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Thread: How fucked was your day?

  1. #91
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    My sister broke up with her boyfriend. This hits me because he's a good friend. People wonder why I never leave my room. I'll tell you why: because I don't want to deal with shit like this. It's life, I guess.

  2. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by the duder View Post
    I really, really can't stand the fact that this university cannot fucking communicate between offices. I have been waiting for my student refund (to pay for rent, utilities, groceries, etc) since the semester began. This is the last week of classes. To top it off, I am switching banks and car insurance companies ASAP. First and foremost, the cocksuckers at PNC KNOW my balance as well as I. When a payment comes through that is greater than the amount there, rather than saying "nope, that much is not there", they PROCESS the payment and dock me with the charge. The charge in question is my car insurance payment, which is over $250 more than what I found I could get from another company. So in summary, after seeing that 1.) my money from the school HADN'T come through yet and that 2.) I couldn't afford my car insurance payment, 3.) I get ass raped by school, bank and car insurance company.

    Fuck. This.

    So, money still hasn't come through, therefore I do not have sufficient funds to pay taxes and register my car in PA. Decided to go to the bar last night to play trivia. Had 4 beers in 3 hours (hovering right around the legal limit) and drove home. Got pulled over for no registration on my vehicle. Was taken into custody and refused the breathalyzer, as I knew I was close to the limit and didn't want to get a (2nd ) DUI.

    Completely perplexed about what to do right now. I hate this.

  3. #93
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    Pretty goddamn fucked.

    Just as I was trying to leave school, one of my students asked for me. So I went to see what she wanted, and she handed me an obituary of a friend of hers. I'd already spend half my lunch hour with another student, who has some issues herself, talking about this girl who commited suicide by train two days ago, so I wasn't unprepared.
    But this girl is suicidal herself, and she's attempted to kill herself a couple of times in the past. And she wanted to talk to me.
    But I'm suicidal. Which is not the best thing to be when you have to talk a girl off the proverbial ledge (it wasn't that serious, but she was considering it again, she said).

    I ended up making myself way too vulnerable, and now I'm a bit of a mess, with one more day of classes to get through and then an evening of fun and games with the school's pastoral team. I just want to curl up in a ball and feel really really sorry for myself, right now.

  4. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by the duder View Post
    So, money still hasn't come through, therefore I do not have sufficient funds to pay taxes and register my car in PA. Decided to go to the bar last night to play trivia. Had 4 beers in 3 hours (hovering right around the legal limit) and drove home. Got pulled over for no registration on my vehicle. Was taken into custody and refused the breathalyzer, as I knew I was close to the limit and didn't want to get a (2nd ) DUI.

    Completely perplexed about what to do right now. I hate this.
    duder - you are getting pig piled. I'm sorry . Try not to feel too overwhelmed. This are all solvable problems.
    And that what doesn't kills you makes you stronger blah blah blah pep talk. Hang in there bubba.


    @Elke- you seem to be the approachable teacher over there. Can't you refer some of these kids to a school counselor rather than taking all of it on yourself. I mean really, you're there to teach, not be there psychiatrist.

    Once again, I came to whine and got blown back by other people's real-life issues. I'll shut up now.

  5. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elke View Post
    Pretty goddamn fucked.

    Just as I was trying to leave school, one of my students asked for me. So I went to see what she wanted, and she handed me an obituary of a friend of hers. I'd already spend half my lunch hour with another student, who has some issues herself, talking about this girl who commited suicide by train two days ago, so I wasn't unprepared.
    But this girl is suicidal herself, and she's attempted to kill herself a couple of times in the past. And she wanted to talk to me.
    But I'm suicidal. Which is not the best thing to be when you have to talk a girl off the proverbial ledge (it wasn't that serious, but she was considering it again, she said).

    I ended up making myself way too vulnerable, and now I'm a bit of a mess, with one more day of classes to get through and then an evening of fun and games with the school's pastoral team. I just want to curl up in a ball and feel really really sorry for myself, right now.
    Elke, you are one hell of a woman to be dealing with this while having your own "ledges" to avoid. I am suicidal and the moment I encounter someone like "me", I tend to avoid them because I just don't know how to handle that kind of thing anymore. The one exception right now being a girl who has clinged on to me so fast and strong that I can't do anything besides deal with her...and that's just about all I can handle.

