How fucked was your day?

[allegro]

@Magnetic . Shit, that sucks. So even if you were totally vaccinated, you may not be able to get into the U.K.?

FWIW, though: My Mom’s neighbor’s cat (named Lisa, I was helping care for her because her Dad has Lewy Body Dementia with Parkinson’s) lost a ton of weight, got down to about 4 pounds, but kept polishing off two cans of food per day and still played and snuggled and seemed to enjoy life for over a YEAR until her litter output finally told a different story and she started walking like a drunk and then we knew it was “time” but it was a LONG time until that time.

When we finally did put her down, I arranged to take her to my own vet, and it was during Covid so you’re typically not allowed inside the building with your pet. But Lisa’s Dad AND I were allowed inside in an exam room, and Lisa was so out of it at that point. it was so very peaceful. I still cried my ass off, and Lisa’s Dad was comforting ME.

[Magnetic]

Thanks. We're 100% going to arrange the vet to come to the house, so our cat can go as peaceful as possible. It just takes a week to schedule in advance I think. We just don't know when that will be yet.....

[allegro]

Thanks. We're 100% going to arrange the vet to come to the house, so our cat can go as peaceful as possible. It just takes a week to schedule in advance I think. We just don't know when that will be yet.....

Yeah, we did the at-home thing with our pets, too, they come out right away, here; like, often the same day. Hoping your Kitty hangs in there and has quality of life for a while.

[sweeterthan]

we also talked about having a vet come here but my kids are 6 and 8 and i don’t think they’d handle it well. i almost feel like we’re waiting too long. we got him fluids on sunday and he perked up for a day or two but it’s back to bad again today. it looks like he’s trying to drink water today and seems to be drawn to food but he doesn’t eat. he’s got a tumor under his tongue.

i’m having my husband take him because i’ve done our last 3 pets and it fucking sucks. i feel guilty for not being there.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[allegro]

I agree that it’s too much for your kids.

Vets have told me that they hear many people tell them that they waited too long, but they never hear that they didn’t wait long enough.

[Jinsai]

I've only been present during the "putting to sleep" process where they've come to the residence to do it there. Honestly, if you have the option, I would do it that way. I can't imagine having to take one of my pets to the vet to do it... only my cute little Corgi loves the vet, but he's a baby and doesn't have all the bad associations with the place.

If they're comfortable there, and the vet team knows them and loves to see them, I'm sure it can go as well as it has to. I just feel it's worth the extra cash to arrange for a visit at their "home." Then again, w/ this pandemic, I don't even know how that whole world is operating. We've had to take our older dog in for surgery a few times while this has been going on, and it's been (like most things) completely different.

Vets have told me that they hear many people tell them that they waited too long, but they never hear that they didn’t wait long enough.

I've been "guilted" for insisting we put down our dog when I was younger, and told I was selfish and that I'd robbed the dog of a choice, and how did I know it was alright to make that call. The dog couldn't stand at that point, and I had to lift him up and carry him outside to go to the bathroom. I had to hold him up while he did. The look on his face was just devastating sometimes.
I'm realizing that fairly soon, I'm gonna go through something like that again. It's gotta happen I guess. In the meantime, I'll make Miles as happy as I can.

[elevenism]

@eachpassingphase , good god. i missed everything here because I was dealing with losing my bulldog, but HOLY CHRIST.

That's fucking disgusting and disturbing and flat out sickening. I know it must come with all sorts of mixed emotions, but, it sounds to me like your husband is an actual, literal psychopath, what with faking a marriage, lying in counseling, and having no empathy.
But, on second thought, the "I never loved you" bullshit is a LIE. He probably loved you very much, but got caught up in this affair. SHE probably told him to say that shit to you: not that that makes him any less guilty.
I'm glad the church is behind you, as they should be, given the "sexual immorality" clause in the gospel.
I know this is INSANELY hard, but, just judging by what I know of you here, this awful bastard doesn't deserve you.

All of that aside, though, I just can't imagine the shock and pain. I'm so, so, so sorry.

[ickyvicky]

Have you two discussed how you are going to co-parent?

[Erneuert]

Absolutely agree with the above sentiments!

