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Thread: Transformers: Age of Extinction

  1. #31
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    This is the most oppressively chaotic and stupid movie I have ever seen. It is just dense with retardation and spastic over the top nonsense. It basically goes out of its way to be bizarrely cheesey and stupid. I am impressed by the sheer amount of swinging moving flashing transforming explodiness that this thing is.

    Impressively, everyone of this movies far too many characters is some kind of cheap empty stereotype. All of them. Michael Bays magnum opus of racial stereotyping is a Samurai Transformer constantly spouting japanese cliches, who really has no place in the movie anyway, since the character never does anything.

    About halfway through the movie, an action sequence takes place that is incredibly difficult to grasp. The motion and the flashing and the exploding is so rampant that it totally distracts you from the fact that the entire set up doesn't make sense. The robots are on some spaceship transformer thing.... the humans are trying to rescue a woman on it... she's being licked by some alien thing.... that's not a transformer, is it?... the swords are guns? ... the space ship is attacking chicago for some reason.

    The blonde's sole purpose in this movie is to have villains forcefully press her head against the ground from time to time. The movie is carefully constructed so that you could easily understand any isolated 30 seconds of it, this way you don't have to pay attention to most of it, and why would you. Until, of course, one of the robots starts riding a giant, robotic, two headed pterodactyl.

    The cast is composed of actors who know better and cheap imitations of actors who did. Every line is delivered as though the actor were reading it on the spot.

    This is like the pinnacle of hilariously bad movies. It is at all times hilariously bad and every scene is dense with stupidity, but it is 3 fucking hours long so even if you and your buddies are drunk enough and are into this sort of thing, it is constantly pushing it's luck after the first 90 minutes. It's as though Michael Bay felt challenged to out Michael Bay himself and then he went Super Saiyan and pushed it through the fucking roof.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wretchedest View Post
    she's being licked by some alien thing.... that's not a transformer, is it?... the swords are guns? ... the space ship is attacking chicago for some reason.
    This is the pinnacle of ETS. This line here. It can't be beat. That's it, wrap it up.

  3. #33
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    Are there any other Film Crit Hulk fans here? He's had a long-standing relationship with the franchise and wrote a great essay about the new one and Michael Bay this week. Aside from being a great read (that is surprisingly + refreshingly reverent* of Bay), it made me realize how I justify paying to see these movies every time one comes out. I can't do that anymore. (but I still want to see this on Netflix or something eventually) If Edge of Tomorrow is still playing in your local theater, for the love of good blockbusters, please see that instead. It's actually really good across the board.

    Film Crit Hulk vs. Michael Bay

    *By 'reverent' I mean that Film Crit Hulk un-cynically discusses what he genuinely likes about Bay, which of course is almost nothing compared to what he loathes.
    Last edited by Deadpool; 07-03-2014 at 04:04 PM.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wretchedest View Post
    It's as though Michael Bay felt challenged to out Michael Bay himself and then he went Super Saiyan and pushed it through the fucking roof.
    this one's pretty good too. lol

  5. #35
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    OMFG I came SO fucking HARD

    o_o

  6. #36
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  7. #37
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    i watch these movies with the volume down, just to see the effects and such....honestly.

  8. #38
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    Transformers: Age of Extinction

    I enjoyed this, it was just way too fucking long. The power went out for a few minutes from a storm so it was even longer. I thought the Dinobots screen time was fine and awesome, seemed longer than 15 minutes. Stanley Tucci cracked me up, was not expecting that. Plot was stupid and all over the place but they all have been. This was way better than the the second and third ones

  9. #39
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    Thought this was a funny, yet pretty much spot on read... "No, it's not OK to see dumb movies."

  10. #40
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    I fucking LOVE this movie.

    Just saw it for the 20th time yesterday.

    Can't wait for more!

    :D

  11. #41
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    I've been meaning to write this....