    I wish you all the strength!

  6. #96
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    Thanks, Dra. Always appreciate your input
    Just got in from my 2nd AA meeting. While I was sobering up in the cell, I pretty much came to the realization that I can't just have one. I mean, I have before. And I've had 0. Or just two. And everywhere in between. But, for the most part, this is the only decision I can make at the moment to commit to sobriety. 2 down in 2 days. 1 more to go...

  7. #97
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    Thanks halloween. I've noticed that these things are usually very different for different people - or maybe I've just lived with it for so long that I've learned how to cope rather better than most, I don't know. I wish you all the strength you need.

    Dra, she does see a school counsellor, but she was absent at the moment and I was there, so...

  8. #98
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    Elke and Halloween, I hope the suicidal mindframe passes and develops into a more optimistic outlook on life.
    Last edited by aggroculture; 05-05-2012 at 10:41 AM.

  9. #99
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    Thanks aggroculture! I mean, I've just recently gotten into a better mind frame- I'm 22 and my life is just now starting to even out on the ratio of happy vs depressed years- heh. I hope that I'll eventually be able to deal with other people's issues as you have been Elke, you really are someone to admire!

    (edit.Thinking about that ratio thing- I became depressed at the age of 11, and recently i've been having a lot of those early childhood memories come back to me, and I'm starting to wonder if that's because that's the last time my brain associates being happy? mmm, random thought.)
    Last edited by halloween; 05-06-2012 at 05:52 PM.

  10. #100
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    I've noticed that whenever things don't go well, it triggers the exact state of mind I had when I was around 14, which is probably (in hindsight) when my depression and all the subsequent problems started. The trick is to realize that this is almost like muscle memory (I even smell things I associate with that period of time, the memory is so strong), and then to realize that I am not that girl anymore and I haven't been for a long time. That's helped me a lot over the past year. I guess the best thing to have happened to me in recent years is actually standing in front of a red light and almost crossing the street - because it set a lot of things in motion, including a therapist who's more like something out of Dharma & Gregg than scientist but who worked through so much crap with me...
    So I think, personally, it's the people around me who are to be admired, because they managed to help me get to this point

  11. #101
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    You wanna hear something ridiculous? Well, I just spent last week staying at my Aunt and Uncles house because on Monday, my father tried to assault me... over spaghetti noodles. Well, technically he did assault me since he pushed me. I was going to report him and get a restraining order, but he's my father. I could not bring myself to do it. I'm back at home now. Honestly, if he freaks out over something like this again, I'm actually gonna defend myself. I'm tired of him pushing me around like I'm a kid on a playground. He's obviously much stronger than me, but I don't care.

  12. #102
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    This will sound dumb at first.

    Me and my dad used to be big into wrestling. My dad looked exactly like The Undertaker. I grew up watching The Undertaker wrestle.
    I forgot about wrestling till about a week ago and I decided to watch this years wrestlemania for The Undertaker.
    I remembered that me and my dad used to watch it every year.
    After the Undertaker match, they said it was an "end of an era" and that it was Undertakers last match.

    I looked over to my left and said out loud "hey dad, did you know this was Undertakers last match?"

    Then I remembered my dad passed away back in 2010.

    It made me realize that I'm still not really 'over it'. I've just been sitting in my room these past few days thinking about it. I've been feeling very alone as of late and my mind has been getting the best of me and I've even had some friends telling me that I haven't really been myself these past few months.

    I've kind of just lost the energy and will to do things and get on with my life since someone broke my heart awhile back. So now it just feels like I'm truly alone, no matter how many friends I'm surrounded by and I don't get joy out of doing anything productive at all.

    Sorry if this is the wrong thread to put this in, it's pretty much ruined my day already, though it's only 7:20am.