We have a six and a half year old and a brand new 8 week old. Quite the gap, but the elder one loves the new one. Every time I swaddle our newborn I can’t help but keep picking her up and giving her scalp tickles and kissing her cheeks. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older now or whatever, but I appreciate the feeling of being a new parent again now than I did the first time around.

On an entirely different topic re: what @Jinsai was saying about self-harm. Yes, that’s quite true. Actually, I’ve only ever had tendencies towards self harm following an incident a few years ago (entirely accidental) that resulted in the death of a bike rider who made a wrong turn at a wrong time, hitting my car. It got me reading recently into PTSD and what it can do to the brain; the part about aggression definitely applies to me of late:

https://www.bustle.com/wellness/how-...-brain-experts

Traumatic events can do a number on all aspects of your health, from appetite to sleep to mental health. But it’s less well known that trauma can affect the brain. From the parts that regulate fear and anger to the sections that hold onto memories, traumatic events can leave scars in several key areas of the brain, with long-term effects for its health and functioning.


“Psychological trauma is not only mentally and physically exhausting; it can also have long-lasting effects on the victim’s brain,” Dr. Sanam Hafeez Psy.D., a neuropsychologist, tells Bustle. “When a person experiences severe trauma, several parts of the brain can be impacted negatively and take extended periods of time to recover.”

“The amygdala is the part of the brain that controls emotions — in particular, fear and anger,” Dr. Hafeez says. “A person who has experienced intense psychological trauma is likely to have an amygdala that is hyperactive.” That means that even if there isn’t any danger around, the amygdala might still activate a “fight or flight” response, and cause the person to react as if they’re under imminent threat.


Whenever you face danger, the fight or flight response kick-starts a host of reactions throughout your parasympathetic nervous system — your blood starts pumping, your muscles tense, and you become highly alert. The amygdala takes a leading role in this wave of responses, sending out hormones and signals throughout the body. Overactive amygdalas may start this process without warning, or when triggered by something that feels vaguely reminiscent of the original trauma, such as being in a similar setting. Some experts call this amygdala hijacking.

The result may be a panic attack, a flood of emotion, feelings of aggression, or constant stress. “People with overactive amygdalas are perpetually stressed and this can lead to debilitating anxiety,” Dr. Hafeez says. It can also physically change your brain structure. A 2020 study published in The Journal of Head Trauma Rehabilitation found that military veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder were more likely to have enlarged amygdalas than veterans who didn’t have trauma.

[eversonpoe]

...becoming a dad...

not a dad, i'm a woman. i know you weren't trying to offend but like...my pronouns are right below my username.

also, gonna be deleting my posts about this stuff and would appreciate everyone else doing the same. just trying to clean up some stuff.

don't have to move at the moment, we're working through some things.

[sweeterthan]

not a dad, i'm a woman. i know you weren't trying to offend but like...my pronouns are right below my username.

also, gonna be deleting my posts about this stuff and would appreciate everyone else doing the same. just trying to clean up some stuff.

don't have to move at the moment, we're working through some things.

FWIW a lot of us access the board thru tapatalk on our phones and the only info displayed in the post is your user name and when you posted (either by the hours or date). you have to click the user name to see their profile and then it displays the ETS info.

[Erneuert]

I was going to post this in Random General Questions but I think here is more appropriate.

@allegro @elevenism @allegate @eversonpoe, what do you think of this idea?

I was thinking about making a thread called ”A Warm Place: Discussing & supporting the difficult parts of our lives". I’ve noticed that a lot of people have a lot of different things going on here, from depression and mental health, to gender identity, to illnesses or family members going through illnesses, loss of work, the general pressure of life, family difficulties, COVID, all that stuff. I was thinking one central thread to have people willing to firstly open up from the beginning about their issues and then receiving feedback/help from other posters would be beneficial, rather than having a lot of it all spread across various threads.

Good idea or too much? Thought it was worth throwing out there.

[Jinsai]

I think some people could find it a really useful forum to discuss things they want to talk about, but I would say that I probably wouldn't join in the conversation. I guess I'm hesitant or cautious enough when I find myself talking about currently distressing stuff on any public forum, even a place that I feel is actually supportive and well moderated like ETS. That said, I just don't see myself wanting to reminisce about hard memories in that sort of way.

