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Thread: The Relationship Thread

  1. #1561
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    yeah hubs was asking me yesterday when its appropriate for him to go fluid bonded with his gf and it kinda irked me cause they've only been together for 2 months and she's seeing other people as well. i know they're super safe and we all get tested regularly etc but just...no. i know its partly an emotional response (thats MY special privilege) but it's still too early for that anyway right? see, these are the sorts of things i don't know about because i've never had another LTR. when do you go fluid bonded??

  2. #1562
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    Man, I have no idea. 2 months does seem kinda soon. If logistically it's not a risk then I think it's just more about the emotional complications. Boyfriend and I have both discussed how it's going to be weird to have sex when we aren't (since it's just really likely that when we break up sex will still happen sometimes) and there is something really romantic about it to me.

    This is also my first "relationship relationship."

  3. #1563
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    i guess if i knew she was only sleeping with hubs and her other main partner then maybe it would be ok, but knowing she has other more casual partners it just seems like a lot of risk. i told him 6months seemed more reasonable but i don't want to be the controlling wife who stops all the fun. (which i know is not how he sees it all but its how i feel sometimes)

    my initial impetus for wanting to open up was cause i really wanted to hook up with an ex. we only dated for a few weeks but man the sex. i still have dreams about it/him. unfortunately dude got into a serious relationship before i was able to make it happen. boo.

  4. #1564
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    @playwithfire , every time i get on the relationship thread it seems like you're here.
    what is "fluid bonding?"

    Anyway, i came here for a little advice.
    I'm a man, and my fiancee has taken to hitting me if she doesn't like something i say. she "slaps" me ( but REALLy fucking hard, i mean like to where it makes my ears ring,) and occasionally punches me like a man.
    The other day, she slammed a giant mug into my face, rim side first, which blackened my eye a bit and put a lump on my jaw.
    I love her SO much, and i've begged her not to do this.
    We've been together pretty much 24/7 for about two years.

    Is this relationship doomed?

  5. #1565
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    Holy shit, dude.

    That's abuse, plain and simple, but I think you know that. I couldn't in any situation advise you to stay with someone that treats you that way.

    But, you need to make it clear to her that what's she's doing is abuse and you guys should probably be seeing a counselor because that kind of behavior can't continue.

    To respond to the other stuff: Last time I was on here asking for advice was December, but eh. This place is a nice safe space to talk about shit. Fluid bonding means that we don't use any barriers when we have sex. His risks are my risks and mine his.
    Last edited by playwithfire; 02-28-2014 at 11:04 AM.

  6. #1566
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhet View Post
    i guess if i knew she was only sleeping with hubs and her other main partner then maybe it would be ok, but knowing she has other more casual partners it just seems like a lot of risk.
    Absolutely. When I have sex with someone I'm not only thinking about my own health but that of three other people. Condoms for all but the inner circle (lol)

  7. #1567
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    Quote Originally Posted by icklekitty View Post
    Absolutely. When I have sex with someone I'm not only thinking about my own health but that of three other people. Condoms for all but the inner circle (lol)
    thanks, i feel better about sticking to my gut feeling on it now. i know he doesn't want to put me at risk he's excited about the new shiny thing.

  8. #1568
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    /Nevermind, I'm not ready to write this.

  9. #1569
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    So, this week marks one year of me being single. It's really starting to aggravate me. I lost sleep last night in sheer frustration. I'm the only single girl in my department at work and it's starting to not be fun being single. It took me a very long time to realize it, but I'm an awesome person. I really want to share my awesomeness with someone. I'm gonna be 33 this year, and I fear that time is running out. It's kinda of hard to find someone who is equally awesome and weird just like me who is gonna accept me for who I am and my 6 year old fantastic daughter. Ugh.

    *end of single mom rant*

  10. #1570
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    Been a while since I've been here. Hope some of you remember me.
    I'll soon be going into my final year of university and I've been single for almost the entire thing. The thing I mentioned a few months back didn't work out. I knew it wouldn't but that doesn't make it particularly any better. Oh well, we'll persevere.

  11. #1571
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    Texting with the ex... OLD WOUUUUUUNDS

  12. #1572
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    Quote Originally Posted by elevenism View Post
    @playwithfire, every time i get on the relationship thread it seems like you're here.
    what is "fluid bonding?"