    Lately, I haven't been wanting to go the movies much. I haven't had time and there really hasn't been too much out there that I am willing to spend money on and sit for a good two hours of my time to watch. The last few movies I was really pumped to see in the theater were more than likely Raid 2 or Nymphomanic and both of those came and went and I never had the chance to see them at the show. I usually hang out with a friend of mine every week and we try to watch "so bad, they're good" type of movies on Netflix or download them and watch and laugh. I feel like after doing this for several years with watching films like The Room, Samurai Cop, Miami Connection, Troll 2, Birdemic...I can stand watching anything and get through them all right. Maybe that's why I was even intrigued to go see this at the theater as well? I've heard nothing both horrible, horrible things so I was interested to see how low a big budget, blockbuster series that I felt clearly ran out of steam could go. On a good note, I always loved Peter Cullen as Prime when I was younger so I just love the look of him with that iconic voice....so I went in expecting perhaps a stupidly fun movie that I could laugh at how bad it was.

    I didn't enjoy myself at all. Transformers 4 is without a doubt one of the worst movies I've ever seen and the only movie I've walked out of the theater on.

    There had to have been like 15 or so minutes left but I couldn't do it. My brother and I both felt the same way and we were both drained in the most exhausting and bored way possible. I have no fucking idea why this movie is as long as it is and why on Earth it's as fucking boring as it is as well. It's incredibly tedious, asinine and above as else...mean-spirited. I could not believe how stupidly racist this was, I know the second one got a lot of flack for those two robots voiced by Tom Kenny but while this one doesn't smack you over the face again and again with it...it's highly racist as well.

    Michael Bay and Paramount took my money that day I paid to see this and he took my money on a film I didn't even finish and had no desire to continue to watch ever again. I know, jokes on me as it should've been expected. The worst part is, I have seen each film in this series at least once and nothing ever memorable has stuck with me. Again...jokes on me. I don't know why anyone would enjoy this movie. I don't see what's in this for people to love. I especially don't understand how someone would ever watch this movie 20 times. Good lord.

    All in all....this was one of the worst movie going experiences I've ever had. I know these movies have a bad reputation so I blame myself partly for getting sucked in and being interested to see how horrible this was (I even felt embarrassed buying the tickets) but this was just an un-enjoyable bad movie in every way.
    Last edited by thefragile_jake; 07-13-2014 at 04:07 AM.

  12. #42
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    ^^^ Sorry you had such an experience with this movie. I feel like the comedic moments in this film were some of the funniest I've seen in a long while and funnier than some so-called comedy films.

    This is the highest grossing film of all time in China. The Chinese people are proud of their rising prominence on the world stage and it's cool to see parts of the film take place in China. I went to see this film in Beijing and the Chinese audience really loved the fact that this international Hollywood film would include China like it did.

  13. #43
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    every now and then I think about seeing this movie out of some ironic sense of curiosity about "how bad can it be" and "maybe its sort of Lynch-ian in its total abandonment of logic and cohesion," but then I read posts like this

  14. #44
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    i bought the Rise of the Dark Spark xbox game (which was half good, but i'm digressing) and it came with what was a essentially a coupon code for two free tickets to see Age if Extinction. i'd had no plans to see it before then, but figured, what the hell, if it's free, who gives a shit? so me and the lady went to see it. having done so, i likely wouldn't have paid to see it if i'd been given that option, but to be fair, it wasn't the worst addition to the series. i found at least a few things to like in each movie, while not generally being a fan of the entire franchise at this point. Acting wise, the characters were better than i thought, on the human end of the scale. i actually thought Mark Wahlberg delivered a decently believable performance, as did Kelsey Grammar and the big business inventor guy. Everyone else was kind of... eh. The acting for the transformers themselves was, for the most part, garbage, lazy one liners, and pointless interaction that went nowhere, like the little fight between Bee and Drift in the canyon. it was so abrupt and had no real meaning or conclusion. Lockdown was a believable villain for being a relative newcomer. He was enigmatic, he didn't over dramaticize, and he just came off as the right level of asshole to make a good villain. even the story, what little of it there was, seemed cohesive enough. like others have said though, the movie is relentless in it's length. it's just action-action-action-action-dramatic talking scene-action-action-action-slow camera tension-action-action-action throughout the whole thing, and it just exhausts you. still, all of that being said, it wasn't the worst film i've ever seen, and certainly wasn't the worst transformers film i've ever seen.

