02-27-2017, 05:13 AM
Let me first start off by saying I'm loving life right now, I'm living my dream job, have a girlfriend who really loves me and I her, my family is in good health, and I'm taking my medication for my depression and ADD with no changes in medication, however, at night time I think to myself how happy I am, and what dreams I want to accomplish, yet I always end up thinking: "But I'm probably going to kill myself." I have no clue why,.. I don't like it.
03-07-2017, 02:29 PM
My cousin took up Brian Tracy and his Hungarian version a month ago, because his girlfriend showed him. He went bonkers. We haven't talked in 3,5 months, so it was with great surprise to see how shallow, utterly dumb and incoherent he became. I was waiting for the "BAZINGA!", but it never came. He lives abroad, so the only 3 major influence in his life are:
- his girlfriend, who showed him Mr. Tracy
- his mother, who's suffering from midlife crysis, took up Buddhism, divorced and started tattooing herself
- his simpleton father, who just nods to everything
He made no sense. He could not put three sentences together, which followed any line of logic or pattern. He low-key mentioned thinking about suicide, but said that positive thoughts saved him. He continually contradicts himself. He has no vocabulary of his own. Now, he was never the smartest guy, but damn, half of his speech were just words from Brian Tracy put together terribly. Like, he kept talking to me about REAPING, but never explained to me what does it exactly mean. He took motivational quotes as his own. He told me a brave man expresses his feelings, to which I reminded him that I saw him liking the exact same motivational quote 2 days ago on Facebook.
He never explained anything. I tried the calm approach, asking genuine questions about this shit, but he never answered. He just kept running and running and running. At first I was fascinated, I mean, how often can you say you are literally witnessing someone's mental breakdown, but it just never stopped. It was like he had a manic episode, which he deliberately kept up for a month now.
He also had an extremely arrogant and condescending tone, which I don't even think he realized. He had many remarks that I can't understand this, but he is here to help, and it's okay to not get it at first; hell, he kept insisting me being skeptical is actually a great first step into this brave new world!
He said he doesn't want to be a chef anymore. Something he was so adamant a year ago and practiced so much. No, he decided that he is a musician and he will make money from being a producer/dj, because being a chef is giving in to the system, and he is not giving into the system, because he reconfigured himself and now he understands everything...
His father has a bad case of mental vulnerability, he is extremely fragile, and it was obvious even at a young age that my cousin is suffering from the same. Last year, when he was still sane, he told me that sometimes he feels like going mental under the pressure and he doesn't want to end up like his father. I told him to go to a therapist, but I don't know if he ever did. (edit: found the discussion on facebook from 2016. June: "This is how it's been for a while now, I'm fallen apart mentally. You get it? Any little incident and bam, I'm having a nervous-breakdown. I can't do anything with it Sometimes it scares me out a lot, and I am surprised by myself.")
Words can not penetrate his bubble. I tried to play the nice guy, then I tried to be confrontational, but I had to realize that I can not speak with someone, who barely exists anymore. His vocabulary is nearly non-existent, and he even kept misusing those few words. Like, he talked a lot about logic and intelligence, but he had no fucking idea what logic and intelligence is, because none of those sentences made sense!!! In his barrage of re- and misused words - which is extremely uncharacteristic by him to begin with, and I know him for 21 years now, since that's how old he is -, there were remains of his old self, but if not for those little jokes here and there, I wouldn't have any idea who am I talking to.
I'm not sure what to do. It's clear he can not be convinced, but I can't just say fuck off now, can I? In a year or two he will going to collapse, so I'd like him to know he can reach out to me then, before he actually kills himself, but I absolutely can't get myself to communicate with "him". Not only I feel like I'm enabling this idiocity, he lacks anything resembling of a personality, bar the few instances I mentioned. He is fucking happy for everything, he just keeps saying yes plus the accompanying empty words. I have deeper discussions with cats, to be honest.
Anyway, I don't really have a question or a problem of my own, but maybe someone can relate. I don't know, just wanted this off from my shoulders.
Last edited by Volband; 03-07-2017 at 02:41 PM.
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