Stupid things you've done
What stupid things have you done lately? In the last six months I have locked my keys in my car, left my car lights on to flatten the battery twice, and rammed the charger plug upside down into the socket of my brand new tablet, thereby bending the pin inside the socket so the plug doesn't fit anymore. If you'd happily admit to being dumber than me, please let me know.
Not "stupid" things but I'm sometimes a total klutz, especially first thing in the morning. Two weeks ago, I was making a pot of coffee, removed the empty carafe from the coffee maker to fill it with water, somehow misjudged the distance, smashed the carafe into the quartz countertop, and blasted a hole into the bottom/side of the carafe. So I had to hurry and clean up the shattered glass before any of my pets hurt themselves.
Because I'd broken a coffee carafe before, I had a spare stored. So I could still make coffee.
I immediately ordered another spare via Amazon.
Last edited by allegro; 08-16-2014 at 07:46 PM.
i did heroin for like, 4 years. that was dumb.
Glad you're still alive Matt :-).
I know, right?
Originally Posted by hb13161705
On a more comical note, i once drank 2 four lokos in one evening, naming the feat "Ocholoko." Being drunk was fine, but the next morning, i wanted to be dead. worst hangover ever.
I hitched a ride on the back of a motorcycle and burned my calf on the muffler. I was wearing shorts. Its been a week and the fucker still isn't entirely healed.
To be fair, it was night and I didn't see the muffler.
I got married at 23. Boy, that was some dumb shit.
Lol, yeah, my first marriage was pretty dumb, too.
From pouring water down the back of the TV to see what would happen when I was six, to queueing overnight to have some middle aged motherfucker sweat all over me the other month, I've done a lot of stupid shit.
Once I had a negative opinion about nine inch nails current tour leg and voiced it on a nine inch nails fan message board.
It wasn't pretty.
Time for a new joke, bro.
@Big Fat Matt , my stupid ass drank two or three four lokos EVERY damn day for quite some time, when my ex asked me to stop drinking vodka.
good GOD it was awful. i threw up a lot.
i hate alcohol SO fucking much.
recently, on my honeymoon, i thought that it would be safe for me to have a drink at the Big Texan steakhouse.
I wound up getting blackout drunk and making a fucking ass of myself.
The only good thing to come of this was that i reinforced the fact that i can't drink AT ALL.
and yeah, my list of stupid things is really long too.
, i did the motorcycle burn thing.
i also participated in the heroin. i don't know why or how i'm alive
Last edited by elevenism; 08-18-2014 at 05:23 PM.
I went to the doc today because the thing didn't heal much in a week and two days, and apparently I need antibiotics and some special antibacterial ointment. I should've had it seen as soon as it happened cuz I might've got tetnus, which would've been bad.
Originally Posted by elevenism
Adding to the stupid shit I've done and will keep doing, I've been playing basketball with this wound and will continue playing on it because we're in the league playoffs. I'm dumb as fuck.
goddamn...i did it years and years ago.
i swear to god that burn turned six or seven different colors before it was all done
*raises hand* - i did the calf-burn from the motorcycle exhaust pipe, too. Ugh, that really did suck. First and last time I ever wore shorts on a bike. Bikers wear leather on bikes FOR A REASON. (Mostly to prevent road rash if they accidentally dump the bike, but also in case of all kinds of other accidents.) I also learned that you should, um, "dismount?" a bike like you dismount a horse. Except a horse doesn't give you a 2nd degree burn. The SCAB on that thing was fucking NASTY ugh.
Stupid thing while drunk: I accidentally stabbed myself in the eye with an American flag. Honest. I had to go to my eye doctor. Luckily, it wasn't too damaged.
Stupid thing while drunk: I decided to broil a steak, except I had to light the pilot light on the oven. Waited a little too long with the lighter. KABOOM!!! WHOOSH went a fireball past my face. Oddly enough, it didn't hurt at all. At the time. Burned off my eyebrows, arm hair, and then I went to, um, assess the damage in the bathroom mirror and noticed that some skin peeled off my nose like Michael Jackson in that Pepsi commercial. I waited around a little, then drove myself to the ER a few blocks up the street. I had to repeat my story to several docs and nurses in the ER, several more kept popping in to hear the story again and again while pointing and laughing at me (good-naturedly). Several told me the same thing had happened to them. Luckily, only 2nd degree burns. The apartment smelled terrible. I called the apartment management company, spun it that I nearly died, and got a brand new stove and oven out of the deal.