  15. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by screwdriver View Post
    every now and then I think about seeing this movie out of some ironic sense of curiosity about "how bad can it be" and "maybe its sort of Lynch-ian in its total abandonment of logic and cohesion," but then I read posts like this
    Yeah, it's really that bad. Especially after the fact that I saw Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and Apes was probably one of the best movie experiences I've ever had in the fact that it was high action but a smart, well paced, emotional and thought out script.

    There's just so much in Transformers that calls attention to how bad and dry it is that it's not even fun in the ironic sort of way. Stanley Tucci's talents are wasted as is half of the cast as it spirals out of control into this long winded and bloated film. I'm shocked at how successful this one really is, I haven't heard anything besides negative word of mouth either. This is what actually has me really worried about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles next month. I've always been a TMNT fan since I was a kid and as I mentioned in that thread, you could almost say I've been waiting for this new TMNT film for almost 20 years now. I really hope that Michael Bay's crudeness, blunt racism and lack of attention to detail stays far away or isn't so apparent. I've been really getting into TMNT again and reliving what that franchise consumed all of my childhood...so I can only imagine how Transformers loyalist feel.

    All in all, Transformers isn't even a fun popcorn movie. There's nothing fun about it at all. I'll still continue to sing it's faults and if this is your sort of thing...so be it. You certainly have the ability to turn your brain off more than I do.

  16. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by thefragile_jake View Post
    Yeah, it's really that bad. Especially after the fact that I saw Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and Apes was probably one of the best movie experiences I've ever had in the fact that it was high action but a smart, well paced, emotional and thought out script.

    There's just so much in Transformers that calls attention to how bad and dry it is that it's not even fun in the ironic sort of way. Stanley Tucci's talents are wasted as is half of the cast as it spirals out of control into this long winded and bloated film. I'm shocked at how successful this one really is, I haven't heard anything besides negative word of mouth either. This is what actually has me really worried about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles next month. I've always been a TMNT fan since I was a kid and as I mentioned in that thread, you could almost say I've been waiting for this new TMNT film for almost 20 years now. I really hope that Michael Bay's crudeness, blunt racism and lack of attention to detail stays far away or isn't so apparent. I've been really getting into TMNT again and reliving what that franchise consumed all of my childhood...so I can only imagine how Transformers loyalist feel.

    All in all, Transformers isn't even a fun popcorn movie. There's nothing fun about it at all. I'll still continue to sing it's faults and if this is your sort of thing...so be it. You certainly have the ability to turn your brain off more than I do.
    your problem may be being wrapped up in material that was designed/packaged to sell get kids to beg their parents to buy them toys

    I'm all for the occasional embrace of nostalgia but lets not act like we're dealing with high art

  17. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by screwdriver View Post
    your problem may be being wrapped up in material that was designed/packaged to sell get kids to beg their parents to buy them toys

    I'm all for the occasional embrace of nostalgia but lets not act like we're dealing with high art
    I can see your point, but I still think you can have a decent film while also being clearly a toy commercial. I feel the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film 1990 does this....and mayyyybe the first Transformers film, but then again I haven't seen that movie since it came out.

  18. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by thefragile_jake View Post
    I can see your point, but I still think you can have a decent film while also being clearly a toy commercial. I feel the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film 1990 does this....and mayyyybe the first Transformers film, but then again I haven't seen that movie since it came out.
    fair point, the lego movie was excellent

  19. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hazekiah View Post
    I fucking LOVE this movie.

    Just saw it for the 20th time yesterday.

    Can't wait for more!

    What the fuck... Please tell me you're joking

  20. #50
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    Just got back from seeing this and I knew what I was in for. Cheesy lines, bad acting, and special effects galore. It really did not have to be as long as it was since it started to drag a bit once they got on Lockdown's ship. The only reason I go to see these movies is for the Transformers and the action, but in this film I felt this was the least that we see any fighting between the Transformers or any other villains. The Dinobots were freaking awesome, and once again.. Bumblebee is just so cool and Hound was a big pleasure to watch; John Goodman did a great job with him. At least the other films had the old school Decepticons and such so there is a decent amount of nostalgic value they still hold. This film just didn't have enough Transformers in it, or even any action from them and that was a huge letdown. Lockdown was pretty cool, but I would have loved to see some more action between him and Prime. I would really love to have a Transformers movie that was with a different director and writers obviously... and just more freaking robots, and less human interaction. I always find myself yelling at the screen for the cameras to focus on the Transformers fighting in the background or around the humans, instead of seeing 3 seconds of action and the camera cutting off to what the humans are crying or yelling about. We wanna see robots fighting!! Not drama filled nonsense.

