINaddiction.
Bite me
Westost, ugh wow, you made a really good decision. Good thing you had the courage to not let it go on for a lot LONGER.
Flaccid Member
Andreas, shit, that's crazy. I hope it gets better soon and that you can have the strength to let that person go, and take back your life.
Yeah, thanks. It took a lot of discussions with good friends, soul searching and hard thinking to be able to end it. I can't imagine how many people there must be who stay in destructive relationships for years, or decades, because it's just so hard to walk away from someone you care about, no matter how much they're hurting you. Ah well, it's gonna be good to be single for a while.
Last edited by westost; 12-09-2011 at 11:34 AM.
Flaccid Member
thanks a lot. i'm trying to figure out where to start. i guess first i should deal with the self-loathing thing but this scares the shit out of me 'cause it means plenty of soul-searching and i fear it'll drag me into very dark places that i'd rather forget exist
i have a friend who's strongly involved with the radical self-forgiveness program but i so don't buy stuff like that. i'm gonna have to find that person i was before on my own. i've gained one piece of wisdom out of this mess: i've learned to be more humble. but it was so much easier to be manicheic...
Flaccid Member
i was in a relationship with a married person. at the beginning i was lied to, and made believe there was no functioning marriage, but spouses in separation (which was quite easy since we lived in two different cities and i had no real means [nor did it come to my naive mind] to check it up) - it lasted for 6 mths. when i started noticing something's wrong and asking questions, i was thrown away like trash. and only then did i realise i had fallen completely in love. after 3 months the person came back, apologized, asked for patience and time needed to raise their children, before the marriage is ended. i still can't believe i agreed to that...
and then started 2 yrs of total chaos, jealousy, anger, humiliation (on my part, of course), breaking up and coming back together...
it's eaten my psyhical strength, my physical health, my self esteem, and needles to say, ended up in me being hated and thrown into the trash bin, again.
the family is all nice and dandy, the cheater most probably has found another object of interest.
and i despise myself and cannot look in the mirror anymore...
Throbbing Member
You can't do that to yourself. You were commited to this relationship, you were commited to this person, you were willing to put yourself on hold for them... these things show the best of you. It's nothing to be ashamed of, on the contrary. I can't imagine what it must feel like to know someone took so little care of you, but that doesn't reflect on you.
We don't choose who we end up in love with. I would like to say that I would never date someone who was already taken, but there's someone in my life that I'd gladly eat glass for, so helping her cheat on whatever significant other she'd have would be easy, even with all my moral standards in place. It's how we human beings tick: we know right from wrong, but passion usually gets the better of us, and love especially. And it makes us a little blind and a lot stupid, too. Again, this is nothing to be ashamed of.
Be angry, be upset, be sad... and then try to leave it behind you.
Throbbing Member
Wife is needing "space" right now. We have talked and I know it's not about me this time. She's in the guest bedroom downstairs. We talk, commute to work together, celebrate and go out together, share friends and socialize. But it's so very different to me. Despite the hurt, the anxiety and lack of sleep...I think I can hold on, give her that space and still work on enjoying my life as is. She's important to me but it doesn't mean I get to forget me.
Stubby Member
We're both trying this whole forcing ourselves to spend time apart from each other every now and then. Neither of us are particularly good at it. I'm naturally quite a paranoid person (one of the main reasons I gave up drinking for 10 months) so every time we're not together I start to freak out about things completely ridiculous. I know they are ridiculous and obviously I don't raise any issues with him, especially as when we are together everything is perfectly fine and great. I really hate having clinical paranoia at times.
Last edited by Christo; 12-09-2011 at 08:10 PM.
Stubby Member
It is honestly SO WEIRD hearing you talk about being a relationship like this; but I'm really happy for you!
Stubby Member
But whoooooooo is this? I hate all the new username anonymity.
Active Member
See everyone, I told you he was just as messed up as the rest of us.
It's good that you're not telling him if it's completely unfounded - and the spending time apart thing is presumably working up to your next middle-of-nowhere adventure?
I think it's the better alternative to letting him talk to her for ages, thinking possibly that she's interested in him, only for her to tell him half an hour later that she's attached. Many guys have this "conveyor belt" approach to talking to women, so maybe you're getting caught in the crossfire of that. If I were attached that's definitely how I'd go about it. Then if you still want to talk, that's cool, but I'm not leading you down a dead end.
Hairy Member
I mostly agree.
Also, if I am in a relationship long enough that my boy/girlfriend is just that person who I share just about everything with, I will happen to bring them up because it's just that natural to do so. I guess it could go both ways.
Hairy Member
In a relationship.
He's really great and loves me a lot.
I love him too, don't get me wrong. 2 years, now!
I dunno, I guess I kinda hate/suck at relationships.
I get bored easily. Become interested in someone else too easily.
I always tend to hurt the one I love, which is kind of shit, because they're always great and never deserve it.
Well... usually never. In this case, never.
I even, sometimes, get a bit of a thrill to be unkind/unfaithful.
Buh.
And I'm always stuck in a situation where it's not really a good idea for me to leave.
I just can't afford to live on my own. I supported him when he needed it, and now I need it and he supports me.
And All I can think about is how badly I want to leave.
I'm a terrible person.
If there were a Hell, I'd already have woven my hand basket.
pint size
I absolutely do this! And that is certainly what I mean when I bring up instances of "herp...my boyfriend and I...derp". Also, when I was single and talking to dudes who SEEMED like they were flirty that I wasn't digging, I would somehow work in how I wasn't looking and drop the "friendzone" into the conversation a few times.
Hairy Member
I already posted about the shitty long-term break up I got out of two months ago, but something weird has come up. A mutual friend of my ex and I started talking to me on facebook completely out of the blue. I didn't think it was weird because a lot of our mutual friends have been supportive for me after the break up. So he starts texting me a lot and I'm not the best with texting back on time so it was a little odd. Then he wants to hang out this upcoming weekend and watch a movie and cuddle. I didn't say anything back because according to facebook he has a girlfriend. I've known him for a while, but this is just strange. I'm not going to do anything with him, but I need to ask what he means by that and if he does have a girlfriend. But most of all I know I'm not okay to start dating again. I still am not even close to being over of my ex and still want to be with him (not going to happen). So I'm just kinda uncomfortable because he's a friend and this whole thing is just so weird and confusing. I've been cheated on in the past so hell no I'm not going to do anything.
Stubby Member
I wouldn't ask if he has a girlfriend if I were you, but it can't hurt to try to clarify what he meant by the offer. I'm hardly a relationship expert (el oh el) but it feels like you should try to make it clear to him first and foremost that you're not looking for something new; that seems more important than figuring out his motives.
Hairy Member
That's true! Thank you, that makes a lot of sense so I'll tell him that before he thinks otherwise. It's just so odd I didn't think of doing that first. Every time he flirts I just ignore the text, but he seems pretty determined or just not getting it. Awkward social situations. :/
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