  13. #103
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    @ nemesiswontdie: I hate to be one of those 'everything that's good for me is good for you' people, but what you're describing sounds an awful lot like depression, and you should probably see someone. And yes, I've been hearing that for ten years and I didn't do it until it was almost too late, so I'm not one to talk. But in a couple of weeks that guy cracked me open like a nut and I discovered I had all this grief and guilt over the death of a brother I never even knew, so it's not too farfetched to think that your father's death still weighs on you.

    Also, my day: I'm crashing and burning faster than an airstrike, and after having a panic attack in class yesterday, I started crying in the middle of the teacher's lounge for no apparent reason. I also discovered today that one of my students is pregnant, and another one was raped last week. Thankfully, I'm not on counselling duty for these girls, but they're 15 and I can't help but become extra depressed just thinking about it.
    What I need is less empathy and self-pity, and more inner Anna Wintour.

  14. #104
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    Sometimes I wonder if I truly love my mother.

  15. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elke View Post
    Pretty goddamn fucked.

    Just as I was trying to leave school, one of my students asked for me. So I went to see what she wanted, and she handed me an obituary of a friend of hers. I'd already spend half my lunch hour with another student, who has some issues herself, talking about this girl who commited suicide by train two days ago, so I wasn't unprepared.
    But this girl is suicidal herself, and she's attempted to kill herself a couple of times in the past. And she wanted to talk to me.
    But I'm suicidal. Which is not the best thing to be when you have to talk a girl off the proverbial ledge (it wasn't that serious, but she was considering it again, she said).

    I ended up making myself way too vulnerable, and now I'm a bit of a mess, with one more day of classes to get through and then an evening of fun and games with the school's pastoral team. I just want to curl up in a ball and feel really really sorry for myself, right now.
    Yeah, like others in this thread, I would say you definitely need to refer these types of conversations to the school counsellors. I'm a teacher, too and I know it sometimes feels like you're not doing your job unless you personally attend to everything. But you just can't be expected to do it all, all the time. In fact, in a situation like this one, I'd say it's safer for your professionalism to tell them you understand they need someone to talk to and then refer to their school counsellor to do just that. You definitely shouldn't be keeping the information that these girls give you to yourself. The way I see it is that we teachers should get this info from the counsellors on a need to know basis; therefore, I try to keep the confessions at bay and always assure students that there is someone in the school to talk to about their problems (just not me).

  16. #106
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    @ nemesiswontdie I completely agree with Elke. It's pretty classic symptoms. Easier said then done, but GTFO of your room. Being alone is the last thing you should be. Even if it's just to go walk around the block a couple of times. Make plans, even for little stuff. It's not so much to occupy your time and mind, but just to move. See you can go talk to a therapist, even if only once. You'd be surprised how easy it is and if only a couple of sessions it might right your ship.

  17. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by nemesiswontdie View Post
    This will sound dumb at first.

    Me and my dad used to be big into wrestling. My dad looked exactly like The Undertaker. I grew up watching The Undertaker wrestle.
    I forgot about wrestling till about a week ago and I decided to watch this years wrestlemania for The Undertaker.
    I remembered that me and my dad used to watch it every year.
    After the Undertaker match, they said it was an "end of an era" and that it was Undertakers last match.

    I looked over to my left and said out loud "hey dad, did you know this was Undertakers last match?"

    Then I remembered my dad passed away back in 2010.

    It made me realize that I'm still not really 'over it'. I've just been sitting in my room these past few days thinking about it. I've been feeling very alone as of late and my mind has been getting the best of me and I've even had some friends telling me that I haven't really been myself these past few months.

    I've kind of just lost the energy and will to do things and get on with my life since someone broke my heart awhile back. So now it just feels like I'm truly alone, no matter how many friends I'm surrounded by and I don't get joy out of doing anything productive at all.

    Sorry if this is the wrong thread to put this in, it's pretty much ruined my day already, though it's only 7:20am.
    I didn't mean to like your post. If I like it for anything it's that I can relate. I feel you. And so I don't know really what else to say. I wish we could hang out? That's it.

    Moments like these, I can't help but feel bad for simply deleting you off of my PSN. (I hope you know it wasn't personal.)

