Active Member
Active Member
Higginssss
Active Member
What is this, a Radiohead song?Originally Posted by The Becoming
Seriously, though, The Becoming...more drunk ETS fan fiction, please.
Active Member
ETS FanFic was the best. Even better than my picture of Fixer pointing at Wix passed out in the back of a truck (above).
Hairy Member
I have a bottle of scotch ready for tonight. Creative juices, and many other juices probably, will flow tonight.
The Enhancer
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, I REMEMBER THAT! Fucking karaoke, can't believe that was the ONE night they had pipes burst and cancelled it.
EDIT: Erm... I mean, the picture of me and me and Wix... Damn new page...
Also, yes... drunk-fic needs to happen again. I mean my GOD, it's fallen to page 3 in "Artistic Expression"!!
Last edited by Fixer808; 07-14-2012 at 03:07 PM.
Active Member
Wray and Nephew fuckin overproof ru Mmmmm m 63% alcohol that is all!
Hairy Member
Excerpts From the Diary of Theruiner (Childhood to Present) Entries 1-8.
Entry #1
"Us kids were allowed to watch the men do bloody work today. They would hold the testicles tight underneath, slit the skin holding the testicle in, put their mouth down and get hold of the testicle with their teeth, lift it up a bit, slice it off with the knife in their other hand and then spit the testicle on the ground. The man doing this had blood all over his mouth and face. There was a big heap of testicles in jellied blood and lamb tails all on the ground, but the testicles were soon cleaned up by the many black crows that lived there."
Entry #2
"Today we talked about "Doric Order" in my Art History class. My love for both architecture and fast food caused me to involuntarily stand up in the middle of the lecture and ask for a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a 16oz cup of gasoline."
Entry #3
"Time traveled back to 1953 today to levitate down Main Street in Wichita. Came back to present day to the news celebrating the 60th anniversary of the day every toilet in Wichita flushed in conjunction with Judy Garland's orgasms.17 times, three under a tub spigot."
Entry #4
"Chewed George Lucas's chocolate. :'("
Entry #5
"Killed another girl during love making tonight. When will they learn that to survive with me they need to wear a regulation football helmet, contractor's knee-pads, Everlast shin-guards, and a pair of kevlar Foundry Gloves?"
Entry #6
"Invented a new sex act today. I call it The Flying Tucson Hot Pocket. It involves a rubber glove filled with bat guano, a smallish microwave, and a severe beating with a 76 Buick Skylark radio antennae."
Entry #7
"Had a conversation with mother today. She sad that when I was born the attending nurse soiled herself inexplicably with tapioca pudding sputtering out of a zig-zagged slot that appeared in her taint, making a wet spluttering sound and filling her panty hose until she had pudding cankles. Then her lips fell off. No one dared make note of this phenomenon."
Entry #8
"Today I shoved dirt clods up my ass and discharged mud splotches at high velocity to texture coat a house to make extra cash for my date with Barbara Streisand. Hopefully she takes me to Gookies and lets me sex up her nostrils."
Active Member
I asked for this. I have no one to blame but myself.
Edit: 'Pudding cankles' made me laugh so fucking hard.
Last edited by theruiner; 07-15-2012 at 12:21 AM.
God is an American
Humbled In Love, Vindicated In Booze
Hairy Member
It's been awhile since I've mixed alcohol and my creative writing. It feels good. Shall I continue?
The Enhancer
I wholeheartedly desire more.
Balls in Your Mouth
I just want you to know that I didn't mean to facepalm this. My mouse got really excited after reading through it, so it clicked everywhere.
Active Member
Yes. Your "mouse."
Hairy Member
Excerpts From the Diary of Theruiner (Childhood to Present) Entries 9-20.
Entry #9
"Finally got the confirmation that I'll be writing Hillary Clinton's new autobiography. Current working title is "Trollin' for Cock - The Revenge Years."
Entry #10
"Traveled to the Cuyahoga River today to collect water to make ice cubes for my bourbon."
Entry #11
"Worked on the roof of my house today. I used pieces of my tongue and the vaginas of six hundred Costa Rican prostitutes as roofing. I give a whole new meaning to the term tongue and groove."
Entry #12
"Stumbled into a single bedroom apartment in Huntington Park today. All the members of Puddle of Mud were inside chanting Fred Durst's name. I raped them all."