[WorzelG]

Can’t say I think it would ever be a good idea to have this much personal information bandied about on a public forum, esp when trolls have previously been an issue.

[elevenism]

I was going to post this in Random General Questions but I think here is more appropriate.

@allegro @elevenism @allegate @eversonpoe, what do you think of this idea?

I was thinking about making a thread called ”A Warm Place: Discussing & supporting the difficult parts of our lives". I’ve noticed that a lot of people have a lot of different things going on here, from depression and mental health, to gender identity, to illnesses or family members going through illnesses, loss of work, the general pressure of life, family difficulties, COVID, all that stuff. I was thinking one central thread to have people willing to firstly open up from the beginning about their issues and then receiving feedback/help from other posters would be beneficial, rather than having a lot of it all spread across various threads.

Good idea or too much? Thought it was worth throwing out there.

As far as over sharing and personal information, idk: a lot of us already do this in 'how fucked was your day," and even 'the little things that piss you off.'
We talk about divorce and death and beatings and all kinds of shit, alongside people discussing how they don't like clipping on audio, or how they were late for work.

I don't think it's a bad idea, for things that are rougher than "how fucked was your day."
Those threads could be more for like "I got a flat tire," and the new thread could be for "my mom died."

Not the worst idea in the world.

[Erneuert]

Hmmm... I’ll think about it. @Leviathant , would you mind?

On another note - scratches on sunglasses. I always try my hardest to take the best care of things, especially watches and sunglasses, but they aren’t made of diamond. Last week I had my Ray-Ban aviators dangling from the middle of my shirt and they dropped when I went to pick up groceries, resulting in one little scratch that I see every time I have them on in the right lens. I’ve Googled remedies and so far the most popular thing is a bicarb soda based toothpaste (or toothpaste with bicarb mixed in with it) to help remove the scratch.

Before I try anything like that or spend money on getting new lenses or a new pair entirely (got bad OCD when it comes to things being perfect), does anyone know of something that actually works?

[sweeterthan]

we put our sweet chi chi to sleep on thursday. 16 years of being own by him. we all miss him so much already.

[Jinsai]

I'm sorry to hear @sweeterthan
Sixteen years is a long run, but that doesn't make it any easier.

[allegro]

@sweeterthan , my sincerest condolences. He was so beautiful.

[allegro]

Before I try anything like that or spend money on getting new lenses or a new pair entirely (got bad OCD when it comes to things being perfect), does anyone know of something that actually works?

Sorry to say, I’ve been there, I cannot STAND scratches on lenses, but nope, nothing you can do. Except be REALLY careful.

[sweeterthan]

thanks @allegro and @Jinsai

my other cat is 17. he’s a cranky old man but he’s here for all the kitty snuggles we are giving.

[Magnetic]

@sweeterthan
I'm so sorry. No matter how long we have with them, it's never enough.

[Leviathant]

@sweeterthan I'm sorry to hear about chi chi, having just lost a 16 year old cat, the grief was more (and different) than I was anticipating. 16 years makes for a lot of warm memories to reflect on
@Erneuert When it comes to really difficult life experiences... I love how supportive this community is. I would hope that there is some level of self-moderation that keeps things in line, e.g. if someone's ranting about a divorce in progress, that's the kind of thing that lawyers dig up, and that's an example of consequences to keep in mind when discussing personal things on a public forum. Many people (most people?) can't afford dedicated therapy, and community can help offset that, but there's also a reason why professions related to dealing with these personal issues require training and certification and other responsibilities. This doesn't preclude professionals in the field from being bad, or guarantee that they're good, but it's important to tread carefully.

And as far as sunglasses scratches go - since they're as good as busted anyway, would there be any harm in getting a nice Headlight Cleaning kit and giving that a shot? I've used one to clean scratches from the plastic cover on my turntable to a brilliant effect.

[marodi]

@sweeterthan @Leviathant I'm so very sorry for your loss. LIke I often say, you can take a bit of confort in the fact that you gave your pets the best life possible and plenty of love.

[Swykk]

My condolences @Leviathant and @sweeterthan

[elevenism]

@sweeterthan @Leviathant , I'm so, so sorry. I'm right there with you. The sudden absence is SO profound.