    I hope you're better than the day you wrote this.

  18. #108
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dra508 View Post
    @ nemesiswontdie I completely agree with Elke. It's pretty classic symptoms. Easier said then done, but GTFO of your room. Being alone is the last thing you should be. Even if it's just to go walk around the block a couple of times. Make plans, even for little stuff. It's not so much to occupy your time and mind, but just to move. See you can go talk to a therapist, even if only once. You'd be surprised how easy it is and if only a couple of sessions it might right your ship.

    I've been hanging out with my friends a lot the past few days (pretty much why I haven't been as active on here the past few days except in the morning) so that I can keep myself active and everything out of my mind.

    I've even been trying to get back into my workout schedule to just get things on track.

    I want to talk to a therapist, but I know this is dumb to say but I'm not good at opening up to people. I am just not good with many people to begin with. I also don't have the money at the moment either. With my first speeding ticket I got the other day that will run me $115 on top of all the other bills I have to pay now because I got a shit job I got just recently. I usually just end up talking to friends and they just keep telling me the same shit over and over again. Either "get over it" or "just forget about it".

    They just don't get it. It's not something you just fucking get over. That's not how it works.

    With everything going on with not being really over my dads passing 2 years ago, feeling alone, I've felt more alone because the woman I that I really care about wants nothing to do with me. Basically telling me she wants nothing to do with me because apparently I'm crazy, stupid and I'm the most negative person she's ever met. So she wants nothing to do with me. Which doesn't make things any better with everything that's going on.

    Quote Originally Posted by Magrão View Post
    I didn't mean to like your post. If I like it for anything it's that I can relate. I feel you. And so I don't know really what else to say. I wish we could hang out? That's it.

    Moments like these, I can't help but feel bad for simply deleting you off of my PSN. (I hope you know it wasn't personal.)

    I hope you're better than the day you wrote this.
    I think It's gotten worse actually. I don't really know any more. Everything is pretty much just a blur now.

    Honestly, I didn't know you deleted me off PSN. I have not been really active on PSN the past few months. I usually just use Netflix on there now. I figure probably deleted me because I wasn't active. No hard feelings. I'm the same way. Anyone not active after a month usually gets deleted unless I really like them.

    I know this is basically one big rant, but thanks for reading it.

  19. #109
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    @nemesiswontdie - grief is a really powerful thing and it never truly leaves or goes away. You will always miss your dad, and sometimes it will hit you really hard and sometimes you figure out a way to learn to live with it and other times you need to accept what you're feeling and FEEL it and not shove it under a rug. What helps me when I'm grieving is to remember that my dad wouldn't want me to sit around grieving. If he was sitting right next to you, your dad would probably want you to try to find ways to enjoy your life to the best of your abilities because the biggest thing death teaches us is that life is pretty short, you know?

    Also, this may sound dumb, but sitting in your room by yourself and talking to your dad about your grief or how you feel sometimes helps people a lot. He may not physically be there, but he's still there. And you don't have to "open up" to some stranger.

  20. #110
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    nemesiswontdie- I've been in a similar spot myself luckily(?) i've had a realist perspective pounded into my head by my mother over the years so i can't get totally unhinged though i feel pretty close. That said its a tough spot to be in, I randomly cry most days, or at least feel like i might. Ive found mornings to be the worst cause all mental barriers are down. I for a while set an alarm just so i would go out before work and do something with my day. I also holed away a lot of the time. Kind of like Elke I've been told before to see a counselor and after seeing how it's helped my buddy i think it may not be a bad idea. i have found being honest with yourself is the best way to handle things, it's not easy but it may help maintain perspective, i try to open about things without being a burden. It's weird really to read what you wrote as it echoes a lot of what i was thinking lately only it was a good friend instead of my dad that died a couple years ago, etc. The good thing about being in pieces is that you get to put yourself back together, hopefully better.

    As for my day, got popped for a DUI last night, nothing bad happened just being dumb. All things considered it went smooth enough, it's just that now i have a 700$ in fines and shit to pay off in the next six months on top of catching up hospital bills, school bills etc....