Entry #13
"Time traveled back to 1952 today to be the first person to handle Sophia Loren's jugs. I chanted, "Oobly, moobly, mamtastic mounds of mash potato marbled monuments of munchable domes of mama flesh," while drooling a furious river of bile duct. Then that asshole Anthony Quinn banged me across the head with a length of rebar opening a bloody gash. Luckily a doctor on a bicycle returning from a Giorgio Armani panty raid on a Vatican nunnery passed by. He bound the open wound with the leprous sash used by Mother Theresa to bind down her sanitary napkin. Supernatural status."
Entry #14
"Found out today that I can toss a coin into Paris Hilton's asshole from anywhere on earth except Boise, Idaho."
Entry #15
"Decided to time travel and personally engineer The House of Windsor for the sole reason that Prince Charles is the most dumbo-eared, dry-telephone-pole-fucking, hapsburg-nosed, psych-ward-drooling, asshole-royale-with-cheese since Catherine The Great's first husband, Peter of Holstein Gottorp; who, coincidentally, was a professional circus moron and cat juggler by trade."
Entry #16
"Decided today that I will attach 37 shark fishing hooks to lengths of quarter inch braided steel cable. These will be hooked to the pick-point of an upper east side New York building crane. It is with this apparatus that I'll suspend a fully naked and completely aroused Rosie O'Donnell over the next Pink Floyd reunion concert. Rosie will then urinate reagent strength LSD over the entire crowd, spreading it through a special crop duster rig bolted to her vagina. It will be a rare night for all concerned. Afterwards, I will share a smoke with a reincarnated Timothy Leary who will give the event 1 1/2 thumbs up."
Entry #17
"Today I porked Connie Chung on the roof of a dog house while shoving roman candles up her ass. My ejaculate caught fire becoming a spitfire drill."
Entry #18
"Talked major shit to Lorena Bobbit while she was blowing me today. She was furious. So I laid back and went to sleep next to a butch block full of new cutlery. She made me a sandwich."
Entry #19
"Performed cunnilingus on a Portuguese woman who had been pronounced legally dead for ten minutes. She came back to life with no memory of her past, a thick British accent, and no gag reflex."
Entry #20
"Today I purchased seventy four advanced copies on GNR’s Chinese Democracy album. I filed down the edges to points that were sharper than a surgeon's scalpel. I then tied up Axl and slowly slid each copy up his anus while I whispered sweetly in his ear, “It’s so Easy, Sweet Child O’ Mine, to be my Rocket Queen.” I then then broke a bottle of single malt scotch over his head while screaming, “Patience is for suckers!”
Last edited by The Becoming; 07-17-2012 at 12:37 AM.
The Enhancer
Entry #13. ENTRY #13!!
Active Member
Random guy with a grocery bag full of weed: "Hey man, you guys lookin' to buy? I got the chronic!"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, I REMEMBER THAT! Fucking karaoke, can't believe that was the ONE night they had pipes burst and cancelled it.
Me and Fixer808: "No thanks, we're good."
Wix, moments later: "WHAT THE FUCK? DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?"
Also: Wix gets Canadian money for the first time, "HEY! It's that bitch!"
T'was a good night! We should do it again.
The Enhancer
Don't forget the folks who- 10 seconds later- asked us if we were holding. "Nope, but that guy is. Hey, weed guy! These guys want some!"
Balls in Your Mouth
Besides alcohol, I have no CLUE how you can even conceive these sentences. I don't even...
Hairy Member
I have a little extra ingredient that I add to my Taaka Red that gets the right portion of my brain more active. I'm currently working on a more fleshed out drunk fan-fic story. It's a;ways a joy waking up the next morning reading what I've written. I really enjoy doing the shorter paragraph entries. I hope you all enjoy them as well.
FATUM NOS IUNGET
The devil. The devil himself.
Active Member
YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU LYING SONUVABITCHThe devil. The devil himself.
...Although, I'm definitely more of a rye kind-o'-guy. But Bulleit still makes a damn good drink.
Active Member
I hope the real estate market stays down forever in Detroit so I can buy a whole block and wall it in and have awesomely huge parties and use the wall to keep out police and/or zombies
Stubby Member
Teehee
Bent Member
Have you ever had one of those bad nights, were you do heaps of terrible things, then wake up with an all destroying hangover, and think maybe I should stop drinking?
Me neither, last night was awesome.
Active Member
Woke up and blew .09. Today is going to be horrible.
Balls in Your Mouth
im drunk and watching video game youtube videos wat is this who am i
Active Member
Today was horrible. Still not sure how I got all of the cuts on my legs and face.
Active Member
white wine+heat+sun+ walking = migrane headache!!
Throbbing Member
Posting Permissions
Likes: 
Faceplams: 
Reply With Quote
