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Thread: The Relationship Thread

  1. #2761
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    Reading body language is crucial. I've had someone ask me about my tattoo at the gym, I honestly didn't mind being asked. The guy was getting on the treadmill next to me. I didn't cut my eye contact short, I didn't do the nervous-smiling, looking down or doing a side glance- which indicates "I'm not opening myself up to talk to you". We talked a bit but the conversation naturally died down since we were both running, and I get out of breath easily. Then when I left, I waved bye without much ado. He was polite, he didn't have the "I'm going to talk to you until we're walking out of here together or planning a date" vibe. The moment I notice this intention/desperation in a dude talking to me, I freak out and start planning my escape.

    I know a woman who LOVES to go the gym and get guys' attention. I think there are definitely people who are open to socializing at gyms, but again, keep the ice-breaker light and non-committal, so you can get a first reading of the person's reception and making it easy for you to just walk away without being terribly awkward? Reading people's body language can be hard, ESPECIALLY if you're nervous to begin with! It causes you to cloud your "vision" so to speak, haha.
    Last edited by halloween; 02-27-2016 at 10:14 PM. Reason: grammah.

  2. #2762
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    Quote Originally Posted by halloween View Post
    Reading people's body language can be hard, ESPECIALLY if you're nervous to begin with! It causes you to cloud your "vision" so to speak, haha.
    That would certainly exacerbate things a bit considering my glasses tend to get pretty foggy at the gym.

  3. #2763
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    I've got a crush...on a married guy. Haaaaaaa. Well, the crush developed in the course of three weeks which clearly means I can undo it just as quickly, right?

  4. #2764
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    Quote Originally Posted by halloween View Post
    I've got a crush...on a married guy. Haaaaaaa. Well, the crush developed in the course of three weeks which clearly means I can undo it just as quickly, right?
    yeah you'll be fine! and it depends on how long he's been married. most new school marriages don't last for shit.
    i was into a married man somewhat recently. he's old school married though. and it wasn't fair! he doesn't wear a ring! anyhow, i found a man, and pretty much put the crush on the back burner and just enjoy the married fella's company from time to time.

  5. #2765
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    Put me in the 'inappropriate crush' corner as well - mine is a lecturer of mine. It's very frustrating.

  6. #2766
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sallos View Post
    correct them on their deadlift form.
    This is brilliant, or ask them if they need a spot.

  7. #2767
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    Quote Originally Posted by slave2thewage View Post
    Put me in the 'inappropriate crush' corner as well - mine is a lecturer of mine. It's very frustrating.
    I wouldn't call my gigantic crush that I've been super preoccupied with lately inappropriate but it is somewhat unattainable, if not unrequited. A friend of mine who saw us interacting in a group hangout recently told me that it did seem mutual, so I have that, but I can't really ask them directly if there's interest for reasons. They'll be in NYC in a few months and I'm hoping maybe we can open up then, but we'll see. I like them a lot.

  8. #2768
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    Quote Originally Posted by halloween View Post
    the crush developed in the course of three weeks which clearly means I can undo it just as quickly, right?
    never works that way for me. it's always like an eight month process to get over them.

  9. #2769
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bachy View Post
    How does one go about striking up a conversation with someone at the gym without looking like a complete creep? I usually figure everyone there is like me and just doesn't want to be bothered.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sallos View Post
    correct them on their deadlift form.
    I know I'm late to the party, but I hope to god the person this was directed to realizes that it's sarcasm. As a gym-goer themselves, I would imagine they do. But just in case: don't be "that guy".

  10. #2770
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    Correcting bad deadlift form is civic duty.

  11. #2771
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mantra View Post
    never works that way for me. it's always like an eight month process to get over them.
    Heh. I'm not entirely ...crushed... by this fact about my crush because I wasn't holding out for much to begin with. I'll be seeing this person on a regular basis so I doubt it'll ever truly go away. On the other hand, I have multiple crushes so it's all good. Free love for all, man!

  12. #2772
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    Anybody have hot tips for sending like one final message to someone who could either be ghosting you *or* could just suck at texting? I really don't want to be like *that* person who can't take a hint but also think this person is pretty cool so would like to not lose out on em as a friend or other. This is just a "how do I human" sort of question, not me trying to like analyze the situation.

    Context: We did a date thing and got along super well, exchanged texts sparely (neither of us like texting and both of us are bad at it) during which she didn't reply for a bit (couple of days) to one due to being sick (like, really, not a cover story), made plans again, had lunch, she went "I'd like to see you again." when we parted ways, she emailed me some music at some point. I've sent her like two "How's your week been going?" texts over the past couple of weeks and never heard back. We seemed to get along super well, so her disengaging is surprising but hey, people have their reasons and it happens.

    I'm thinking maybe an email with some music she might like and then "Hey, would you want to chill sometime in the next couple of weeks? Either in a date-y context or just as friends. I think you're really cool, but don't want to keep messaging if you'd rather not chat, so I'll leave it here. "

    Thoughts? Being a person is hard.

  13. #2773
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    Maybe being a person is hard for her as well? Stuff like depression make it really hard to human sometimes. I know I tend to love what I call "mes chieurs", my buggers, who will keep on poking me with a stick until I react "properly"... But it's hard to tell apart from someone who simply can't be bothered...

  14. #2774
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    Yeah, basically the last thing I want is to be someone who can't take a hint/to bother her by not backing off. I guess I'll try that unless someone has other suggestions?