    Anyway, i came here for a little advice.
    I'm a man, and my fiancee has taken to hitting me if she doesn't like something i say. she "slaps" me ( but REALLy fucking hard, i mean like to where it makes my ears ring,) and occasionally punches me like a man.
    The other day, she slammed a giant mug into my face, rim side first, which blackened my eye a bit and put a lump on my jaw.
    I love her SO much, and i've begged her not to do this.
    We've been together pretty much 24/7 for about two years.

    Is this relationship doomed?
    Are opiates still part of the relationship?

  13. #1573
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    FORMER RELATIONSHIIIIiIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!!

  14. #1574
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    HAhahahahhaha. Yes, i am opiated on occasion. her, not so much. does being on opiates make one predisposed to getting beat?

    edit: @playwithfire , i guess december was about the last time i was here too.

    So yeah, i know it's abuse. It's crazy because most people don't usually think of men being abused.

    We are engaged and have been living together for two years but i'm thinking of FORMER RELATIONSHIIIIIIIPing her ass.
    Last edited by elevenism; 03-09-2014 at 11:55 AM.

  15. #1575
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    Quote Originally Posted by elevenism View Post
    HAhahahahhaha. Yes, i am opiated on occasion. her, not so much. does being on opiates make one predisposed to getting beat?
    I don't know about that, but it can turn someone into a violent asshole. (Which doesn't in any way excuse the physical abuse.) However, if she's not using very much, than that theory goes out the window.

  16. #1576
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    I think opiates make me more of an insufferable whiny bitch than a violent asshole.

  17. #1577
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    Quote Originally Posted by elevenism View Post
    I think opiates make me more of an insufferable whiny bitch than a violent asshole.
    Do they affect her the same way? My fuse was definitely shortened when I used them.

  18. #1578
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    Really? I guess we all have different reactions. But she really doesnt get hold of any. And as for me, i just get sensitive.
    She has been coming off effexor, so her mood swings are pretty fucked up. i've been trying to be understanding, but the emotional shit is pretty rough too.
    Like yesterday i got bitched at for starting to give her a back rub. I got bitched at for trying to give her a hug. I bought presents for her to send to her children and she told me how stupid the presents were. My mom asked me to get coffee and she ripped my ass because we already had coffee. My mother just wanted a fresh thing of coffee...she had sent me to the store...it's her money. But yes, my girl wanted to have a screaming match over it.
    I just refused to engage her. i don't know what the fuck to do. This is NOT the woman i fell in love with. My family, on my mom's side, is pretty well off, and we live in the family estate house right now...just the two of us and my mom. I'm starting to wish my girl wasn't here. I am on eggshells all the time because i dont want her to say hurtful things to me. But, as i stated before, she'll mock and hurt me for buying her a fucking gift, for christ's sake. And to top it all off she has this NASTy attitude of entitlement...she doesnt do SHIT, and thinks she has the absolute right to just lay on her ass here and sleep all the time...and god help me if i turn on the tv or the light while she's sleeping...in my own fucking bedroom!
    Dont get me wrong, we've had some wonderful times, but this shit is getting out of hand. I can't stand being around someone who professes to love me but is just seething hatred half the time. I flat out dont break up with people, but if this shit goes on much longer, im gonna have to.
    im hoping and praying it's just the effexor withdrawal.
    ok i'm venting and rambling...but thank y'all for listening. You know, ETS is the only place i could say all this shit. Everyone i know talks to much, you know? I am very grateful for it.

  19. #1579
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    I think you need to start respecting yourself and stop putting up with all that abusive behavior. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you are not being abused. Amirite?

  20. #1580
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    I think you need to start respecting yourself and stop putting up with all that abusive behavior. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you are not being abused. Amirite?

  21. #1581
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    Quote Originally Posted by elevenism View Post
    ok i'm venting and rambling...but thank y'all for listening. You know, ETS is the only place i could say all this shit. Everyone i know talks to much, you know? I am very grateful for it.
    Dude, whatever the fuck is "making" her act this way, you sure as shit shouldn't be putting up with it for ONE SECOND LONGER. You really need to tell your family that you are going to give her a deadline for her exit (so you have support in case she goes apeshit and tries to stab you when you drop the news on her) and then you need to sit down and give her a really quick deadline for her to get out. Seriously. Maybe you two can eventually "work things out" but this kind of behavior is completely intolerable and she needs to get her shit together while she's living somewhere else. Do NOT put up with this shit, because it WILL get worse.