[Jinsai]

Yeah... I don't know how well I'm gonna handle it when my older golden retriever passes, however that goes down. I'm being realistic, and we've got some unexpected extra time with him, but it's probably a year at most. I really don't know how it will feel this time. I know when his brother passed away about 4 years ago it just destroyed me on every level, but that time I really felt that devastating feeling looming, and I wonder if part of it is related to the fact that he died so young. I was in shock when I got the diagnosis. With his brother Miles now, he's definitely worn down a lot and generally pretty tired, but he's still wagging his tail and able to go for short walks. I'd like to think it's not going to be so horrible this time, but it's going to be I'm sure.

[sweeterthan]

thank you every one. i really appreciate it.

[the duder]

Pets are the best, and their loss is huge. My in-laws had to have their Chesapeake Bay retriever, Lady, down earlier this month. She had been struck by a vehicle about two years ago and survived with what they thought was some minor roadrash. As she aged, her hips began giving out and they found some degenerative nerve issues in her hindquarters. Towards the end, when she'd walk her hips would give out and she would fall down. It was terrible, and my heart goes out to all who've recently lost your pets.

Mine is in the "self fuck" department. My wife and I have really, really done some work over the past 5 years to eradicate debt - we're now at a place where our mortgage is our only debt. Both of our cars are old and have high miles - 2004 4Runner with 285K & a 2005 Altima with 188K. We've been planning to replace them, starting with the Altima. We had saved up enough to replace the Altima, and had a number in mind. As we were shopping online, looking for deals, we found out no dealerships really want to do cash deals anymore. In our shopping process, my wife thought she had found a killer deal at a dealership in Queens. This place had a vehicle listed significantly under the blue book value, which was a major red flag to me. My wife called, and they said they don't negotiate over the phone. Red flag two. Regardless of this, my wife made an appointment for me to go up - and I'm a fucking terrible negotiator - but she's 3.5 months pregnant and we didn't think a 4 hour car ride to Queens in an old Altima would be a good idea.

I leave my house at 4:45 AM and get there at 9. I meet the salesman and tell him my offer on the vehicle + trade in for the Altima. He says he's going to "respect my time" and informs me that the price online is an advertising strategy to get people in the door. He says he has another vehicle with less options, same year, same mileage. I call my wife, let her know the scoop, and she tells me to check out the other one closer to our price point. By this time, it's almost 11. I test drive it, it's a car, it's fine. Good shape, everything works. I call back, and we agree to go a bit over what we had agreed upon. I literally looked at my POS Altima and thought, I should just head home. Now it's pushing 12:30. Red flag 3. I tell the salesman that we're good with the car but want it at the new price point - between the list price & our original price. He agrees, I put down my down payment via credit card. Then it takes another 2 hours to get the paperwork lined up. During this time, I've not eaten nor had any food. Salesman gets me to the finance manager who gives me a chicken scratch breakdown of cost & fees, etc. Tells me he "got a lower interest rate for me" - which my credit is fucking incredible due to our work over the past half decade. Things look OK; bottom line is below the price we agreed so it made sense in the moment. I sign, then I see some tags that are some bullshit "anti-theft" system. Red flag 4. I go back to the sales desk, think again and it hit me: I just got fucked. I tell the sales rep I want to talk to the finance manager again. I state I never agreed to the anti-theft etching and he claims it's necessary for the financing. I was never clearly told the financing offers. I literally blanked out at the fucking worst possible moment and got hosed because of it. Ended up paying $5K more than we had intended.

Called my wife on the way home and she was not happy. I was not happy. We called the dealership yesterday evening and we're looking to see if there's anything we can do. My wife is going to call back tomorrow AM, and they said they'll may be able to reduce something. I honestly doubt it, and should have walked at red flag 3.

Worst experience I've had in quite some time.

[allegro]

informs me that the price online is an advertising strategy to get people in the door.

This is illegal.

It’s an illegal practice known as “bait and switch.”

Read: https://www.findlaw.com/consumer/lem...fraud-faq.html

https://www.autocheatsheet.com/car-d...aler-scam.html

https://www.legalmatch.com/law-libra...nd-switch.html


Contact a lawyer. Sorry that happened to you.