  21. #111
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    I don't know where to put this, so i'm just going to do a mini rant in here. it's the accumulation of several small things plus the big shadow that is the past.

    1. I'm on my period, so i'm already feeling very vulnerable. I've been off birth control so my mood swings are very...scary to say the least (the word suicidal comes to mind...) 2. I've been around family all week, so that means two things, a) I've been rehashing a lot of things, the main one being how insecure and self conscious i am around these people who keep eyeing my scars. and b) I haven't been smoking marijuana in two weeks so that means my insomnia is back in full swing, so that leads me to 3. Insomnia and obsessive compulsive thoughts, making tonight an onslaught of negative thoughts, where i end up sitting in the bathroom feeling like a helpless 5 year old crying and saying "i'll be ok, i'll be ok, i'll be ok", taking deep breaths in the effort to calm myself down, but every time i manage to do that, i'll relax a little but then instantly my body tenses up and convulses back into sobs. (which is the cycle i've been going through in writing this).

    I don't know what to do, i guess i'm just waiting until i tire myself out. I haven't let myself panic, because crying is a good release. I feel too weak to go into a full out breathing exercise, mindful state where I can dissociate myself from all of this and let the message of "i'll be ok" sink in. I feel so goddamn alone and tired.

  22. #112
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    Take some B-12. It helps me shut my head up a little bit.

  23. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by halloween View Post
    I've been rehashing a lot of things, the main one being how insecure and self conscious i am around these people who keep eyeing my scars
    I'm not going to pretend I know how you feel, or how you could stop feeling it, but this struck me: why rehash it? You are around people who can make you feel that way, and have done so in the past. Nothing makes it so that they also have to be able to do it now. You're not the same person you were ten, five, two years ago. You're not even the same person you were a couple of months ago: you've grown, you've learned, you've had good experiences and setbacks, you've had people who don't make you feel like that... Allow yourself to be you, right now.
    Which, I know, is a lot easier said than done. But because I know that, I also know how important it is so...

  24. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elke View Post
    I'm not going to pretend I know how you feel, or how you could stop feeling it, but this struck me: why rehash it? You are around people who can make you feel that way, and have done so in the past. Nothing makes it so that they also have to be able to do it now. You're not the same person you were ten, five, two years ago. You're not even the same person you were a couple of months ago: you've grown, you've learned, you've had good experiences and setbacks, you've had people who don't make you feel like that... Allow yourself to be you, right now.
    Which, I know, is a lot easier said than done. But because I know that, I also know how important it is so...
    Well, it's a bit odd to explain, i was just comparing my life-which was split up between two countries, with this part of my family (my half-brother's family) which is also bicultural...except the marriage lasted, and they live in a happy suburban house. Not that i'm jealous, but seeing the mother there with her children, speaking spanish and it just reminded me how much i miss my own mother in brasil, and last night i just rehashed all those angry feelings i had and that together with the eyeing, it just makes me feel defensive.
    I've been so emotional lately, today in the car i have bit of a meltdown, from a long tiring day of museums in 90 degree weather, it was a good moment where i let myself cry without "causing a scene" and my family let me have my moment.

  25. #115
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    Crying, when done in measured quantities and for no explicit reason, is awesome.

  26. #116
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    Spaced on my propane bill and tank level. Ran out last night and can't pay for delivery for 2 more weeks. Looking forward to many cold showers. Not happy.

  27. #117
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    Quote Originally Posted by sentient02970 View Post
    Spaced on my propane bill and tank level. Ran out last night and can't pay for delivery for 2 more weeks. Looking forward to many cold showers. Not happy.
    On the plus side, be thankful you didn't space in February.

  28. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by nemesiswontdie View Post
    I've been hanging out with my friends a lot the past few days (pretty much why I haven't been as active on here the past few days except in the morning) so that I can keep myself active and everything out of my mind. I usually just end up talking to friends and they just keep telling me the same shit over and over again. Either "get over it" or "just forget about it".

    They just don't get it. It's not something you just fucking get over. That's not how it works.