  22. #1582
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    People have triggers based on past trauma and so do I. When someone says, 'I could see us being friends for life.' I want to stop them and say, "You don't get to just volunteer yourself my friend for life. It takes more than simply saying those words, and funny thing, most of the people who've said shit like that to me are no longer in my life at best. At worst those "friends" betrayed me horribly. Another funny thing: the friends I've actually had for life never felt the need to say stupid shit like that, they've just been there for me for a really long time."

    So I guess I'm feeling the sting of rejection right now, except that it's not really even that. I know if I worked at it I could get through the barriers and jump through the hoops, but I'm choosing not to. The worst part of it is that I've known this person isn't right for me from the beginning and my heart still hurts anyway. That really bothers me. And anyway, I'm worn out; I can't prop up any more broken people (which this person clearly is).

  23. #1583
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    @elevenism , where did your balls go?

  24. #1584
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    The Relationship Thread

    With the Vicodyn?
    Last edited by allegro; 03-11-2014 at 09:56 PM.

  25. #1585
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    With the Vicodyn?
    She still lets me take my balls every once in awhile, like if i'm going to jam with a metal-core band, but she usually keeps them in her purse.

    What you are saying all makes sense, and i damn sure appreciate the advice.
    The thing is, she didn't fucking used to be like this.
    I thought she was the one. i love her so fucking much but she treats me bad.
    I just keep thinking things will be the way they used to at some point.

    Tonight was another nightmare, with me trying to have a talk with her and her just flat out refusing, and again, being really fucking nasty to me.
    She insisted that we sleep and talk in the morning, but i wanted to talk NOW, damnit!
    So i talked, and she was fucking MEAN, MEAN MEAN!
    Maybe tomorrow's "talk" will be better.
    But i doubt it.

    It is so fucking hard to realize that the one you love, the one you adore, the one to whom you are engaged...
    seemingly can't POSSIBLY love you, doesn't give a fuck how bad she hurts you, and probably doesn't love you like you love her...if she loves you at all


  26. #1586
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    That's sad, dude. :-(

  27. #1587
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    Quote Originally Posted by elevenism View Post
    She still lets me take my balls every once in awhile, like if i'm going to jam with a metal-core band, but she usually keeps them in her purse.

    What you are saying all makes sense, and i damn sure appreciate the advice.
    The thing is, she didn't fucking used to be like this.
    I thought she was the one. i love her so fucking much but she treats me bad.
    I just keep thinking things will be the way they used to at some point.

    Tonight was another nightmare, with me trying to have a talk with her and her just flat out refusing, and again, being really fucking nasty to me.
    She insisted that we sleep and talk in the morning, but i wanted to talk NOW, damnit!
    So i talked, and she was fucking MEAN, MEAN MEAN!
    Maybe tomorrow's "talk" will be better.
    But i doubt it.

    It is so fucking hard to realize that the one you love, the one you adore, the one to whom you are engaged...
    seemingly can't POSSIBLY love you, doesn't give a fuck how bad she hurts you, and probably doesn't love you like you love her...if she loves you at all

    as someone who was in an abusive relationship (mostly emotional; she was manipulative and controlling to a terrifying extent and was extremely cruel, but she did get physical on more than one occasion) for four years (and we were engaged for two of those years), i urge you to end this. if she is treating you this way, she is not the person you love anymore. and if she is refusing to do anything about it, then she does not deserve your love.

    not every relationship is perfect, don't get me wrong. but there is some seriously fucked up shit going on, and i don't want to see you get hurt. yes, it's going to suck emotionally, because you're invested in her, but you will recover, i promise. you will not recover, however, if she decides to increase the amount of violence being done toward you.

    please, please find your way out of this situation in the best way possible. sometimes self-preservation comes at great cost. stay strong.

  28. #1588
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    Broke up with my partner earlier today. Feel really shitty, never been this depressed by a break up. Other fish in the sea yada yada yada. I'll recover eventually I guess. Just typing stream of consciousness because I'm anonymous hehe. Trying to get my thoughts in order.

  29. #1589
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    What's the general consensus around here on long distance relationships?
    Ever been in one? Ever considered it? Know anyone who's been in one?

  30. #1590
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Prowler View Post
    What's the general consensus around here on long distance relationships?
    Ever been in one? Ever considered it? Know anyone who's been in one?
    I was in one (me in the US, him in the UK) for about 3 years. We lived together in the US for brief periods during that time and visited as much as we could but mostly were apart. Now 5 years later, we're married and live in the same country thank fuck! It was really hard but worth it in the end imo. It's one of those things where I wouldn't recommend it for everyone but is possible.

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