  15. #2775
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    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    Yeah, basically the last thing I want is to be someone who can't take a hint/to bother her by not backing off. I guess I'll try that unless someone has other suggestions?
    no, i think your idea about e-mailing her some music and asking to hang out is a good idea. reciprocation in a way in which she already reached out to you is a good way to open things again.

  16. #2776
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    So the friend I liked who went back with her ex and I are going to see Flight of the Conchords in June. Now, I opted to buy the tickets. Since I'm generally the one doing this, I naturally asked her if she knew of any other friends she'd want to invite, just so I knew how many tickets to get. She told me to just get the two. Now, this could simply be because she honestly knows no one else who likes the Conchords (which I find impossible). Also she unexpectedly came home last weekend wanting to hang out. We loosely made plans which I had to bail on due to work. Though something that was out of character for her was that when we were texting that night she made a point of telling me she was "tipsy." I've been there, could have simply been just some drunk nonsense being spouted. Now she texts me today saying she thinks we should do a scary movie marathon together. Now I've never been great at reading signals, but something for me here just makes me feel like she's got a little more than just friendship on her mind.

  17. #2777
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    Yeah, you should show up with some booze and every horror movie ever made ASAP if you're interested at all. Worst case scenario = you get tipsy in good company, watch some awesome movies, and wind up friendzoned. Could be worse.

    And @playwithfire should just send a dickpic and see what happens, lol. j/k

    Not that anyone should be taking relationship advice from ME right now, but I'll get back to that later.

  18. #2778
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    All of my dicks are detachable and non-realistic.

  19. #2779
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    As I've never owned a cell phone, I'm clueless about texting etiquette so I don't know if this suggestion is a good or bad one. Why don't you just call her?

  20. #2780
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    We don't... talk on the phone. I don't have many people in my life who do that. I guess I'll listen to the new Kendrick Lamar and then come up with an email. Oh, this digital age. <3

  21. #2781
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    i'm of the school of thought that if you blab and text on the phone, you don't have boo to talk about when you see each other. you correspond on the phone for a meeting place and time, then have great conversation when you see them in front of you. it keeps things fresh and ALIVE.

    i'm glad to see others still think this way. i'm a freak among my peers because i don't own a CP.

  22. #2782
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Baphomette View Post
    As I've never owned a cell phone, I'm clueless about texting etiquette so I don't know if this suggestion is a good or bad one. Why don't you just call her?
    good god, you're still one of those?! But yes, why not just call?! It's true that most of us won't unanswer a 25% of calls... and although, the phone call won't be answered and will be redirected to voice mail... voice mail that is ignored... over a text... and if you get ignored via text... there's no question... any questions?

  23. #2783
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    Quote Originally Posted by bwary View Post
    good god, you're still one of those?! But yes, why not just call?! It's true that most of us won't unanswer a 25% of calls... and although, the phone call won't be answered and will be redirected to voice mail... voice mail that is ignored... over a text... and if you get ignored via text... there's no question... any questions?
    this isn't the "be a dick" thread.

    some people don't want to own cell phones. yeah, it's odd, but it's not THAT big of a deal.

  24. #2784
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    Quote Originally Posted by playwithfire View Post
    I'm thinking maybe an email with some music she might like and then "Hey, would you want to chill sometime in the next couple of weeks? Either in a date-y context or just as friends. I think you're really cool, but don't want to keep messaging if you'd rather not chat, so I'll leave it here. "

    Thoughts? Being a person is hard.
    Shorten your response to just this: "Hey, would you want to chill sometime in the next couple of weeks? I think you're really cool."

    That makes your intentions clear. And it doesn't use waffle-y, self-sabotaging, fake-polite filler.

  25. #2785
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    Quote Originally Posted by bwary View Post
    good god, you're still one of those?
    Yup. Have never felt the urge to get one nor needed to and can communicate perfectly well without one.

    Quote Originally Posted by bwary View Post
    most of us won't unanswer a 25% of calls
    How do you unanswer a call?

  26. #2786
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    Quote Originally Posted by Timinator View Post
    Shorten your response to just this: "Hey, would you want to chill sometime in the next couple of weeks? I think you're really cool."

    That makes your intentions clear. And it doesn't use waffle-y, self-sabotaging, fake-polite filler.
    Sadly, that does NOT make your intentions clear. "Chill" is very often used as slang for sex, so the person you're messaging may not know whether you're just asking to get together and chat, or if you're looking for some action.

  27. #2787
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Baphomette View Post
    How do you unanswer a call?[/COLOR]
    There's a lot of time travel involved

  28. #2788
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    I'm more comfortable with texting. Outside of work where I'm pretty much always on the phone, I only really talk with my parents.

  29. #2789
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    Well, another development. So I was talking (texting) to my friend today about the whole horror marathon, suggesting movies and such. I suggested the weekend after next because she's going out of town next Wednesday, but she asked if I was available sooner. Seems like she really wants to spend time with me.

  30. #2790
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    Quote Originally Posted by theimage13 View Post
    Sadly, that does NOT make your intentions clear. "Chill" is very often used as slang for sex, so the person you're messaging may not know whether you're just asking to get together and chat, or if you're looking for some action.
    Sorry, I misspoke. I meant to say, "That's the message you want to get across," which I agree has ambiguity to it. You shouldn't just put everything out there, especially in a text. It allows some mystery and negotiation in the following communications. I only meant to focus on the fact that she shouldn't undermine herself with backpedaling.

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