    All in all, I still enjoyed myself, but this franchise needs a serious reboot so it is only a matter of time.

  21. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hazekiah View Post
    I fucking LOVE this movie.

    Just saw it for the 20th time yesterday.

    Can't wait for more!

    seek help.

  22. #52
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    There's something to be said about the collective meta-viewing of this movie, the impassioned response and heated conversations that followed its release. Bad movies are released every weekend, and no one bats an eye. But this is one of the few Ive seen where articulate, scholarly folk have been compelled to dissect it, either from its sheer complex badness and/or because of an embarrassing need to justify the morbid curiosity that brought them into the theater. There are very few movies we've discussed in my many years on ETS where a person has opted for rape instead, and then when accused of an off color exaggeration, defended their choice. Stranger in contrast with Hazekiah, expressing his enthusiasm in that way he is known to do, met with a sort of silent confusion! Whoa!

    Interesting to me the sheer number of great movies out there, great modern movies, even! But this one has generated perhaps the most discussion, and even stranger, some of the deepest discussion in recent memory. Perhaps because the internet is more about talking shit about things than it is about celebrating things. As I mentioned before, it is a bafflingly bad movie, but the collective internet response is the most intriguing thing about it.
    Last edited by Wretchedest; 08-09-2014 at 01:21 AM.

  23. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jinsai View Post
    What the fuck... Please tell me you're joking
    I'm not sure why anyone would doubt ME of all people on THIS point, lol.

    I didn't get to see it as many times as I would've liked, but I'll admit it was a pretty good run nevertheless.

    I'm missing some ticket stubs here obviously but I saw it 28 times altogether and at least twice a day for the whole first week, w00t.





    YOU'RE
    WELCOME,
    NOW BRING ON
    TRANSFORMERS 5 & 6!!!

    \m/ -___- \m/


  24. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hazekiah View Post

    I'm missing some ticket stubs here obviously but I saw it 28 times altogether and at least twice a day for the whole first week, w00t.






  25. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by thefragile_jake View Post
    [/CENTER]
    Yeah... I'm pretty damn speechless as well...
    Who has the time to watch a 3 hr long movie 28 times... sometimes TWICE a day? That's 6 hours of your day gone...
    Collectively, that's 84 hours spent watching this movie... that's 3 and a half days worth of transformers 4...
    Oh my...

  26. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hazekiah View Post







    I'm not sure why anyone would doubt ME of all people on THIS point, lol.

    I didn't get to see it as many times as I would've liked, but I'll admit it was a pretty good run nevertheless.

    I'm missing some ticket stubs here obviously but I saw it 28 times altogether and at least twice a day for the whole first week, w00t.





    YOU'RE
    WELCOME,
    NOW BRING ON
    TRANSFORMERS 5 & 6!!!

    \m/ -___- \m/

    You make me sad.

  27. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hazekiah View Post







    I'm not sure why anyone would doubt ME of all people on THIS point, lol.

    I didn't get to see it as many times as I would've liked, but I'll admit it was a pretty good run nevertheless.

    I'm missing some ticket stubs here obviously but I saw it 28 times altogether and at least twice a day for the whole first week, w00t.





    YOU'RE
    WELCOME,
    NOW BRING ON
    TRANSFORMERS 5 & 6!!!

    \m/ -___- \m/

    its really none of my business but since you're making such an issue out of your time commitment to this…
    do you have a job? school? I'm legitimately curious how you have the time to do this. What is your daily life like?

  28. #58
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    so you paid over $300 in 2 weeks to see the same movie? you have issues man, i dont care what movie it was.
    Last edited by TheyCallMeDrug; 08-12-2014 at 11:24 PM.

  29. #59
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    well, you all know the dude is a bit off right? that's been established on here for a minute. not everything is right up top. He's been an obsessive dude for a long time.

  30. #60
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    duly noted

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