    With everything going on with not being really over my dads passing 2 years ago, feeling alone, I've felt more alone because the woman I that I really care about wants nothing to do with me. Basically telling me she wants nothing to do with me because apparently I'm crazy, stupid and I'm the most negative person she's ever met. So she wants nothing to do with me. Which doesn't make things any better with everything that's going on.

    I think It's gotten worse actually. I don't really know any more. Everything is pretty much just a blur now.
    Hanging out is good...it's great...only not when friends say what you say they said. I find that unacceptable.

    I don't feel confident at all with starting out fresh advice on this subject, but I agree with everything in allegro's last post to you...just to thumbs-up that again.

    My dad passed away only last September, and I've taken some pretty "weird" turns since...like what life outlooks I've taken on. (Not necessarily all positive ones, per se.) I slip in and out of grief at least a few times a week, yet...it's almost always been surrounded by or ends with a comforted feeling over the life he gave me (in every sense), and the person he showed me to be more like. I can get so deeply UPSET at the fact I will never again have another carefree moment with him, like I'd had so many of throughout my life... Those absolutely highlight the relationship we had together. But I'm so thankful to have been his son, and see his joy as a dad. He told me not long before we even knew he was sick that having a family was his dream. It warms my heart and kills me, in the best way, to type that out...he was able to live his dream. He was one of the greats, but he still lives in me...til' the day I too am gone. Nobody can take him away from within.
    Last edited by Amaro; 06-04-2012 at 12:57 PM.

  29. #119
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    I was mowing my lawn yesterday, and something bit my leg. I assume it was a spider (they live in the back yard by the compost bin, and the bite mark looks like the ones I found online), and now my entire calf is inflamed and red and hurts like a sonofabitch. My wife (who is a student-nurse) checked it and we're keeping a close eye on it, in case it spreads and turns out to be some nasty venomous bastard. I hate Florida wildlife

  30. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by hellospaceboy View Post
    I was mowing my lawn yesterday, and something bit my leg. I assume it was a spider (they live in the back yard by the compost bin, and the bite mark looks like the ones I found online), and now my entire calf is inflamed and red and hurts like a sonofabitch. My wife (who is a student-nurse) checked it and we're keeping a close eye on it, in case it spreads and turns out to be some nasty venomous bastard. I hate Florida wildlife
    That sucks man. Spider bites hurt like a bitch. I've been bitten a few times actually.

    Just do what I do though and look at the bright side: You could be the next Spider-Man.

    Quote Originally Posted by Magrão View Post
    Hanging out is good...it's great...only not when friends say what you say they said. I find that unacceptable.

    I don't feel confident at all with starting out fresh advice on this subject, but I agree with everything in allegro's last post to you...just to thumbs-up that again.

    My dad passed away only last September, and I've taken some pretty "weird" turns since...like what life outlooks I've taken on. (Not necessarily all positive ones, per se.) I slip in and out of grief at least a few times a week, yet...it's almost always been surrounded by or ends with a comforted feeling over the life he gave me (in every sense), and the person he showed me to be more like. I can get so deeply UPSET at the fact I will never again have another carefree moment with him, like I'd had so many of throughout my life... Those absolutely highlight the relationship we had together. But I'm so thankful to have been his son, and see his joy as a dad. He told me not long before we even knew he was sick that having a family was his dream. It warms my heart and kills me, in the best way, to type that out...he was able to live his dream. He was one of the greats, but he still lives in me...til' the day I too am gone. Nobody can take him away from within.
    Sorry dude. I didn't know he passed away. I thought he was in treatments by what you said on PSN awhile ago.

    I know he's still here and he's possibly watching me. It just kills me inside to know that I will never sit next to him in the front room and watch Becker or Scrubs and eat chinese food like we did. It hurts to know that I can't have another funny but serious conversation with him. I lost my best friend.

    I haven't said 'I love you' since he passed away. Not because I don't mean it, but because he was the last one I said it to and nothing will ever top that one.

    I would do anything to change places with him. Any time, any day.
    Last edited by nemesiswontdie; 06-06-2012 at 02:26 AM.

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