Last edited by allegro; 08-19-2014 at 10:49 PM.
i fell in love on the internet once. on myspace, even. we got engaged within two months, before we'd ever met in person. when i finally flew to boston to, you know, meet officially and (i guess) plan our future together, we had ZERO chemistry. none. even the sex was bad.
and i left the love of my life to chase a fantasy. i'm beyond grateful that we were able to reconcile and have been back together ever since.
that was a drag and i still hate myself a little for being *that* guy at 25. ugh.
That time I did a quarter hit of microdot at 11 pm (for the FIRST TIME). WTF.
Originally Posted by allegro
the first and last time i did microdots i thought it made perfect sense to bash my head in with a iron pan because, y'know, that would just put me to sleep so i could ride out the rest of the HORRIBLE trip unconscious.
a friend stopped me, but i remembered it clearly the next day.
LOL I remember looking at my best pal, the one who TALKED ME INTO THAT SHIT (he was high on said microdot at the time), and I asked him how long I'd be high and he said, "oh, about EIGHT HOURS."
It was my fault because my friend kept saying, "just a 1/4, come OONNNNNNNNNNNN" and I remember looking at that t-e-e-n-y t-i-n-y little 1/4 hit of purple microdot and thought, "shit, what can that tiny little thing do to me?"
FAMOUS LAST WORDS.
I had an awesome vest that had a bunch of sweet patches on it. She was leather. Art Is Resistance custom back patch, other patches included Tool, Skinny Puppy, Slicer Dicer, Wolf Eyes, Metallica, Merzbow, Slayer, Swans, Slipknot, Mushroomhead, The Beatles, Zeppelin, Bang Bang! among many more. Threw it in a bonfire for $100 bux and a bunch of H. I was 17. I regret it to this day.
Edit, I also had a Negative Approach patch on that vest, which was cut from a t-shirt printed in i want to say 88 or 89. That fucking vest could be worth hundreds with all of the rare memorabilia on it.
Edit 2: I'm pretty sure I am the only one here who has ever owned a punk vest, much less two.
Last edited by Big Fat Matt; 08-19-2014 at 11:43 PM.
I once ate a hit of blotter at 11a.m., 4 hours before because I'm bad at math. It was okay finally at around 9. It was a factory molding cable pugs and such to luckily i didn't have to deal with anyone.
Sat in a tree house shooting branches about three feet from me with my bb gun. Took a ricochet in the lower eyeball lid.
Clogged a spray can nozzle painting my bike, shot myself in the face, tens minutes later repeat proccess.
Licked my metal disc sled to see if my tongue would actually stick to it.
Tried to skirt open water by a river one winter, put a leg in the lake.
All before 5th grade, I'm sure there is more.
Come to think of it dumb shit makes up about most of things i've ever done. Especially if one includes those "when keeping it real goes wrong" scenarios.
Hands down DUI#2, by far the dumbest thing i have ever done.
i started smoking 18 years ago.
Ugh, yeah, i was that dumb fuck, too. It's never too late to quit! i smoked for a REALLY long time and I finally quit, 14 years ago!
Last edited by allegro; 08-21-2014 at 07:30 PM.
I once had a headphone extension cord that had a spiral shape (like a telephone cable). It was tangled in my backpack along with other cables, so I pulled it. Its 3.5mm jack sprung out of the backpack and hit me in the tooth. It would have been a perfect scene for a slapstick comedy.
Also, Linkin Park used to be my favorite band. I still like Reanimation, and the recent live performance of the entire Hybrid Theory album made me cringe and smile at the same time.
This is a statement that reflects my feelings 100%
Originally Posted by wizfan
I got one of those motorcycle burns too in high school. Mine was on my inner thigh from sitting on the back of my boyfriends dirt bike. I told my mom it was from the oven door.
I started smoking at 15. Smoked until I was 28. Quit for 4 years while I grew and fed my babies, then started up again off and on for another 7 years. Mostly quit now, vaping instead, with the occasional bum.
Most of the stupid things I've done were in high school or college and usually involved a guy.
Last edited by Calla lily; 08-21-2014 at 08:23 PM.
My brother in law's ex had four kids with him before the age of 23. That's even dumber. She's filed a restraining order against him and we don't see the kids anymore.
Originally Posted by Charmingly Miserable
Thanks for all these stories, some of which are lol hilarious. A couple more dumb things I've done:
-deliberately untying my shoelaces on the escalator as a kid to see what would happen when the escalator swallows them up at the end.
-lending my QOTSA Lullabies to Paralyze CD to a friend when it came with the limited edition making of DVD. I gave him the whole package and he lost it all.
Someone said I was so dumb that I dyed my hair to cover up my blondeness. Which is funny because I'm Chinese Australian.